Shift Stick: Tales Of Decrepit

Before I was a swanky disco dancing diva, I was a small town boy. In fact I actually hail from the same town as the multi talented WeeShiong !

Since I went back last weekend, I want to take this opportunity to share the experience with all of you who ever wonder what's it like for us small town folk.

Braving thunderstorms and even more annoying bad drivers on bad roads, I took 4 hours to reach the little corner I call my town. You know you are headed to the middle of bum-fuck-no-where when you see a truck laden with timber with a monkey cup vine dangling from it. Worse still, you know you grew up in bum-fuck-no-where when you KNOW it is a damn monkey cup but don’t really give a damn.

You see, nature is plentiful in small towns. Unlike the city, dead iguanas, pythons, civet cats, turtles, porcupines, pangolins & all sorts of other animals headed for the extinction list can be easily found on flattened on the roads. Who needs a WWF sticker declaring your love of nature when you can have actual road kill stuck to your bumper!

But the animals aren’t the only ones which suffer in the backwaters of Malaysia. Many of us townies quickly grow restless of hiking through the thick green bushes, foraging for forest fruits & fishing for dinner. There are discos (often referred to as old folks homes due to the extended age of the patrons), shopping complexes (which are essentially indoor Pasar Malams {night markets}) and snooker centers (cleverly disguised as sports clubs), but most of the fun takes place at beer gardens, family restaurants & just about anywhere which serves cheap booze.

Ever watched one of those Americana movies where the teenagers go to a lake to drink & have wild parties? We did that too when we were teenagers, only instead of a lake we had the local sanitation pond.

But after last weekend’s encounter with Bacardi , I had to abstain & oh boy did I ever regret it. Being sober is only a problem when everyone else is drunk.

But they didn’t have to be drunk to be bitchy. It seemed like the only other outlet for stress was bitching about other people.

Its like we would be driving and someone would go “Look it’s the laksa woman, you know at night, you can see her pubes cos she goes out in the shortest shorts. Her husband better be careful”

No offence to all 50+ women who like hot pants, but EEEEW! I didn’t need that image in my head!

Now that I’ve scared you for life, its time for me to go hunt for Joey G pictures. You see, in the small town or the big city, I like my men sexy… Roowr!

Oh, life is bigger
It's bigger than you
And you are not me
The lengths that I will go to
The distance in your eyes
Oh no, I've said too much
I set it up

That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight, I'm
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no, I've said too much
I haven't said enough
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try

REM ~ Losing My Religion