Disconnection/ Reconnection

Just the other day I met up my old pal, Ling Ling. For several months we had made many plans to catch up but just never did. Like all friends who do not manage to keep in contact, we came to a silence . It wasn’t awkward as much as it was guilt ridden. She asked me, “so what ever happened to your blog, I haven’t seen any new posts for a while?”

Its been more than 2 years since I decided to stop blogging. But I wasn’t going to call her out on that. I’m not even very sure where she currently goes for her yoga classes, though in my defence I think it’s near where I stay. I calmly replied, “I stopped actually. I decided I should be less self obsessed, its all rather tiring really...”

Truth be told, I actually stopped because I am self-obsessed. Blogging was taking time away from other more important activities, like partying, working out at the gym, meeting men & watching TV. Especially watching TV. It was becoming a chore, not a pleasure.

Now I feel the desire to craft the’ written word ’ coming back. Somewhere to record my life in a manner befitting (sending my deepest darkest thoughts into cyberspace is totally without consequence!). Something to which I can lay claim (So what if it is an anonymous blog). Some place to showcase my creativity.

Isn’t there a children’s book writing diva dying to burst out in all of us?

“Write your life autobiography before fame clouds your already stormy head,” she said.

Its been 2 years & 3 months. Plenty has changed and just as much has stayed the same.
About 3 years ago I met Mr. 99.8%. We’ve been a couple for more than 2 years now. This is the one. I have never been as sure that I found the right guy in my entire life.

Shortly after that, Slutboy got a job in Singapore. Cupcake decided to pursue his studies in France (or that’s what my brain tells me). Cupcake is now in Singapore with Slutboy where they had to find 15 other men just to replace me. Not really sure that is working though, I have big shoes...

About 2 years ago I changed jobs and now work in a sizeable advertising firm. I am now paid a measurable, however tiny fraction of my worth. Money, it means a lot to the greedy.

More than a year ago, my sister passed away. I never realised how much she meant to me, until it was too late to let her know. Even if I didn’t know to say it, I am glad I always took the time to show her how much she meant to me. Once the shock and not stop crying passed, there were several months of depression with only daily crying. Sometimes when faced with situations where I think about her, tears do escape, however I mostly have my emotions back in control.

Roughly three months ago, on the 2nd anniversary of the day we decide to be a commit to each other, Mr. 99.8% & I exchanged ‘engagement rings’. I will not go into technicalities & terminologies of how can gay men get engaged in Malaysia but it’s a symbol of our commitment to each other.

Recently I did Lasik surgery and now do not rely on contact lenses or spectacles. Instead, eye drops are now by best friend because of the dryness. But it’s worth it. I have rediscovered the joys of waking up, looking out the window and seeing airplanes!

So, in a nutshell, that’s what I’ve been up to since then. Don’t blame me for leaving the first time around but I had to. And so this epic journey blog continues.

I did my best to notice
When the call came down the line
Up to the platform of surrender
I was brought but I was kind

And sometimes I get nervous
When I see an open door
Close your eyes, clear your heart
Cut the cord

Are we human or are we dancer?
My sign is vital, my hands are cold
And I'm on my knees looking for the answer
Are we human or are we dancer?

Pay my respects to grace and virtue
Send my condolences to good
Give my regards to soul and romance
They always did the best they could

And so long to devotion
You taught me everything I know
Wave goodbye, wish me well
You've gotta let me go

Are we human or are we dancer?
My sign is vital, my hands are cold
And I'm on my knees looking for the answer
Are we human or are we dancer?

Will your system be alright
When you dream of home tonight?
There is no message we're receiving
Let me know, is your heart still beating?

Are we human or are we dancer?
My sign is vital, my hands are cold
And I'm on my knees looking for the answer

You've gotta let me know
Are we human or are we dancer?
My sign is vital, my hands are cold
And I'm on my knees looking for the answer
Are we human or are we dancer?

Are we human or are we dancer?
Are we human or are we dancer?

Human~ Killers