Chemical X

Three out of five IS REALLY BAD, if your talking about exs. And Im going to. WARNING! WARNING! All of you who are too familiar with my unnecessary associations with my exs know that although I regard them in the highest esteem, I really don't want to see them.

But I bumped into 3 of my exs in the bar one hour ago & DAMN I'm glad to have left that place! It was like they were having the Convention of AJ's exs or something. Unfortunately the most important ex that would actually make me feel more relaxed, goaty-ex wasn't there. The invite must have been lost in the mail or something. It was good to know that they were all doing well & moving ahead in life, but it was even better to know I still had won.

Won what?

Well you see, when you break up with someone, the only thing that matters is that you are more fabulous than him/her. Duff calls it the competition to see who is more miserating. To win, you need to have some sort of edge that allows you to skoff in their face & say "Hah, I've done better than you. Ngee Ngee Ngee!"

As horrible as it sounds, it is very natural for me to compete with my exs. And why not? They flaunt their fabulous boy toys around me. They strut their stuff on the dance floor. They do the whole social butterfly thing & tap every one they know on the shoulder and say "Muah Muah! How are you darling!"

*Roll eyes* Call me egotistical but yeah, they've all become nothing but a bunch of lonely FAKERS!

If you're the sort of person that actually enjoy the Muah-Muah's, then I'd really wouldn't want to get to know you. I'd doubt you make a fabulous friend. The one of the things that makes a person truly fabulous is having real friends. Friends that don't Muah-Muah you, but intead grab your waist and squeeze your shoulders. Friends that will have your back at all times & will never bitch about you unjustly. Friends you can proudly introduce to your other friends. Friends that will honestly tell you that you've gain weight. Friends that you threaten with "If you dare f*cking buy me food-gifts & ruin my diet I'm gonna f*cking kill ya", but knowing you secretly want it, they still give you the damn best snacks you ever had. Friends who will go clubbing with ya even if they're dead tired.

And thats what makes me more fabulous. Being able to enjoy the company of cute people who tune in to my station. Anyone who thinks at my wave length is most precious. That and the fact that I've a better develop (even tho very bitter) personality, greater fashion sense, stronger convictions & the cuter ass. And with that cuter ass I've been getting way more booty than all of them combined.

Even with the trumph cards in this battle royale, my frigid heart did still feel a little faint each time I gaze upon them. Why shouldn't I? Once upon a time, we did share intimacy turn into sour. Luckily, all was forgotten when I was confronted in the toilet by a total stranger with a "You're from Johor, rite? We used to go to the same primary & secondary school.."

Curiosity as an emotion is way easier to deal with. Thank you Guy who knows my freakin' sister, where I stay in Johor & life history but I cannot recall your name cos I was wasted! Not only are you freaky, you made me forget about the not-so-long-ago past by bombarding me with the pretty-long-ago past. May we always maintain a healthy non-stalkerish distance of 100 meters for years to come!

I'm so tired you of being here
Suppressed by all your childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just hurry & split
'Cause your presence still lingers like rotten fish
And it won't leave me alone

My Immortals~ AJ feat Evanescence

Danger! AJ is Approaching Critical

Have a Happy Lunar New Year Everyone!!

Since I'm in a holiday mood, this is going to be one super random post. So if that causes convulsions or makes your eyes twitch uncontrollably, feel free to read it twice.

1. Watched that Geisha movie. That one that all gay men watch so I'm not the last gay man to watch it *phew*. I don't like coming last. But cuming last, thats different. Watched it with the goat & his friend Spikey. Tho Spikey wasn't really my type, but damn he smelt so good. So always smell nice boys & girls, cos you never know who is sniffing you out.

2. I've resolved some issues with Rubbery Ruggy. As he was such a good friend, I sort don't want to lose him. But he is also has the habbit of making empty promises. People like that are a plenty, so he isnt special. They are always jubillant & witty. They are great fun to have around, if they turn up. Not gonna hold my breath waiting.

3. I will be purchasing 1.2kg of bacon & 0.6kg of ham to bring back to Johor. I always get weird stares fromt the deli staff, but the boss always greets me like a long lost son *Wonder why* Besides that I'm bringing back pistachios & gummy bears. Its sort of tradition to bring back the best to your parents so they can bitch about how they've had better.

4. I got a raise! Finally! But it has been one year at this desk typing away promoting stuff I'm not too sure of myself. But what the heck, if it pays the bills & buys the bling bling, it can't be all bad. The advise my boss gave me also made sense. Dammit. Its hard being rebellious when the advice makes sense.

5. If its not evident in my writing, I'm gone 1 month without sex . I've become uber-horny (first since 2000). Yesterday in the gym when I met an ex f*ck buddy I hadn't seen in years, I was slightly tempted to hit the showers, before my workout! But nope, good tasted kicked in & fortunately my attention was diverted to a hotter specimen straight away. Now to avoid him in my home town...

6. Going back to my home town will be tuff. Being bitchy is easy. Controlling my mouth is much tougher. I always try to keep my mouth busy with something, ergo I actually answer a question.

What work are you doing now?
Oh I write lies in bad english & tell people that they can get more sex if they invest in pills.

Where's your girlfriend?
Yeah, we put on our high heels & went partying last night! We were discussing the importance of group activities, you don't have any sons that like trying new things, do you?

When you going back to KL?
Does it really matter? You're going to ask me that question again in 10 minutes anyway! Honestly you lose it faster than a premature ejaculator!

How is your (insert name of family member)?
The f*ck I know? He/she is most prolly banging the mailman. I am horny, lets stop talking before I start imagine you in a falcon style orgy ok?

But enough of the questions. Still horny *Sigh* How do you undersexed people do it? Maybe I should get some action tonite to prevent such lucid posts. If I was the American President, oral sex wouldn't be sex. But I'm not, so I'll settle for some good snogging... Volunteers?

I tell you baby all my dreams come true
When I'm laying next to you
Is that so wrong?

I tell you baby all my dreams come true
While I be there where you are
So I hold on

Dreaming of you, yeah
Dreaming of you

Thrillseekers~ Dreaming Of You

Walking Breakable Glass

I needed a break from KL. Sure all of those flashy queens & bright fags are fun but once in a while its nice to feel the sand between my toes, walk around naked & let things than can flop, well, flop.... But that was not to be so I jumped into the back of my father's 4 wheel drive for a one night trip to Cameron Highlands.

Cameron Highlands is known as one of Malaysia's more peaceful tourist destinations. There is the tea-plantations, veges galore & endless rows of nurseries. Well that and an unbelievably over abundance of straberries. If it was just the fresh stuff I wouldn't bitch but everywhere I turned there was like strawberry tea, dried straberries, strawberry balls, straberry cushions, strawberry candy etc. Are Malaysians truly obsessed with strawberries?

Tea For Two Billion. The Boh Tea Valley.

Holidaying with my dad, my mum, etc. Sure we have our disagreements but a few well placed words and every thing went pretty fine.

Eg,

Father: I can't believe your brother! Doesn't even stop playing computer games for 5 minutes to talk to his father that bla bla bla......

Androjane: Wait! If we are going to Hang, i mean spend time togather, I will not listen to this crap anymore. If you have a problem with him go tell it to him. Don't take it out on the child who actually made an effort to spend time with you. I'm sick of listening about how the other children have done you wrong.

*Horrified "how disrespectful!" from everyone*

Perillious Ponder. Here we have the same tea plantation, only with an idiot sitting on a dead log that is SO likely to roll down the hill & squash him.

And so the 36 hours or so progressed pretty much in that manner. It was one refreshing holiday. Either that or the smell of all that wholesome organic strawberry fertilizer, chicken dung in the highland air was making me delirious. It was plentiful in the market with some very suggestive plants.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Cacti are just so imagination-stimulating. I'd use to have hundreds of them, but no, I never sat on any of them... Intentionally or otherwise.

Tell tall tales.

The lady selling this one called it ekor kucing (cat's tail) but I am sure its named the pleasure plant. Quick shave it with a razor...

50 yen I put microphone in mouth...

One thing I normally do with my father on holiday is have late night drinks at the hotel's bar. Usually this would involve some tacky-no-class-Filipino-tramp dressed in last year's discount christmas ornaments. This time it was different. There were two of them. Whiles the one with tallent played the keyboard (not featured) the other jiggled her hips and occasionally the tambourine. The only reason she is featured is cos she a very promotive rendition of that Bee Gee's song "You love my boody... I love your mooney, baby you don't know what its like..."

I wanted to shout "But I do know how to simulate oral sex with inanimate objects!" But yeah, my father wasn't drunk enough yet.

Its much bigger than it looks on the internet, I swear!

On our way down we stopped at Lata Kijang Waterfalll. Its really big & nice, not the artificial cement monstrosity it seems like.There are supposed to be streams of warm water from thermal vents inside. But I have to doubt it a little since you could get the same effect by peeing into the waterfall.

Shallow waters.

This me on the bridge. It has a really weird kinda unique peaceful feel.

Multi-colored Goat Impressions of AndroJane

Here are 4 more banners by my friend, the goat. What ya think?

This one is the least striking of the lot. I do like the colors but it does make me look cock-eyed.. *Insert voyouerism pun*

This one is very Warhol but it makes me look extra andro! I'd be a pretty hot chick eh?

Very repeatative but does have some charm.

He loves rainbows, can you tell?

Tell me what ya think! Are these banners pretier than mine?

Baa Baa spotty goat.

Have you banners?

Yes sir, yes sir, 3 e-mails full...

I am a sick little boy, aren't I?

Which is my best side?

I love playing with my self. So So SO Much!!

I just missed half naked Thursday, a concept I really do like. But I'm still in time for fabulous friday no?

So, I got 2 people to take hundreds of photos of me (seriously hundreds). Yes, I can be so narcissistic. Next I selected the ones that made me look cuter/ nastier/ sadder/ prettyer than I naturally am. Then I photoshopped them to the max & chose the best 4 out of a possible 10. Eat your heart out Shigeki, Jay & Jamie, this is MY art exhibition:-

Here we have an artsy fartsy wannabe AJ

This is the Dark Demon From Buffy. Look into my eyes... what eyes?

Simply Hot Pink

This is the cool understatement.

And if anyone has anything to say about my *cute* *adorable* *average* foreead, there will be hell to pay. So which one do you think I should use for my banner? I'm thinking of going with the understatement....

You know I can't change, I can't change, I can't change,
but I'm here in my mold, I am here in my mold
And I'm a million different people from one day to the next
I can't change my mold, no,no,no,no,no
I can't change my mold, no,no,no,no,no
I can't change my mold, no,no,no,no,no
It justs sex and violence melody and silence

The Verve~ Bitter Sweet Symphony

I Am Not The Next American Idol!

I love my music but can't sing for nuts. I hate karaoke & I just know how my Amerian Idol Audition would go:-

Androjane: Yo! My name's Jane, but I ain't plain, so when we play the game, And I didnt came, I won't finger you any blame...

*Blank Stares All Around*

Androjane: So I Sing now? I'm a Barbie Girl, In a Barbie World, Happy Plastic... Its Fucking-fantastic! *Slaps ass & twirls blond hair around fingers* Wheeee!

Simon: Is that your voice or the sound of your silicon implants rubbing togather? You certainly look plastic.... Why don't you come up to my room later and we will see how good the fucking really is...

Paula: Fuck Simon! You have real potential! And I'm sure provided the right opportunties, you can go all the way.. But untill then, what you need to do is my self-help video- "sleeping your way to the top of the charts". There is even a bonus on sex pigs, you know, *bursts into song*, "sow deep, sow deep, sow deep inside..."

Randy: Yo Dawg! You flew half way around the world for this? I ain't feeling it man, your voice isn't that strong.

Androjane: It HAAAAARD!

Randy: Well, try (something) harder... My room is next to Simons...

*Back to reality*

Yeah. So what can I do with my limited vocals & inherent stupidity? I blog ofcourse! Those of you who skoff at the lyrics at the end of each post, skoff all you want! It isn't for you anyway!

Those lyrics are placed there for my own reference. When I'm driving or just lazing, I often have some music. And believe it or not, often there is a song playing that relates to the situation of the day. Other times I know what song matches the situation, and I listen to it. Then there are those days when nothing comes to mind & the music just isnt right, so there are no lyrics at the end of the post.

Like this post began yesterday on the treadmill when I saw how horribly the constestants preformed Lady Marmalade, *NOT* that I could do any better tho...

Gichie, Gichie, ya ya dada (da-da-da)
Gichie, Gichie, ya ya here (here ohooh yea yeah)
Mocha Chocalata ya ya (yea yea)
Creole Lady Marmalade
Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir (ce soir, what what what)
Voulez vous coucher avec moi

Various Sluts~ Lady Marmalade

Babi! Bhuto! Setan!

Being Emotional Sucks. Cos I Really Want Closure.

I'm no longer *so* angry at Rubbery Ruggy for dumping me & feel like I just wanna get on with my life. The problem is, to do that I would have to sit down with him one on one & say what I have to say to him. Its nothing like "I hope you die in hell & maggots eat your brains you filthy bastard" but rather other more subtle things that need closure....

He being him & I being me, its very unlikely that I wil ever get a chance to say what I'd wanna. Especially the feedback I've gotten from some of the people who know us...

(The body of this post has been removed cos, its rather personal.)

I'd hold back the tears & let him speak his mind. If he wanted to.

I'd be a bigger person & continue with my life. There is more to life than finding a partner, there is more to life than being loved. And with that I'd get the closure I need. But there is so much more to life than being needy.

But to continue, after we sorted things out. I'd offer him something, sort of a peace offeringl, say Roti Babi. Sort of meat pie meets french toast. Its fabulously made with mince pork, carrots, mushrooms, onions, bread & eggs. He liked it the last time. But since its not to be, I'll have the roti babi myself. No denying it can be lonely, but its more liberating. I really don't need to hate him & curse him. I don't need the drama & wrinkles that come with it!

For the curious non-Malaysian's, Babi=pig, Bhuto=dick, Setan=devil. Its offensive in many different levels, so its the sort of curse you have to be really careful with.

We don't need, don't need, no haters
Just try to love one another
We just want y'all have a good time
No more drama in your life
Work real hard to make a dime
If you got beef, your problem, not mine
Leave all that BS outside
Mary J. Blige ~ Family Affair

More Lunar Banter

Did you see the full moon last night? I couldn't help but stare at it on my way home from dinner last night. But no I didn't howl or start to grow fangs. This full moon is the last one on this chinese lunar calander & it has had many different meanings.

When I was about 6 it meant that Chinese New Year was closer.

At about 16, it meant it would be high tide that's great for sea-fishing.

Now, it means I'm turning 26 too soon and I need to buck up befor I f*ck up....

I've been going to the gym more often now & spending more time with myself too. Also, I've also decided to give up some of my favourite vices. Its rather daunting to know that for the last 6 years I have had an over-active sex life. Not to go into details but damn, I've had a lot of sex. Maybe more than is healthy. Not that I've slutted about alot, but I've done my share. So, before I become uber jaded with fornication, I'm taking a a sex sabatical... is there such a thing?

Now that I've ranted, may I direct your attention to my links, Hot Crotch Bums aka Abu from some of my earlier posts is now linked. He recently made-over his hottie bf & damn, Androjane really approves of the effect! Not that I'm jealous or anything, but why cant I have a man like that?

Its times like this I regret not furthering my degree & going into cloning. I would so lurve to own my own army of toy boys... But where should I begin? Colin? Brad? Tom? Takeshi? A young Mel might even be a good start. Oh decisions, decisions....

Did you know lots of people have strange thoughts & do strange things around full moons too, hence the lack of proper flow to this post.

I ain't even gonna front
I ain't even gonna lie
Since you walked up in the club
I've been giving you the eye
We can dance if you want
Get it cracking if you like
Must be a full moon
Feels like one of those nights
Brandy~ Full Moon

Just Like Incest, Only Legal!

If you grew up in a small town, like I did, and dated amongst your friends, you should understand the term "legal incest" all too well. Eventhough you aren't related to the people you dated by blood, you certainly grew up with them & know them inside out. There are so many secrets, which everyone thinks no one knows, but everyone actually knows everything. Sprt of like a certain queer who hasn't comed out to his friends but everyone knows is gay...

In the spirit of the Lunar New Year, which is just around the corner, I thought I share a the story of one of those incidents that no one ever talks about.

You see, when you grow up in a small town, you tend to date amongst your friends. So after knowing each other for 20 odd years or so, you tend to have the oddest ties with the people you grew up with. About 2 years ago, my cousin (male), his ex girl friend (who was best friends with my "god-sister"), my "god-sister" (who has slept with one of my male friends), myself (slut) and 2 other male friends (who have dated my cousin's girl friend & I somewhat fancy) got into a bit of a tangle.

I would really like to blame the ample Jack Daniels, Swing & other alcohols, but really, at that time we ALL could drink like fish & were really just kidding ourselves when we claimed that we were too drunk to know what was going on & just needed to lie down.

It all began rather innocently as all 6 of us piled up on my friend's king size bed.

The evening began with statements like...
"Move over-la, not enough space."

progressed to...
"But I can't move, why don't you just lie on stomach."

further developed into...
"Ummm... Your hair smells so nice, what shampoo do you use?"

which proceeded to...
"Can you give me a massage? my shoulders' sore...Ohh Yeah"

leading to...
"Nice tatoo, I'm gonna lick it"

that became...
"that feels nice... Who's hand issit anyway?"

the realization of
"...this is so f*cking crazy!"

and ended with...
"OH SHIT! I FORGOT TO LOCK THE DOOR! WAS THAT MY MOTHER OR MY BROTHER?? F*CK! F*CK! F*CK!!"

Yeap. We never spoke of it again, but we all were very concious of what happened. Sort of like last nite when I had dinner with 2 of my exs, Rubbery Ruggy, Busy Buzz & their fag hag, Blue Bolivia. It was like the giant pink elephant in the rooom was hypnotizing us into constant pointless banter, ergo we remember the sh!t that we've done. (Just for the record, we have never all orgied togather.) Now, I have those damn books back & don't have to see Ruggy again. But I'll bump into him sooner or later, coz we socialize in small circles.

I'm cool with small circles cos I've enough practice in my hometown. The thing to remember is, parents in small towns socialize in small circles too, & ALWAYS lock the door when you go crazy...

*Heh* Its gonna be an eventful Lunar New Year, as always.

Nobody said it was easy
Aww It’s such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I’m goin’ back to the start
Coldplay~ The Scientist

AJ Needs The Ventitlater

Considering all the shit that it spews, its really a triple-assed snake.

Its been 24 hours since I started but i'm still fuming. I'm so mad. I'm very angry. I sound like Mojo Jojo!

I've done my best to be understanding and play it "cool" but really everyone has a limit. There has been nothing but a constant flow of the lamest excuses from him. He has some books that I borrowed from my family & need to return, SOOON. But he doesn't want to even give them back. Rather he makes plans with me and cancel's them last minute. Everytime. Pathetic.

Its so frustrating. When I talk to him, he pretends everything is fine & says things like "I'd really like to be friends", "Sure lets meet tomorrow" but then he goes and bombards me with a wall of excuses & sudden conundrums that even I can not accept. We have parted for a month now and still he can't be civil enough to just meet once, return stuff that isn't mine & talk to me honestly. F*ck talking honestly. I want to just get back the books and move on with my life.

Naive. Really I am for thinking that he meant what he said. Seriously, once he started bullsh!tting to me, i realized he didn't respect me (or himself) enough to do the right thing. I think the only solution is to go psycho on his ass 'till I get those books back. Should I...

1. Call (and hang up) & sms him non-stop way into the wee hours of the morning?
2. Post photoshopped pictures of him in a bikini on the internet & mail it to our common friends?
3. Stick a "Give me back whats mine B!tch!" note with a pig head on his door?
4. Hire some models & write his deepest darkest secrets on them, followed by parading them at KLCC?
5. Buy a metal baseball bat & beat the crap out of him? (I sort of like this hands on approach the best)

But I'm not that kind of guy! And I don't want to be. I wanna just believe he is telling the truth but he is making it impossible. I just want to move on with MY life. Truly the only good thing that has come out of his deceit & lies (somehow or other, its always good when it has to do with me) is that my workout at the gym yesterday was so much more effective. Anger on the treadmill & cycle really worked up a sweat. Still, I have so much pent up anger to vent today. UGH!

I guess
That this is where we've come to
If you don't want to
Then you don't have to believe me
But I won't be there when you go down
Just so you know now
You're on your own now believe me...

...Hey
I used have a little bit of a plan
Used to
Have a concept of where I stand
But that concept slipped right out of my hands
Now I don't really even know who I am
Yo, what do I have to say
Maybe I should do what I have to do to break free
What ever happens to you, we'll see
But it's not gonna happen with me

Fort Minor~ Believe Me

I=doll Worship

Very often, too often infact, I find myself putting ladies on pedestals.

Not just because of beauty too. The outcome of this worship is that they become good friends of mine and we open up to each other. We then form momentarily, superb bonds and continue as good friends but rarely reach that level of intimacy ever again. Some may even consider them my fag hags.

But the truth of fag hags is they don't like being called so. Or so they say. But I then wonder what is the attraction? What makes me want to be closer to them? What makes me find them so irresistable?

One thing they all have in common, is they are all very independent. They are all unique beauties that have personality & smarts. Like the girl I spent a total of 6 hours with (this whole afternoon), Lechumi. Not only is Lechumi pretty, she teaches in school, she gives tuition after classes, she runs the family sales-related business and takes care of a homestay Korean girl. Did I mention that she is also taking up golf, studying for her masters & clubs like crazy?

Don't ask me where she finds the time. I barely even have time to do my work, bitch and blog. I do sort of envy her energy & capibility, 2 qualities I serious want to build. Which leads me to the next question. Do I want to be these girls?

Do I want to be a rich, sucessful, capable, sexy, talented & interesting girl? Or *gasp* do I just wanna be a 'girl' just like them? Its all I=doll worship really.

Today i told Lechumi, "I can see so much sadness in your eyes. Are you ok?"
Without fletching, she replied "Well I can see sadness in your eyes too. Wanna talk about it?"

.... Neither wanted to talk about it. Not yet anyways. We had a long lunch. Then we took a walk in the park (This one was really to give her more practice walking in her super high heels, damn their sexy). She began to open up. Next did a little of assisted retail therapy, ie. "You really look good in those shoes/shirt/pants. You'd better buy them cos they look so good on you." Then we had margheritas at 4m, the time I was suppose to be firming the booty in the gym. Only during the drinks did I really open up to her and bitch about the "men" in my life.

She was superbly cool about it. And we began to share even more. We shared a molten chocolate cake. More and more deep dark secrets. More confessions. More and more chips + dip. I told her about how my first bf had been my best friend & how I was filtering the drama out of my life. I told her about my best gay friends and I told her about my blog.

"Why do tamil movies always feature big fat male leads with moustaches?"

"I think you forgot old too... I think its because the female lead is 30 years younger so she doesn't know better."

We entertained each other. But there were times when the coversation turned serious.

"No more men that get off on putting others down. I'm looking for someone that doesnt need to lift up their egoes by be-littling others. I don't want to save or please or suffocate anybody. I just want someone cool like that. Cool like me."

We even took bad touristy photos showing the peace sign, in front of the twin towers, infront of the shop with her name & of me being a total hardcore slacker. Yes. Alcohol makes you do crazy things. So does burning the bonus. But I wouldnt trade afternoons like that for anything. I don't need to be perfect, I just need the right company.

Here we go, here we go again
Now you're tellin me, that she is just a friend
Then why's she callin you, at 3 o'clock in the mornin
I can't take this no more - no no no!
Here we go, here we go again

Trina feat Kelly~ Here We Go

Malaysia's Biggest Slut

On Saturday afternoon i was at another "Mag Meet". It was the contributor's meeting, for the men's health magazine I've been writing for. Damn, it was nothing like the caption party. But I *accidentally slutted* with the editor, again. Seriously its a disease. Someone just needs to name it. I can so imagine, years from now, at the clubs, the boys will claiming AJ Syndrome when accused of boyfriend stealing. But back to the meet, where I was busily discussing my fellow writers with Mr. Goat.

"Oh isn't Kz like so hot? Too bad he is straight" AJ eyes the straight guy with biceps too delicious to be straight.

"Yeah I used to come to these meeting just to oogle at him"

"Psst... Mr Goat, Isn't that guy one of the guys that slept with Rm"

"Yeah I think so. Oh AJ now you have something in common with someone here! You, him & half of Malaysia's & Singapore's gay population."

*Roll Eyes*

"You are acting so gay!"

"So? I rather be comfy in my element. Besides, this is just a writers meet, not the grand inquisition!"

So we slept with the same guy, big deal. The thing about Rm is when I first slept with him, it was a good fuck. We never had seconds but ended up as friends instead. But thats a totally good thing really because he is a super-mega-ultra-uber slut. I am not exeggerating. Not to pass judgement but he really prides himself with sleeping with most of malaysia's boys. Sooner or later every other chinese twink I meet turns out to have slept with Rm.

During the recent new year's party I asked him "So tell me, how many boys have you done? 200? 300?"

"You mean this year issit?"

My eyes had the sudden urge to imitate a bowling ball... But some part of me thinks he wasn't joking. He used to tell me of daily if not bi-daily sexcapades that would make even Holden blush (No offence ya).

But thats not the best part. He also has a steady boyfriend who knows he fucks about. And they seriously are in love (cue bitter line about how love is an illusion). There is still more.. he also has his fuck buddies. Talk about stocking up for winter eh?

Most people hate him. Then there are those who envy him. I sort of admire his er... unwaining drive? His taste in men, well, the polite thing to say, if he ever reads this post would be, "some people like lots and lots of okay-tasting cookies, others like one big tasty cookie with big nuts".

Some times (when ever we talk) I have to ask myself "Why the fuck did we fuck?" Then I recall how all his practice paid off. Seriously, despite all the curses against him, I've never heard anyone bitch about his technique. So the immoral moral of the story is practice makes per-fuck!

The fortune teller who hates goats

From a distance I saw this turban bobbing up and down as I was smoking outside my office on Friday....

"Hello, I see your forehead I know you are very lucky!"

"Excuse Me?" Yeah, I'm very lucky cos I can rent it out as a billboard. Outdoor advertising is profitable like that.

"Yes! It is true, your forehead comes out so you are very lucky! And you see those 3 lines going across your forehead mean LPT!"

EEEeek! I DO NOT HAVE THREE LINES ACROSS MY FOREHEAD! My forehead is free of lines! My forehead is cute ! My forehead is Adorable! So I don't need your LPT just some good moisturizer... "Look man, I'm not interested I'm just smoking in peace here."

"But you are so lucky! Here, this date will be lucky for you!" He proceeds to scrible 3/2/06 - 3/3/06. "This is when you will be most lucky. All the problems you are facing now will go away. If you want help to become lucky, you can give me some money to pray, you know pray..."

I want YOU to go away. And you better say your prayers if we talk about my *cute* forehead again. "Listen..."

He quickly scribbles on a piece of paper, crumple's it and hands it to me. "Here, take this and don't open it. We will try something. How old are you?"

Ohh goody I like guessing games... "25" And I will stay 25 for many years to come!

"And what is your favourite color?"

Oh oh oh here starts the fun part "Dunhill red."

"..."

"Sort of maroon..with a hint of blood red"

"Blue issit?"

"No, RED!"

"Ok. How about animals? What domestic animals are lucky for you? What animals follow you about alot?"

Yes! Bingo! "Goats! Goats are lucky and goats follow me about!"

"Not goats. International animals. Those that are domestic"

"Hamsters! I like hamsters!"

*Blank stare* "What are those?"

"Look I mean those small fuzzy rodents that look like rats without tails... Big front teeth..."

*Extra blank stare*

"You can hold them in your hand.. And pet them... The look so ccuuuuuute when they are eating..."

"How about another animal?"

"Goats.."

"You said goats already!" He writes GOT down on his little notebook.

Spoilsport. Hmph "Sigh... Chickens then"

"No I said animal with 4 legs" *Sounds a bit pissy* "you know animals in your house have 4 legs and stay close to you! Follow you about everywhere you go"

"Are you sure goats don't count cos I really can't think of any domesticated animal that follows me anywhere, with 4 legs... and 4 hoofs even"

"LOOK HERE!" He is almost screaching. He quickly jots down 2 next to GOT and proceeds to write 3, DOG, 4, CAT below that to look like ~

2 Got
3 Dog
4 Cat

He then cancels 2 GOT. I frown. Hope my 3 lines aren't showing again...

"So which number is more lucky or do you like 3 or 4"

"4 is not good for chinese so 3"

He cancels 4 CAT. "Now OPEN THAT PAPER AND TELL ME WHAT IT SAYS! If it is the same, you will believe me and let me pray for you. Give me 30 dollars and I will pray for your good luck!"

How novel praying for luck. Why did you pray for some luck of your own. AND Oh please of course you got me to say what is written on this paper "Oh gee look! Its the same! Wow!"

"So you give me money I pray for you?"

"No! I already told you not to waste your time" Pufffff pufff

"Ok then. But how about something small to help me"

"Sure why not" That was so fucking entertaining. I didn't even tell you how I don't believe in Goat. "Here's 10 & happy selling!"

... Besides, it will make one hell of a post for all my darling darling readers... (Or is that reader?)

This could be the very minute
I'm aware I'm alive
All these places feel like home

With a name I'd never chosen
I can make my first steps
As a child of 25

This is the straw, final straw in the
Roof of my mouth as I lie to you
Just because I'm sorry doesn't mean
I didn't enjoy it at the time

Snow Patrol~ Chocolate

B- sides the Point

If

the last post

didn't make sense,

don't be too confused.

Really, I'm just weird like that.

Here is an older post I meant to publish on Christmas Eve...

Had a blast last night at the oddest of odd parties. Its called a caption party. No, there was no decapitation of people or goats. Its where people get together, drink lots of alcohol, eat chocolate fondue with mini marshmallows, chocolate cake & even dragon fruit.. oh yeah and put captions to pictures for magazines, in this case it was for CUBES but you may know them better for their Plan B. Plan B is really a good laugh, if you can appriciate "that kinda humour". Working there is like my dream job (but in most of my dreams I'm rarely working). I actually almost got a job there.... But that another long story for another post.

You know Plan B is really good cos the LDN (national sensorship board) objected to their article on "what the local porn industry would be like (if we had one)". Let me quote-la, especially since the author is not only talentedly inane but also an all round nice guy...

Hisap Bella

Bella is a financial customer service planner working in an international bank in KL whose chief responsibility is escorting and guiding depositing customers into her vault. Her friendly demeanour and dazzling smile are a hit with the bank's rich clients, as they enjoy exploring her figures on their short, medium and long liquidity loans. There is only one problem: her boss Harddeep Singh fancies her and is jealous of all the attention she is getting. Can Bella balance her well endowed customer and keep her job? Or will Harddeep turn out to be a hard nut to crack?

Laughing? You haven't even seen the story line for Ali Baba Bujang Bapuk yet.....

Ok, all that free publicity should make up for all the alcohol I polished off that nite.. Hick.. Hick!

Senior class president
She must be heaven sent
She was never the last one standing
A backseat debutaunt
Everything that you want
Never to harsh or too demanding
Maybe I'll admit it
I'm a little bitter
Everybody loves her but I just wanna hit her
Saving Jane ~ Girl Next Door

Dear Loved One

I've decided that I could use more time to myself. Its not that I'm becoming (more) antisocial or anything like that, but I really could use a break from having to be careful not to step on your toes, hold back the tears, defend my honour or be tempted to bitch. Ignoring the drama's is easy, as long as nobody asks me about it.

Every little thing I say or do somehow or other becomes a big deal. And well, I don't want it to be. Just because I'm going thru a rough patch doesnt mean I want to talk about it. I'm sick and tired to "keep up apearances" least you start to give me ooodles and ooodles of advice that just make me think of things I dont want to think about.

Please don't tell me that I'll be better tomorrow, or everything will be fine, or that I'm not dealing with it right, or that's just life because you don't know. I know you mean well but the effect of the advice isn't so well...

I don't feel the urge or the need to socialise or pour my heart and soul out to you. If anything, I rather not talk. I rather not think. I rather not feel. I'm happy just doing things with you that do not require conversation. TV is fine. So is reading. Or shopping. I love shutting off my phone as well now. Then there is the gym. And amazingly I've really cleared out a lot of work. Anti social as it may seem, its what I need right now. Some controllable peace and silence. When I feel like it I'll be back...

Tell the sun not to shine
Not to get up this time, no, no
Let it fall by the way
But don't leave me where I lay down
Don't Tell Me ~ Madonna

That's So Cliché!

That's the worst cliché of all.

I'd like to discuss clichés because thats ALL I ever do at work, come up with the worst clichés! That and I felt "hurt" that my favourite overused word "surreal" came up in the Banished Words List 2006

Seriously, if you wanna be a bitch, be a smart bitch, bitch-on-wheels or even a butt-headed-bitch, just not a lame-ass-self-inflicted-bitch. Its self injury like that which highlights a person's own limited brain power when critisizing others. Its like showing someone the middle finger without realizing 3 other fingers (& 1 thumb) are pointing back at you.

That being said, let me share with you some of the WORST slogans I came up with for some supplements~

"the finest natural ingredients, to cater to all your requirements"

Ouch~ Not a size queen and want something short? then there is the classic~

"Nature’s best wealth for the finest health"

Umm.. Short is not sweet. But the absolutely worst one that I can't say with a straight face is~

"The natural choice to help your body rejoice"

Its been a long day, and I still have stay. But what can I say, being a bitch I still find time to play...

I'm so baad at being good... Or should that be I'm so good at being bad?

That will have to wait... Back to work!

Time & Space Will Pass Us By

Wow, 2006 is here and 2005 passed in a blink of an eye. As part of my resolution, I decided to simplify stuff & ignore the needles drama. So instead of a paragraph explaining why I havent posted in so long, I'm just gonna say "Was Busy-lah!"

In line with this resolution, I decided to give an uni-mate, a priceless birthday present. I told her how alternative I really am. I wasnt sure how she would react, especially with her favourite cliche~ "Thats so gay", but I was tired of making excuses. Supprisingly her first question was " So tell me how is it like to love a man?" I was so tempted to tell her how to give good head as blow jobs gross her out, but we were suddenly interupted.

2005 was totallly full of unpredictable supprises like that.

My family has changed drastically. Some finally at rest, some with new play things, some heartbroken, and some swindled. Still we are family.

Many close friends have packed their bags and left Malaysia. I really have to admire them for wanting more, and chasing their dreams, but damn I wish they found suitable replacements for me to hang with.

From close friends to lovers to akward aquaintances, I'm on talking terms with Ruggy but its bloody weird, uncomfortable & painful. I always knew if I and Ruggy did decide to commit, it would be great but short-lived, just not this short.

I would never have imagined myself working at a multi level marketing company. Especially not one with chinese-speaking members. But it pays the bills, most of them anyways.

To "simplify and ignore" 2006, I've decided to focus on growing up, being more independent & giving up bad habits. In other words, at 26 there is only so much I can get away with by using my charm. I need to learn other bargaining tactics..

Annie Lennox's Pavement Cracks is my song of 2005, even if things are less than ideal, I can still have an upbeat tempo! What was your song?