Dear Loved One

I've decided that I could use more time to myself. Its not that I'm becoming (more) antisocial or anything like that, but I really could use a break from having to be careful not to step on your toes, hold back the tears, defend my honour or be tempted to bitch. Ignoring the drama's is easy, as long as nobody asks me about it.

Every little thing I say or do somehow or other becomes a big deal. And well, I don't want it to be. Just because I'm going thru a rough patch doesnt mean I want to talk about it. I'm sick and tired to "keep up apearances" least you start to give me ooodles and ooodles of advice that just make me think of things I dont want to think about.

Please don't tell me that I'll be better tomorrow, or everything will be fine, or that I'm not dealing with it right, or that's just life because you don't know. I know you mean well but the effect of the advice isn't so well...

I don't feel the urge or the need to socialise or pour my heart and soul out to you. If anything, I rather not talk. I rather not think. I rather not feel. I'm happy just doing things with you that do not require conversation. TV is fine. So is reading. Or shopping. I love shutting off my phone as well now. Then there is the gym. And amazingly I've really cleared out a lot of work. Anti social as it may seem, its what I need right now. Some controllable peace and silence. When I feel like it I'll be back...

Tell the sun not to shine
Not to get up this time, no, no
Let it fall by the way
But don't leave me where I lay down
Don't Tell Me ~ Madonna