Departure
It’s been a week since my last personal post and since then I’ve arrived at several life pondering deductions / conclusions.
Things never go as planned. No matter how much time I spent preparing for my event, the events of my working trip did not go as planned. There were some pleasant surprises, but there were even more objectionable surprises. I guess the important thing when dealing with surprises is how I manage / control the situations. The thing is, looking back, I think I could have done a much better job. But at the moment, I was too eager to watch the most hated Polly collapse under the pile of sh*t, regardless of the best interest of everyone else. Sh*t I’m selfish.
It’s only a matter of time before they find a gene that encodes the belief that needless suffering is equivalent to a job well done. A horrible horrible disability, this gene is most prevalent amongst Chinese, although it most certainly affects other races too. Why can’t we be satisfied with project unless we have to suffer for it? I am still haunted by images of ChiChi, my exhausted “aunty colleague” NEEDLESSLY huddled in the corner of the ballroom in a positioned likened to nervous breakdown. Why must we be so cruel to ourselves?
I can’t believe Cutesy Buttes is straight. I’d like to blame it on stress, but it was most certainly horniness that motivated me to walk about our shared hotel room shirtless. At one point I even *accidentally* exposed my bare ass to the boy. His confessions of a 3 year happy relationship with his girlfriend make the hairs on my neck stand erect & sends shudders down my back. He is such a good boy. Now I feel a lot sleazy / manipulative. Well, a lot more than usual.
Self control isn’t my strongest virtue. Despite what LingLing says about my gym regiment, this little piggy is still stuffing his face with oily / greasy food. Then there is all the fags, mostly of the smoke-able kind I’m unsuccessfully trying to reduce. As if that wasn’t enough, I have developed a peculiar addiction to Coke Lite. Some days the urge to sip the cool bubbly artificially-sweetened / calcium-leeching beverage becomes an obsession. Despite the temptation, I still try to limit my daily intake of all things bad.
My 7 months of solitude is getting mundane. I know a lover for AndroJane isn’t about the drop from the sky. I know it is just as difficult for me to love someone as it is for someone to love me. Sure I have been partying to the max, but some days I miss just having someone to relax with / relate my day to. I know its very attention whorish of me, but having someone willing to listen to me is very validating. I have come to terms with the fact that wanting someone isn’t all that bad. Until that faithful day comes, validation from my blog will have to do.
Truly, the best way to arrive at new conclusions is to depart from the familiar.
Things never go as planned. No matter how much time I spent preparing for my event, the events of my working trip did not go as planned. There were some pleasant surprises, but there were even more objectionable surprises. I guess the important thing when dealing with surprises is how I manage / control the situations. The thing is, looking back, I think I could have done a much better job. But at the moment, I was too eager to watch the most hated Polly collapse under the pile of sh*t, regardless of the best interest of everyone else. Sh*t I’m selfish.
It’s only a matter of time before they find a gene that encodes the belief that needless suffering is equivalent to a job well done. A horrible horrible disability, this gene is most prevalent amongst Chinese, although it most certainly affects other races too. Why can’t we be satisfied with project unless we have to suffer for it? I am still haunted by images of ChiChi, my exhausted “aunty colleague” NEEDLESSLY huddled in the corner of the ballroom in a positioned likened to nervous breakdown. Why must we be so cruel to ourselves?
I can’t believe Cutesy Buttes is straight. I’d like to blame it on stress, but it was most certainly horniness that motivated me to walk about our shared hotel room shirtless. At one point I even *accidentally* exposed my bare ass to the boy. His confessions of a 3 year happy relationship with his girlfriend make the hairs on my neck stand erect & sends shudders down my back. He is such a good boy. Now I feel a lot sleazy / manipulative. Well, a lot more than usual.
Self control isn’t my strongest virtue. Despite what LingLing says about my gym regiment, this little piggy is still stuffing his face with oily / greasy food. Then there is all the fags, mostly of the smoke-able kind I’m unsuccessfully trying to reduce. As if that wasn’t enough, I have developed a peculiar addiction to Coke Lite. Some days the urge to sip the cool bubbly artificially-sweetened / calcium-leeching beverage becomes an obsession. Despite the temptation, I still try to limit my daily intake of all things bad.
My 7 months of solitude is getting mundane. I know a lover for AndroJane isn’t about the drop from the sky. I know it is just as difficult for me to love someone as it is for someone to love me. Sure I have been partying to the max, but some days I miss just having someone to relax with / relate my day to. I know its very attention whorish of me, but having someone willing to listen to me is very validating. I have come to terms with the fact that wanting someone isn’t all that bad. Until that faithful day comes, validation from my blog will have to do.
Truly, the best way to arrive at new conclusions is to depart from the familiar.
Is it getting better
Or do you feel the same?
Will it make it easier on you now?
You got someone to blame
You say one love, one life (one life)
It's one need in the night
One love (one love), get to share it
Leaves you darling, if you don't care for it
Did I disappoint you?
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth?
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without
Well it's too late, tonight
To drag the past out into the light
We're one, but we're not the same
We get to carry each other
Carry each other
One...
Have you come here for forgiveness?
Have you come to raise the dead?
Have you come here to play Jesus?
To the lepers in your head
Well, did I ask too much, more than a lot?
You gave me nothing, now it's all I got
We're one, but we're not the same
Well we, hurt each other
Then we do it again
You say
Love is a temple
Love is a higher law
Love is a temple
Love is the higher law
You ask me to enter
Well then you make me crawl
And I can't be holding on
To what you got
When all you got is hurt
One love
One blood
One life
You got to do what you should
One life
With each other
Sisters and my
Brothers
One life
But we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other
One...
One love
Mary J Blige & U2 ~ One
posted by AJ @ 1:47 AM
4 Comments:
i can't believe cutesy buttes is straight. bummer.
yeah, sometimes i feel that too. the loneliness. *nangis*
take it from me
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go enroll for some public exam of some sort and THEN, u will feel fabulous like i am feeling now...
jason~ yeap! I have this damn blog and all you sweetharts that go with it.
musang~ I'm having my doubts again. he patted my shoulder today. Either he is being friendly or being *friendly* Rooowr!
xavier~ exams are so not my thing anymore!
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