Stop reading this if you're happy because today I am secretly depressing. The truth is, thanks to all the things/events I can't emotionally deal with, I hate all significant celebrations. On days like these, I know I'm better alone. I'd love to tell you more but, by tomorrow, I know I would feel shy and regret it. Some things are better left unexpressed...

A Merry Messy Pre-Christmas

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

I’ve been a very very good boy this year & Santa has kept his end of the bargain and rewarded me early this year!

Without the fancy-smancy twists & turns, let me just say I unexpectedly but gratefully spent my pre Christmas extremely giggly. I didn’t actually intend on drinking much but thanks to Carnie & Slutboy who took turns pouring bubbly down my throat, I was happy. Unexpected happiness is always the best, isn’t it?

Unexpected happiness is like twiddling 2 cousins on the sofa. Finally all that working out at the gym has paid off as I had one cousin on either side of my chest whiles I slowly stroked them and chatted. It was not a totally bimbotic conversation either! I know the normal fetish is for twins or brothers, but I’ve discovered that the hunt for cousins is much easier to satisfy. Roowr!

Santa was truly smiling on me because I also had another rare species at hand:- A freshly graduated 20 year old Singaporean virgin (with hard abs) who is undergoing his National Service training.Giggle. His story goes he was in search of the famous beef noodles in Kuala Lumpur, couldn’t find it and eventually stumbled into the bar. It was his lucky night too I guess because after clubbing we brought him to the noodle place & gave him a ride to his hotel (where his straight friends were actually waiting, unknowlingly).

As I lay in bed early in the morning, giggling with all that happened floating in my head, I thought about some of the advice I gave to the young boy & wonder how he viewed it…

“You know the whole thing about virginity. I mean about how your first time is special, sweet, meaningful & how you should wait to do it with the right person at the right time? Fuck that! Virginity is over rated. Just go do it and get it over with, that way you can have start having as much sex as you want with whoever you want!”

I wonder, will Santa be as 4th giving next Christmas?

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
to remind me
to find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Snow Patrol~ Chasing Cars

GASPies GOATies!

Work!
Bills!
Deadlines!
Stains On Your Favorite Tee!
Inflation!
Pollution!
War!
Floods!
Global Warming!
Cancer!

Had enough yet? I have!

I’m not sure if it is a good or bad thing, but whenever I’m left alone for too long, my mind creates things to keep me amused. Sometimes its men in loincloths, other times it is goats. Today it was a new annoying way of speaking! Simply add “ies” to the any words of every sentence.

The damn goaties is coming back soonies so I am happyies, or so I thinkies!!
Doesn’t it soundies so so cuteies?
Noies?
Damnies…
Yesies. I know its not gonna helpies me get laidies anytime soonies, but who gives a fuckies?

High on a hill was a lonely goat, lay-od-lay-od-lay-he-hoo
Yodell back with the girl and goat, lay-od-lay-od-low
Wind it up
Wind it up, uh, uh, uh, uh
Yodellay, yodallay, yodal-low
AJ Feat Gwen Stefani ~ Wind The Goat Up!

Rebutted- Half Nekkid Thursday!

This is me drowning shots at The Attic, which then lead to me puking my guts, heh

(its a sHalloween post, go hunt)

Somehow or other, when it comes to other people's cameras, my butt tends to be captured the most. Seriously, the one time I was an extra in a commercial also showed my butt walking away. Then there is the time my lecturer was taking pictures of me in the drain? Only butt shots!

I would like to begin to explain the phenomena butt I don't know where to start... Double Heh..

Making a silk purse out of a sow’s year

Normally I would recommend using a goat’s ear (because I like goaty abuse), but snowdrop’s ear is just as good.

I’ve been wanting to sum up this year ever since I got appraised at work last Friday, but it’s just taken some time for me work up the bravery to do it.

In terms of family, I have decided to just accept the inedible & do my own thing. Blood may be thicker than water, but I think snot/cum is even thicker. Even if I can’t control everything, in my own sick twisted way, I can at least chose not to be part of it.

Love, sex & passion has been most lacking this year. Mostly out of my own decision to focus on me. Had my longest sexless dry spell ever of like 3 months but it just made me stronger. Didn’t even come close to meeting my soulmate, but hey, a girl’s got to eat too! That’s my way of saying sex was just so-so. I think I found reciprocatable passion twice but seriously I know they weren’t/aren’t going anywhere. No big deal, don’t feel like dealing with anyone else’s baggage right now.

My emotions are my own & I can control them. Yeah right! I’ve tried to be colder, harder & uncaring but once in awhile I can’t help but silently cry once in a while. Then there is that whole ordeal with my ex which I still hate with a passion. I’ve somewhat shelved the things I feel for him many times, but each time he rears his ugly head, I can’t help but want to bite it off! Don’t get me wrong, I do agree with those Disney after school specials that say hatred will consume you, but I’m getting better at my own pace. Then there is something in me says the only whining & bitching I will listen to is my own. Not being tolerant is surely not a most lovable quality but fret not, I’m still optimistic.

Physically I look better. Lost more than 10kg this year and built up some muscle mass. And it’s a good thing too, especially since I haven’t exactly been following my gym/diet regiment all that closely. Clothes I haven’t worn in years fit like a glove & I get more attention too. Even as spiritually deep I strive to be, I still shallowly love the attention, who doesn’t enjoy being checked out?

My greatest accomplishment is the new friends I’ve found. Each and everyone worth their weight in platinum (gold is so for fuddy duddies). Some I see more often than others, but I do enjoy spending time. Fuck you if you’re going “ho-hum” because you have no idea how picky I can be when it comes to friends. Sex with random strangers I can do, but hanging out with people I dislike (of which there are many) is pure torture.

Rave parties, parties & disco dancing I have had plenty this year! Alcohol was consumed like I was 17 again (though back then I didn’t have so many pretty drinks). Musically I’ve become more inclined to the rhythmic beats of Trance & hard baseline of Rock. Better control on my intake of all things bad for me, I dare say I’ve gotten things under control.

I supposed I have taken this year easier and given myself loads of time to lazily be myself. Can’t say it has been a great year but neither has it been a horrible year. It’s just like any other year, just with more self exploration than the rest of ‘em…

Justify your faith for me
Does it give you what you need?
Every time, every place, every moment of grace
I’m cynical, I rise to the pinnacle
Bring it to your knees

Sentimental phases, we leave it all behind
Incremental changes, incidental highs
What it all comes down to
Is what you think you see?
But we’re worlds apart, and it breaks my heart like an enemy

Terrified to find release
And when you smile, I know you grieve
And you’ll find if you’re mine
Full of all the clues and the criminals
A story subliminal, from eyes that don’t deceive

Gabriel & Dresden~ Enemy

Fantastical Whimsical / Sentimental Temperamental

I know I can be one of the most bitter blogger’s who has clearly become jaded with out really understanding the meaning of jaded, heh. All the stuff I’ve seen & all the shit I’ve done have ruined my once innocent perception of the world. There’s something about once you’ve eaten the forbidden fruit of knowledge (laced with God knows what chemicals) you can never go back to ignorance. I need not elaborate how ‘having done it all’ sucks.

But some days, I truly feel all fluffy, white & spanking new! And today has been one of those days where I feel like a virgin, untouched waiting for his very first time!

But I must admit, I had help from the oddest of sources- online comics! Yes I am addicted to them at work (especially since I can’t read blogs at work)! No matter how well or badly drawn, I always appreciate a good story line & the fact that the dedicated cartoonist actually take the time to do their best, for free!

Shonen Ai or Yaoi which has homosexual mangga style characters always brings out the little girl in me! If you’re too lazy to click the link, let me tell you an odd fact about this type of comics. They are often created by women, for women! I don’t care how the anthropologists may frown on me, reading the story lines bring back memories!

That’s right boys and girls, I totally slacked off at work & read 'it’s a boy thing’ (where these pictures are from) most of the day! Now some of my most passionate moments are floating in my head…

That electric first kiss
Sharing a sundae on a hot afternoon
Walking down a deserted beach in the rain
Cooking an amazing dinner only to eat it in bed
Receiving a naked massage with some sexy scented oil
Feeling his breath on the back on my neck as I sleep
Stroking my lovers leg in public when nobody’s looking
Holding hands in a dark cinema
Steamy sweaty hot afternoon sexathon
Stealing a kiss
The smell of his freshly washed hair
Listening to his breaths as I read a book
Resting my head on his thigh
Passing a breath of smoke
Barely awake morning quickie
Cooking breakfast together
Making grape juice in my mouth, just for him
Tickle wrestling
Sharing a tooth brush
Just kissing passionately for hours & hours

Surely I could do some of these things but it just wouldn’t be the same. Sigh.. I think I better stop before depression kicks in. I wanna go to sleep feeling still feeling floopy. How do you share your intimacy?

I swear I don't know, what time it is,
But I know this means, nothing much to me,
And I hear the voices, bring in my head,
And they keep telling, telling me to let go...
Let Go
Telling me to let go
Let go...
*It could be better that way*
Gabriel & Dresden Ft Molly Bankcroft~ Let It Go

Trampled At The Disco

Tramps I tell you! A fucking bunch of shameless tramps, and that’s just the guys I hung out with!

The turn out at La Queen this Saturday was much prettier than usual. My feel really got trampled upon, lucky I was wearing cheap shoes or I’d be cursing like a back alley prostitute from southern China (more than I normally do). Downing cheap booze & listening to cheesy music, there really is nothing different to their special party nights.

Don’t get me wrong, I still don’t really like the place but we have to go where the crowd is. There is no club loyalty amongst gay men! If we go to some less popular place, we’d be left playing with ourselves under the disco ball. And honestly, I could stay home to do that.

The one guy that really stood out of the crowd was this hot shirtless 21 yo who although looked mature for his age, was delectable. Normally Slutboy, Carnie & I have differentiated tastes but we all agreed he was H-A-W-T!! Me & my boys are all fairly attractive, articulate & decent men with good jobs but when men like this come around, they turn us into giggly quivering school girls. The young gentleman doesn’t drink much, doesn’t smoke or any shit like that, its no wonder he is so well preserved.

What the fuck are they feeding the young boys nowadays? Really? Don’t get me wrong when I was 21 or so, I was sexy! Sexy dammit! But one look at these university-aged-model-could-be’s & I can’t help but feel inadequate. I feel strongly overcome by the urge to stop eating, get a facial plastic surgery & spending my entire day working out at the gym.

Being shallow will be the death of me! Next week I’m going on the raw diet! Everything that passes my lips will be uncooked! That rules out anything fried, rice, noodles & meat. Raw meat isn’t tasty anyways, well, unless its umm… man meat!

And in the giving spirit of Christmas, here is a vid of hot Italian meat…

I had a bad day, you think?

No I mean it, seriously. Started out the morning with a hardon I couldn’t walk out my bedroom door with (and impossible to hide/tame), followed by forgetting to bring breakfast to work, gleefully Polly (the office bitch) did her thing. Next I was moving tables & cleaning dead cockroaches (amongst other junk) for the new guy coming in. I haven’t even seen his sad ass yet and already I am cleaning up for him!

Before lunch I was subjugated into carrying heavy packages & then the only pc in the office with graphic software decides to stop working. Then MY pc decides to stop working. Then more errors are found in the project I was so hoping to finish & do away with (3 pcs at my disposal and not one can I use to do corrections). Did I mention I was being chased the whole day for some work that isn’t technically mine & I couldn’t do it because the damn pc with the graphic software isn’t working.

Next is appraisal where I’m told I suck at my job (supprise! supprise! well this is rather typical, but still worthy of mention) followed by a healthy dose of my pestering for a project I can’t do(do you see how annoying repetition is?), being asked to help do other’s work & a great heaping helping of incompetence (it’s a damn shortcut dammit, not the actual folder!).

Gah! By now most people would be reaching for the spoon & digging into a tub of chocolate ice cream. No! Not me! I went to the gym did my weights like a good wannabe, and subsequently got caught in the thunderstorm & got stuck in the most horrible traffic jam with dumbass drivers for an hour.

Double Gah! I relented. I had cheezels with dinner & now I’m gonna curl up in my bed & hope tomorrow (after work) is a better day. I haven’t laughed so hard in ages (I always laugh when I’m having helluva time). Erm, bitching helps to, but only when I'm doing it.

Why isn’t everyday a rave day? Whimper…

Satisfaction: Zoukout ’06 With Ferry Corsten!

By now my addiction to raves should be more than transparent. I love ‘em! I love ‘em more than Madonna, more than sugar & dare I say it, yes, more than sex. I’ve done a total of 4 raves this year & I still can’t get enough.

Once I discovered my Singapore trip was well timed to the event, I practically forced Carnie & Slutboy to go. Not that they needed much coaxing though. Slutboy is a trance head as well & Carnie, lets say just say some Indonesian birds of paradise enchanted him. Heh.

After oversleeping, we got there at a timely 12 midnight. Even during the taxi ride, we begun to see half naked men heading towards the party ground. The thing about this Zoukout, is that was held on the sands on Siloso Beach, Sentosa Island so it had a very tropical feel.

I’m sure Sentosa Island is famous for other things like the giant aquarium etc during the day time, but on this night, it was a playground for international ravers! OMG I am now an international raver!

That’s right honey, just walking in, I could see semi-naked fully-sexy boys & girls of all colors & ages. If you worked hard to get it, flaunt it! Especially if ‘it’ is a well defined six pack, solid chest or a cute butt. Speedos and broad shorts, bikinis & sarongs, khakis & anything bitchy was worn, er I mean beachy, no I think I was right the first time. Good thing it was sandy, if not my drool would have formed a lake & drowned us all! I was told there was close to 16 thousand people there shaking away on that tiny beach, but honestly I haven’t a clue!

From a distance, we could already here the many different types of music being pumped into the atmosphere. I think there were 4 or 5 stages along the at least 1 km beach. Its not that I’m lazy but I couldn’t be arsed to walk the entire stretch! That’s how big the party grounds were! Each stage was helmed by different styles. There was trance, rock, techno, r&b and even one playing some hits from the recent past (Mumbo Jumbo in Zouk terms).

Before the rave, one of Slutboy’s friends explained how at the beginning, women would dominate the podiums but slowly the gay men with their larger than D cup pecs would scare them away! True enough, at the beginning, the podiums were dominated by big tittied women (no offence ladies). Then the muscle marys decided to get in on the action practically pushed the ladies off with their huge chests. What was surprising was when the trannys took over with their larger than life silicon implants! I guess no matter how big your boobies are, there is always some one out there with even bigger assets!

About 2 drinks into the party, I was feeling a lil sick. After countless concoctions the night before, my liver was protesting & I felt super pukey. But as the young wife’s tale goes, there is no better cure for a hang over than more alcohol. Totally true, just that you need to get to your 4th drink before the nausea leaves you. Just in time too!

With all the shirtless men dancing away, hormones flowed freely too. I swear the air was saturated with androgen, estrogen & testosterone! That’s when it suddenly happened. I’m not totally sure what drove the instinct & certainly I can’t remember how, but I leaned over and kissed Slutboy’s friend who had joined us earlier.

I swear I am so super freaking damaged beyond help. Believe it or not, my first thought after the kiss was ‘oh fuck, I’m setting myself up for heartache, AGAIN. Best I tell the boy I’m not worth the trouble and move on’. The second thought though was fortunately ‘get a grip, its just making out in a rave. Its not like he is asking for you to sign a lifetime contract to his mother’s yoga class!’

Believe it or not, I lost the boy half way through the show whiles getting drinks. I have no idea how it happened. I guess we both just wondered off in separate directions. I couldn’t find Slutboy, Carnie or any of the other people we were hanging out with either. I’m not sure if a lesser man would have panicked, but I just danced alone in the crowd, carefully sipping on my vodka coke. Ferry was up next & well, it was okay to be alone then. Love the beats & mixes! He did a pretty inspirational job which I moved to. I even recognized a couple of the songs. But to help my friends locate me, I decided to wave my two blinking glow sticks in the air.

As if that would help in such a huge crowd! Instead other people decided to do the same and soon enough there were several other people waving their blinking lights in the air too! Funny really. I swear I was cleaner than clean, but the flashing lights totally did a number on my brain. Eventually I did find the gang again & we did a number on the podium.

Back to the boy. And yes, making out in a rave is just as fun as doing it on the dance floor of any club! I let go of the hang ups & threw what ever caution I’ve been harboring into the wind! Sex was not my motivation. I, like the rest of the girls, just wanted to have fun. All the raves I have attended before this have been too straight to comfortably do any male-male making out. But in Singapore, with all its strictness is certainly more open to alternative lifestyles. And I had to take full advantage of the situation and enjoyed the boy along with the hypnotic rhythm & countless plastic cups of booze. By cup 8 we were doing some serious groping and exploring. Sexy jaw line, great spiky hair & hard abs, this boy wasn’t my usual type, but isn’t hot everybody’s type? Gentlemen don’t kiss and tell, so let me leave it at that.

Instead let me give special mention to a most memorable character, Mr Dangly Bits! Must have been late thirties to early forties, he had a goatee & alright body. But what he did lack though was clothes (and a sense of humility). He was dressed in what must have been undies (I didn’t dare get closer) & a jewel studded white belt, thats all! Although most people do shake their entire bodies to the beats, even his pokey bits were doing a tango! Like one of those accidents you can’t help but stare at, I was totally stunned by how he could shake his nasty bits to the rhythm of the music. Nasty, pokey, whatever! But he indeed was enjoying himself!

Before I knew it, dawn came upon us and sunlight kissed the sands of Siloso Beach. Still the carnival rides were moving, music blaring & laser lights flashing. It was so surreal & I don’t use that term lightly. 10 drinks, 7.5 hours of partying, 2 of my greatest friends & 1 hot boy made for one hell of a party. I was truly satisfied. As we left the beach, there was a group of senior citizens coming to do their morning exercises. I wonder what they thought of all the rowdy ruckus, oddly dressed people & especially Mr Dangly Bits!

so little time, so little time
im so frustrated
so little joy, so little joy,
its ccc o ompllliicated
so little time, so little time, t i m e
to work it on out.. yeaah e eahh h h

so little jjoy, so little joy
its complicated
i feel im stumbling in the dDaarkk,
som nam bu la ted
i feel my heart seeking the s ssparks
and im praying for love,
love, l o v e
p pprayiing for love

so little joy, so little j o y
its comp ll lica teed[d]
so little time, so little time
when your hearts been faded

so little hope, so little hope
im praying for love,
love, love is more than enough

simply being love, love , loved
simply being love, love , loved
simply being love, love , loved
is more than enough..yeah yeah
is more than enough..yeah yeah
s i m p l y b e i n g l o v e, l o v e , l o v e d
yyeah iis more
thannnn en ough

so little joy, so little j o y
its complicated
so little time , so little time
to get acclimahted

so little hope, so little hope
im praying now for love,
yeah yeah ahhh

so little time the pace
has changed, but im still waitting
a thousand years of timeless days,
som nam bu la ting
im stubbling
wounded in the [dark]
but im praying again for love
love love
praying for love

love love love
simply being loved
love love
simply being loved
love love
simply being loved
love love

simply being love love loved
simply being love love loved
simply being love love loved
is more than enough, yeah yeah
simply being loved yeah , is more than enough
simply being loved yeah , is more than enough

so little jjoy, so little joy
its complicated
so little time, so little time
its so frustrating
so little hope, so little hope
im praying still for love
l o v {e}, love

Bt – Somnambulist (Ferry Corsten Remix)

Scandalous/ Frivolous, Androjane Hits Singapore HARD

I work hard for the money, so why shouldn’t I go crazy and spend it on an insane weekend in Singapore! Other’s may saving up for properties, weddings & children, but honey, this girl wants to have fun!!

It’s been several years since I visit the city made famous for being super clean & banning (the sale of) chewing gum. So I did what any defiant slacker would do & smuggled in bubble gum as presents & to chew slowly at public places. Heh.

During SMS communication prior to my trip down, 1d (notorious lurker) warned me to “please don’t cause any scenes on the bus). Who? Me? Cause scenes? Please! It was Carnie & Teks (who shall for from now on in all posts will be referred to as Slutboy™) who caused the scenes! HMPH! I’m pure as crystal (something)!

I have you know I participated in some very civilized conversations with old ladies regarding marriage, life & living! I even helped them open their coconut cookies (Young man, always look for girls with the heart of gold, not the heart of a gold digger). But then again, it was a good thing they were old enough not to hear me & the boys discuss topics like cum eating, sexy underwear flashing & group sex.

One of my favorite parts of the trip was meeting the ghosts of the boy’s past. I’ve always wondered what company they have kept, and I got to meet a few. First up was getting to know one of Carnie’s friends over Tony Roma’s ribs. I was absolutely nice to the boy! (To think he actually begged & pleaded with me not to be bitchy, like that is something I do!). Sweetest accountant ever! Sure he couldn’t tell me anything exciting about accounting, but hey, there’s nothing exciting about my job either.

After dinner we some how ended up viewing & having drinks near the infamous (but unglamorously puny) Merlion. FYI, the pint-sized Merlion is the symbol of the proud (but pint-sized) nation.

"I'm the Merlion, hear me roar~ Meow!"

If you ask me, everything about Singapore seemed scaled down. Even the most happening gay bar, Taboo, was located in two tiny shop houses. But it was packed full of boys (both hot and not so hot) drunk on jugs of alcohol! I loved how they carried their giant jugs about (were they overcompensating for something else?), but seriously, it was pretty fun to have giant drinks!

The music was a bit repetitive cos they played Man Eater, Sexy Back & several other songs at least twice. Then again, it could have been all the alcohol I drunk impairing my judgment. Regardless, the drunk shirtless boys with the most beautiful dimples truly made up for any short comings of the club.

Wait up. Must be the residual alcohol but I forgot to mention drinks at MOX where I met Jups Hee hee. She’s the second international blogger I’ve met & we instantly hit it off! She let me into many a dark secret, as did I! Bursting with energy, I did gay boys around the world proud & showed her how queer guys party! She danced up a storm (even if she got ciggie burns) & I think the shirtless boys shaking their non-existent asses helped. Dirty dancing with (real) girls is something I haven’t done in a long time *Sigh* I miss it.

After disco dancing, we went for roti phrata (that’s what they call roti canai in the South). I was surprised how friendly the locals were. Its not that I think all people down South are stuck up snobs, but over the years I’ve had many bad experiences with ‘the ugly Singaporean’. Or just maybe, this time around I met the beautiful/slutty ones. Heh. We made jokes & chatted over the silliest things.

On Saturday, I discovered the Singapore’s secret sales weapon, the NEW URBAN MALE ! Sure the clothes are nice, but the sales boys are nicer (hotter, sexier, buffer & drool inspiring). I really didn’t need another T Shirt with slutty wording but I justified my purchases as ‘christmas presents’. Being a wordsmith by profession, I think I can up with phrases that are more provocative than “I’m your after party”, “Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go down under”, “I’m sexier on the internet”, etc. Having hot bronze demigods attend to your needs really does make it hard to say no. I’ve been kicking myself in the ass all day for buying very nice but way over priced flipflops also! Like my dozen or so lesser priced ones aren't more than I need! Curse you New Urban Males!

And as pricy as the flipflops were I still had to try them out at ZOUKOUT! Thankfully the 7.5 hours of partying didn’t do them in. Zoukout ‘06 is worthy of a whole post of its own as for the first time in history, I made out at a rave. Hee Hee…

Due to the lack of sleep, most of Sunday was spent extra zoned out. I was there shopping & ogling men in body but my mind was still on the sands of Siloso Beach, raving away to the music. I enjoy zoning out and being one with nothing as it allows me to soak up the atmosphere.

I know this post seems a little scattered (more than usual anyways). But I really don’t know how best to describe the totality of my holiday in Singapore. I learnt so many new things about the boys I love & the boys (and girls) they love. I made new friends & partied with the best. I bought things I want but don’t really need and feel good about it. If only every weekend can be this much fun!

Maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all, of him love
He's a maneater
make you buy cars
make you cut cards
make you fall real hard in love
He's a Maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all, of him love
He's a maneater
make you buy cars
make you cut cards
Wish you never ever met him at all!
AJ ft Nelly Furtado ~ Maneater

An Exciting Weekend: AJ’s Trip To Singapore

This weekend I went to Singapore with Carnie & Teks. On Friday we went to MOX & Taboo, where we met Jups. On Saturday we went shopping on Orchard Road & at night went to Zoukout. Sunday was spent doing more shopping. It was so much fun. The end.

JOKING! No way I can sum up my fucking fantastic weekend in one paragraph! I and the boys painted the town hot pink (with elegant silver tinsel & platinum bells) in fucking style!

And yes, the profanities are necessary if you want to begin to try to imagine how freaking insane this trip was. I loved every second of it! Even whiles resting our feet, we were entertained by a never ending throng of hot boys. The booze was overflowing, the party never ending & the shopping ever satisfying! But all that is a story for another day when I’m all rested. ‘Till then, ZOUKOUT!!

Exciting Mistakes

I know I said Armin Van Buuren was going to be my last rave for the year, but OMG! OH MY GOAT! I’M GOING TO ZOUKOUT IN SINGAPORE! WOOOT! WOOOT!

Yeah, I just went woot! HEE HEE! That’s how excited I am. Carnie, Teks & I have everything planned out. At first we weren’t sure if we were gonna do Zoukout, but Carnie’s booking the tickets tomorrow! From where we are going to who we are meeting (and possibly sleeping with) plans have been well laid. Hee hee. I even know which undies I wanna wear to the rave. Green stripy boxers by the way, if you’re wondering.

We’re going down on Friday, and chatting up the boys in Taboo! Even my darling Jups has agreed to come out & strut her stuff. I hope she doesn’t think I’m *GASP* fat or worse still annoying! Better work harder at the gym to look skinnier. And to sweet talk her, I will eat more candy. But then again that would just sabotage the gym routine. OH FUCKITY FUCK FUCK! I AM HAVING SUGAR THIS WEEKEND EVEN IF I GET FATTER! All you twink lovers can kiss by chubby round ass for all I care!

The rave is gonna be like from 8pm to 8am. Of course we will show up fashionably late, but at the boys have agreed to stay at least until 6 am! WHOOO HOOO! I love Malaysia, but fuck the rulings where we can’t party late into the early hours of the morning! I estimate I will be needing at least one beer for every hour (I doubt they will be serving cosmos)!

No, Ferry isn't named after a boat!

Then, there’s the DJ. Ferry Corsten! OMGoat! Another big name! I swear I’m not much of a groupie. I couldn’t give a fuck to wait outside someone’s hotel room but to watch & listen to a skilled DJ do his thing is one of the most amazing things ever! FUCKING EVER! Every time I do, its like I get to cross off another item from my ‘things to do before I die list’. Raving in another country is so SO so an important thing!

I haven’t been this excited since I started preparing for sHalloween months ahead. I’ve already started collecting items in my mind & bragging about the trip to random people! Yes, part of the thrill is planning & talking about it! Wheeeeeeee!

Surely I won’t know anyone there. Well, maybe not but that could be a good thing! Make new friends & better yet, very little chance of bumping into that asshole of an ex. I don’t really have a thing for Singaporean boys, but what the fuck, surely there are men from other countries up for grabs! Thee hee hee...

I know what I wanna put into my rave survival kit! I know what I wanna eat on the bus! I know where I wanna go shop! I know who I wanna meet! This is going to be something I really remember…

Some may caution I should be careful cos I might be setting myself up for total disappointment is something doesn’t go right (especially myself) but fuck caution! Its not like I’m planning a 3 month journey to the north pole to have an orgy with Santa, the Easter bunny & Josh Harnet! It’s a simple, well controlled trip to the country. Even if things don’t go as perfectly planned, I will be so FUCKING OH MY FUCKING GOAT FUCKING happy. Raves are better than sex, quote me if you must.

Oh woman you make me feel...
Like I'm on fire,
Oh woman you make me feel...
Like I'm on fire,
Oh woman you make me feel...
Like I'm on fire,
Oh woman you make it real...
It's the only way for me
Ferry Corsten~ Fire (Goatus Remix)

Open Sexy MeMe!

World AIDS Day is an important thingy. So let me try to do my thing, my way to add awareness & openness about the taboo topic of sex.

Even if I had sex twice a day for the rest of the year, I still would not have as much sex this year as compared to any one of the last six years of my life. Serious shit. There maybe many reasons for this, but of all, its most likely more about me getting older.

Contrary to popular belief, age hasn’t slowed me down. My mojo is still strong & overflowing. The thing about getting older, is it makes me wiser. I got to know myself & my needs better. Sex is no longer number one on my life agenda. There are plenty of other things that I can enjoy that don’t involve the anatomy of another person.

And as I believe we all could benefit from more sexual awareness, let me share with you a personal insight about the doing the (supposedly) dirty. X’s signify the false statements.

1. I’ve never injured somebody during sex. (x) It’s not (just) that I’m clumsy but passion does cause friction.

2. I’ve never had sex with more than 3 other people at the same time. ( ) Three is my maximum, it’s all circumstantial.

3. I’ve never had sex with different people at different times within the same day. (x) When you get about, you get about!

4. I’ve never had sex in a public place. (x) The first was on the dance floor of Movement, a trance disco in KL which long burned down. And there was this one guy who seem wanted in on the action, like I had another fuck to give!

5. I’ve never been caught for having sex in a public place. (x) Had to pay the cops, which quickly put an end to the thrill of sex in public places.

6. I’ve never had sex for money, alcohol, drugs, or gifts ( )

7. I’ve never had sex with someone I hated. (x)

8. I’ve never had sex so the person would like me more. ( )

9. I’ve never had sex just because I was bored. (x) Not the best excuse but it really is good for killing time.

10. I’ve never had sex whiles intoxicated. (x)

11. I’ve never had sex in front of people watching. (x) Refer to no. 4

12. I’ve never had sex in a moving vehicle. (x) Cars & cable cars!

13. I’ve never given a love bite. (x) My specialty ;)

14. I’ve never received a love bite. (x)

15. I’ve never laughed after sex. (x) Emotions can run wild.

16. I’ve never cried after sex. (x) Erm, emotions can run deep.

17. I’ve never talked about non sexual things during sex. (x) I think you can only do this if you’re truly comfortable with someone.

18. I’ve never had unprotected sex. (x) With people I trusted, but trust can be misplaced, hence no. 19…

19. I’ve never had a HIV test. (x) Fortunately negative, but it was the longest wait in my entire life. I’ll be damned if I am not more careful in the future. The Spice Girls are right! Put it on! Put it on!

20. I’ve never had a sexually transmitted disease. ( ) Thank GOD!

21. I’ve never had sex with a woman. (x) I am experimental!

22. I’ve never made up an excuse just not to have sex with someone. (x)

23. I’ve never had sex with someone only to deny it ever happened. ( ) Trust me, with some of the men I’ve slept with, there’s been so much hell to pay after, maybe I should rethink this one.

24. I’ve never been sexually satisfied without cumming. (x) The process can be satisfying without climaxing. It can be kissing, massages, hours of foreplay etc, provided the partner(s) know what their doing.

25. I’ve never paid for sex. ( )

26. I’ve never faced sexually rejection. (x) Who hasn’t been rejected or rejected someone? It’s all part and parcel of life…

That’s it, one truth for every year of my life. For now, it seems like the person I have sex with has to be more special than before. It’s more than just lying there in bed, you know. He has to be somewhat worth the effort. It’s always best to exercise some self control, less something like a horrible disease control you. I’m not preaching, just telling it the way I see it. Its my life at risk.

Take this MeMe back to your blog if you dare, but like having sex, try to be honest about it (do tell me if you do). It isn’t for the weak hearted.

I'd chime in with a "Haven't you people ever heard of closing the God'damn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.
I'd chime in "Haven't you people ever heard of closing the God'damn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of oh…
Panic! At The Disco~ I Write Sins, Not Tragedies

No Promiscuous Promises

HiHi: This weekend go party again ah?

AJ: Every weekend is a party (baby)!

And why not? It’s my time to relax & unwind! My definition of a party may vary from her definition. According to AJ’s guide of gibberish:-

Party: Where alcohol is consumed in the presence of good company & good music. Sex optional.

This Saturday was the Blackout Party at La Queen…

Let’s do it together, WTF? x2

Firstly what’s a blackout Party, and then who the fuck name’s a club La Queen?

If you ever seen the owner, you’d understand why he named it La Queen, one of the oldest Diva’s I’ve seen still out on the circuit, surely he has many lurid tales to tell. But credit is duly deserved as it’s truly the first club bold enough to fly the rainbow flag in KL. And then the Blackout Party is apparently about the lack of lights. Pfft, the place is always pitch black anyways, how else do the undesirables do their picking up!

But I shouldn’t complain. The cover charge was still a reasonable RM35 & I got a free blinky light thingy to hang around my neck. *Pretty* Oh yeah, there were plenty of boys too (even if most of them weren’t the prettiest things).

There I go sounding all shallow & shit again. Like everyone else, I do check out the crowd but I don’t really hit on every hot guy I see. I’m there to dance, drink & be merry. It’s not all about shags.

What’s worth mentioning though is that they tried to play a more varied set that included more retro handbag music mixed with more contemporary beats. Vast improvement from usual underground-ish heavy beats. Everybody likes a bit of familiarity, even if they can’t see the faces in the crowd.

One thing I do look out for is patterns. Not the kind plain projected into the crowd using green lasers, but rather the people I meet. I managed to catch up with so many acquaintances. There was the guy from college that I didn’t know was gay until I bumped into him at Liquid several years ago, the guy who I used to chat so much with on IRC (does anyone remember a/s/l?) and the older guy I slept with many years ago. Also, the model whose ass I always grab as a greeting was busy caressing his latest cute thing & the couple whom I had a foursome with was there too. I even managed to catch up with the tranny who thinks my tummy is cute.

Talking to these people isn’t about getting sex & it doesn’t make me feel popular either. If popularity was important to this bitch, I would have definitely re-introduced myself to many people whom I have stopped speaking to. In the crowd was Big Head Bimbo whom annoys me, who no matter how much weight he loss, he has a freakishly big head. Chatting up Fuck Face The Fugly’s BF (whom I don’t really know that well due to me finding his boyfriend detestable) was the tall blonde dude with his very motherly faghag which I dutifully insulted on sHalloween. Didn’t feel like engaging them in conversation either.

But the guy I really like but had to hate was the pink web consultant working on my company website. Hired through a mutual friend, I would enjoy conversing with him, if only he wouldn’t talk shop on the damn dance floor! He made me throw a hissy fit! And I had to mock bitch slap, kick him in the groin, pound his face & pull his hair (the tightly packed crowd sensing my anger, actually cleared an area around me). Might have even gotten in one or two real hits, but hopefully they didn’t hurt (too much). When I’m out & about, the last thing I want to think about is the looming deadlines & problems of the office.

Grr… I soooo have to remember to include a ‘no work after hours policy’ when working with pink friendly people in the future. Or would an email stating “Dear Boss, our web consultant is a cock sucking faggot, let’s hold back payment until at least one of us gets some head. Luv, AJ” be more my style?

And look out Singapore! Come next weekend AJ will be gracing your lovely country!

Those days are old and overdone
And it's only cause I'm not with you that you make me number one
Though I may love you
It hurts me deep inside and
Now I no longer have to hide

AJ Ft Kelis~ Trick Me

Farewell My Muse!

Every blogger gets blogger’s block. Its not where we post too many pervy pictures and are labeled as ‘adult content sites’ but rather when we run out of things to blog about. There are only so many visits to the supermarket a person can over dramatize. Some turn to pictures, others do a meme. But when ever this happens I can always turn to KiKi , my graphic designer for inspiration.

From her Harajuku Girl style makeup & love of the great outdoors, to her super blur persona & fighting spirit, she is anything but plain. I actually regard her as a friend first, and a colleague second. And yes, it’s a good thing I’m gay or I’d be hitting on her.

We’ve had some spectacular moments in the office. She speaks little English and I speak little Chinese, a perfect recipe for laughs. But that never stops us from speaking our mind.

Kiki “Cold la, the office today”
AJ “Yala, who ask you to dress so sexy?”
Kiki “Me sexy? Then why you never button your top button…”
Both “Buaahahahahaa”

But she truly is a well in tuned soul. We both often joke about the ghost that always stands outside our room, just beyond the glass door & tries to rattle our nerves. Some strange things have happened in the office, and they only happen when either of us are alone. but we always laugh it off.

Then there is the museum worthy laser printer attached to my PC which she calls my son & the ever temperamental inkjet printer which is her daughter. Our children never want to eat from the tray and have to be hand fed paper!

If there was one person keeping me sane in the office, it is her. We work closely to get the job done, which often involves lying, stealing (off the internet) & misdirecting other people.

Come next Monday, she won’t be sitting at her place bitchinh about the work any longer. She won’t be there munching a full cucumber for tea (I kid you not) and she won’t be there to share a good bitch about the others in the office. She can’t even pester me to eat more vegetables (which I do nowadays).

She will be doing something closer to her interest & hopefully drawing a better salary. Hopefully they will have broadband at her new office because, damn I enjoyed her spam.

I’d love to say we’ll keep in touch and be the best of friends but I know that’s just wishful thinking. Maybe a dinner or two here or bumping into each other at the mall there, but it will never be the same. I will slowly blend in with the drab gray everything of our room & the ghost will have his way. I will no longer be able to enjoy the scent of fresh cucumber or the latest hits on the Chinese Top 40.

But hey, on the bright side, it could be well worth it, if they get me a hunky Ah Beng who smells citrussy & doesn’t wear underwear… or Asmadi

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I have made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling "Make it go away!"
Just make her smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"

Blue October~ Hate Me