Don't Ask

Ladies & Gentlemen,

AJ is back. It was a fabulous holiday but my sister had some horrible news that I doubt I can shake off any time soon.

When I was younger, I always wondered what made adults so screwed up. To me, they were always whining, crying, cursing, cheating, hurting each other emotionally, if not physically. As if being happy wasn’t enough.

I couldn’t help but wonder why some people stopped believing in love, stopped trusting other people and preferred to stay emotionally distant from the world.

As I grew older, I learnt more about selfish people can be. We are worst than animals. Despite never giving up hope, I then realized I’m too emotional for my own good. I then began to envy the people who were emotionally distant, could just block it all out & move on with life.

Tonight, I felt betrayed like never before. I felt like sinking deep into the bowels of the earth & never reemerging. Worst the promise was broken by my own blood. There is more than just blood relationships that make people trust each other. People stay close for all sorts of reasons. And there are even more reasons to go on with life.

Screw people who are so selfish they hurt the people closest to them.

Screw inconsiderate bastards.

Screw blood relations.

My life is my own & I have to move on. No one else will look out for my best interest. No one else is thinking about me. Besides myself, no one absolutely cares about me.

Meanwhile life goes on. There is work to get back to. There are dreams to achieve. There are better places to be. I won’t waste another moment considering people who won’t consider me.

And anyone who reads this, don’t bother asking. The problem is too personal. The problem is mine. For now, I need my space to properly plan my future.

We are all born into this world alone & that is how we will leave it. The sooner I learn never to trust anyone, the better.

I guess that time is here.

Out Of Sorts

I generally don’t whine about the little things that bug my life, but considering I'm about to go on holiday…

A ZIT!! A ZIT! A PIMPLE! A HUGE MOTHA FARKIN VOLCANO HAS ERUPTED ON MY FACE!!! UGH I’M NO LONGER (as) PERFECT!

Talk about great timing! Just as I am about to visit the city named after my favorite activity, this hiddious mountain of molten puss has to emerge.

CURSE THEE COLLEAGUES FOR ALL YOUR POINTLESS PRESSURE!

CURSE THEE BOSSES FOR THE IMMENSE WORK LOAD!

CURSE THEE KITKAT I HAD THIS MORNING!

Damn where is the concealer? Where is the miracle cream? Screw OXY I need HYDROCHLORIC ACID & lots of it!!

Sniff sniff.. I want to be pretty in my pictures!! Muuuuuaammmy!!

This rant is brought to you by Photoshop, make over you memories!

Androjane Defines Listless

Listless: Lacking energy or disinclined to exert effort; lethargic

My Body Is My Temple, My Blog Is Just An Invitation Flyer!

You herd it here first folks, AJ is a lazy bugger who can’t seem to concentrate on work. I just can’t seem to be bothered with the impending deadlines or the “Urgent” projects, simply because, they aren’t all that urgent. Its just what my colleagues want me to think, every waking moment.

That being said, the best way to cure listlessness is to make a list! *Ouch!*

The Five Things I Must Do In Bangkok

1. See Wat Arun- The Temple of Dawn, at the best time, which is of course, dawn! I’ve always been fascinated with places of worship, which is a lil ironic since I don’t subscribe to any particular religion.

2. Go shopping at Chatuchak! But I have been reminding myself only to buy stuff I can actually use, and maybe some presents… MAYBE.

3. Dinner on a river cruise. How best to enjoy the city? Floating about and eating of course!

4. Club at DJ Station. I love the idea of seeing how the locals party. I have even been working on softening my scowl so I don’t scare too many away.

5. Visit Babylon. Maybe I'll play with the boys, maybe I won't. ZaZa highly recommends it! He has never steered me wrong.

Maybe if I forget Bangkok for a moment & stop shouting Bangkok every 2 hours in the office, I might finish my work in time. But there’s really no urgency, is there?
BANG COCK!

Rain, rain on my face
It hasn't stopped raining for days
My work is a flood
Slowly I become one with the muck…

AJ feat Jars of Clay ~ Flood

See A Slut, Share A Slut: The Serial Monogamist

Sluts come in all colors, shapes & sizes. Remember Malaysia’s Biggest Slut ?

Well this slut is in a different class. It’s hard to define this slut as a slut simply because his slutty ways are hidden behind a string of monogamous relationships. That is, ZaZa dates a guy for a couple weeks & when they don’t spark his interest any further, he moves on. Sure he is waiting for "the one", but he hasn't arrived yet. There really isn’t anything wrong with serial monogamy, is there?

"Take me home & you can feed me all the carrots you want!"

The last time I sat him down and queried him on his queer slutty ways, I was mesmerized. He has a fair number of monogamous relationships under his belt, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t slut the traditional way too.

Maybe you have seen ZaZa in the gym getting a blow/hand job. Or if you been to the gay saunas in Bangkok, you have participated in one of ZaZa’s orgies. If you ever picked up a guy in the LRT station (public train/subway system to you non-Malaysians), then well you’ve done him too.

The next question on your mind would be, since I’m a slut (sort of) & ZaZa is a slut. So have I slutted with ZaZa?

Well, we’ve known each other for way too long. There has been the usually touch non-feely drunk action in clubs between us & we have dirty danced on the podium. But I never been to bed with him or done anything more sexual than that. Well, not consciously that I can remember anyways. Why?

Simply because some guys just aren’t meant to be spoilt that way. Some guys, like Wjee, Mellon Boy & several others are such great mind fucks that I don’t want to spoil them with actual shagging that may or may not be bad. Why take the chance?

Gambles do fall through sometimes. ZaZa knows all this too well too. Fantasy is sometimes better than reality. Its nice to experiment but reality can be a lot uglier. Waaay uglier.

Not humping everything is sight can be rewarding. To each his own! Besides, I’m not in Bangkok yet!!

I like a good beer buzz early in the morning
And ZaZa likes to peel the labels
From his bottles of Bud
He shreds them on the bar
Then he lights every match in an oversized pack
Letting each one burn down to his thick fingers
before blowing and cursing them out
And he's watching the bottles of Bud as they spin on
the floor

And a happy couple enters the bar
Dangerously close to one another
The bartender looks up from his want ads

All I wanna do is have some fun
I got a feeling I'm not the only one

AJ feat Sheryl Crow ~ All I Wanna Do

One Time Its Actually Good To Be Negative

This morning I tried calling the clinic to see how my results were. Waiting for them really sucked. Even though I managed to block most of the ‘what if’s, it still played around in my mind more than I wanted it to.

Due to the incompetency of the clinic, they actually had to call me 5 times! Each call was a different person not knowing exactly what I wanted. In a voice message, I heard the Doctor that screwed me over the last time say “Your allergen test results aren’t back yet. The results for your.. er.. other test came back negative”. That was really a relief, but short lived. Lately I have been extra stressed...

Wil thought that it was due to the fight I had with my best friend, The Goat. The outcome of which is that I can no longer refer to him as The Goat, thus he will from now on be referred to as The Friend Formerly Known As The Goat.

The Friend Formerly Known As The Goat was lead to believe that it was also to do with the fact that I need more attention. I have admittedly told him that I do miss it sometimes but, doing things alone sometimes can be so liberating.

My Sister believes it has to do with my current poverty, my father & the crap he is giving me. Honestly, ask to borrow a couple hundred to fix my pc & he instead gives me a thousand and a whole lot of bitching to go with it. Besides my pc, the medical tests, the broken mirror, the many nice dinners & the usual bills (mostly alcohol related) also demanded money.

The bosses and KiKi think it has to do with my ‘might as well take a telephone pole up the ass’ projects with tight deadlines. One boss asked me how many more packs of fags I am smoking. KiKi, bless her soul bought some kerepek (chilli, sugar & oil soaked tapioca-chips) to share. But that really didn’t help things.

That’s because I’m working hard at reducing my fat content & increasing my protein. The results so far have been encouraging but I still have miles to go! Still the lack of sugar is making me cranky. I hate being allergic to sugar.

I guess I haven’t bitched about every single thing that’s stressing me to any one particular person. I do manage to de-stress well at the gym most of the time. But yesterday I felt like another way of de-stressing. I wanted a shag. A good shag mind you. Unlike the many yawn-inducing One Night Stands I had in the past. So I thought of Buzz and our amazing ability to have good sex no matter how fucked up the situation. Fit inducing deadlines, family emergencies, fights, whatever, did not stop the mind blowing shagging.

But I didn’t manage to get thru to his phone & had to handle the urge myself. All in all, it isn’t that bad. I could be worst off like Jups who got hit by a dumb fuck taxi driver. My new mantra is ‘just one more week & I’ll be in Bangkok!’

only see it on tv
read it in the magazines
celebrities that want sympathy

all they do is piss and moan
inside the rolling stone
talking about how hard life can be

Lifestlyes of the rich and the famous
theyre always complainin
always complainin
if money is such a problem
well they got mansions
think we should rob them

AJ & Good Charlotte~ Lifestyles Of The Rich & Famous

Clarity About The Premie

"Could I Be a Blonde But Jaded Slut?"

I have to do a full post about Lala Boy before I stop talking about him. Even if the last posts make it seem like I’m blindly falling in love (while hinting on my stalker status), I only fancy this boy enough. Sort of how I’d expect it feel to cherish yet not place too much hope on a life support dependent prematurely born baby (premie). Not that I have fathered/mothered any real children…

There is enough friction to spark my interest. I do want to take things easy and meet new people. There are really some interesting people out there. There are still more cooks, weirdos, nuts and even sluts that I have to meet.

And without a time consuming relationship, there is also more time to spend with my friends. Some friends I’ve been hanging with tell me to cool it with Lala Boy or I’ll scare him. Others tell me that I need to intensify my calls, advances & my SMSes towards him. Whatever.

I just believe he would like to be romanced but is really a little all too jaded with the whole dating game. He doesn’t like too much attention & is shy with new people.

Possibly he doesn’t feel anything for me yet, but I’d really like to know more about him, even if just as a story sharing friend. Even I can’t have him as a shagmate or more, at least I’d like to hear more about him. What does he like, and why? Who are his friends & where has he been. Whatever he wants to tell me about.

There is still plenty of meat on the buffet & selecting a fine man really is more than just fucking around in the dark. If the wave length is bad, its all bad for everyone. Some people aren’t meant to be spoilt, in any way. I’m going to just enjoy him the way he is. With his charm, eloquence and keen eyed look. *Smirk*

Everything else in my life is just fine. Work is the expected bitch. I found myself frustrated at things that I can’t control. Time lines, deadlines, whatever, they all lead to expression lines. I’m not adding any lines to my face. I still haven’t found a good moisturizer yet alone the right way to keep a lover!

Yawn! Its all rather boring really....

Maybe I've been the problem
Maybe I'm the one to blame
But even when I turn it off and blame myself
The outcome feels the same
I've been thinking maybe I've been partly cloudy
Maybe I'm the chance of rain
And maybe I'm overcast
And maybe all my luck's washed down the drain

I've been thinking 'bout everyone
Everyone, you look so lonely
But when I look at the stars
When I look at the stars
When I look at the stars
I see someone else
When I look at the stars, the stars
I still find myself

Androjane ft Switchfoot ~ Stars

The AGM Of Alcohol Researchers

By the way I’ll be super busy with work this month so, *sorry* if I haven’t/don't comment on your blog!

While most scientists meet to solve world famine or find the cure for cancer, on Saturday I met up 4 of my fellow biotechnologists to decipher the illusion that is love. That and get drunk.

HELL NO! This isn’t going to be some whiney post about how love sucks & we are all ultimately setting ourselves up for heart break. Rather over a bottle of vodka & then some, a bunch of girls sat around bitching about what has & hasn’t been happening in our lives. We’ve all pretty much been in screwed up relationships but refused to talk about them directly.

The one member of the congress who kept quiet was Pinks, well simply because she was happily attached. She has been seeing this guy for the last year or so but never did introduce him to me, which seemed awkward, especially considering I was her best friend.

Of course alcohol loosened lips & she gave me enough clues to figure out it was an ex-colleague of ours which I had incessantly hated. I didn’t really hate him because of his personality or anything, but simply because I hated everyone in that horrible hell pit of a company.

Seeing how she confessed, I had to reassure her that I really didn’t hate her boyfriend all that much. Really! It was just an idol pastime. I then took the opportunity to disclose my sexuality to her.

“Hey Pinks, I have to tell you something important. I am gay.”

“Really? Joking la you!”

“No seriously, I like men!”

“Don’t bluff!”

“REAAALLY!! I am attracted to err.. men…”

“We’ll have to talk about this later….”

Of course we never did. It was too awkward for the both of us. Like reading a blog, you would think you knew everything about a person, but you don’t. Yours truly in particular does not reveal all my layers to anyone. Like peeling an onion, some of them make people cry…

With the pink elephant in the room set aside for another day, we adjourned to the after party. The service apartment was so posh that it had its very own resident hoity-toity penguins. Although most Jackass Penguins live off the coast of Africa, these ambassadors to Malaysia had their own private air conditioned room by the pool...

Sure its a bit dirty, but room service hadn't come around yet!

Ignoring the birds in bad tuxedoes, we continued topping up our glasses, which lead to more soul scouring banter.

“Isn’t it odd to see how all of us have changed over the years? We have known each other for five years now and we have all taken different paths!”

“Yet we are still the same! We are all still rebelling in our own little ways, yet we do things to conform!”

“Well things have changed, we all had to take measures to conform & become more acceptable. But I refuse to let go of my ideals & beliefs. With time gnawing away at our youth, we have to exercise, diet & do what ever else we can do to keep up our outer appearances.”

“Its like one week I stick to my soup diet & the next I binge on the most fattening foods & then feel bad about it!”

“Oh my God, you too? Being attractive takes so much more effort… And we still get screwed over by men!”

“Why is it good men are so hard to find? And even when we do find them, sooner or later something horrible pops up and we are screwed again & again?”

Sensing this may take a turn for the worst & become some bitching festival I interjected with “Oh we aren’t that bad. How about those girls who go chasing bad boys with the delusional hopes of changing them?”

“That’s like the ideal drama outcome! We better be thankful we aren’t like that!”

*Silence*

And that made me think. Although it’s something that I try to avoid, I feared that my unrealistic standards & snobbish behavior will lead me to a lonely life full of cats. I hate cats.

Fortunately by the grace of divine intervention on Sunday, I met him amongst the prawns, my LaLa Boy. LaLa being the Chinese name for a small tasty clam with juicy white flesh. Just when I was about to surrender my bodice for the rendering of other sluts, we met & he enthralled me. This is no easy feat I assure you, as even though I am a self declared slut, I’m a jaded self declared slut. I don’t know where this is heading, but I’ll be damned if it doesn’t make me happy that I can still feel...

Put on my blue suede shoes
And I boarded the plane
Touched down in the land of the Delta Blues
In the middle of the pouring rain
W.C. Handy -- won't you look down over me
Yeah I got a first class ticket
But I'm as blue as a boy can be

Then I'm walking in Memphis
Walking with my feet ten feet off of Beale
Walking in Memphis
But do I really feel the way I feel

Saw the ghost of Elvis
On Union Avenue
Followed him up to the gates of Graceland
Then I watched him walk right through
Now security they did not see him
They just hovered 'round his tomb
But there's a pretty little thing
Waiting for the King
Down in the Jungle Room

Androjane ft Bruce Springsteen~ Walking In Memphis

Jade Princess In The Temple Of A Thousand Prawns

If you think this is a post about the latest dish in the Chinese restaurant, you are not totally correct. Unlike Buddha Jumps Over The Wall or Pink Lady Pearl Milk Tea which are real, this is about an invasion of one of Malaysia’s renown gay temples, Orange.

During big pink-friendly parties, Singaporean prawns invade our clubs by the bucket-load. Simply by casting my bitchiest ice-prince-look in every direction on the super packed dance floor I could see them & feel them everywhere. Like prawns, they had hot edible bodies, their heads were simply grotesque.

If you are the kind of guy who likes a hot body, regardless of facial features, then you would really enjoy the seefood buffet. But if want more of a total package like yours truly, then you would need to take evasive action to keep your sanity & enjoy the night.

Very soon after entering the club, I realized that I needed to keep my vision range of these men at a neck down level. It was fun to fantasize about their pecs & how their perky nipples were pressing against their shirts. It was lovely to look at their butts. When they took off their shirts, it was nice to constantly nudged by their nipples. The men were friendly enough, but I didn’t think I could hold a face to face conversation with any of them. It’s simply because I was worried I would start fixating on a particular flaw or start fantasizing them with some one else’s head.

But amongst the prawns I did finally met a hottie. I may be jaded but I can still recognize a winner. A friend’s friend, It felt terrific talking to him. Something about his demeanor, his smile and the way he moves made my loins stir.

I want to meet him away from the noise & stench of a thousand shirtless men. Have a drink with him, get to know him, discuss the soon to be declining economy, have bed sheet drenching hot sex with him, whatever. We’ll see what happens when it happens.

Any sort of vibes are better than nothing

Im ninalu (if they were locked)
Daltey Nadivim (doors of the generous)
Daltey Nadivim
Daltey Marom (doors on high)

Im ninalu
Im ninalu
Im ninalu
Im ninalu
Im ninalu
Im ninalu
Im ninalu
Im ninalu

Staring up into the heavens
In this hell that binds your hands
Will you sacrifice your comfort?
Make your way in a foreign land?

Wrestle with your darkness
Angels call your name
Can you hear what they are saying?
Will you ever be the same?

Mmmmmm
Im ninalu Im ninalu
Mmmmmm
Im ninalu Im ninalu

Androjane Ft Madonna Isaac