I=doll Worship

Very often, too often infact, I find myself putting ladies on pedestals.

Not just because of beauty too. The outcome of this worship is that they become good friends of mine and we open up to each other. We then form momentarily, superb bonds and continue as good friends but rarely reach that level of intimacy ever again. Some may even consider them my fag hags.

But the truth of fag hags is they don't like being called so. Or so they say. But I then wonder what is the attraction? What makes me want to be closer to them? What makes me find them so irresistable?

One thing they all have in common, is they are all very independent. They are all unique beauties that have personality & smarts. Like the girl I spent a total of 6 hours with (this whole afternoon), Lechumi. Not only is Lechumi pretty, she teaches in school, she gives tuition after classes, she runs the family sales-related business and takes care of a homestay Korean girl. Did I mention that she is also taking up golf, studying for her masters & clubs like crazy?

Don't ask me where she finds the time. I barely even have time to do my work, bitch and blog. I do sort of envy her energy & capibility, 2 qualities I serious want to build. Which leads me to the next question. Do I want to be these girls?

Do I want to be a rich, sucessful, capable, sexy, talented & interesting girl? Or *gasp* do I just wanna be a 'girl' just like them? Its all I=doll worship really.

Today i told Lechumi, "I can see so much sadness in your eyes. Are you ok?"
Without fletching, she replied "Well I can see sadness in your eyes too. Wanna talk about it?"

.... Neither wanted to talk about it. Not yet anyways. We had a long lunch. Then we took a walk in the park (This one was really to give her more practice walking in her super high heels, damn their sexy). She began to open up. Next did a little of assisted retail therapy, ie. "You really look good in those shoes/shirt/pants. You'd better buy them cos they look so good on you." Then we had margheritas at 4m, the time I was suppose to be firming the booty in the gym. Only during the drinks did I really open up to her and bitch about the "men" in my life.

She was superbly cool about it. And we began to share even more. We shared a molten chocolate cake. More and more deep dark secrets. More confessions. More and more chips + dip. I told her about how my first bf had been my best friend & how I was filtering the drama out of my life. I told her about my best gay friends and I told her about my blog.

"Why do tamil movies always feature big fat male leads with moustaches?"

"I think you forgot old too... I think its because the female lead is 30 years younger so she doesn't know better."

We entertained each other. But there were times when the coversation turned serious.

"No more men that get off on putting others down. I'm looking for someone that doesnt need to lift up their egoes by be-littling others. I don't want to save or please or suffocate anybody. I just want someone cool like that. Cool like me."

We even took bad touristy photos showing the peace sign, in front of the twin towers, infront of the shop with her name & of me being a total hardcore slacker. Yes. Alcohol makes you do crazy things. So does burning the bonus. But I wouldnt trade afternoons like that for anything. I don't need to be perfect, I just need the right company.

Here we go, here we go again
Now you're tellin me, that she is just a friend
Then why's she callin you, at 3 o'clock in the mornin
I can't take this no more - no no no!
Here we go, here we go again

Trina feat Kelly~ Here We Go