Making a silk purse out of a sow’s year

Normally I would recommend using a goat’s ear (because I like goaty abuse), but snowdrop’s ear is just as good.

I’ve been wanting to sum up this year ever since I got appraised at work last Friday, but it’s just taken some time for me work up the bravery to do it.

In terms of family, I have decided to just accept the inedible & do my own thing. Blood may be thicker than water, but I think snot/cum is even thicker. Even if I can’t control everything, in my own sick twisted way, I can at least chose not to be part of it.

Love, sex & passion has been most lacking this year. Mostly out of my own decision to focus on me. Had my longest sexless dry spell ever of like 3 months but it just made me stronger. Didn’t even come close to meeting my soulmate, but hey, a girl’s got to eat too! That’s my way of saying sex was just so-so. I think I found reciprocatable passion twice but seriously I know they weren’t/aren’t going anywhere. No big deal, don’t feel like dealing with anyone else’s baggage right now.

My emotions are my own & I can control them. Yeah right! I’ve tried to be colder, harder & uncaring but once in awhile I can’t help but silently cry once in a while. Then there is that whole ordeal with my ex which I still hate with a passion. I’ve somewhat shelved the things I feel for him many times, but each time he rears his ugly head, I can’t help but want to bite it off! Don’t get me wrong, I do agree with those Disney after school specials that say hatred will consume you, but I’m getting better at my own pace. Then there is something in me says the only whining & bitching I will listen to is my own. Not being tolerant is surely not a most lovable quality but fret not, I’m still optimistic.

Physically I look better. Lost more than 10kg this year and built up some muscle mass. And it’s a good thing too, especially since I haven’t exactly been following my gym/diet regiment all that closely. Clothes I haven’t worn in years fit like a glove & I get more attention too. Even as spiritually deep I strive to be, I still shallowly love the attention, who doesn’t enjoy being checked out?

My greatest accomplishment is the new friends I’ve found. Each and everyone worth their weight in platinum (gold is so for fuddy duddies). Some I see more often than others, but I do enjoy spending time. Fuck you if you’re going “ho-hum” because you have no idea how picky I can be when it comes to friends. Sex with random strangers I can do, but hanging out with people I dislike (of which there are many) is pure torture.

Rave parties, parties & disco dancing I have had plenty this year! Alcohol was consumed like I was 17 again (though back then I didn’t have so many pretty drinks). Musically I’ve become more inclined to the rhythmic beats of Trance & hard baseline of Rock. Better control on my intake of all things bad for me, I dare say I’ve gotten things under control.

I supposed I have taken this year easier and given myself loads of time to lazily be myself. Can’t say it has been a great year but neither has it been a horrible year. It’s just like any other year, just with more self exploration than the rest of ‘em…

Justify your faith for me
Does it give you what you need?
Every time, every place, every moment of grace
I’m cynical, I rise to the pinnacle
Bring it to your knees

Sentimental phases, we leave it all behind
Incremental changes, incidental highs
What it all comes down to
Is what you think you see?
But we’re worlds apart, and it breaks my heart like an enemy

Terrified to find release
And when you smile, I know you grieve
And you’ll find if you’re mine
Full of all the clues and the criminals
A story subliminal, from eyes that don’t deceive

Gabriel & Dresden~ Enemy