AJ- The Rusty Third Wheel?
I’ve been the third party in relationships before.
Don’t be shocked! I'm no saint. If anything this sordid blog speaks more truth than I dare tell. It wasn’t just one time but I do hope the last time will remain the last time. Well maybe not. Yes it is, no it's not!
Lust isn’t even my favorite deadly sin. Sure it is fun, sure it is releasing but I love sloth more. If not for the simple fact that sloth is so easy to, but simply because it’s so uncomplicated.
I don’t want to make excuses for my previous ungentlemanly behavior but, seriously, sometimes the extenuating circumstances are more complicated than just sex. One thing leads to another, and another, and another... Well, and sometimes it is just sex.
Many years ago I’ve slept with a guy with a girlfriend. Fast forward to the present, he is married & still sluting with boys. I wasn’t the first guy he cheated with & I left that sticky situation fully knowing I wouldn’t be the last. Wanting both men & women is his problem, not mine. I always sort of saw our non-relationship an arrangement of convenience. The sex was decent & there were no strings attached. Turning away was no big deal.
Then there was that guy who had the full consent from his boyfriend to sleep about. I didn’t know he was such a big slut until after we did the dirty, but if his boyfriend was cool about it, why couldn’t I be cool too? I even met the guy’s partner & had a decent conversation. Once again their choices are theirs to deal with and only involve me indirectly. Since I stopped sleeping with him, we have become friends & occasionally exchange bitchy greetings. No issue.
Once I was the other man with a guy in a loving relationship with someone inaccessibly far away. Sure I became extra easy access, but once again, the rules were clear & I was only a second act, and not the opening act. The sex wasn’t bad but I enjoyed the mindfuck more. Not so much of the sharing of emotions but rather more of the art of seduction. Make no mistake, seduction is an art, just like painting, cooking or balancing plates on your nose.
I have also done the nasty with a couple in a typical open relationship. The couple invited me up for drinks & I end up being drunk (woopies yahoosies). Once again the ground rules were clearly set & it was all about the pleasure. Unashamedly, the main driving factor for my participation was my boredom. Sometimes, life can get dull & I find myself grasping at straws to lift myself out of the rut. No regrets doing it though, didn’t feel sleazy, dirty, slutty or anything like that. Once the pants came back on, so did the bitch attitude.
I’ve been the cheating bastard too. Whirlwind moment that got out of hand, one lonely thing leads to another. As expected, the ground rules were laid & no expectations were laid out. If anything, we (the guy I was cheating with & myself) were also sleeping with other men. Certainly not amongst my proudest moments, but and I still do feel bad about it. If you know me in the real world, don’t speculate. If I haven’t told you, I won’t tell you.
Recently, the opportunity has presented itself again. Cute, charming and sexy. But to be the third party again? No way! I've changed & grown up since then. I may still enjoy anime but it seems like the wrong thing to do. If he was strong enough to say no the first time, then it is up to me to be strong enough to say no the second time. Sure I have my weak moments where I want to back him into a dark corner & explore his mouth, but self control is good. Stop seducing him AJ! Stoppit!
One hand I tell myself I deserve some release, on the other, I don’t want to ruin anything beautiful, even if it is not mine. Karma, like Tyra Banks, even though intangible, still can bite like a bitch if you step on her tits. I will play it cool and have not any expectations. After all its just lust & not love. I think I can recognize love’s ugly face by now. Uhuh.
Oh well, looks like its just me & my hand tonight, tomorrow night & every night after that, at least until I stop procrastinating.
Don’t be shocked! I'm no saint. If anything this sordid blog speaks more truth than I dare tell. It wasn’t just one time but I do hope the last time will remain the last time. Well maybe not. Yes it is, no it's not!
Lust isn’t even my favorite deadly sin. Sure it is fun, sure it is releasing but I love sloth more. If not for the simple fact that sloth is so easy to, but simply because it’s so uncomplicated.
I don’t want to make excuses for my previous ungentlemanly behavior but, seriously, sometimes the extenuating circumstances are more complicated than just sex. One thing leads to another, and another, and another... Well, and sometimes it is just sex.
Many years ago I’ve slept with a guy with a girlfriend. Fast forward to the present, he is married & still sluting with boys. I wasn’t the first guy he cheated with & I left that sticky situation fully knowing I wouldn’t be the last. Wanting both men & women is his problem, not mine. I always sort of saw our non-relationship an arrangement of convenience. The sex was decent & there were no strings attached. Turning away was no big deal.
Then there was that guy who had the full consent from his boyfriend to sleep about. I didn’t know he was such a big slut until after we did the dirty, but if his boyfriend was cool about it, why couldn’t I be cool too? I even met the guy’s partner & had a decent conversation. Once again their choices are theirs to deal with and only involve me indirectly. Since I stopped sleeping with him, we have become friends & occasionally exchange bitchy greetings. No issue.
Once I was the other man with a guy in a loving relationship with someone inaccessibly far away. Sure I became extra easy access, but once again, the rules were clear & I was only a second act, and not the opening act. The sex wasn’t bad but I enjoyed the mindfuck more. Not so much of the sharing of emotions but rather more of the art of seduction. Make no mistake, seduction is an art, just like painting, cooking or balancing plates on your nose.
I have also done the nasty with a couple in a typical open relationship. The couple invited me up for drinks & I end up being drunk (woopies yahoosies). Once again the ground rules were clearly set & it was all about the pleasure. Unashamedly, the main driving factor for my participation was my boredom. Sometimes, life can get dull & I find myself grasping at straws to lift myself out of the rut. No regrets doing it though, didn’t feel sleazy, dirty, slutty or anything like that. Once the pants came back on, so did the bitch attitude.
I’ve been the cheating bastard too. Whirlwind moment that got out of hand, one lonely thing leads to another. As expected, the ground rules were laid & no expectations were laid out. If anything, we (the guy I was cheating with & myself) were also sleeping with other men. Certainly not amongst my proudest moments, but and I still do feel bad about it. If you know me in the real world, don’t speculate. If I haven’t told you, I won’t tell you.
Recently, the opportunity has presented itself again. Cute, charming and sexy. But to be the third party again? No way! I've changed & grown up since then. I may still enjoy anime but it seems like the wrong thing to do. If he was strong enough to say no the first time, then it is up to me to be strong enough to say no the second time. Sure I have my weak moments where I want to back him into a dark corner & explore his mouth, but self control is good. Stop seducing him AJ! Stoppit!
One hand I tell myself I deserve some release, on the other, I don’t want to ruin anything beautiful, even if it is not mine. Karma, like Tyra Banks, even though intangible, still can bite like a bitch if you step on her tits. I will play it cool and have not any expectations. After all its just lust & not love. I think I can recognize love’s ugly face by now. Uhuh.
Oh well, looks like its just me & my hand tonight, tomorrow night & every night after that, at least until I stop procrastinating.
you have made me realize my love for you can make me whole
you have made me realize that love alone can save my soul ... yeah
save my
save my
save my
save my soul
Offer Nissim ~ Save My Soul
posted by AJ @ 10:49 PM
3 Comments:
oh dear... noti u... :) understandable. gud thinking.
Good God. Not a good idea to be the third party unless you're in it with no strings attached. Bound to get hurt somewhere along the way.
cybertron~ I am good at being bad & bad at being good.
paul~ it definately takes a certain level of maturity to fuck and leave. really.
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