Pointless Antics & Testy Decisions (Updated!)

Just look what that biiter slag doctor did to me! An eye for an eye, a prick for a prick I SAY!!!

It’s the May Day weekend and of course there are many parties to be had. If I was still attached, I’d be spending the weekend at home having non-stop mind blowing sex but I’m not.

Instead I have over booked my weekend with parties, friends, family & hot men which I may or may not sleep with. Who to share my bed with? Decisions… decisions… decisions…

But before I plunge into debauchery & live it up in hedonistic style, there were a few affairs to take of, or at least guide in the right direction.

First up were my many work related obligations. Finished my write ups at 12.01 am this morning with a lot of cursing, cussing & hisses. Since I gad to fast & give up food & ciggies, gym & rest to finish scripts that I KNOW will be filed aside with the rest of the tripe & trash I produce, I of course had to be the drama queen. Then there were the obgligations of informing KiKi & Bibi (my appointed pink web consultant).

My reason for fasting brings me to the other non-ordeal.

I went for my health check up early this morning. I wanted to get some info about my allergies but the unenthusiastic doctor was well, very unenthusiastic. I suppose working in the clinic of a health insurance company will do that to you. The nurses on duty most certainly were more helpful & expressed more emotion in their earlobes.

I didnt cry but I almost sure did squeel "That scale is SOOO F*ing spoilt... Or will be!"

My results will come out in a week or so. As expected, I peed into a cup & an unsightly amount of 20ml or more blood was drawn from my fabulous veins. She was brutal! Ouuchie! I did the routine health tests, allergen tests & HIV tests. Fuck~ HIV!

Its been long over due. Especially with my highly risqué life style, or so I’m constantly reminded. If not for my modest age & over dramatic fear of all things intravenous, I would be considered highest at risk for many, many, many horrible & life threatening diseases.

So I'm more likely to die a horrible death. Everyone has to go sooner or later. Big deal.

But I have no shame & really don’t understand the need of moral & social stigma against my sexuality & my life style.

I like sex with other men. Pfft. Its been depicted in recorded history.

I like shaking my booty to heavy beat rhythm. So does Shakira & Ricky, and they get paid for it!

I like getting intoxicated. Yawn. Don’t many cultures have their own mystic brews? Its just I like mixing them.

I like articulating my aggression for all things annoying i.e. bitching. Pink, Steven Spielberg, Jennifer Saunders, Jerry Seinfeld & a whole slurry of writers make big bucks with their sarcasm & pointless antics. Why not yours truly?

Mariah Carey with her digitally enhanced legs is as antiquely pointless as they get.

Though most people won’t pay to hear the punch line to how many goats does it take to change a light bulb, I’m free to practice 'my art'. Free to grab ass & free to party.

Its not a party untill the sheep & goats start playing Twister!

But surely if my results DO NOT reflect my stupidity for trusting my emotions & others, I will behave better & always protect myself. I will still continue to party as I look out for number one, but with more caution. Come what may, I don’t ever want to be a lifeless sap like that poor doctor who can’t even laugh at a good joke.

"Like the rest of the responsible & non-corupt government agentcies, we always do whats best for the people"

Water is my eye
Most faithful mirror
Fearless on my breath
Teardrop on the fire of a confession
Fearless on my breath
Most faithful mirror
Fearless on my breath

Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my breath

I'm stumbling in the dark
You're stumbling in the dark

Androjane ft Massive Attack~ Tear Drop

When Alleviate / Aggravate & Creative Lock Collide

It was HOT. Very Hot. For me, the dude had smouldering good looks which were only superseded by his wit. As for the other blogger Clint, it was ALL due to the weather. Its not that I’m not hot, its just Clint doesn’t swing that way… Hmph!

'Borrowed' from his blog, this is Clint as one of his alter egos, Clintina or as I renamed him Slitty Clitty...

Stopping by in Kuala Lumpur in transit to Qatar, Clint had just journeyed half-way across the world to be with his girlfriend- Bev. All together now! AAAaaaawwww…

The 12 hour flight from New Zealand surely taxed the dude but he still had enough energy to let me pick his brain over dinner. After picking him up we had a deep & meaningful conversation on our way to the nearest civilized town, Subang / Sunway.

“So tell me about New Zealand, how was it for you?”

“It was amazing. You know how immigrants usually retain some of their heritage when they move to another country? Well in NZ its different. No matter what their ethnic background, they all are assimilated & become kiwis. They dress like kiwis & they act the same.”

*Shudder* At this point I had a quick flash back to the movie “The Island”, where all the clones talked & live similarly despite whatever their ethnicity or age may be. “So how was Bev?”

“It was hard to part with her. But it was really great to spend time with Bev. Tell me more about Malaysia, man…”

I tried to explain things that you won’t readily find such as how the west side of the Peninsular are governed by normal laws whereas some states on the east side have Islamic Laws which include things like paying Zakat instead of Income Tax & watching movies in theatres with the lights on. I don’t even think I mentioned the gender separated checkout lines at the supermarkets. More interestingly, when they showed Basic Instinct many years back, the cinema posters had pictures of Sharon Stone, with a Tudung (head scarf)…

The other things I tried to explain the best I could were how as long as they aren’t choosy, gay men can find sex in saunas. Then there is the Malaysian obsession with food & how we can openly & get drunk in the streets (in Qatar they can’t). He reciprocated with details about Doha, his life, work & beliefs. Damn I was envious that he is actually friendly with internationally acclaimed DJs. And it was good to know he believed in Karma & like me, he abided by its laws as much as he could. He even showed me his tattoo, which was of a girl (the dude is a Virgo), which I could not see.

No matter how cool or opened the straight boys I hang out with have been, none have ever asked me the question Clint did ~ So AJ, how about you, any hot guys in your life?

That truly makes him one cool dude in my books. Worth every cent I spent on petrol, toll & food, which by the way was beef noodles & top hats. Sure I can’t shag him, but like lesbians, we can still talk & share our feelings… Maybe next time we meet, we can get drunk & ogle hotties together. Gay or unfortunately straight, men will be men.

Straight Boys Can't Dress!

Well most of them anyways. And then some gay men too. So its really good that I can at least color / mood coordinate.

Don't I have such great skills with color? Heh...

Last night I was in Maison, a new pink-friendly club in Crazy KL. Sure there were only 10% gay men but they were a very happy bunch. We stood out like wild ponies in a herd of goats because, well, frankly most of us dress better than the average straight guy. (Or is it just the flaming hot pink thongs & banana yellow tank tops we wear?)

I bumped into Ruggy and his straight boys there. Of course my first instinct was to run & I did. But I slowly pulled myself back there because I decided we should be friends. Or rather the dumbasses I was with decided to start chatting Ruggy up.

We did have a decent conversation & I wasn’t too hostile or anything. Then again my version of too is somewhat different from most people’s…

I did have a fabulous time touching Ruggy’s friend’s shoulders/ butts playfully. These straight guys are SO COOL. Only sexually & emotionally confident straight men will allow their butts to be checked out by not-so-straight men. And to reward their willingness to accept diversity & be nice, I dispensed unsolicited fashion advice.

Scenario 1:
“I like you so I’ll tell you what others may never say. You need to get 1 size smaller jeans, they’ll make your butt so much hotter. Hotter butt equals more sex appeal.” *Pat* *Pat*

When I said butt I really meant crotch, but I didn't think I'd get away with that...

Scenario 2:
“To bring out your sharper features, you’re eyes, cheek bones & lips, you need some vertical pin-stripe shirts. If I was a girl, I’d so do you then”

“Oh so you are saying I’m not hot now la?”

“But you so are just can be hotter! Really!” *Pat *Pat*

Hey, I may give advice but I never said it was free. It did feel good / self-indulgent to help such players get even more babes, but hey, I’m no fool either.

Even today when I went shopping with a clueless gay-boy, Carnue, I did get him the clothes he wanted & made him look good. With new torn jeans & mock-layered Tees, he never looked so good. But as a payment in kind, I did have my fun too… *Pat* *Pat*

Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking
When you fall everyone sins
Another day and you've had your fill of sinking
With the life held in your
Hands are shaking cold
These hands are meant to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
Move along

So a day when you've lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your
Hands are shaking cold
Your butt's is mine to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)

AJ ft All American Rejects~ Move Along (Bitch)

Enjoy My Silence

Don't feel so moody. I think I have figured things out a little. Yeah. Too much on my mind. A lot of what has been stuck in my head has to do with the things people say. The truth or not, who knows? Who knows the truth about others, love & life? Nobody has all the answers. Truly somethings are best unsaid & never committed into words.

Don't speak,
I am unwritten,
I know just what you're saying
Can't read my mind
So please stop explaining
I'm undefined
Don't tell me cause it hurts
I'm just beginning
Don't speak, I know what you're thinking
The pen's in my hand
I don't need your reasons
Ending unplanned
Don't tell me cause it hurts

No Doubt~ Don't Speak
Natasha Bedingfeild~ Unwritten

Androjane Abbreviated

I have PMS (Post Monday Syndrome).

Yeap. That’s what it is when you are cranky and don’t know why so you hide it behind a façade of smiles & laughs the whole day. I’m truly unable to deal with whatever is bugging me.

Could be ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). As in, I want more attention. I hate it cause it's causing ED (Eloquence Defectiveness). Been a total bitch, even more than usual. I actually considered quizzing the yoghurt promoters about the various species of bacteria in their yoghurt, just to make them go WTF (Who’s This Fucker?).

But I did feel better when in the sauna, I perved at a STD (Studly Towel-less Dude). I do enjoy a good sighting and they sometimes lead to a VD (Vivid Dream). Oh Yeah. And some how I hate my last post. It belongs in the OT (Obsolete Trashbin). Don’t know why, but I think it could be better. I’m just moody right now. It will pass.

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on

Daniel Powter ~ Bad Day

Strutting, Kissing Cousins & Other Fun Things

As much as I do advocate celebrating sexual misbehavior, living in the moment & enjoying an enlightened state of mind, I do believe in karma & all the other “what goes around comes around” bullshit. And even so I do tend to stereo type others needlessly. It feels like part of the game to me, especially so this weekend at the clubs.

On Friday, I went to the Frangipani Bar with a club virgin, i.e. a guy who hasn’t been to a particular club or bar before. Very often at bars & clubs which are so isolated, you’d get to see the same old crowd. Every visit is like a visit to the zoo and the animals remain the same. The predators may grow older & the peacocks may loose a few feathers but they are always there. Sometimes you can catch beasts which come on loan from cities’ zoos. Even when some animals mysteriously disappear, they are swiftly replaced by new specimens.

It’s these new exhibits, the so called club virgins, that everyone wants to gaze at. Given a chance, many would love to pet or even feed these sexy new replacements. Like an explorer returned from a specimen hunt, my latest catch was a hit with the visitors. I was amazed by the number of men who were fawning over him. He got a hell a lot of attention & action. Towards the end, the guys were literally fighting over the club virgin. At one point, there were 2 men literally pulling him in opposing directions.

The queen in me felt the lack of attention especially since I didn’t get to drink too much (was driving) & could not get as shit faced as I would like to be. I did bitch about the situation unnecessarily for a fair bit but the alcohol did help.

I was most certainly impaired enough to discuss & demonstrate the pleasure of snapping the band on a man’s undies but clear minded enough not kiss the wrong men. I managed to chat up many new & old friends. The conversations were fruitful as I learnt the programming of the local tv channel, NTV7 is about to down the toilet.

Then there was also the incident with a slightly campy but hot assed Malay boy whom I was overtly aggressive with. Seriously, how was *I* to know grabbing a guys ass repeated was a bad thing?

Towards the end of the night, I was pleasantly rewarded by snogging 2 gay cousins. I’ve had many fantasies about twin bothers but cousins have their twisted hot appeal. So, now I can cancel an item off my “to do before I die list”.

Perverted- uncle- like behavior aside, I had fun bouncing my booty on the dance floor. There is nothing like strutting my stuff as the rush comes. So much so that I went to the local disco, Liquid the next night for more intoxicated grooving to the beat.

And I wouldn’t be AJ if I didn’t have another fresh specimen on tow. Some of the local boys showed their deepest (and longest) appreciation for the provided fresh meat . I know I always appreciate the chance of scenery. Just like the slinky Bohemian hottie with afro & a nose ring I spotted.

Attention paradigms, sex scandals, social flirtations & boy watching aside, I do enjoy a good strut on the dance floor. It’s like the beat I carry in my head throughout the week is amplified. It’s like all my burdens are put on hold. It’s a good stress relieving outlet for me.

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide
AJ feat Howie Day ~ Collide

Invitation From The Queen

If you haven't noticed, I've not been that horny of late. So lets not talk about sex baby, lets talk about all the other good things that maybe... Lets not talk about sex. And NO! you don't get to ask who it was, a boy has to keep a few secrets!

Sure its a place of worship, but look at the pretty lanterns!

Many years ago I was an innocent student in the Land of the Rising Sun. Hard to believe, but I did frolic beneath the cherry blossoms & wore the sailor boy uniform. But to ensure you that I was (and still am) a cheeky bastard, I did drunkenly sing in the streets until the locals threatened calling the cops…

My fondest memories of Tokyo was with Inabaa & Hiro. Both of them had visited Malaysia as exchange students & they allowed me to decide where I wanted to go. Although many asked the question, more often they would skew it back to what they wanted to show me. “Yes, yes, the temple is nice, but wouldn’t it be nicer to go to a pottery place?” Sure I liked playing with clay, but like too much candy, the placed churned my stomach.

Inabaa & Hiro took me around the town to see the Asakusa Temple, then shopping & followed by buying me lunch. We ate at an okonomi yaki (Japanese savoury pancake) shop where you cooked your own food. We had one made with junk food cooked into it. Sure it tasted bad, and sure it gave me a stomach ache, but it was memorable.

Delicious-ne?

It was really nice to be treat so well by stranger (yes, even an attention whore back then). They were paying it forward because when they were in Malaysia, the Malaysians took good care of them & they wanted to return the favour. Since then I’ve always paid it forward, by playing host to tourists when possible.

Now I extend this invitation to foreign bloggers who come over to Malaysia. Get a free dinner & bad conversation from AJ, bitch queen of everything worth ruling over. If you wanna sample the non-edible local cuisine, surely I’ll oblige. Otherwise, there are no strings attached. The first blogger would have been Clint but he didn’t reply last night. Hrugaar, can't wait to meet ya!

I'm moving, I'm cuming
Can you hear what I hear?
It's calling you my dear
Out of reach
Take me to my beach
I can hear it calling you
I'm cuming, not drowning
Swimming closer to you

All Saints~ Pure Shores

Ditched

It was the Prophet's birthday yesterday & most Malaysians were off. Although I made plans the night before like any smart queen would, my various different friends ditched & postponed me.

Damn it was heart breaking that I couldn't crack ass jokes as my friend Nitti should have been working on the stepper (Can you say Nittus Bigbuttus?), and I miss bitching at The Goat, which I unintendedly ditched (Repeat after me, Goat Goat You're A Goat), and dispensing unsolicited relationship advice (Did you know, he & his skanky scare crow ass are screwing with your mind! Sleep with him first & if he sucks in bed, then you throw a fit & dump his ass like the diva you are!).

Okay, maybe I'm not the most motivating person, but as Malaysians often say "what to do if they not free & dunwan to meet?"

Still I managed to do some midnight baking (story for another post), watched Gubra (Hilarious & Sad) & worked out (I literally squeezed sweat out of my shirt).

The best part of the day when I was chatting up Melon Boy (a pale white cutie) at the gym...

"Taking care of your pregnant sister? I'm sure you'd make the sexiest midwife, just you need to learn how to nurse..." *Wink*

"Thanks! I know, that is why I am working on my tits!"

Life is good, with or without you guys, but I still wanna meet... :o)

Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.

Fort Minor ft Holly Brook ~ Where'd You Go

Office PollyThickS

Ok, why was I so annoyed by this Polly Thick (Assed) person?

As I was leaving work about a week ago, she decided to start a conversation. Although it started out nice & proper, Polly decided to imply that I was bitching about her to the Kiki, our beloved graphic designer. The truth is that each time she talks down to Kiki with her condecending nasally sarong party girl tone, I have to sacrifice precious time to manage the situation. Regardless of what I said to Kiki, she has no right to accuse me like that, especially not when I'm on my way home. To minimize our dealings, I decided to apply a little standard protocol...

Here is the conversation I had with her via office messenger a few days later. Of course some of the situations have been changed but the bullshit remains the same...

Polly~ Kindly check mail for my prediction
(Prediction? Prediction? I didnt know we had a clairvoyant in the office...)

Androjane~ *Insert the most confounding 10 line sentance in the world*

Polly~ Whichever way you guys preferred, I'm alright. I checked my copy, my version is correct 11/5/06, maybe has been reformatted on yr display as 5/11/06. But can't go through twt you guys until have feedback.... (Pointless redundancy has been removed for your sanity but basically, she was blaming Excel for her incompetence)

Androjane~ *Insert super repetative 20 line sentance that repeats everything atleast twice*

Polly~ Cut the high flown English. it's annoying

Androjane ~I will try to lower my standards for your benefit, per request then. Now I have to get back to work. And just to remind you, we are awaiting the contents for the promotions, as well as the products to be included in the brochure.

Polly~ I've just sent out an email on promotion, pls check shortly. Brochure, written to supplier. Wait for them to revert. btw What's with you, are purposefully trying to scheme something..but I forgive you before hand before things get out of hand. (Scheming? She would know all about scheming. Atleast this time you uses before hand instead of her usual "prior hand")

Androjane~ Work is work, nothing personal, but after your last comment pertaining to why Kiki is frustrated working with the packaging, I realise it may be best to keep a professional distance, less I be accused of inciting discord between Kiki and you again. (Damn right bitch, you aren't laying your shit on me again!)

Polly~ No worries, that has not crossed my mind. So let's be normal from now on. Kiki has something going on in her mind & she has a fixed mindset of things so nothing can changed that. We'll work around that... (Work around Kiki? You must be sniffing glue! She is the only one that can use the damn graphic program for more that porn. I'm not even dignifying *that* with a reply!)

And from that day onwards, I singled out Polly & isolated her from any situation I can. I refuse to say good morning or even acknoledge her presence unless there is work to be done. Like the Boogeyman, Pontianak & The Monsters under the bed, I hope, by ignoring her, she will shrivel up & die. Well at least her tits.

I wanna push you around, well I will, well I will
I wanna push you down, well I will, well I will
I wanna take you for granted,

I wanna take you for granted, yeah I will, I will
Matchbox 20~ Push

Brief

*Giggle* I bought new boxer-briefs & damn they feel/look good. Ate dinner (bacon sandwhiches) only wearing my undies whiles tapping away at the keyboard. Does that make me a freak? At least I'm a happy freak. Surely nobody can see them (yet) but I just love the several bands at the bands.

I would shag me. Thanks to my fairly bountiful ass, They don't seem to cover my butt crack properly. But its okay, since I do tend to do charity.... A LOT. Obsessive Slut. *Giggle*

When I dance they call me AJrena
And the boys they say que soi buena
They all want me, they can't have me
So they all come and dance beside me
Move with me, jam with me
And if you're good I'll take you home with me

Los Del Rio ~ AJrena

I know its a corny post but I don't care

Asking The Queen About Boobs!

Thanks for the comments about the annoying workmate. Don't worry justice, like revenge is best served cold. On the other hand, Jups, the unofficial expat queen of Singapore tagged me for this MeMe. I vow to help elucidate the many mysteries of the other realm....

1) What kind of car/ bike person are you? This includes bicycles.

If money & fuel aren't considered, I would definately have a sports car, a 4WD & a mountain bike. Like shoes, I would have one for every occasion! Not much of a mystery, unless you consider what I wanna do with them!

2) Your opinion : Why are all men turned on by women that dig other women, when the man in question is not even in the picture?

Jups hilarious answer was -Because anything that involves 4 boobs has GOT to turn men on! Remember Eccentrica Gallumbits, the triple-breasted whore of Eroticon 6?

Tho I can't disagree with her, I think its more of a spectator sport. Sort of like watching soccer or beach volleyball. You aren't actively participating, yet you can enjoy it watching the balls bounce up & down.. up & down... But since I will hopefully spending Saturday night at a lesbian club, I may get the answer from the horses mouth...

3) You've been in a relationship for 2 years, and you realise you're not in love. What do you do? Be honest, or find some way to pin the blame on your soon to be ex.

I'd suppose the best answer would to be honest, but I would definately try & solve things before I throw the relationship out the window. I've been on the recieving end of this one & no matter what the guy says, it still sucks cock.

4) Which is your favourite pair of shoes. Why?

I like my flip flops of many colours & designs, my current pair is black with with rubbber straps, featuring little monkeys on the toes & heels. I think its either for girls or kids but I'll be damned it that was to stop me.

5) What is the best way to bring up a conversation with your significant other about a threesome?

Oh! First you ask him who he thinks is hot and then when you find someone who you guys mutually find hot, you say, "wouldn't you like to do him?" Then when he says how much he loves you and rather wrestle you (he better) you say, "wouldn't a threesome with him be hot?" Just like that, you seem kind & kinky! Best of all, it makes it seem like HIS idea....

6) Did you ever run away from home?

Yes, but I did plan to go back eventually. Its too long to post about.

8)Is it true that rum doesn't leave hangovers? (There is no 7)

Not sure, but I'm willing to test out the theory! Meanwhile, top up on premium vodka. I'm pretty sure high quality vodka leaves less of a hangover that most other spirits. Stay away from the cheap stuff, cos it will make your head hurt like a bitch on a diet the next day...

As part of the Me Me, I'm suppose to rub my belly but I'm lazy (wanna do it for me?).

I'm also suppose to promise to be more environmentally friendly, but I have always been. Just look....

This is a picture I took of a tobacco plant back in Feb '06.

Same plant, 1 week ago. Its about 8ft tall and yes, it is missing a few leaves...

Yes that is my hand showing how huge the leaves are. It is Half Nekkid Thursday after all!

This is the all natural blunt I made witht the leaves. If that is not environmentally friendly, I don't know what is!! Forgive the blurriness of this pic but as you can tell I smoked a bit of it...

You have to extra fabulous to be tagged with this meme! So if you think you are fab enough to do it, take up the challenge & love our planet.

Finger Pointing

OH I HATE YOU Polly Thick! Not only do you have more heads than a millipede has legs, your cankerous hide is thicker than your skull.

You are
The thorn in my flesh
The pebble in my shoe
The bird shit on my windscreen
The fly in vodka
The stray dog eating my garbage
The tear in my last condom
The pimple in my nose
All that is unholy & evil in the office

If I were to slowly poison anyone, you’d be the lucky one. I’ll be professional about work as long as you keep your skanky puss-fill tentacles out of my personal life & stop creating conflict. Each time you baselessly pointed your fat pudgy finger at me, I've stayed cool. Accuse me one more time & I swear I’ll make life miserable for you, fucking fucking miserable. Don’t play with me. Fuck off you two bit scheming bitch & let me do my work...

Parody Post 1: But Enough About Jay!

Prologue: I was thinking of a funny idea for my Manic Monday readers & I decided to spoof Malaysia’s Most Critically Acclaimed Export To The UK- Jay. If you know him, you must have wondered what if Jay was secretly in love with the Zimbabwean whales in his office? If you don’t, you should read this funny post in his fabulous blog !

This morning I woke up with my stomach literally in knots.

Earlier this morning during my hourly romp with my ultra-femme live in maid- sNM, he forgot to untie the ropes before he went off. The handcuffs, ropes, leather restraints, cock rings & clamps sure made for comfy sleeping, but I needed to get ready for work.

It was almost 8a.m. and I didn’t want to get to the office late. I love my job! And I love the callers! Above all, I love my Zimbabwean colleagues! There is truly nothing nobler than providing a service that people appreciate. But there are days I dread going to work due of the cute swimmer-built marketing guy that stalks me. Sniff a guys suit once & he wants to get married!.

Knowing my housemate’s children were visiting I yelled for them to come to my room. They loved me like their very own aunty. And rightfully so, considering the many toys, chocolate bars, apple pies & lollipops I’ve bought them. I love children & want some of my own one day!

“Auntie bJay! Uncle sNM forgot to untie you again?”

“Yes, darling children, now won’t you untie me & I’ll give you some dollies to play with…”

“Are they sticky & funny smelling like the glow-in-the-dark balloons you gave us the last time?”

“Don’t worry dearies I’ll clean them first! Now help Aunty bJay find the key for the handcuffs”.

Once I got out of the cuffs, extracted & sucked off the Barbies I promised the kids, I hurriedly ushered them out. Then I got ready to meet Bonksquisha at the bus stop before work.

“Bonksquisha darling, you look positively radiant! Been bonking & squishing your husband well into your third trimester I see!”

“But of course bJay dear, mNM just loves milking my coco puffs. But it’s a total disaster, because we don’t know what to name our baby! Do you think Naomi Imoan is a good? We love palindromic names almost as much as we love playing badminton followed by threesome sex…”

“Oh you temptress you, like its not enough we do in the office once a week huh? I’ll come over later & plough your fertile feilds. As for the name, why not call her Bonksquisha Jr. Or even Tad0andre? I know they are a tad conservative, but she will love you for it. She is be your gift to humanity after all!”

“Oh bJay! You darling, darling queen! Why don’t I just name her after you! Thee hee hee…”

“I know! Just give her all the names!”

“….”

And that is how my favorite colleague named her daughter- bJay Tad0andre Naomi Imoan Bonksquisha Jr. But enough about me, go read AJ’s super fab blog!

I wonder who the father *REALLY* was…

Epilogue: Heh…

And Jay~ I hope you enjoy enough increased traffic & a good poke in your ribs. Please don’t sue my Made in China Town Cyber Pants off for blatant & brutal slander/plagiarism. You know you SO rule. And common, at some deep unconcious level you must like them a little bit… :oP

You can call me a minger
and I can call you a saint
Celebrate me for who I am
Dislike me for what I ain’t
Put me up on a pedestal
Or drag me down in my skirt
Sticks and stones I like to bone
Better still if they hurt
I’ll be the garden, you’ll be the snake
All of my fruit is yours to take

AJ ft Madonna ~ Like It Or Not