Emotional Face Off (I’m Not Crazy)

If you think that AJ is just a whole bunch of sluttiness coated with sluttiness & deep friend in sluttiness, you aren’t entirely right. I work very hard at being less emotional each & every day. *Brushes crocodile tear from eye* This is really the beginning to a really long/ moody meme. It really is very long. If you want to know the musical bits that go with every confession, just click & highlight the spaces between. There is lots of really good music.

I am thinking about ...
All the boys I like & all the boys I’ve loved before. I don’t know if I can be sane, stable & mature enough to be a good lover.

I've been thinking maybe I've been partly cloudy
Maybe I'm the chance of rain
But when I look at the stars
I see someone else
When I look at the stars, the stars
I feel like myself
Switchfoot~ Stars

I said ...
"I’m fine. I’m happy. You be good." But really I’m not feeling great. I’m fucking lonely. And I want to be better. But moments like these always come & go, so why not just ignore them?

Well it's a lie, it's a lie-don't you believe it
If you're fine, then you're fine-it's all how you see it
Oh, there will never be no conspiracy of happiness
Duncan Sheik~ On A High

I want to ...
be able to fall in love without any hesitations or any reservations. I want to love someone for who they are and not what they represent.

if your searching for truth
you must look in the mirror
and make sense of what you can see
Tiesto~ Just Be

I wish ...
to be happy. Finances, commitments, responsibilities & emotions are always looming around the corner. Fuck’em for now. I dare say I’m fairly content living my life the way I want to.

Cuz this life is too short to live it just for you
But when you feel so powerless what are you gonna do
So say what you want
Nelly Furtado~ Powerless

I miss ...
my home. I’m homesick for my house, everybody/ everything about it. From the giant hibiscus my sister planted to the smirk my grouchy grandfather used to give me after taking him out for a plate of char kuey teow (fried flat rice noodles). But as everybody/ everything changes, my real home really only exists in my memories.

And the violence caused such silence,
Who are we mistaken?
But you see, it's not me, it's not my family.
Cranberries~ Zombie

I hear ...
a lot of negativity, judgment, criticism, & plain stupidity. But who really wants to listen to that. I rather offer/ be offered hope, acceptance, encouragement and lots of good music.

People are all the same
And we only get judged by what we do
My personality reflects me
Sugarbabes~ Ugly

I wonder ...
where I’ll be this time next year. Will I living it up? Will I be happy at work? Will I find someone who complements me? Will I be happy with physical/ emotional myself? Then there is the serious issues, like how many more hot men would I have slept with?

that I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
that I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
that I would be great if I was no longer queen
Alanis Morissette~ That I would be good

I regret ...
wasted chances & unexplored opportunities. There are some things that I could have done better, but for now I’ve got to look forward.

Out on the road todayI saw a "Dead Head" sticker on a Cadillac

A little voice inside my head said

"don't look back, you can never look back."

I thought I knew what love was

what did I know?

Those days are gone forever

I should just let them go

But...

DJ Sammy~ Boys Of Summer

I am ...
emotionally here and there. Never in one place, never in one state of mind. Always searching for the sublime. But it does help to know I’m doing something about it.

I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful, baby
And what it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
Alanis Morissette~ Hand In My Pocket

I dance ...
like I’m performing for an audience of 100 or so of my favorite sluts. It doesn’t matter what music is playing, I shake my booty & strut my stuff like I don’t care. Mostly because I’m too drunk to care. I’m always drunk when I dance.

We drift deeper
Life goes on
We drift deeper
Into sound
Motorcycle~ As the rush comes

I sing ...
like a fingernails on a chalkboard. But I do so my own little world, when I’m working, driving & especially when nobody is listening.

But if you sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing
For the love you bring won't mean a thing
Unless you sing, sing, sing, sing
Travis~ Sing

I cry ...
when nobody is looking since it is not pretty to see a grown man crying. Sometimes I cry without reason. But most of the time I know why, but just let it pass me by.

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Howie Day~ Collide

I am not always ...
expressing what I truly feel. I do try and convince myself. I do push on even when I don’t want to, just to see if I can do it.

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
Daniel Powter~ Bad Day

I make with my hands ...
lots of delicious food, which I subsequently eat & share with others. Making jellies/ puddings/ muffins at midnight is most stress relieving.

I don't think you're ready for this jelly
Destiny’s Child~ Bootylicious

I write ...
to record my events that I never want to forget. I write to inspire change and acceptance. I write to shelf the frustrations I cannot change. I write to earn a living. But mostly I write to boast.

Maybe I'll tangle in the power lines

And it might be over in a second's time

But I'll gladly go down in a flame

If a flame's what it takes to remember my name

To remember my name, yeah

John Mayer~ Bigger Than My Body

I confuse ...
myself & everyone around me. Orgies/ intimacy, spiritual truth/ 40% proof spirits, slacking/ butt-clenching, small town boy/ city slicker, meanie/ sweetie, overconfident/ unsure, smart/ silly. If there is one thing coherent about me, it is confusion.

When I'm happy I am sad
But everything's good
It's not that complicated
I'm just misunderstood
Pink~ Missundaztood

I need ...
to develop & change, all the time, just to keep my sanity. Sure I do pause to relax sometimes, but I hate being stuck in a rut.

And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
All American Rejects~ Move Along


I should try...
to keep my composure & appreciate all that life has to offer. Ever the adventurer, my journeys don’t always lead down the right path. And then I freak out, deep breaths always help.

If I just breathe
Let it fill the space in between
I'll know everything is alright
Michelle Branch~ Breathe


I finish ...
the best I can & analyze the whole entirety. Be it conversations, projects, food or sex, I always take a moment to deliberate. Was it good, was it worth it, will I do it again? Most of the time the answer is HELL YEAH!

You've crossed the finish line
Won the race but lost your mind
Was it worth it after all
Lazlo Bane~ Superman

So that’s it. I’ve bared my soul, dammit. You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, but I’d love to see what’s in YOUR TWISTED MIND. Of course, as jups (the bouncy babe with too many shoes who tagged me) said, the musical mozzarella is purely optional. Not everything cheesy is good. Just look at my blog, I still can’t get the alignment right!

Happy Now?

I know I have missed my usual Monday post where I tone down my weekend to make it sound more innocent & sugar coated, but I was working on a super extra long MeMe. I want it to be perfect. Wasn’t happy with the first draft, and still not happy with the second. The ironic thing about this MeMe is that it is a sad MeMe so I should be happy that I am sad. But I’m sad that it is happy.

If It Makes You Happy...

Fourtified With Androjane!

Even though we don’t always see eye to eye, Wretched Winged Wil continues to surprise me. Nothing like jumping out of a cake in his birthday suit but it’s the small things, like tagging me for this meme.


FOUR JOBS YOU'VE HAD IN YOUR LIFE:
1. Petrol pump attendant. You wont believe how bitchy some people can be when people don’t get good service. Put a few dents and scratches into their car & they want to see the manager! HMPH!!
2. Durian collector & seller. The correct term in Hokkien is ‘Durian Kia’ which means Durian Child. It’s a smelly job but its good exercise.
3. Medical equipment salesman. Yes I flirted with nurses & distributed tons of pens. Even though I only worked for like 3 months, until this day, I still get calls from hospitals.
4. Show Dog. Basically I stood around, charmed people by speaking good Japanese & convinced them that they could learn English just as easily. Easiest RM300 I have ever made.


FOUR MOVIES YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER:
1. Alien 3
2. Legally Blonde
3. Interview With A Vampire
4. Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle

I like freaky & funny movies. There is nothing like Legally Blonde to lift the spirits.


FOUR PLACES YOU'VE LIVED:
1. Bum Fuck Nowhere, Johor
2. Bum Fuck Nowhere, Japan
3. Bum Fuck Nowhere 2, Japan
4. Bum Fuck Nowhere, KL

Seems like I tend to live where the action isn’t.


FOUR TV SHOWS YOU LOVE TO WATCH:
1. 4400~ People with freak powers just mesmerize me
2. X-Men (the cartoon)~ The child in me demands it
3. Daria~ It was a MTV cartoon. She was so my idol
4. Desperate Housewives~ Yes, I see myself as a cross between Bree & Edie…

The list could go on but these are some of the shows I’ve watched over & over…



FOUR PLACES YOU'VE BEEN ON HOLIDAY:
1. Sweden
2. Bangkok
3. Java
4. Denmark

I'd think Bali is next on my list...


FOUR WEBSITES YOU VISIT DAILY:
1. MSN Radio I always enjoy music one
2.The Star I need to know how the dumbasses are screwing with the country
3.The Associated Press. I need to know how the dumbasses are screwing with the country
4.Keenspot Comics! I'm currently reading Down To Earth


FOUR OF YOUR FAVORITE FOODS:
1. KFC! Nothing stands between a man & his KFC. One of the boy friend tests I do administer is to see if he can get my complex order of 3 Ribs spicy & mash potato switch for coleslaw right. You have to be persuasive with the staff to get it right.
2. Pancakes. Home made & served hot with maple syrup, it’s a good thing I’m handy with a non-stick pan.
3. Gelatinous deserts. Agar-agar. Pudding. Jelly. Trifles. Making them is almost more fun than eating them!
4. Cooked sushi. I can only stomach things that are cooked, but I sure as hell can stomach a lot!


FOUR PLACES YOU'D RATHER BE:
1. Lying on a white sandy beach watching the blue ocean as I sip my margarita.
2. Backpacking across Europe with some REALLY good friends
3. Wading about nude in a well hidden pristine, leech-less waterfall
4. In the arms of my lover who-ever-the-fuck he may be…


FOUR THINGS VERY FEW PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT ME:
1. Even though I do most things with my right hand, I use my left to hold my tooth brush & knives.
2. I’m a sucker for free food & alcoholic beverages but will never ask for any.
3. I like sleeping in my jeans during the weekends.
4. I collect goat miniatures, be they plastic, clay or crystal.


And since I’m such a freak for good music,
FOUR SONGS YOU CAN LISTEN TO OVER & OVER:
1. As The Rush Comes~ Motorcycle Ft Jes Brieden (Tiesto Remix) Have to get the remix right!
2. Clocks ~ Coldplay. The song just goes on and on
3. Cool ~ Gwen Stefani. This song is so serene
4. Mr. Brightside~ The Killers. Superb blending.

I know I'm suppose to tag 4 fabulous people, so if u read this, consider yourself tagged, dammit!

My First Blog Whore Anniversary

Like the re-branding? It’s in celebration of my 1 year blogging anniversary!

Many a wise man has said, in this day & age, it’s no longer important to know every thing, but rather it’s essential to know how to find information. And considering how much I love pointless, inane & absurd info, blogging is an ideal outlet! That and well some influence/envy of the pink pilot with the affinity for cock made me start blogging.

And blogging has been mostly a great experience. I’ve learnt so much crap & bullshit from other bloggers that frankly no amount of psychiatric treatment will erase the ridiculous things I’ve absorbed like a moldy sponge in a pool of filth.

Speaking of pools of filth, I have my fair share of real life friends with blogs. On some odd level it has brought me closer to them & allows to follow their sordid exploits. Learning about the new people they are dating, viewing their holiday pictures & understanding the events that affect them is just a click away. Trust me, in real life, my blog friends (eg the Framing Queer who helped me with the setting up of my new template), are a whole bunch of skanks with even more squalid dimensions.

The next special group of people that I would need to mention are the dear lurkers, lurking & surfacing to comment online or confront me in real life. It has been an eye opener to say the least. I am thankful for the lack of stalkers keeping up all night with their phone calls. I can even go to the gym in peace since our dear friend Kitjar has been reincarnated (His new blog is linked in the side bar somewhere, we all know that ;o).

Then there are the new friends I’ve made via blogs. Nuts, crazies, weirdoes & ‘unique people’ that otherwise I would have very little chance of knowing. Some even willing to share their talents to all that is AndroJane, like Kay who graciously designed my amazing new banner!

I know the amount of skin & on the banner is such a cheap ploy to market myself. I do realize the multiple nipples (armpit hair even) is too narcissistic, but hey, I wouldn’t be a true blog whore if I didn’t. Whoring Androjane to the world is good for the soul. Its fun to poke fun at myself once in a while.

*Poke* *Poke*

Still need go more to gym-la. But otherwise I feel good. I’m sure years from now, seeing how I developed & changed will be fun. Until then, I’m going to continue to enjoy my singlehood & adjust the colors on blog to perfection...

Take this pink ribbon off my eyes
I'm exposed
And it's no big surprise
Don't you think I know
Exactly where I stand
This world is forcing me
To hold show my tits!

'Cause I'm just a gurl, little ol' me
Don't let me out of your sight
I'm just a girl, all pretty and petite
So don't let me have any rights
Oh. . . I've had it up to my nipples!
AJ ft No Doubt ~ Just A Gurl

Got a spare dream catcher, anyone?

Last night I laughed my ass off at the second part of the Charmed Finale. Fuck yeah it was STOOPID! But I can’t wait for the possible spin off with “future Chris & Wyatt”~

Charming Princes *Drool*

When my imagination runs wild, it runs wild. Possibly due to the late non-carbo dinner & all the rubbish on TV, I had a weirdly vivid dream.

In my dream, I was on a tour bus visiting my life. The various stages of my life were actually places that could be visited. So basically, I could choose which age I wanted to visit my live at. Rather than arranged by time, my life was organized like places on a map. So my primary school memories were in a building that looked like my primary school. The funny thing is it was next to café I used to have my Uni lunches at. How ODD?

Odder still was the fact that my high school friends (male only) & the boys that I meet in the office occasionally (delivery boys, computer geek, tour agent etc) were on the bus with me. It would be funny if the were poking fun at each other but they were just poking each other. It was an odd sort of geek & nerds orgy.

But since I’ve found myself attracted to more geekier looking men recently, I did enjoy watching them hump at the back of the bus in odd positions like "the protractor" & "the USB multiport" with odd props like testubes & staplers (yes my dreams do get this oddly vivid). If only they weren’t so disturbing as I traveled passed funerals, appraisals & camp fire meals.

Do try to do a dream interpretation if you must. I can't make heads or tails of it. Its just most probably just some undercooked sprouts…

Three little birds, sat on my window.
And they told me I don't need to worry.
Summer came like cinnamon
So sweet,
Little boys double-duche on the concrete.

AJ Ft Corinne Bailey Rae ~ Put Your Records On

Bangkok Trip Photos

These are the missing Bangkok pictures promised.

A lotus in a pot in a temple, I just liked how it looked.

A Goat Statue in the same temple.

Some very peaceful looking statues.


The not so comercialized Wat Arun Temple.

View of Bangkok from on top the Bayan Building, where there is a nice restaurant/bar.

Some backpaking tourists. I find backpackers so hot! Even if they are a lil unkempt at times.

How was that for a traquil take of my trip. I would have taken more pictures but I what to do, I was a man on a mission & thus was too busy shopping.

Charmed Finale: Has Their Luck Run Out?

Early this morning, I got an SMS. Despite what Carnie has to say about cuties “Good morning cupcake” SMSes, most early morning SMSes are BAD.

Firstly, most of the people I know aren’t morning people. They may be moving & talking, but their minds only start working after coffee.

Secondly, Kiki usually SMSes me when she can’t make it to the office. Be it PMS or running over someone’s cat, the SMS usually reads something like “AJ, today I not come in. Something urgent happen.”

Then there is my father. Someone should tell this man that by simply pressing the keys on his phone he can alternate between Caps & No Caps. IT ISN’T THE MOST PLEASANT THING TO READ FIRST THING IN THE MORNING, is it?

But this time it was the-friend-formerly-known-as-the-goat. He is superbly chirpy in the morning & starts bouncing off walls the moment he gets up.

His SMS read: Oh my gawd… Charmed finale tonight… Is this the end? Gasp!

My reply was: Again, you mean? Will they die? Nah! They will most prolly fake their deaths and come out on top, again

He then replied: And return in the brand new series. Yet to be titled either Recharmed, Charmed Survivor or Charmed Idol where they kick out one witch a week…

I continued: You forgot the Witch Apprentice, For Charmed Or For Money and America’s Next Top Witch

But all regardless of all the bad mouthing, I will faithfully watch the show tonight whiles pedaling away at the gym. What can I say, the wbitch in me likes a good catfight.

Reject Chop

At some point or other, we have all face rejection. It doesn’t matter how fabulous, sexy or smart I am, there are people who won’t like me for me. But that’s really a good thing because there is no other way to know I'm that good. Seriously.

Being the seriously good party animal that I am, on Saturday I went to Liquid. By the way, Liquid is the local gay club to those of you who uneducated in deviant ways.

Since I wasn’t driving, before I went, I started drinking Michael Jackson style. That is, I poured out half a tin of lime juice and toped it off with “a little” Absolut Vodka whiles waiting for a couple of younger podium queens to gather. Sure I offered some to the boys, but they really weren’t easily fooled. That and they had a bottle of their own.

Upon reaching, the first face I recognized was Wil’s fabulous boyfriend. Expecting to bump into him again later, I did a polite greeting and went on my arrival rounds. But I never did see his well groped (by wil) ass again. The next face in the crowd I did recognize was my ex, Ruggy.

AJ: Hello how have you been?

Ruggy: Good. Since I know you will be honest with me, does this hairstyle look bad on me?

AJ: Honestly, all these years, no matter how bad your haircut, I’ve lied to you & told you it looks good. Bend over (bitch) and let me see if it hides your bald spot…

Yeap. Still some residual hate there. I suppose I’m not expected to be nice him. Civilized maybe, but not nice. Since its only been like 6 months since the break up, I am unsurprisingly still a bit bitter & missing him.

Next to him was my new favorite unassuming slut & his new friend.

Unassuming Slut: SLUT! SLUT! SLUT!

AJ: Me a slut? Please! You are the slut, SLUT!

Unfortunately, we were both right. If anything, I’d think it was our slutty ways that brought us closer together. Still, that doesn’t mean I’d ever admit it to his unassumingly slutty face. Suddenly, out of nowhere I was ambushed.

Pimply tit bitch: Oh my God! What’s this? *Rubs my tummy*

AJ: Well, yeah, I have a tummy. It isn’t that bad. Haven’t you ever been pregnant? (Hasn’t any pathetic & very desperate bloke ever knocked you up in a drunken stupor?)

Pimply tit bitch: No! Noone wants my smelly cibai (pussy).

I expected as much. Any skank ho going about feeling strangers stomachs must be pretty desperate for action.

The next boy to turn up was my favorite home(town) boy, Weeshiong.

AJ: Hey sexy, meet my friends. *Grabs Weeshiong’s ass, only to find the lines of normal briefs.

Weeshiong: Hello AJ’s posse.

AJ: Weeshiong, I really expect you to be more of a G-string kind of boy, perky butt and all.

Weeshiong: No la. I’m a good boy…

PFfft! YEAH RIGHT! I was a good boy too for the rest of the night. Spent some time on the podium. Spent some time in the crowd. Spent some time groping ass. Spent some money on drinks & subsequently wasted it by breaking the glass in a drunken stupor. That’s as much as I can remember. I dare say I kissed a guy or two, but who really keeps track on these things?

Sometimes I feel pretty, wanted & loved. Sometimes I feel damaged, rejected & lonely. The important thing it to take it all in good stride & move on with life. Surely, I have much more problems to deal with than a larger-than-socially-acceptable tummy. But if I was to dwell on every single thing wrong with my life, I would never be seen in public. And I would never have any fun.

There's a little black spot on the sun today
It's the same old shit as yesterday
There's a black hat caught in a high tree top
There's a skanky ass hag and the bitch won't stop

I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running 'round my brain
I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign
But it's my destiny to be the queen of pain

AJ Ft Alanis Morrisette ~ King Of Pain

The Bangkok Virgin Report

Its been a while, huh? But, I’ve been busy re-focusing myself. Now that I’m feeling less depressed, let’s dive in the issue of being re-virginized (yes I just invented a new word).

The trip to Bangkok being my first was full of awe and wonder. I loved the city! The people are friendly & the men were hot. If that wasn’t not enough, the food was fabulous…

I did most of the things on my list except for the dinner cruise because the rest didn’t fancy doing touristy stuff. HMPH! The dinner boats were all brightly lit with flashy lights! Imagine cruising down the river whiles gorging on green curry (personal favorite) and other Thai delicacies? Really, what else could an attention whoring gay man want?

I didn’t manage to visit Wat Arun at dawn but better than that, I saw it in the rain. Why is this good? Simply because there weren’t that many other tourists about. Tranquility I tell ya, tranquility. There is nothing like walking through a silent temple for inner peace.

Quite the opposite, Chatuchak was superbly crammed with people and cool stuff. With 15 000 stalls, or so I’m told, I almost went crazy. I bought some cool t-shirts, souvenirs & flip flops. I love flip flops, beach thongs, slippers or what ever else you want to call them. My favourite purchase was a T-shirt which reads “I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE SAYING”. Simply because when drunk at the clubs, I find myself using this phrase all too often.

Speaking of clubs, DJ Station was even more crammed than Chatuchak. The music was a bit dated but nice, the boys were hot the drinks were cheap. The only thing that would have made it perfect would have been some space. Dancing PROPERLY was near impossible. But I supposed that’s the price to pay for being constantly pressed against hot Thai meat.

Surprisingly, Babylon wasn’t as full of Thai meat as I thought it would be. There were more foreigners than locals. I did have a lil action but more frustrating than not because it didn’t feel right. Instead, I chatted up the men & set by the pool sipping Coke Lite. I learnt about Buddhism, ghosts & what goes into green curry.

Then there were the disproportionally well hung Go Go Boys, Paragon, my fab jeans, foot massages & backpackers. I’d like to warn all hot steamy backpackers of gay men with cameras, simply because we can’t help ourselves.

And that’s the Bangkok Virgin’s report. The next time I see the city, I will no longer be chaste.

There were supposed to be some nice pics to accompany the text but somethings wrong with blogspot or my pc. Another day, la.