The Big Noisy Picture: Armin Van Buuren Rave @ Zouk, KL

One of the world’s top DJs was in town & being the trance junkie I am, I went with Teks & his two boys (Drew & XXX Guy).

I was excited! I have been looking forward to the event for many weeks! It’s a pity that AJ started the night in a nastier mood than usual. The week had been long & tiring. Massive work loads & uncooperative colleagues make for a very stressed out/ anti social AJ. I didn’t even manage to get a good nap before getting ready.

The warm up set was fucking fantastic. The DJ knew how to hype the anxious crowd with big hits from big names. Ashamedly, Drew pointed out my song of the year, Tracking Treasure Down (Gabriel & Dresden) before I noticed it. One vodka lime & I was still cranky. Later, we got more alcohol (and other necessities) & I loosened up enough not to mind the claustrophobia inducing over crowded setting. My style being cramped by some dumbass hollering at his babe on the podium is a small price to pay to hear one of my Idol’s play live. Its not that his ass didn’t get in the way of my moves, just that I wouldn’t let it bother me.

Armin showed the crowd why he has been nominated the number 2 DJ in the whole freaking world. I can’t remember any of the tracks, but not because I was too high. His style has always been less vocals driven but more of amazing beats. I most definitely must have herd some of the tracks played that night before, but I’ve always listened to his albums as a whole, disregarding most of the titles. Sometimes it’s about the whole picture rather than the small pieces, no?

Towards the end, when I could not stand, I found an empty table with a stool to perch upon. Out of nowhere, this clearly straight boy came up to me and started chatting me up.

Say it with me, WTF?

No, I wasn’t hallucinating and he didn’t mistake me for a very very (very) beautiful girl either. He needed a table to impress his chick & I had the only empty table with a good view. They joined me & we had a decent conversation about clubs, music & girls on the podium. No I wasn’t pretending to be straight, its just that the girls did their moves so much better (and were more sexier) than they guys. Shit like bad harcuts, fugly clothes & too much body combat class does happen.

My new friend even gave me some gin. I hate gin. But somehow, as a token of friendship (especially when someone else is paying), it tastes alright. In hindsight, I should have at least remembered his name.

Unfortunately, the gin kicked in late. And I was more drunk than I realized and almost fell asleep whiles driving back from Tek’s place. Yeah, stupid I know. Even if I parked in the wrong spot, I did get back safely. And next time, I’ll make sure there isn’t a next time.

Although not technically a real rave, this will most likely be my last rave for the 2006. It was truly a good finale to a good year of raves for me. Nobody can take that away from me, well, unless they knock me over the head giving me amnesia…

Even if I almost killed myself, I didn’t and life goes on…

Dek, Dek, Dek, Dek, Tum, Tum, Tum…
Bam, Bam, Bam, Bam…
(Layered with) Tiu, Tiu Tiuuuu & Wheeeeeeee!
Armin Van Buuren~ Something something

(This is as close as I can get to what I herd. I’m no professional, bite me!)

Is There Really Too Much Trash In This World!

Today I spent some time cleaning up my pc, and one of the documents I found was an e-mail from the Uni lecturer who supervised my final year project. I had totally forgotten about it, but reading it sure brought back memories.

Dear AJ,

I have been asked to tell all my students that you have to clean up any mess that you left in the lab...(I am not sure if this applies to you). By the way I am very very sorry that you didn't get a better mark for your story. It was a gross miscarriage of justice. I had given you an High Distinction, but the other two retards gave everybody the same mark. I made a big fuss at the staff meeting, but only managed to get you up to a Distinction. Other students shared the same fate actually, while others were marked far too high. There was a lot of politics involved I think (plus a good deal of dementia). I couldn't believe some of the comments on your report -totally dumb.

anyhow, I did try to help, and your report was very good. I would like you JoJo and LiLi to do a joint paper for publication.

Being the competitive bitch I am, I put my heart & lots of effort (I don’t have a soul) into that project. From picking hundreds of minute worms out of rotting leaves to preparing extra handouts to help the judging panel better understand what I was hoping to accomplish, I toiled day & night. I even wore my supervisors favorite purple color and made my Power Point presentation to match. But one thing I forgot to do was to suck up to the right people.

That's my cute 22 year old ass collecting samples in the middle of a stinky irrigation drain..

Thanks to the age old problem of politics, my results weren't amazing like me. The lecturer famous for staring ladies in the boobs refused my handouts on the grounds that they were “not environmentally friendly”. I quickly commented that once the presentation was over, I would take the 2 sheets of paper for recycling (what I want to say was he was wasting oxygen by living).

This is another site where I had to collect my samples too, looks prettier? You try using a mini foot pump to blow up a bloody raft!

Sure I was disappointed that I didn’t get what I deserved but that’s life. Not everyone liked the guy who turned up to receive his scholarship certificate with 4 earrings, a tongue stud, torn jeans & flip flops. When you don’t conform & don’t fit in, you will often face adversity. And even if you do, some shameless retards will try to steal your thunder.

Something similar is happening to me at work lately but fuck that! As frustrated as I may feel, I refuse to let the whore get under my skin. She may have the upper hand, but I have truth, quit wit & plenty of gay diva attitude on my side!

All I know
Is everything is not as it's sold
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives
Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds the more I sow

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try

Nelly Furtado~ Try

Rock, Cock And A Hard Place

Psst… let me tell you some (more) dirty gym secrets…

Of all the gyms I go to, my favorite has to be the Fitness First in the Manulife Building, which is formerly known as the Handcock Building.

The story goes, when they changed the name earlier this year, the contractors did it in segments. First they took off the “Hand” letters and put up “Man”. Either they got lazy or they were plain cheeky, but for several days, the name of the building was Mancock.

Couldn’t agree more. That gym has some of the cutest & hottest men about town. Muscle bound, round butted and sexy faced, the men there are SMOKING! Mostly of the fair Chinese variety, rice never looked so good. There are some more tanned specimens of other ethnicities too, just in lesser numbers. What must be young delectable celebrities & lust inspiring male models can also be found working on enhancing their assets there.

The music selection blaring is mostly trance & pop, though occasionally rock does get played. I personally find rock most suitable for weight lifting & trance for cardio. If you see this guy oddly lost grunting to the beat as he does weights or running to the beat of the music, you’d have found me doing my thing. You don’t have to say ‘Hi’.

But others do other things in this meat market of a gym. The flimsy shower curtains were recently replaced with frosted glass. Now, I bet the pipes get clogged more frequently. Surely they find oddly sticky white high protein liquid that most definitely isn’t weight gain formula. I hope the cleaners don’t complain, its those damn dark cubicles which make shower sex so much more tempting.

My utmost favorite Handcock-Manulife story has to be the one about the very ambitious guy who got more attention than he bargained for. He decided to get frisky with two friends in the sauna. At the same time. When it comes to cock, two heads (up the same orifice) are not better than one. Something tore & he needed an ambulance. Ouch!

Wanna hear more? Don’t worry. I still have plenty of dirt to dish on the other gyms (as long as I am not slapped with a restraining order). But that’s a story for another time when my week is as dull as this one. I really, really, really can't wait for Armin Van Buuren at Zouk tomorrow!

Oh brother I can't, I can't get through

I've been trying hard to reach you
Cos I don't know what to do
Oh brother I can't believe it's true
I'm so scared about the future and
I want to talk to you
Oh I want to talk to you

Coldplay~ Talk

Between A Chub & A Hard Place

If none of the over adoring stalkers/ lurkers has figured it out, I spending most of my week nights at the gym. We’re talking at least 2 hours, at least 3 times a week, baby! Which gym can you find AJ furiously pounding away at?

Your guess is as good as mine because with so many Fitness First Gyms about, I try to add variety to my workout every week. Each gym has different facilities (and eye candy), so why should I limit myself in anyway?

But going to the gym isn’t all about watching heavily muscled men pulling off their undies (its what’s underneath that counts). Nor is it about participating in shower sex (haven’t done it yet, but just watching is pretty fun). Neither does it have anything to do with naughty bits falling out of underwear (its more enjoyable when they don’t wear any underwear).

I go there to get rid of my flab & stress. Seriously, I’m sick and tired of being the fat one amongst my friends! At first I thought if fed the goat enough, he would get fatter than me, but now even he has left me. It doesn’t help that Carnie & Teks are as thin as the walls of a condom either. So rather than sabotaging my friends, I had to do something about it.

Too thin to be a true chub, too fat to be fit. I tire of having that damn spare tire. Sure there are ladies & pseudo ladies that tell me the tummy is cute, but cute isn’t good enough for AJ. Stocky, bulky, voluptuous, curvy and all the other ‘nice’ words suck too.

So far since I took the pictures for the banner I’ve lost more weight, but I’d be damn if I’m stopping there! It isn’t about fitting in with the crowd, nor about getting more sex. I’ll be damned if I get a boyfriend who likes me just for a hot body either. It is really more about looking in the mirror and feeling good about myself. Touching myself as I lie in bed and thinking- damn, all that hard work has paid off.

Sure there are many short cuts to losing weight & looking better, but I think exercise is the best. Laxatives & all the other crap you can take to make you shed pounds have side effects like bad skin, mood swings & all sorts of other things I don’t need. Puking I hate. Using branded clothes to hide the flab doesn’t do it for me either. I know a male model who shops at the Factory Outlet Store (Go FOS) and still looks hawter than hot chili peppers on a sizzling hot plate.

When you want something bad enough, the sacrifices are worth it. I still got many more miles to run before I reach my goal but hey, at least I am doing something about it.

I have decided to leave you forever
I have decided to start things from here
Thunder and lightning won’t change
What I’m feeling

And the daffodils look lovely today

Ol in your eyes I can see the disguise
Ol in your eyes I can see the dismay
Has anyone seen lightning
Has anyone looked lovely

And the daffodils looked lovely today
Looked lovely
Cranberries ~ Daffodil Lament

An Electronic Page From The Other Bitch

AndroJane isn’t my real name (duh).

Surprised? The thing is, why have a blog if you’re gonna behave the same in real life & online. To quote Ash Angelo, “online persona may differ from real life”.

In real life I’m generally nice to new people & try not to let the bitchiness shine through too much. Online, I’m different. I’m AndroJane, bitch queen of everything worth ruling over! Saying I’m crazy is being kind. Heh.

The thing is you see, I’ve been getting e-mails meant for some other person with the same name! How dare he have the same name! The other Jane is clearly Andro.Jane@gmail where as I am Androjane@gmail!

From what I gather, he is some sort of architect or other. Because I keep on getting freaking quotations etc for storm drains & such. Yawn! Like I don’t have better things to do than be nice. But I started nice! This was my first reply to the misdirected mail

This Androjane would like to inform you that he does not know any (insert dumbass name here) & you most likely got the wrong Adrojane.

Still, I got another, maybe he didn’t see my first reply? Nevermind, I try again!

I'm going to politely point out that I do not know you once more & you have the wrong email address. In the future I will just delete your emails.

Regards,
Androjane

Didn’t work. Still getting his trash. Grrr. I change my mind. Deleting isn't enough! Androjane began to feel mean(er). I *like* had the free time (& child like spirit).

This is getting a little distracting & time consuming.

I wish to inform everyone on (insert dumbass name here) mailing list that I am not the Androjane you think I am.

Kindly refrain from including me in your mail listing as there is enough junk email going about the web.

Warmest Regards,
Androjane, just not the one you're thinking about.

Still I’m getting spammed with super-sized e-mails with images like this

Say it with me, WTF?

Grrr.. Unforgivable! I replied with

Thank you for your images of your well furnished dwellings.... But I have already donated this month....

As you can tell I will continue replying your e-mails as long as you send them & forward them to everyone on the list. Simply because, one good deed deserves another.

Hugs, Kisses & all that stuff you reserve for people you actually like,
Androjane

But to no avail I was still included in the damn list

Dear Madams,

Have some fun

http://www.flumesday.com/111206dirtynames2.shtml

I know you will enjoy it as much as I enjoy participating in your emails

Hugs, Kisses & all the other things you do with your boyfriends,
Androjane


Ugh! Still more mail! Why is it mail and not male? I could do with more male! Retaliation is necessary! I am at war with some corporate giant too cheap to get a paid e-mail!

For Your Pleasure,

http://customwire.ap.org/dynamic/stories/N/NAKED_INMATE?SITE=HIHAD&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT&CTIME=2006-11-13-19-28-26

Insincerely mine,
Androjane


They still continue sending me mail, I continue sending more junk. Until one day they sent something confidential! I decided threatening them may be the only way to go

confidential eh? I will find a suitable spot on the world wide web for it then
luv,
Androjane

Its stopped for now. But you know if this continues, I might just have to send them some animal porn pictures. Forwarded to me by some pervert (we both know I love you to death you perv), I couldn’t help but stare at the snake sex pictures. He was really fucking a snake! Then there’s the cow blowjob video…

Try to find out what makes you tick
As I lie down
Sore and sick
Do you like that e-mail?
Do you like that e-mail?

There's a fine line between love and hate
And I don't mind
Just let me say that I like that
I like that

Something's getting in the way
Something's just about to break
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane
As I burn another page
As I look the other way
I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane

AJ Ft Breaking Benjamin ~ The Diary Of Jane

Phantoms & Anthems

I really suck at karaoke because I hate the sound of my voice on the microphone. But, I still go singing with the boys simply because with all the sad songs, angry longs & fun songs, alcohol & camaraderie, its like a fucking group therapy session, without the tears.

It was ex no 4’s birthday session but ex no 5, Ruggy, the one I still loathe was there. Truly I always try to avoid contact with no. 5 but no. 4 still means too much to me not to be there. English speaking gay men travel in small circles here in Malaysia but I wasn’t about to let that stop me.

I drove down into the city alone & I had to be careful because I didn’t have Teks nor Carnie as my safety net. You’d think I’d be used to being alone now but very often I’d have a friend by my side. No big (deal), we were all born into this world alone & that’s how we will leave it. Traveling down this road alone, watching the signs as I go does help me clear my head of all the accumulated rubbish.

I didn’t know that many of the boys, less than half even, but that it didn’t matter that much. I wasn’t feeling super social/slutty anyways. I just needed my drink & attacked the Jack Daniels with much gusto.

Between the disco lights (yes, the room had its own disco lights thingy) and booze, I was buzzing. Maybe I’ve been too busy fighting my demons lately but I hated the world today.

The thing is, on this earth, there are the good guys & the bad guys. The good guys genuinely care & take the effort to be nice. The bad guys are fuckers and don’t care whose they destroy, as long as they get what they want. The fuckers I knew that night (Ruggy included) were undeservingly blessed with good looks & the nice guys just not that physically attractive.

Its fine it the world favors the bold. But fucking hell, why does it favor the beautiful as well? I mean, I do get my perks from people who think I am attractive, but regardless I am never a bitch to people who don’t deserve it. If there was any fairness on this planet, nice guys wouldn’t have to finish last, lonely & unsatisfied. Equally as guilty of fucked up behavior are all those people who only love being taken in (and spitted out) by members of the asshole club. I see it happening all the time! I felt so pissed as I sat there that I wanted to find a knife and slit my pretty wrist so I would not have to be part of this sordid existence.

But rather, I shifted my focus & chatted with one of the nice guys. I’m so sure he is as lonely, if not lonelier than me. Regardless of the pile of shit festering on his back, he has never let it bring him down. Well, not that I’ve seen. With his cheery disposition & outgoing personality, his smile always lights up my mood.

Why don’t I date him?

Two things. Firstly the attraction isn’t strong enough. Secondly, I’m (pretty certain I’m) a cold damaged bitch incapable of having a fulfilling relationship without driving the other party insane. There I said it. The reason why I can’t connect emotionally anymore.

I don’t blame Ruggy, like any arrangement, he had every right to leave. Its just that how he intentionally said countless hurtful things to hurt me, still hurts me. I can’t even talk about all of them because they still fucking hurt. Never has anyone so callously and intentionally crushed my heart into a million pieces. Until now I’m trying to unbreak my heart & be less damaged.

If I had to talk to him, say if he came up to me like he tried to the last time, there were many less than spontaneous but choice phrases in my head, like “I’ve nothing nice to say to you, you son of a fat ass bitch”, “Say another fucking word and I’ll push you to the floor & pound you to a pulp, fucktard” and “Even if you weren’t getting fucking fatter or fucking balder, I still find it impossible to look at you without wanting to punch your fucking living day lights out”.

The phrase that kept on replay though was “You still owe me 20 fucking bucks you cheap ass shit head, and, since we both know you’re not fucking going to pay me back, lets consider it a get the fuck out of my face fee”.

But he didn’t try to talk so I played nicely with all the other boys & girls. As he told me as we broke up, ‘I would never stop hating him until I got re-attached’. And since I am happily (but unstably) single, I can hate him all I want. Even if Teks thinks I should let it go, I think that I shouldn’t have to be anything other than what I am trying to be.

Towards the end, ex no. 4 passed out & I lent him my lap. He too has caused me much heartache but I’ve forgiven him unconditionally simply because it was never his lucid intent & I’ve unintentionally hurt him many times too. There is still a part of me that whispered “I still love you” as he lay drunk on my thigh with his hand tightly clenching mine. As emotionally unavailable as I am, I can’t help missing that loving feeling, as especially with all the people making out around me.

I doubt the people around me could tell how I really felt that night. I had my gay diva face well super-glued on. Even if they did, I doubt they would care. Of all the alcoholics & recovering addicts, the players & users, the victims & sinners (there were no saints that night), we didn’t have to sit in a circle & share stories to know we were all damaged in some way or another. Better we drink, be merry and forget our sorrows.

Miserable or not, we still move along and strive for that day where things are better. Even if we have to die alone later, for a short time, we can have each other’s company…

I dedicate this post to my not so close friend with cancer at 26. You see, as fucked up as my life can be, it cant be as bad as his. Every moment I spend being miserable, is only less moment I am happy. Stop the self pity & do away with the self loathing!

At first I was afraid I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without you by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong
And so you're back from outer space
I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed that stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I'd've known for just one second you'd back to bother me
Go on now, go walk out the door
Just turn around now
cos you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
Did I crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die?
Oh no, not.I. I will survive
Oh as long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive;
I've got all my life to live,
I've got all my love to give and I'll survive,
I will survive. Hey hey.

Return Of The Boybands!

Cringe in fear babt! Its true, I saw it on MTV at the gym! They got ex-boybanders from groups like Sclub7, New Kids On The Block, Steps and 2 more bands I can’t remember & put them together.

Sure they have buffed up, but otherwise time hasn’t been kind. They all seem to be stuck in the 80’s when they were on top. Snooty, arrogant & they were all so mean to the only guy who actually still looks decent just because he is ditzy. Just goes to show ya living in the past is SOO unhealthy!

So screw them & lets look at pictures of Joey G (Mostly available at Channel V's website). He is so cuuuute…

Even with Vampire eyes his goofy grin gets me.

The other guy is BoBo..

Cute shoes, neh? And his friends aren't that ugly either!



Drool

More drool...

Men with dimples are just so adorable!

Peace to you too honey!

Sigh.. That jaw line

That Pout!

I don't care what ever he is wearing... Stil hawt

Drooooooooool


Oh Joey baby!

Erm, yeah I know its a repeat but I like this one. Now please excuse me as I wipe up the drool...


am stoned in love but not with you
Good luck…
Because we are not feeling stoned in love
It is how I am feeling now
I feel the love is made of stone
We are not feeling stoned in love
Good luck…
It's when I feel stoned in love
It's how I am feeling now
I feel the love is made of stone
Wait and feel the stoned in love

Chicane ft Tom Jones ~ Stoned In Love

Shift Stick: Tales Of Decrepit

Before I was a swanky disco dancing diva, I was a small town boy. In fact I actually hail from the same town as the multi talented WeeShiong !

Since I went back last weekend, I want to take this opportunity to share the experience with all of you who ever wonder what's it like for us small town folk.

Braving thunderstorms and even more annoying bad drivers on bad roads, I took 4 hours to reach the little corner I call my town. You know you are headed to the middle of bum-fuck-no-where when you see a truck laden with timber with a monkey cup vine dangling from it. Worse still, you know you grew up in bum-fuck-no-where when you KNOW it is a damn monkey cup but don’t really give a damn.

You see, nature is plentiful in small towns. Unlike the city, dead iguanas, pythons, civet cats, turtles, porcupines, pangolins & all sorts of other animals headed for the extinction list can be easily found on flattened on the roads. Who needs a WWF sticker declaring your love of nature when you can have actual road kill stuck to your bumper!

But the animals aren’t the only ones which suffer in the backwaters of Malaysia. Many of us townies quickly grow restless of hiking through the thick green bushes, foraging for forest fruits & fishing for dinner. There are discos (often referred to as old folks homes due to the extended age of the patrons), shopping complexes (which are essentially indoor Pasar Malams {night markets}) and snooker centers (cleverly disguised as sports clubs), but most of the fun takes place at beer gardens, family restaurants & just about anywhere which serves cheap booze.

Ever watched one of those Americana movies where the teenagers go to a lake to drink & have wild parties? We did that too when we were teenagers, only instead of a lake we had the local sanitation pond.

But after last weekend’s encounter with Bacardi , I had to abstain & oh boy did I ever regret it. Being sober is only a problem when everyone else is drunk.

But they didn’t have to be drunk to be bitchy. It seemed like the only other outlet for stress was bitching about other people.

Its like we would be driving and someone would go “Look it’s the laksa woman, you know at night, you can see her pubes cos she goes out in the shortest shorts. Her husband better be careful”

No offence to all 50+ women who like hot pants, but EEEEW! I didn’t need that image in my head!

Now that I’ve scared you for life, its time for me to go hunt for Joey G pictures. You see, in the small town or the big city, I like my men sexy… Roowr!

Oh, life is bigger
It's bigger than you
And you are not me
The lengths that I will go to
The distance in your eyes
Oh no, I've said too much
I set it up

That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight, I'm
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no, I've said too much
I haven't said enough
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try

REM ~ Losing My Religion

Isn’t A Lil Evolution Wonderful?

I’ve been a lil busy with life, family, work & boys, hence the lack of posts. No offence, but I think learning how to fry fish is more important that whining about the things that bug me to you.

The thing is you see, unless you subscribe to one of those religions that do not believe in evolution, you, like me should be thankful for the advancements we have made.

I’ve been flirting with this guy via e-mail, who is unfortunately attached. Don’t worry, the lines have been drawn clearly & nobody’s getting hurt. Its just a lil harmless fun. Roowrrr...

Then there is this other guy who smiled when he saw me in the gym. He was glad to see me, maybe even as glad as I was to see him. I finally got the guts to ask him for his number and out for dinner even.

Seriously, I’ve always imagined these boys out of my league. Its not that I’m not overflowing with narcissism but just they aren’t the typical kind of guy whom I attract. Call it bad pheromones of whatever, I just don’t usually have any luck with such hot men. Hot men who can actually talk about things other than clothes or bitch about other people.

All this has so much to do with evolution! Imagine if I was still a single cell organism dividing to procreate. Fuck, that sounds plain boring. And to add to that, technology (facilitated by evolution) has given me the means to flirt. E-mail, SMS, whatever, at least this way I get to accurately target my overflowing sexual energy.

Never fear change! Change is always good! For example, here is the latest wallpaper on my PC that I’ve changed to. Heh.

Joey G is soooo fuckin hawt!

I’ll try to post something more decent soon, just you wait… meh

So we keep waiting (waiting)
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting (waiting)
Waiting on the world to change
Its hard to beat the system
When we're standing at a distance
So we keep waiting (waiting)
Waiting on the world to change

John Mayer~ Waiting For The World To Change

Looking Back (And Grinning)

It has been about a year since my traumatic “over msn messenger” break up. Don’t worry I’m not about to bitch about how men are the scum of the earth or how haplessly helpless I am. But rather I’m proud to have come out on top of the whole fucked up situation.

Shit happens. It does, like it or not. But more importantly is how we deal with the shit. If life gives you shit, make shit-ade (seems you can’t substitute lemons with shit after all).

Initially there was an additional tale of how being single rawks, but yeah, if you read my blog, you know that already, so I deleted it. Just like how I deleted him from my life. Let’s just say damaged or not, I’ve managed to come out on top. No insensitive bastard can take that away from me. Ever.

Can you spot the hidden lyrics in the meaning?

To the left
to the left

to the left
to the left

mmm to the left, to the left
everything you own in the box to the left
in the closet, that's my stuff
yes if i bought it please don't touch

and keep talkin' that mess, that's fine
but could you walk and talk at the same time?
and it's my name that's on that Jag
so remove you're bags, let me call you a cab

standin' in the front yard
tellin' me how i'm such a fool
talkin' bout how i'll never ever find a man like you
you got me twisted

you must not know 'bout me, you must not know 'bout me
i could have another you in a minute
matter fact, he'll be here in a minute
baby

you must not know 'bout me, you must not know 'bout me
i can have another you by tomorrow
so don't you ever for a second get to thinking
you're irreplaceable

so go ahead and get gone
and call up that chick and see if she's home
oops, i bet you thought that i didn't know
what did you think i was puttin' you out for?

because you was untrue
rollin' her around in the car that i bought you
baby drop them keys
hurry up, before your taxi leaves

standin' in the front yard
tellin' me how i'm such a fool
talkin' bout how i'll never ever find a man like you
you got me twisted

you must not know 'bout me, you must not know 'bout me
i could have another you in a minute
matter fact, he'll be here in a minute
baby

you must not know 'bout me, you must not know 'bout me
i will have another you by tomorrow
so don't you ever for a second get to thinking
you're irreplaceable

so since im not your everything
how about i'll be nothing
nothing at all to you

baby i wont shed a tear for you
i won't lose a wink of sleep
cos' the truth of the matter is
replacing you is so easy

to the left
to the left
to the left
to the left

mmm to the left to the left
everything you own is to the left
to the left to the left
don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable

AJ ft Beyonce ~ Irreplacable

Shalloween 2.5 Teks-a-thon

The party continues!

“Deep breaths. If I keep my eyes wide open & breathe deeply, I will survive the night. I will come up on top! I will be victorious! Oh wait I already won.”

What did I win? If only I could speak. Giggle. Fuck that, I’m gonna try and nap it off.

*Blink* *Blink* Bluuuurgh!

If only I looked this pretty when puking

I don’t remember what triggered the puking. But I couldn’t stop it! My dinner decided to display itself to the crowd. Even Carnie commented on how well preserved the mushrooms & carrots that made up my roti babi filling was.

He got me a bag. And proceeded to cover the evidence with serviettes. I’m sure Teks helped too but I was too busy keeping my grasp on the bag.

Time seemed to stop. My mind flashed back to the last time I puked after alcohol. It was perhaps 4 years ago on a date. Right after puking, the guy full French kissed me. That was nasty. What was he trying to prove back then? Blluuuurggh!

Next memory, the time Teks told me binge drinking kills brain cells (like duh). Apparently 4 drinks in 2 hours is binge drinking! So what is ten shots in 1 minute? Blurrrgggggggh!

My brain cells weren’t dead! They were buzzing! Wheee! But still it hurt like a bitch. How uncannily similar to anal sex. Hmm… Bluuuurggh! Sputter Sputter

Some time later, with the help of my best buds, I dragged my stinky ass to my car & Teks took me for a spin.

At this level of drunkenness, most people forget themselves & blurt randomly all their thoughts & feelings. Not me! I’m too proper for that. Rather I had the disadvantage to remember every single word I blurted. I pitied Teks. No one who I have never gratified sexually has ever had to drag my pukey ass anywhere whiles listening to my millions of self inflicted problems. Not my friends, not my family. And there he was being a perfect gentlemen in his nifty Armani shirt. Yes, he has good taste in clothes.

Scarky at times, he was never mean, bitter or angry at my inability to shut up. I whined about every single insecurity I had. Love, family, career, friends, addictions, exs & even money. To make matters worst I was freezing & wouldn’t let him turn the air-con on. Even the acrid smell of my puke didn’t piss him off like I thought it would. Sure it was fun but there certainly hell to pay.

Damn you Teks, if anything, you’re the best thing that’s happened to me this year. *Wipes tear from eye with finger not covered in puke*

As we clearly know we aren’t each others type, I solemnly swear to try hard to find you a loving man, or at least a good fuck to make up for all the crap I put you through.

And why not? I had an epiphany as I sat huddled shivering clutching my blanket in the passenger seat. I’ve been truly self-sabotaging most of my love interests. I really wasn’t all that into any of them. Maybe I am comfortable alone. Maybe I am still too damaged from my last disaster. Maybe I have too high standards. Maybe it just doesn’t feel right. Maybe, maybe, maybe… Whatever it may be, I’m better off channeling my energy right the next time.

So listen up bitches and e-mail your nude frontal shots to androjane@gmail.com , I’m organizing a Teks-a-thon just for fucks sake (not like he needs it). And as much as I love Carnie too, he is more than over capable without my further intervention. Heh.

Yes I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by all this pavement
Guess I'll circle
While I'm waiting for my fuse to dry

Someday I'll fly
Someday I'll soar
Someday I'll be so damn much more
Cause I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for

Maybe I'll tangle in the power lines
And it might be over in a second's time
But I'll gladly go down in a flame
If a flame's what it takes to remember my name
To remember my name, yeah

John Mayer ~ Bigger Than My Body

Shalloween Part 2: The Binger

Being a mostly Chinese gay boy living in a South East Asian Islamic country does have its perks.

I supposed I never considered/ appreciated it but truly there are some things I get to do that other people just dream about. Where else could I celebrate Shalloween a second time round?

Ok fine maybe I’m over dramatizing the whole idea of a second Shalloween, but The Attic was definitely more fun than I anticipated! Getting ready for last week totally drained me & so this weekend was plain & simple, just plain sexy & simply gorgeous!

I think that white one is the very chair I spent most my night at.

Rather than put on a costume, I just dressed differently. Err… Respectable even. Simple dark pants & nicely combed hair. I even tucked in my shirt & buttoned it up. I thought, since I am dressing differently, why not act differently too?

Which made me drift back to the days gone by where I was so bent, awkward or queer. Say ten years ago when I hadn’t had sex yet alone understood the meaning of deep throat, water sports or S&M. Before I had my first kiss with another male.

Why not take it to a higher level? Why not be the mega annoying straight boy?

“Haiya! Excuse me. Your mother har... must have been a teeth.”

“A teeth?”

“Because she stole all the stars in the sky and put them in your ice! Ha ha ha!”

Unfortunately it was harder to reverse back out of the role than I imagined. Over zealous me couldn’t handle the responsibility of having to stare girls in the boobs & talking boisterously. Teks began to really bitch about the whole thing but still somehow I couldn’t stop!

Relief (for Teks) arrived in the most unlikely form of a contest. Being the pseudo-testosterony-jantan-male I was, I was too busy making snide remarks to see the mistress of the night come over & goad (notice how I refrained from using goat here) me to the stage. I was told I had to represent all the men in the club & defeat my female counter part at a game.

A drinking game!

First thought when I saw the waiter line up the 5 Bacardi Breezer Shots & the 5 Bacardi Net Shots With Lemons beautifully balance on the rim was WOOO HOOO free liquor!

Second thought was OH FUCK LOOK AT THOSE CALORIES (I may have been pseudo straight, but honey, it didn’t take much to bring the queen out of the closet.)

So there I was. To be a man’s man & down those ten evil little glasses or *GASP* lose to a girl. Certainly I have been beaten by girls before but this was different! This was bloody alcohol! This year has been a year of booze, booze & more booze. I could never look my sexy self in the face again if I didn’t beat the bitch. Grrr…

“1…2…3…Go!”

Oh shit the bitch downed two already! Fuck the lemons wedges AJ! Go for glory! Go! Go! Gulp! Gulp! Guuuuulp!

It stung like a super mega uber extra quadruple ultimate biach, but I did it! I won!

No need for applause, just a cigarette. And if you didn’t know, to preserve the integrity of the artwork at The Attic, you have to smoke on the balcony. One day, I swear that frail lil metal-glass shamble will give way, taking with it some of the most elite smokers in KL.

After the ciggy, I sat down with Teks. We talked a bit and Teks started doing this funky head-shoulder combo move. In fact the whole room started dancing along with him. Oh fuck! It wasn’t Teks, it was me. The alcohol was kicking in. I was smiling like a trasher cat. I was glowing like a freshly cooked lobster.

Just like the part where Ewan McGregor overdosed in Trainspotting, I felt like the room slowly spinning as I sank into the chair. And still I was giggling! Curse you Bacardi for being so effective! Teks certainly looked amused with my giggling! I was too! But it was getting harder to keep my head up straight. Why can’t I talk? Why won’t the room stop spinning??!!

Stay tuned for part two where the meaning of the title becomes semi-apparent...

The Cramping Gym Shower Cubicles

Some guys just love wanking off in the shower.

It’s convenient when you consider the easily accessible soap and water. Once you’re satisfied, it all washes off easily & they don’t have to deal with funky tissues later. In fact, I’m sure I have jerked off in the shower as well. Its just that I find jerking off in the freaking gym showers DISTASTEFUL!

The other day as I was shampooing my lustrous hair (up there boys, up there!) I began to notice the guy in the next shower cubicle leaning towards my side. Not uncommon, sometimes the frosted glass does give people showering a false sense of security. Sometimes, they just to need to get their balance whiles washing their feet.

But before I could ponder it anymore, the guy stuck his foot over into my cubicle. HOW RUDE!

I’m sure we have all been horny in the gym showers before but to invade my privacy with his fugly foot whiles I’m busy soaping my pecs? That’s just sad. Yes, yes I know passing judgment is wrong. I know he could have had like a sudden cramp in his thigh & had to stretch before the pain gets out of hand.

Well, apparently the cramp spread to his member because I the next thing I saw was him massaging it vigorously. Poor thing! Personally, I have never had a cock cramp before but it sure did look painful. He was massaging & massaging, but it didn’t seem to help because he kept moaning & moaning, and the pain didn’t seem to want to go away.

We should have open showers & avoid the whole cramped cubicle thinggy... Lol

Fuck that. You’d might think as horny as I am, I would enjoy a little romp in the showers. But I'm too much of a lady to think of doing anything with that pervert! Well, that & he didn't have pretty feet.

Poor Carnie , I have to sympathize with his episode now… Come to think of it, he did mention meeting a foot that crossed the glass in the shower in addition to his first encounter. *Gasp* Wonder if it was the same fugly foot.

Beware pervs unless you’re really hot, the next time you cross the line, AJ has some rusty nails & a hammer waiting for you… and I won’t be aiming for your toes…

Promiscuous boy
You're teasing me
You know what I want
And I got what you need

Baby we can keep it on the low
Let your towel down ain’t nobody gotta know
If you with it girl I know a shower we can go

What kind of girl do you take me for?

AJ Ft Nelly Furtado ~Promiscuous Girl

Why Oh Why AJ?

I’m not always perky, chirpy & nice. Sometimes I wonder why I am so dark, broody & twisty inside. Why I sulk & why it takes so much to make me happy. Then during some work I came across this:-

Your future is created by what you do today, not tomorrow

Which makes pretty good sense, especially when this is considered:-

To worry about tomorrow is to be unhappy today

Ah well, knowing is supposedly half the battle. But then again, wondering about worry just adds to the worry & makes it worst when you wonder the next time. But laughing at myself does make what ever there is spinning in my head better.

AJ- The Rusty Third Wheel?

I’ve been the third party in relationships before.

Don’t be shocked! I'm no saint. If anything this sordid blog speaks more truth than I dare tell. It wasn’t just one time but I do hope the last time will remain the last time. Well maybe not. Yes it is, no it's not!

Lust isn’t even my favorite deadly sin. Sure it is fun, sure it is releasing but I love sloth more. If not for the simple fact that sloth is so easy to, but simply because it’s so uncomplicated.

I don’t want to make excuses for my previous ungentlemanly behavior but, seriously, sometimes the extenuating circumstances are more complicated than just sex. One thing leads to another, and another, and another... Well, and sometimes it is just sex.

Many years ago I’ve slept with a guy with a girlfriend. Fast forward to the present, he is married & still sluting with boys. I wasn’t the first guy he cheated with & I left that sticky situation fully knowing I wouldn’t be the last. Wanting both men & women is his problem, not mine. I always sort of saw our non-relationship an arrangement of convenience. The sex was decent & there were no strings attached. Turning away was no big deal.

Then there was that guy who had the full consent from his boyfriend to sleep about. I didn’t know he was such a big slut until after we did the dirty, but if his boyfriend was cool about it, why couldn’t I be cool too? I even met the guy’s partner & had a decent conversation. Once again their choices are theirs to deal with and only involve me indirectly. Since I stopped sleeping with him, we have become friends & occasionally exchange bitchy greetings. No issue.

Once I was the other man with a guy in a loving relationship with someone inaccessibly far away. Sure I became extra easy access, but once again, the rules were clear & I was only a second act, and not the opening act. The sex wasn’t bad but I enjoyed the mindfuck more. Not so much of the sharing of emotions but rather more of the art of seduction. Make no mistake, seduction is an art, just like painting, cooking or balancing plates on your nose.

I have also done the nasty with a couple in a typical open relationship. The couple invited me up for drinks & I end up being drunk (woopies yahoosies). Once again the ground rules were clearly set & it was all about the pleasure. Unashamedly, the main driving factor for my participation was my boredom. Sometimes, life can get dull & I find myself grasping at straws to lift myself out of the rut. No regrets doing it though, didn’t feel sleazy, dirty, slutty or anything like that. Once the pants came back on, so did the bitch attitude.

I’ve been the cheating bastard too. Whirlwind moment that got out of hand, one lonely thing leads to another. As expected, the ground rules were laid & no expectations were laid out. If anything, we (the guy I was cheating with & myself) were also sleeping with other men. Certainly not amongst my proudest moments, but and I still do feel bad about it. If you know me in the real world, don’t speculate. If I haven’t told you, I won’t tell you.

Recently, the opportunity has presented itself again. Cute, charming and sexy. But to be the third party again? No way! I've changed & grown up since then. I may still enjoy anime but it seems like the wrong thing to do. If he was strong enough to say no the first time, then it is up to me to be strong enough to say no the second time. Sure I have my weak moments where I want to back him into a dark corner & explore his mouth, but self control is good. Stop seducing him AJ! Stoppit!

One hand I tell myself I deserve some release, on the other, I don’t want to ruin anything beautiful, even if it is not mine. Karma, like Tyra Banks, even though intangible, still can bite like a bitch if you step on her tits. I will play it cool and have not any expectations. After all its just lust & not love. I think I can recognize love’s ugly face by now. Uhuh.

Oh well, looks like its just me & my hand tonight, tomorrow night & every night after that, at least until I stop procrastinating.

you have made me realize my love for you can make me whole
you have made me realize that love alone can save my soul ... yeah
save my
save my
save my
save my soul

Offer Nissim ~ Save My Soul

KiKi KaKa

That’s the phrase many of us (Malaysians) use to express laughter online. I honestly have no idea the origins of the phrase but it is really odd when I hear anyone taking it a step further & laughing ki ki ki ka ka ka in real life instead of ha ha ha…

One of the girls I know who does so is KiKi , the graphic designer at work. But more than just that, she is one of the few people that keep me from going totally insane in the office. But damn, is SHE CAN BE SO SILLY!

The other day she was relaying her email address over the phone. It went something like this

“Yes, my e-mail is KiKi@gmail.com K for Kranberry, I for India, K for Kranberry & I for India.”

Damn, I almost snorted my my Koffee & Kream Krackers through my nose. All that humor made me hungry for some Kold Kuts, Krabs, Kookies & Koleslaw. I really had to Kontrol my laughter & blame it on something I was reading. But still there is no one else in the entire office I rather share a room with, not even Kutesy Buttes . She's a babe, really. Ki Ki Ka Ka…