sHalloween ’06- AJ The Glam Goth

Shalloween, is just Halloween amongst gay men. Seriously. If Halloween is all about candy and dressing up for kids, Shalloween is about dressing up like a piece of candy for the boys. First coined by Duff , it is a celebration of shallowness and all things bitchy.

I decided to try a newer style~ Glam Goth . Many people didn’t get it. I mean Glam Goth seems almost contrived for a celebration for Shalloween. All those sparkly, yet black accessories & clothes. All the impossible fashions and yet no make up. Even a goat thousands of miles away doubted me!

Can’t blame them though. They don’t know how hard & long I prepared for the event. I dieted & worked out until I could fit into my super smooth/ shiny tight PVC pants. At a previous party , I tested out the black nail polish & proceeded to paint my nails at work in the morning! (Yes that made me feel like the office bimbo). I lifted weights in the afternoon & refused good food. I polished my sparkly belts & wrist bands. I had a collar on dammit!

There I was in my most campiest get up, podium slut dancing with boys & girls. Carnie, Teks & Drew and his bitches, they were all there. A boy I fancy here, a boy I fancied there, a boy I slept with here, boys I’ve slutted with there. *Yawn* They didn’t amuse AJ the Glam Goth. Rather, I tried not to let it show. Maybe slutty podium dancing isn’t the most effective way to attract men, but it surely is fun and energy releasing. Cheesy. Corny. Almost porn like.

“This is how I imagined hell would look like *Cackle* *Cackle* *Cackle*” said a friend.

Couldn’t agree more. Vampires, Goths, ghosts, men in uniform, characters out of movies & even Ju-On was there shaking his cursed little ass!

Some of the costumes were hard to figure but interesting none the less. But the boys who weren’t in costume were sorely plentiful. I had to pass snide remarks. Glam Goths are bitchy, right?

“Love the costume!” (When clearly he wasn’t wearing one..)

Bringing role playing to the next level was so much fun. And the endless flow of drinks didn’t hurt either. Another night of stories, exchanging of words, cheesy music, ass slapping, dirty disco dancing & laughs. I’m sure there are those who frown on these cheap thrills & temporary escapades, but hey, I’m keeping myself occupied until something else comes along.

I haven’t got much time to waste, it’s time to make my way
I’m not afraid of what I’ll face, but I’m afraid to stay
I’m going down my own road and I can make it alone
I'll work and I'll fight, Till I find a place of my own

Are you ready to jump?
Get ready to jump
Don’t ever look back, oh baby,
Yes, I’m ready to jump
Just take my hands
Get ready to jump

Madonna~ Jump

seven shades of grey, each just as brilliant & bright as the next

Its late at night & I should be in bed. There's work tomorrow!
"Fucking slacker"

Its Halloween & I should be all excited & shit. But I'm only semi-excited.
"Jaded queen"

Spent a relaxing evening in the company of wonderful friends. But I still feel empty.
"Demading bitch"

I don't feel particularly happy being single, nor do I think I want to be a double. Want to slut but not at the same time.
"Indecisive whore"

My life seems to be stagnating & I can't seem pull myself out of that rut. And even if I am progressing, I do not feel it.
"Confused princess"

Somedays, no matter how the day went, you feel lost in a sea of a thousand faces. No matter how many conquests you made, or how well you do your job, you can't help but doubt yourself & the life you have chosen. Everything just seems like another shade of grey. You go to bed, hoping that tomorrow will be better. I choose to make it better.
"Hopeless romantic"

Off to bed to toss & turn. Just because I'm tired doesn't mean I will get rest.
"Sleepless dumbass"

FAKING IT! Oh So Wrong/ Right!

Oh my dear followers, it has been so long since my last update. So as a sort of an extra, I’m gonna teach you the importance of faking it, whatever ‘it’ may be. Not all fake stuff is bad. Fakes are usually just very good replicas of something that works well. And right down to our DNA, we are all essentially very good copies...

No, no, what I have is nothing like faking a male orgasm with warm yoghurt, but rather 3 simple tips ala Oprah Winfrey makeover show kind of way. Sort of like if you gained a few extra pounds, you don’t want to go about in a skin tight yellow tee with frills but a slimming black shirt.

Genuine Simulation 1:
To look fitter than you naturally are at the party, pub or disco, do a strong work out at the gym. Cardio will make u sweat, thus reducing water retention which in turn makes you look slimmer. Just don’t over do it or you’ll be too beat to mingle. A good weight lifting session concentrating on your shoulders, back & chest will swell your upper muscles with blood, thus giving them a more buff look. No pecs, no sex.

Real Forgery 2:
Always smell good. Nobody enjoys hanging about a waste dump so don’t be one. Even if your natural body odor stinks, use scents, deodorant, special soaps or even frickin lemon slices if you have to, but always dispel the smell!

Original Sham 3:
Control conversations. Ask the questions. Give answers which lead back to familiar grounds. Always try to appear interesting even if you have no clue about the topic. Switching from current events to recent sexcapades may seem difficult at first, but once you’re able to dominate in a good way, you will seem smarter, no matter what the topic.

Applying these three simple rules, I decided to try my luck at the bar/ club on Friday and Saturday. Not to say I never used them before, but I focused on these more on these rather than my clothes or hair. I dare say, I slutted pretty successfully. Some days its nice to be considered an intellectual and some days its better to be considered an intellectual piece of meat.

Oh yeah, and to all the salah boys i slutted with before, especially the dinosaur I was cuddling up to whiles high in the past & met again recently, I humbly & deeply apologize for all the bitchy looks and lewd catcalls. It is not that my friends are morons, some of them have just have plain bad manners, and I have a selective memory.

I'm bringing sexy back
Them other boys don't know how to act
I think your special what’s behind your back
So turn around and I’ll pick up the slack.
Take em' to the disco!
Dirty babe
You see these shackles
Baby I'm your slave
I'll let you whip me if I misbehave
It's just that no one makes me feel this way

AJ Ft Justin Timberlake~ Sexyback

Wasting Your Time

Busy LAH!

I thought I would be posting every frickin 5 minutes out of boredom but I’ve been busy having fun & shit. All my evil plans have sort of taken a backseat to my non-evil motivated plans. My 5 day weekend is even better than my 4 day weekend! Like duh, DUH. So to everyone out there, HAPPY DEPAVALI/ DIWALI & SELAMAT HARI RAYA!

Don’t hold your breath waiting for me to update. Unless you enjoy it ;)

Boys, sometimes the back entrance is the best choice.

I have never been in a fist fight & doubt I ever will. I generally hate the confrontation. Going out the back entrance when there is a bitch in the front is the better choice. I can give a pretty nasty beating if I have to. I learnt judo with the best! The closest I ever came was with Mr. Egg. I can’t remember exactly the reason for the argument but oddly, I think it had to do with a shoe. Not a pair, just one. But the out come was we didn’t speak for almost 2 years. Yes, say it with me “WTF?”

Eventually we did get back on speaking terms & continued to be friends. The thing is, I keep my hedonistic lifestyle a secret from all my home town friends. I think they know but don’t want me to talk about it. I feel the more colorful aspects of my life as a gay male might scare them.

I don’t see myself talking about my sexuality to them any time soon. Sure we share different interests. He likes cars with err… shiny engines & I music with shiny beats. My gym is his bed, my clubbing is his dim sum breakfast and my type of fags aren’t exactly his type. We can share some passion on the world around us, Exchange stories about old friends & music but indeed a lot has changed.

The other day I was closed to getting into an argument & I backed off. Just like I did with Mr. Egg. If I want to beat someone up, I want to fight for a reasonable cause. Not over a shoe (maybe a pair?), and definitely not over a bitch. My life is more peaceful & no harm will come to my pretty face. Chemically & hormonally balanced, I don’t see the need for an unnecessary black eye or another scar. I'm not a coward, I just wanna stay beautiful, thank you.

Stop, Stop haunting me
It should be easy
As easy as when you stopped wanting me
Conjure One feat Sinead O’Connor~ Tears From The Moon

Question & Answer Session

I really prepared myself for the wedding. Nothing like putting on the right color eyeliner but rather I armed myself with a quippy retort to the age old question of “So, when is it your turn (to get married)?”

Sort of ‘borrowed’ from something I herd on the radio. So when faced with the ultimate wedding question, my plan was to go

‘You know its funny. The other day I was at this friend’s relative’s funeral and wondered when would it be your turn? Silly question right?’

Didn’t get to use it though. Apparently it only happens with relatives at family affairs!

Straight boys concentrate on other important things like attempting to finish 12 bottles of beer, making friends with the sexy waitress & if the bridesmaid is available for dating. I on the other hand scanned the scene for other gay/hot men. Nothing doing. I’d more likely find better meat in a herd of goats. Could it be, *Gasp* I’m dead inside?

Or could it be I’m secretly still in love with the groom? Do I subconsciously still yearn for the bugger & want to set up a happy family with him? All these years of pining away, waiting as my youth fades. Wilting like a rose, petal by petal?

Fuck no! I soon enough realized that as much as a gay man can’t be straight, a straight man can’t be gay. Sure the lines are blurry at times, but eventually everything is clear as day. Besides, it would be hell to train him to suck cock.

Nice to see,
Nice to hold,
Once bent/broken,
Considered gay/sold…

The Road Trip To My Best Friend’s Wedding

Straight people have straight sex with other straight people & when the straight sex is good enough, they get married. Mind boggling I know! But it apparently comes naturally to them.

The wedding was down south in Johor Bahru, so with 3 other straight boys, we did a… ROAD TRIP!!

I know I generally don’t blog about my straight friends but this since I spent 14 hours with them this weekend, I think I’d better introduce them.

MoMo~ The Groom. He’s been one of my closest friends since high school. We’ve done some unnerving ‘male bonding’ together.

Mr. Egg ~ Somewhat round pompous car freak & pervert

Turtle King~ Mr. Egg’s equally horny cousin

Moon Face~ A little less horny and much more down to earth

Oh, by the way, ‘MoMo’ is freaking hot, would you expect anything less? In fact I’d be his bride any day. I’d cook, clean, suck & bend over for him. During high school, I had a sort of a crush on him.

When we parted, I groped his ass. And in case you’re wondering, married ass is good too.

Oh and as we left, he kissed me on the cheek. WTF? Sure he was drunk & stoned but that’s no excuse! The greedy bitch already has a wife. The worst part is it made me miss the good old days. We used to do so much together to the point I’d actually lie on his arm as we chat. When drunk, we’d even French kissed, well, that and head butted like goats. Then again, when drunk we did a lot of crazy things…

*Pout*

And now the fuckers married! It’s really a good thing I’ve given up on straight boys. No straight boy fetishes here! Na-uh. Not even a bit. *Flips hair in denial*

The whole wedding-road trip was really an eye opener so I’m thinking of breaking the story into several short posts… It will be goat, I promise.

Traveling down my own road
Watching the signs as I go
Traveling down my own road
And I'm watching the signs as they go

Hand fits groping so do it
That's what the Goat said to me
Life fits living so let your judgments go
That's how our future should be

Madonna~ Sky Fits Heaven

Lessons To Be Learnt From Cock & Breast Stories

I’ve been appointed the company’s ‘English Teacher’. And so far it’s been a fair bit of a bitch. My task at hand is to improve the productivity of the company by improving their proficiency in English. Sure my ego gets a boost once in awhile, but I get NO extra income. MEH! Still, even with the lack of cash, the task has its kicks, just ask Cutesy Buttes…

AJ~ So when writing reports you got to be precise. What do you want to tell the reader? Let’s try an example of how you can be specific in the wrong ways. Lets ask some questions and see how many different answers we can get. Cutesy Buttes, what did you have for lunch yesterday?

Cutesy Buttes~ I had chicken!

AJ~ What kind of chicken was it?

Cutesy Buttes~ Curry chicken.

AJ~ Which part of the chicken did you eat?

Cutesy Buttes~ I had the chicken chest!

Blur Girl 2~ No lar! Its chicken breast lar! Har har!

Cutesy Buttes~ Why is it breast and not chest?

This is the point where all poorly prepared teachers, like me are in a jam. Even if you don’t know the answer, you must keep your students confident in you, less they start to doubt themselves too. There are two basic options I know of. Either you make up a story to keep them confident in you or you tell them that they need to research it as part of their homework. His ass is too cute for homework that doesn’t involve groping.

AJ~ Well you see Cutesy Buttes… (stalling). The thing about chicken is that chicken is actually the female of the gender (totally inaccurate by the way but coming from people who ‘thank me prior hand’, how would they know?). You know chicken & cock. Can you imagine if I said I enjoy eating cock? How silly does that sound. (Hmm.. actually I do enjoy a good cock...But yeah) Doesn’t it sound weird when I say I like eating cock? (I’m sure it doesn’t sound strange to most of you). So that’s why we eat breasts, and not chests, chickens & not cock… Understand?

The boys seemed amused. The girls just gave blank stares. Thanks to me they are that much stupider. But it’s not like I care, as long as I have cock to eat.

Been a naughty girl
Real bad so and so
Done too many things a girl shouldn’t know
I swear I never knew
I could hurt you so
One too many things a girl shouldn’t know

Holly Valance~ Naughty girl

PARKING FOR SINGLE FEMALES ONLY

Would you believe it? I swear it’s a genuine sign at the car park near the entrance of the basement of Cineleisure (Cineplex near in Kuala Lumpur)! How nice of them to care for the poor defenseless women with no men to protect them. WTF… How about ME ME ME?

Single females aren’t the only ones who get taken care of. There are charities for AIDS orphans in Africa, Hurricane victims in America & even Tsunami survivors in Asia. Even abandoned cats, defenseless tigers & overtly enticing European anchovies get some help with survival. There are even guards posted at the local Gunung Ledang Forest Reserve to protect the endangered slipper orchids!

Then there are those who are favored in other ways. Special low joining fees for families at the gym, two-for-one specials at restaurants, pensioners discounts at the performing arts theatre and even student prices on public transport.

But who is going to ensure the survival of the 20 something single gay men?

We can go to jail for expressing our love & we constantly get bombarded with ‘when is it your turn?’ at weddings?

Who is going to make sure my clothes are clean & my food is free of harmful bacteria?

Who is going to make cooling drinks for me when I am ‘heaty’ & drive me to the clinic when I am sick?

Who will help me with the bills & ensure my doors are locked at night?

Who is there to keep my bed warm & satisfy my carnal needs?

When I am close to the edge, who will watch over me when I pass out & make sure I don’t overdose on bullshit?

Believe it or not I need tender loving care to survive this crazy world too!

Say I’m stone cold if you must, or, bitter, jaded or anything else but I will take care of myself. Independent baby!

I will do it by myself simply because there is no one else. Sure friends mean well but they do have their own pile of shit to deal with. The family tries their best but they can’t always be there. Blood may be thicker than water, but when it comes to healing the wounds, I am responsible for myself.

So be it if I have to bite my lip and bear with the sting of hurtful words/ actions. So be it if I have to work overtime on Saturday to fill my car with petrol.

As long as I can still take care of myself, there is no one better suited for the job. I don't mean to whine but really, I do worry about my lonesome self sometimes. *Pout*

Ain't no other man, can stand up next to me
Ain't no other man on the planet does what I do
(what I do).
I’m the kinda guy, a guy finds in a blue moon.
I’ve got soul, I’ve got class.
I got style, I’m a bad ass - oh yeah!
Ain't no other man its true - alright -
Ain't no other man but me.

Christina Aguilera ft AJ~ Ain’t No Other Man But Me

There is some body in the gym locker!

Walking into the gym lockers alone can either be heaven or hell.

Hell in the changing room would be the stench of some moron who has lost his sense of smell & continues to permeate the odor of rotting maggots or even worst still the tragically fugly- horny uncle in his bony-ass –bearing-jock-strap. Gah…

But sometimes I can’t help but smile when I’m first greeted by a cheeky smile, tight firm bare ass & rock hard pecs. What’s more if they are accompanied by washboard abs…

On this particular trip to the men’s my eyes were greeted with a delicious milky-milky coco puff. I like chocolate men. Anything with a tan & I’m most forgiving of any of my usual turn offs. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a lover soya bean milk too. But I suppose there is something dark inside me that yearns for dark chocolate, mocha or even a nice hazel nut latte.

This milky-milky coco puff had a treasure trail running from the centre of his chest down to regions I could not see. Right then I wanted to invent a time machine, go back to slit the throat of whoever-the-fuck invented pants. Why oh why were pants invented?

But realizing I wasn’t (so) violent I returned my focus back on his sinisterly sexy body hair. Thankfully not a hint of back hair, just the sleek pleasure spikes down his front. Oh I could almost feel those little curls tickling my back.

But rather than just being tickled, I wanted to teach his tits a tongue teaser. Like chocolate buttons on a hot brownie, I wanted to lick those pointy dark peaks.

The boy had a good pair of lips too. Not superbly pouty, nor aristocratic, they were more of a gentleman’s lips. The type of lips that are affirmative yet gentle. I wanna pry them apart with my…

Oh dear, the post has gotten rather porny. But describing hot men is certainly its more entertaining than moaning about how lonely the gym is without that damn goat.

Damn goat! He’d better be having fun rolling about in the feilds.

(But) I'm not missing you

I'm not going through the motions

Waiting and hoping you call me

I'm not missing you

You might have had me open

But I must be going because

I got life to do

I know I'm usually hanging on

I used to hate to see you gone

But this time it's different

I don't even feel the distance

I'm not missing

I'm not missing you

Stacie Orrico ~ Missing You

ITS NOT ALL ABOUT YOU MR. GOAT!!

The goatiest goat is goating away to goat goat goating away presents.

Well its true! My baaest friend in the whole wide world is leaving for the Land Down Udder for better pHay, hunkier goat herders & fresher pastures. Sure he will miss me, but that’s his path in life…

Baa! The rest of the post is too personal, i.e. its not for your entertainment…

Go click a random link on the side & don't pout, it causes wrinkles.

Hello my friend
We meet again
It's been a while
Where should we begin?
Feels like forever
Within my heart
Are memories
Of perfect love that
You gave to me
Oh, I remember
When you are with me
I'm free, I'm careless
I believe
Above all the others
We'll fly
This brings tears
To my eyes
My sacrifice

We've seen our share
Of ups and downs
Oh, how quickly life
Can turn around
In an instant
It feels so good to reunite
Within yourself and
Within your mind
Let's find peace there

'Cause when you are
With me
I'm free, I'm careless
I believe
Above all the others
We'll fly
This brings tears
To my eyes
My sacrifice

I just want to
Say hello again
I just want to
Say hello again

When you are with me
I'm free, I'm careless
I believe
Above all the others
We'll fly
This brings tears
To my eyes

All Walls Are Great...

... if the roof doesn’t fall

Walls, barriers, barricades, fences, hedges & to some extent even condoms are often erected for protection. They are useful if privacy is valuable & you don’t want everybody to see you naked. It’s not always easy being comfortable in your own skin. Sometimes when exposed, you are forced to talk about emotional scars, tattoos of memories & blemishes of regret. Explanation often leads to recollection which leads to memories of pain, despair and so on and so forth resurfacing.

If you don’t mind a bit of exposure then build your barriers with lots of windows or using a more permeable material. For more selectivity your construction should have more doors, but be wary who you give the keys to. You shouldn’t simply let anyone in. Some people will leave their dirty foot prints whiles others love to create mischief. Its okay if they are just wielding cans of spray paint, but what if they have sledge hammers, Molotov cocktails or decide to use your personal space to their advantage?

Inadvertently keeping all the doors dead-bolted shut will make you inaccessible to others. No matter how hard they try, they can’t get in. You won’t let them in. Peeping through the key hole they only can catch glimpses of what’s inside but never be able to reach in.

Another method of deciding who gets in is by creating mazes & playing games. A labyrinth of tests & obstacles can get tiresome & many will eventually give up. Not everyone wants to take the time to solve the puzzles or analyze the clues. And why should they? What makes your structure so much more appealing than other more easily accessible facilities? Where is the allure in the games? Where’s the fun in the complexity? Most people tire from trials & tribulations of their own life, what more to have to deal with your booby traps?

Although it’s most carefree & relaxing to live in the open air, there is so much more strength/ security in fortresses. Wouldn’t it be lovely to have a secret passage way into someone else’s fortress? Someone who you trust?

Call this post the summation of the events festering in my head. I know I couldn’t be vaguer if I tried.

Of the demons, wraiths & phantoms,
The faceless familiars, imps & goblins,
All the bad things that haunt my dreams,
The pieces that make me dark, aloof & mean.

Am I talking if no one is listening?
What do I really wish to say?
Does it matter, this tongue wagging?
When I’m not thinking will it go away?

Self Satisfaction: QUOTE ME IF YOU MUST

It is easy to be happy single, as long as you know to keep the fucking touchy feely couples away.

Duff, I like him, but more likeable is how he keeps you from whining…

Ed & Kitty, you mingers deserve each other…

And Wil honey, he won’t die if you let go of him for 5 seconds…

*Roll eyes ala Wjee*

*Pffft ala Goat*

*Glares ala AJ*

Forking With AJ

We all got to eat, so why not cook?

Without using fancy kitcken gadgets, I can manage to cook up a gastronomic storm as long as I have my trusty fork.

Aunty AJ's Apple Pie

The only thing sweeter than a AJ's Apple Pie is AJ. With extra cinnamon goodness, this pie is sure to satisfy any cravings! And I don't bake with Granny Smith's but rather Fuji Apples because I'm a size queen.

Roti Babi (Piggy Bread)

This dish is basically french toast stuffed with minced pork, carrots, mushrooms & onions. Some versions have crab meat, but I like my meat, not seafood. I can post the recipe if anyone is interested.

Grazing Goat Pasta

This dish is sort of a full 3 course meal. First the green beans act as a starter. Then the bacon-egg angel hair pasta is the main & the gingerbread goats top off the meal. For the right effect, the heads of the gingerbread goats must be bitten off first. Then you can move the bodies about and say "Baa! Baa! Baa! I'm a headless goat!"

There were supposed to be cute lil mid-night muffins too but I cant find my pictures. That will have to wait for another time, so fork it!

This was supposed to be a post about moon cakes…

This was supposed to be a post about moon cakes but my damn camera decided to stop working. How am I supposed to describe a single yolk pandan moon cake without a picture? The Idea of a congealed green lotus paste cake covered with brown pastry with bright orange salted egg yolk oozing oil in the centre just sounds so disgusting. But its not.

This week was supposed to be an easy week at the office with the bosses out of town. But thanks to the million and one projects with super short deadlines I have to re-write for the millionth time over, I’ve been typing so hard that my fingers refuse to stop twitching even when I sleep. But they are still okay.

I was supposed to be all healthy & shit from all the damn vitamins I take. But I’m not. Damn the haze. Damn everything else. My damn nose is damn runny. I can’t even sleep without having bad dreams about all the things I don’t want to think about. But I'm dealing with that.

I am supposed to be taking a break, and I will try my best. Sorry if I don’t seem interested in lavishing you with sexy thongs, you’re loving relationships, you’re lack of communication with your grandchild or participating in your fancy dinners. I’m concentrating on me now. Moan and groan if you must but do it somewhere else. I’m not in the mood. Trivial as it may seem to you, my mental health is at stake right now. So excuse me as I get better.

I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah
I care but I'm worthless
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be quite alright
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette

A Girl Named After Cherry Blossoms

Before AndroJane I kept another brightly colored journal/ scrapbook of sorts.

It was made with random brightly colored paper bound together. I filled it with pictures of my family, pictures of friends, Malaysian stamps, phone cards etc to show off during my exchange student stay in Japan. It was sort of like a blog because I used it to let people know more about me & I would ask them to write, draw or scribble something.

Some people would painstakingly create pages of art using markers, color pencils, bus tickets, crayons, glitter, stickers & almost anything imaginable. Some would write long messages, lyrics, quotes, events and of course their contact details. Sometimes silly, sometimes pretty, sometimes sexy even. Whatever they wanted.

One of the most memorable entries was by this girl named Sakura. She made it about this time of the year over 8 years ago but sometimes I remember it like it was yesterday.

Although I knew five girls named Sakura, she was the only one who was truly named after cherry blossoms. It was autumn & the trees were getting ready for winter. Like the trees I was feeling cold & had to change with the times. It was hard to communicate with the people around me & all of my exchange student friends had left Japan.

Sakura wrote a long letter of sorts in complicated Japanese decorated with little pink Sakura flowers which she then read to me as we overlooked the school gardens. She had one of those classic voices seeded with compassion & a tinge of sorrow. The letter went something like

****************************************************************
Dear AJ-kun
Its been very fun getting to know you. Our art lessons & summer trip to the mountains was most memorable. You were always laughing and playing. But recently you look more serious. Is it because of the cold weather? I know Japan is very different from your home country, but aren’t the changing colors of the leaves beautiful?

You most probably miss your family & friends but don’t worry we are all here for you. Ithoyama Sensei really takes care of you & you should be thankful.

Are you studying hard for your Japanese Language Proficiency Test? Gambate! You have worked so hard, I am sure you can do it!

Please enjoy your stay here and please write. Friends forever!

Sakura

***************************************************************

She was so insightful. So genuinely sweet. So Japan. I will always remember that moment & cherish it. I was feeling so lonely/ insignificant at the time. But knowing someone actually noticed my change of mood brightened my mood.

Fast forward to today. Shame on me for never writing to her. Shame on me for storing the journal somewhere I can’t recall. But some things are meant to be cherished & not questioned. Like the trees with brilliant hued leaves, we all have to change with the season. Some times when I hear the right song or the right picture I think back to that day & smile. Who knew?

Deep river runs its course
To a warm horizon
Shadows of falling leaves
October moon and rusty skies
Ever changing feelings
The seeds of autumn in my mind

The hiding sun, like the hiding sun
Feels like it's just begun
The hiding sun, like the hiding sun
Waiting for summer sun

Hiding summer's age no more
No more leaves in summer sky
Turning dark on empty car lots
When summer was my only friend

So you're back this way again
Winter's one breath away
So you're back this way again
Winter's one breath away
It's turning cold...

Like the hiding sun, like the hiding sun
Feels like its just begun
The hiding sun, like the hiding sun
Waiting for summer sun
The hiding sun, like the hiding sun
Feels like it's just begun
The hiding sun, like the hiding sun
Waiting for summer sun
The hiding sun, like the hiding sun
Feels like its just begun.

Chicane ~ Autumn Tactics (End Of Summer Edit)

Gaysha Games

This weekend I went out twice like a good geisha should, once on Friday at Frangipani (gay bar) with my older friends & at La Queen (obviously gay disco) with my newer friends. Normally I’d be on the prowl, lurking at every nook & cranny for some action. But this weekend was different. I just chilled. Bored as I may be, whoring for attention doesn’t solve everything. I’ve really wanted to take a breather from the clubs, but for reasons I really don’t want to elaborate, I have to stay occupied on weekends.

That aside, lets play a Geisha Game. Its simple, I tell two stories & you choose which one is real & which one is a lie.

Story 1: Foreign Flaunt It Friday

If you got it, flaunt it. And if you don’t, borrow you friends & use it to the max. I’m referring Duff's whiter than whitewash boyfriend. Even though my friends & I can afford to buy drinks, why should we pay for something we can get for free?

Simply put, most of the boys at Frangipani like white meat. Europeans, Americans Etc... And the potato queens will do just about anything to snog a sexy young white boy. And to soften him up, they insist on buying him drinks…

So what we did was give him our orders & strategically place him by the bar.

“Come here often? Like a vodka lime?”
‘Why not?”
Duff has his dose of alcohol.

“Can I buy you a drink?”
“Sure love, how about a gin tonic?”
Ed's drink is taken care of.

“What’s your poison?”
“Vodka cranberry, dear”
AJ sucks away contently.

“You don’t look too happy, can I get you something?”
“A vodka cranberry would be nice”
Goaty Goat gets his milk.

Oh come on. If the boys insist on showing our new foreign a warm Malaysian welcome, why shouldn’t the rest of us benefit? It’s their fault for being such potato queens. And its not like he promised them anything…

Story 2: Podium Queen Saturday

Like everyone else, I love attention. So why not take center stage like the rest of the queens?

Of course I didn’t take off my t-shirt. That would be rude. I waited for some Musky-Muscle-Mary to undress me as I simulated sex acts on my own little piece of stage. Not sure if they were impressed by my jiggly bits but who gives a fuck? I was too high to think straight.

And later that night I went back with some charming men to their hotel & did an 'hands-on-group-therapy-session'. If one cock is good, 6 cocks are better! There is nothing wrong with expressing your lust!

"If you think this fish is amazing, you should see my husband's schlong."

So which is which? Which story is as real as Pamela Anderson’s boobs & which is as original as Stacie Orrico’s nose? Can you tell? And all of you who know the real me, hush! Let the readers play this game…

Make me beautiful
Perfect soul
Perfect mind
Perfect face
A perfect, perfect soul
Perfect mind
Perfect face
A perfect lie

Engine Room (Gabriel & Dresden Remix) ~ Perfect Lie

OST Nip/Tuck