Wednesday, August 30, 2006

ENSURE THE CHOICES OF TODAY DO NOT BECOME THE HEADACHES OF TOMORROW

That’s the stupid motivational sign on my uncle’s wall said. Can you believe it? This sign was telling me I can choose to avoid headaches! Is it that simple? Plan ahead and you won’t f*ck up?

I beg to differ! Sure I can choose not to eat expired food so I don’t get a stomachache, but I can’t control everything simply by choosing. Like earlier tonight I tried to make the first call to this guy with potential- sexy, charming & witty. Or so I think he was. I thought it was high time I picked up the phone & ask him out. I wanted to see him in day light without the beer goggles.

But before I continue, I must give a shout out to the men & women who have given me the gift of choice in the first place. Happy Merdeka Day! Independence is more than just a word! Its our freedom to choose. Even if some of those choices become the headaches of today. Anyways, the boy said maybe.

He said maybe. Is maybe good or bad? Did I sound awkward? Damn. Why did I choose to pick up that damn phone & call him? I am not always weird. Or am I? Damn it AJ, not everything is in your control! You can’t always be smooth & charming. Its ok to sound stupid. Even Teks told you so. Stop being a wuss.

Well I chose to make myself vulnerable. Choices can be lead the big headaches but they can also lead to better things. Celebrate independence dammit! Cross my fingers & hope that he chose a ‘good maybe’ & will party with me this Merdeka. Don’t you love Merdeka? It’s both the freedom of choice & a nice long weekend to party! Should I push the boy a little harder?


Ooohhhh shook me up so quickly
Ooohhhh hit me like a smooth breeze
Smooth like the air I take you into me
Smooth ~ Iio

Sunday, August 27, 2006

For Every Winner There Must Be A Loser

AndroJane along with several other blogs has been nominated for the Best Asian BGLT Blog!

“Congrats AJ!”

Thanks! You really do love me! You really do! Now what is the grandprize? Cash? Prizes? Men?

I must admit tho, my nomination does cause me to do a Carrie Bradshaw “I can’t help but wonder why was AndroJane nominated?”

Not that I can’t write a pretty damn informational post about how to grab straight boy ass in public without ending up with a black eye, but when compared to Jane, the other competitors, seem like boobie enhanced Pamela Anderson!

Take my friend with the affinity for all things pretty-
Wingedman. I have nothing against pink personally. But seriously sometimes when browsing his blog I expect Barbie, Hello Kitty & The Pink Panther to pop out & say “We love you AJ be our best friend. Join us! Join us in pretty pretty pink!” Ugh! Pink clothes are just not my thing. Not all gay men look good in pink. Give me a nice torn pair of jeans any day. But he does throw a pretty entertaining hissy fit. A true sister to bitch with.

Then there is the nominee with the highest number of hits (yes I do sometimes obsess over these things) Paul’s
Bedtime Stories which reads like a soft gay porn slash medical drama. How can my alcoholic frenzied parties with penguins as props compete with his porn adorned posts?

When it come to a nice package, there is nothing like The
Velvet Underworld by Loius. He has abs. He can write. He is friendly. My only complain is that he doesn’t have enough self nudity on his blog! Sure he shows lots of meat, but how about some sausage! Its art dammit!

Next would be the food infused writings of
Narcissism In Words. Delicious. I will definetely spend more time drooling on this blog.

Then there is socially active
Sayoni Speaks which is conducting an actual survey for queer women! No way can I beat that with my inane pictures of goats ! As entertaining as they can be, honestly, I know, nobody really gives a fuck about goats.

Colin & Kero a.k.a. The Blogger’s Gibberish Guide from Hell is now defunct. Even if I felt nauseous every time I attempted to read their sugar based & sugar coated sugary words, I do feel bad for the end of their relationship. Tho if they do get back together I might encourage them to work on their communication & take English lessons together.

Supernaut is more about art than trannies. Or so I think (only browsed through it). I love trannies. I even found this Malaysian crossdressser's blog- closetfem that I find so interesting. I know trannies & crossdressers aren’t the same thing but we are all supposedly deviant aren’t we?

We are taboo together so why not support each other?

The fact that someone actually took the time to prepare such an award should be victory enough for OUR society.

I think we have all won. Now, more importantly, how do I out dress the rest of those damn queens? To dress like the no-longer-a-planet Pluto or Bjork's swan? Should I have slave boys carry me in or should I ride in on my pet unicorn? Yes, I am truly that fabulous.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

A weekly whine ignoring a weak wine

Friendships are like wine, they often start of rather acrid & get better with time. And this is a week long story to celebrate the friendship between me & my most alcoholic of best friends- Teks.

Saturday at The Disco (club)
AJ: Have a sip (of my drink). The bar tender screwed up and gave me gin. Gin sucks!

Teks: Wokay, anything with alcohol content is good.


Sunday at Maison (Gay Club Night)
11pm on the way in the car
AJ: Teks, I don’t feel much like drinking tonight. I’m going to stay sober.

Teks: Fine we’ll drink less. *Snigger*

1am on the dance floor
AJ: Is that a vodka lime? I’ll have one too! (And another….)


Monday during lunch (We both actually took Monday off so we could club on Sunday)
AJ: Ugh! I feel sick. I think my liver has had enough! No more alcohol for me!

Teks: Yeah I know what you mean. We need to give it a rest. We’ve been drinking too often.

Tuesday whiles planning our Starlight Cinema outing on the phone
Teks: Are we drinking tomorrow? I don’t really feel like it.

AJ: I know what you mean. I told the Goat that he can bring a light Sangria but nothing too alcoholic. We don’t want to be alcoholics you know!

Wednesday whiles watching X Men III at Starlight Cinema (outdoor cinema)
AJ: Damn you Goat! Why isn’t there more Sangria?

*Teks quietly extracts the alcoholic soaked apple bits out of the sangria bottle and munches them.*

Thursday on the phone
AJ: Lets go Karaoke tomorrow night. You know, our livers had Monday to Friday to rest, they really should have recovered by now. . (We totally discount Wednesday’s ‘light sangria’)

Teks: Yeah I agree! I still have this new bottle of Absolut Citron!

AJ: Really so do I! And don’t forget I still have that half bottle from the last time…

Friday at the end of the karaoke session.
Teks: Where is the alcohol?
AJ: We ran out of alcohol. Just grab a random glass when no one is watching. They all have alcohol content.

Teks: What? Drink someone else’s drink? That’s disgusting.

AJ: Your loss man, I think this one is whiskey coke... Yum Yum!!

I’d love to tell you that he held his nose and shot the putrid bubbling brown liquid but unfortunately I can’t remember. Sure alcohol gave me the courage to make out with like 3 hot men & 1 hot girl that night but the truth is alcohol kills brain cells. Maybe when I'm too old to remember & too blind to see, I ask Teks to read my blog to me.



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Karaoke when drunk is like playing an electric guitar underwater. No matter how badly you perform, you still entertain everyone watching.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

ajspotting – wtf?

Choose a good night’s rest. Choose T shirts with cheeky phrases. Choose big screen TVs, heart warming books, adorable house plants & Keenspot Comics. Choose a sincere smile from a sweet colleague. Choose marshmallow double chocolate chip cookies, home made apple pies, chicken pies, pineapple tarts & oven baked chicken. Choose a fancy fuel saving Japanese car endorsed by Britney Spears. Choose rock music, trans music, pop music, whimsical tea lights, trippy audio visualizations & scented incense. Choose good parking, short queues & movies with a soppy ending. Choose clear sunny skies. Choose quippy SMSes & long MSN chats. Choose delectable dinners guests at well planned parties. Choose boys with floppy earrings & spiky hair. Choose milky white, caramel crème, roasted almond, honey in sunshine, roasted coffee bean & dark chocolate men. Choose hot sizzling clubs & shops with cool accessories. Puppy dogs with wet noses. Obese gay cats. Bubbly women with big chests & even bigger jewelry. Choose sweet scented roses, studded belts, convenient credit cards, large toothed combs, huge wall mirrors, musky air fresheners, zesty deodorants, minty shaving cream, stripy toothpaste & blue mentholated lip balm. Choose the comfort of close friends. Choose to be in control of your emotions and sexy hand phones. Choose the gym with kinky showers & hot guys lurking at every corner. Choose sweat inducing workouts & muscle relaxing steam baths. Choose hot naked masseurs named Top & spunky short haired lesbians. Choose free gifts, cash vouchers, samples, complementary passes & names on the guest list. Baking, fishing, jogging & beach vacations. Choose blue jelly & outdoor movies under the stars. Choose Coke Lite. Choose short preppy haircuts & shinny shoes. Choose flat screen monitors, playing with fireworks, watching the water in a fountain fall & cacti growing on the window ledge. If it was really that damn good, they wouldn’t be choices…


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Oh my life is changing everyday
Every possible way
Though my dreams, it’s never quite as it seems
Never quite as it seems

I know I felt like this before
But now I’m feeling it even more
Because it came from me

Then I open up and see
The person fumbling here is me
A different way to be

I want more, impossible to ignore
Impossible to ignore
They’ll come true, impossible not to do
Impossible not to do

Friday, August 18, 2006

Excess of Rockers / Access for Ravers

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Have you been following Rockstar Supernova ? Its like American Idol, only with f*cking attitude!

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Certainly where the idols try to be all cute and loveable “Thee hee hee… I have never had calamari before! Thee Hee Hee…”, the rockers focus on being obstinate, dark & sexy “You f*cking killed that song man!” Tattoos, studs & sexy clothing. Everybody tries to be different. Everybody tries to be unique. Nobody is trying to the next Miss Teen USA!

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When I can, I watch it at the gym as I pedal away (during commercials I admire my calves). Nothing gets the blood pumping like tall grungy men & women screaming with electric guitars blaring & the audience all hyped! Admittedly I don’t know half the songs they sing. But I attribute it to be part of my youthful ignorance, i.e. the songs were written before my time.

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Did I mention that the male rockers are HOT HOT HOT? Hotties like Matt, Josh & Ryan have taken off their tops plenty of times. And I’m SOOOO in love with Dilana & Storm Large. Stormie! How can I not love a tall Amazonian woman with a name like that? And Zyaira with her zany sense of dress is always entertaining. But with all these reality shows, with time the characters must go home.

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Despite my love of Rocker Chicks, I highly suspect / predict the ultimate winner will be Magni. Simply because of his Icelandic exuberance & charm. He makes me think of a line from that Counting Crows song- Mr Jones “She dances while his father plays guitar, she's suddenly beautiful”. Not the most eye catching of the rockers (unless your Mikey who has a thing for bald men), his perfect voice makes him drop dead gorgeous. Just like the Swedish nightingale, Jenny Lind who became beautiful when she sang. When he sings, its almost as he reaches out through the TV screen & draws me in for an irresistible deep kiss. Mystifying. Spellbinding. Intoxicating. Married. With child!

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F*ck! I wanna f*ck a married man!

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Damn. Beginning when I started hanging with Teks at the Tiesto Rave, I find myself fixating on men more and more. Nowadays I also crave raves and all the shit that goes with it. And finally, another rave is on its way! This time its with Gabriel and Dresden at the Sepang F1 Pit. Join me and thousands of other ravers (for free if you're lucky).

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Thursday, August 17, 2006

Hello Love!

How’s life? From the pictures in your blog, you look very happy! Its great to see that you enjoyed Rodskilde.

I just was thinking about all the times we spent in together and all the crazy things we have done. I was thinking about us wading in the fish pond whiles drinking “Peach Schnapps” and it was plain crazy. I guess I’ve been doing some crazy things, many of which involve alcohol. Maybe I’m becoming alcoholic, but my low tolerance of alcohol makes it so easy for me to get tipsy. One glass of wine & I’m ‘happy’.

When happy I go out partying & drinking. The clubs still give me some excitement, especially when I go for the sole reason of having a good time. I’ve never found good men at the clubs & highly suspect I will never. More importantly I found a club which plays my favorite kind of music.

Last night (Sunday) I was in this club that played House (Trance / Techno) Music. Amazing! I really enjoyed the tracks they were playing. They even managed to take that horrible Rhihana song~ Unfaithful & remix it to sound decent! Sure the people inside weren’t the prettiest but I just enjoyed observing them. There was this bunch of short / spiky haired lesbian girls who were dancing by shuffling from side to side. They were so entertaining in their cute little boyish outfits! The crowd was so friendly but not very sleazy. I even cozy-ed up with this total stranger and just chatted whiles feeling each other’s arms / hands. But I didn’t go any further than that. I guess I enjoyed the touching but couldn’t be arsed to do the whole sex thing. Didn’t feel like it. Not with him anyway.

On Saturday I went out clubbing with many of my friends; some old ones & some new ones. I got the old bunch of friends to dance dirty, as we always did. The newer friends also gave the dance floor & their dance partners a good pounding. The antics were so cheesy but so inspiringly fun! Doing almost sexual dance moves on the dance floor made me laugh so hard. It was almost like making porn with out clothes on. Very funny & entertaining!

On Friday I went out with my friend The Goat to watch a Hong Kong Action Movie Called Dragon Tiger Gate. It was so corny & entertaining! Typical kind of kung fu movie where they have super kung fu moves & fatal romantic attractions. I just enjoyed the scenes & the silliness of it. I have been thinking of watching some horror movies too. I want to see what kind of corny yet scary plot they can come up with. Seen any good horror movies to recommend?

I’ve been having a great time lately. I’ve sort of decided to take things a little easier & enjoy my time alone. Be it cooking, clubbing, gym-ing, movies etc, having the company of my friends has been appealing & fulfilling. I’m not in the mood for sharing touchy feely emotions. I’m not in the mood to give sponge baths or bringing breakfast to bed. I can’t be arsed to invest in the constant well being of another person. And more importantly I am selfishly happy with what I spend my time doing. How does that cliché go? Love = hate = pain. For now at least I am better off alone.

I’ve been thinking of spending less time on my blog & more time reading, listening to music, watching TV & stuff that I want to do. I don’t want the blog to end up owning me or becoming me. It should remain an extension of my personality & not the other way around. Less time spent in front of the computer means more time to go out and meet people.

I highly suspect my spending so much time out of the house may also have to do with my sister’ new boy who is living with us. He is a nice guy & one day may be even win “The Super Nicest Guy In The Universe Award” but until then he is fucking annoying me!

He tries to talk and bond non-stop. It is very tiring to have some guy constantly trying his best to be friendly. There was once he showed me an message from his friend who is a girl who is having problems with her life (something about being crippled, obese, ugly & cheated on). He fucking wanted me to give advice! Like I am HER best friend and I don’t have enough shit to deal without taking on total stranger’s crap. He even barges into my room with the most annoying questions! He asks me about speakers, cars, butter cookies, & about every fucking thing he can think of! Even five-year-olds don’t ask so many questions. I can’t be fucking left alone!

But enough about my sister’s boy & more on my life. It would be wrong of me not to mention that I recently got an unexpected raise! It’s such a lovely surprise to have more cash but it makes me feel guilty for all the slacking I do at the office. I spend my half my morning eating breakfast, then reading the newspapers online, then reading comics & then going for lunch. After lunch I have a nap, read more comics, chat online & then go home. But admittedly when I do real work, I work hard. But when I don’t damn I’m lazy.

Then there is this bitch at the office who is giving me so much shit. I simply cannot stand working with her. She is so freaking lazy & is always getting others to do her work. I highly suspect she manages an online furniture shop website during working hours & steals fruit out of the office fridge just to piss people off. I don’t have any proof yet but I am keeping a close eye on that bitch. Rather than do my real work, I list out complaints against her, just waiting for the day she crosses the line, thus allowing me to bitch slap her with a long list of her shit she has done. There is no furry like a pissed off gay man!

Speaking of pissed off, I have started totally avoiding my last ex. I decided that there is no real point of trying to be nice to someone who hurt me so badly. You may think this would be easy but in a city as small as Kuala Lumpur, he often pops up like an infected puss filled pimple. Just now when I was watching an outdoor movie (X-Men III), he turned up with some new guy & some friends. I refused to even turn around to see his face. Maybe I am still bitter. Maybe I am still grieving. Either way I choose to look forward.

I choose to listen to my choice of music & eat where I want to. I choose my friends wisely & the men I sleep with even more wisely. I choose where my money is spent & how high I get. I choose to be physically / emotionally independent & I have never been happier!

Hoped you enjoyed the long e-mail. Everything isn’t peachy in my life but it will be okay as long as I can laugh it off. And if you don’t reply with an equally as long e-mail, I will pout & hold my breath until my face turns blue!

Love,
AndroJane.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Going Un-Postal

Sorry boys & girls, Androjane is going out clubbing on a Sunday night, sot there will be no post today! I just want to see what all the fuss is about & more importantly if the selection of men are different from Friday & Saturday! Meanwhile, more sexy pictures of the Italian football team.


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Life first, super fabulous Blog second!

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Blogosexual- Sex Seriously Sells!

Simply combine sex with any other word and you have a new exciting term that everyone wants in on! Sexpert, asexual, sex-kitten, oral sex & sexy-hot-hunk are just few of the examples of sexy words that have made it big.

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In tuned with the sex theme, if you read today’s Star Newspaper, you would find 3 homosexuals masquerading as metrosexuals. One goes to the gym religiously, one’s favorite item of clothing is a furry jacket & the third (whom I love to death) is just a brand whore. So, why can’t I be a Blogosexual?


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Interestingly enough, today is the day I cut my losses and stop investing effort in pursuing the sexy boys on my sexy list. Out with Cutesy Buttes (the colleague with the sexy butt), out with Mellon Boy (pale as toufu & such a sexy dish), out with LaLa Boy (sexy see-food) & even those I don’t blog about.

Why not? I just lust after them and don’t see any substance! If I’m not getting any (sex), then I have to make time for pursuing new sex interests! Rowrrrrr! Watch out sexy boys, AJ is out on the prowl!

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I'm discreet, I'm not weak, I just need the moment
He wants me, he wants me not
I want everything he's got
If I leaned over and tried to kiss you
Would I be wrong, after so long to kiss you
To stop me is not easy, can't keep a lion from hunting
I'm focused, I won't miss, there's no control of some things
IIO~ Kiss You

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Typical Male Bonding (With A Whale)



It's my father’s 60th birthday. And despite any hostility between us, I went home to my little town like any good son would. I was on my best behavior but his friends weren’t. Oh by the way, in the spirit of male bonding, I’m garnishing this post with football players. Simply because these is nothing more macho than football!

Like most Chinese families, on Saturday there was the big 8 table dinner with 20 members of family and 60 of his ‘closest’ friends. Oh yes, and lots and lots of whiskey & wine.



Of particular interest was my dad’s alcoholically-jovial friend, Tommy The Two Ton Whale. Like the name suggests, he has enough bubbler to feed an Eskimo village. He also enjoys male bonding when drunk. And why shouldn’t he? A virile man of 64 (age & waist), he has the eloquence of a Thai prostitute & the complexion of an oily frying pan. And his breath plain stinks.

My aunt commented, “Who is that character? Oh my! Isn’t he a boisterous one? I can hear him from across the room!”

AJ remarked, “Oh you haven’t seen anything yet, he hasn’t even started kissing the boys…”


True enough, half an hour later, or rather 2 bottles of whiskey later, he was going from table to table declaring his love for all the good ol boys. I use the term ‘boys’ in the most loosest of context as most of the mean age of the men in the room was 50. One by one wrinkly & pudgy old men were molested & presented with suspiciously dainty kisses on their cheeks.

Ironically the night before the big dinner I was doing the exact same thing. At the club I was going from man to man, kissing my ‘how do you dos’. So what makes me better than Tommy The Whale? For one, the men I kissed were way much younger & sexier. For another, I’m fabulously gorgeous! That and I’m pretty good as sucking cock & enjoy it.

Reasoning aside, he began to flounder closer & closer to my table…


*Gasp*
I needed a good escape plan to avoid the blubbery kiss of death!

Should I breakout in a Britney Spears song and dance routine, thus declaring myself as a unkissable fag? Straight men don’t like kissing gay men, don’t they? Oh wait he likes kissing all men, regardless. Besides, there isn’t enough space to do a full split.

Should I stand up and pre-emptively splash my drink in his face? As much as I would enjoy the drama, I could be accused of being gay for rejecting his ‘perfectly normal heterosexual behavior’!


*Noooo!* He’s left a cankerous greasy mark on my uncle’s cheek! Better wash it with acid!

Sh*t! He has blocked my escape route! I bet he can smell my fear! Unlike his victims, I actually enjoy kissing men on a regular basis & want it to stay that way! I can foresee no amount of counseling, electroshock therapy or psychoactive drugs helping me regain my sexual identity!


*Whimper*
How about smearing my face with pork grease & chili? GET IT TOGETHER AJ! If you want to survive you need to think smart. Food would only excite him even more & might even entice him to lick your face.


*Moooomeee!*
That’s it! If I want to get out of this unharmed, there have to be casualties, even if they are family! Scheme.. Scheme… Scheme…

“Yo! Cuz, come over here a sec! I wanna tell ya something!”

My cousin moves from across the hall…

“Isn’t this fish bladder, sea cucumber & unidentifiably-funky-grey-meat soup delicious? Have some more aunty!”

*Spash*

“Hoooooot!!! My dress!”

“Sorry let me get you a cloth!”

“Ahhh young man, how come you never say hi to your uncle Tommy The Two Ton Whale?”

“Don’t you remember my cousin? We once launch fire crackers into your house when we were young. Now I got to go get that cloth for my aunt…”

Don’t worry, my cousin’s straight. He’ll get over it. It is after all typical male bonding.


Why must the children play in the streets,
broken hearts and faded dreams,
peace and love to everyone that you meet,
don't you worry, it could be so sweet,
Just look to the rainbow, you will see
the sun will shine till eternity,
I've got so much love in my heart,
No-one can tear it apart,
Yeah,

Feel the love generation,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Feel the love generation,
C'mon c'mon c'mon c'mon yeah

Love Generation ~ Bob Sinclar Ft Gary Pine

Friday, August 04, 2006

Trick Or Threat?

Do I need a make over?

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Many times, my friends have asked me this question. They simply believe that a new look will give them new popularity, get them more sex, find a lover or get them a better job. You know, they just may be right.

Personally I’m pretty content with my various styles ranging from grungy slacker to frantic office sloth & sleek bitch to party animal. But lately I’ve been getting itchier & itchier. Nothing to do with STDs, I’ve been contemplating my Halloween Costume.

Yes.. Yes.. I know Halloween is like months away but the perfect look will take forever to put together!
F-O-R-E-V-E-R!

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Even though I have made it for circuit parties (sweaty), rave parties (trippy), foam parties (slithery), back to school parties (spanky) & beach parties (sand-between-the-butty), I have never made it for a Halloween party! Something or other has always prevented me from going.

But this year I’m planning ahead! Sure I don’t know where or when it will be, but those are just inconsequential details. More importantly I plan to slink into my most Goth of looks / moods. Yeah! Studs, leather, blackened nails & all! It’s going to be so dark & foreboding! Oh bloody hell I’m getting carried away!

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I’M EXCITED! I’ve started practicing the sneer of doom & the look of death! Next to learn to cry on queue. It will be so insane to be all cheerful one moment & start crying the next!

Ravens will circle above my head & storm clouds will gather in my path! The wine will turn to blood & may all your hot sexy men grovel at my feet! BWUA HA HA HA…

Oh, make me over
I'm all I want to be
A walking study
In demonology

Hole~ Celebrity Skin

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

How do you do dates?


AJ asked, “so LingLing gone out on a date with your man yet?”

LingLing replied, “Dunno-la AJ, he is damn hot but during the date I felt like I was back in high school. We went out for dinner then movie. So weird! He even tried to hold my hand!”

AJ quipped “You know, I think that’s what most people do on dates you know…”

LingLing laughed “Dunno-la! I guess I must have been too slutty for too long!”

AJ sympathized “I know what you mean woman, I’m so used to jumping into bed head first that when it comes to dating, I don’t know sh*t! Haha hahaha!”

Unlike riding a bike, I’ve more or less forgotten how dating works. Nice dinners, movies & phone conversations with someone new make me feel awkward. Worst still, I recently realized all the men I have been drooling over are merely lust objects & nothing more. Besides the urge to pin them down on the bed, stick my tongue down their throats & make them moan, I actually find them duller than dishwater. Plainer than placemats and more boring than boiling water. *Yawn*

I’d most probably could list all the things that I find sexy in a lover but the truth is I’d only know him after I spend some time with him. Its not that I have super high standards, its just I don’t fall in love so easily. And let’s be frank, only certain men can handle the torrential passion that is AJ!

I don’t want a guy who is only into looks because eventually we all get old and less pretty. What would keep the relationship going? Plastic surgery? Shallow men like shallow puddles usually disappear with heat. How about someone super smart, eloquent & witty? B*tches like that are usually egoistic & can never shut up!

I need a man with charm & character. Until the right man comes along, I think I’ll wait, thank you. Don’t worry about me. Don’t feel sad for me. I’ve experienced love enough times to know how it feels. Being single just means I can f*ck who I want to, when I want to, where I want to. Oh I feel a Madonna song coming on…

It won't be easy, you'll think it strange
When I try to explain how I feel
But I still need your love after all that I've done

You won't believe me
All you will see is a girl you once knew
Although she's dressed up to the nines
At sixes and sevens with you

I had to let it happen, I had to change
Couldn't stay all my life down at heel
Looking out of the window, staying out of the sun

So I chose freedom
Running around, trying everything new
But nothing impressed me at all
I never expected it to

Don't cry for me Argentina
The truth is I never left you
All through my wild days
My mad existence
I kept my promise
Don't keep your distance....