Highly Effective Habits: Multitasking = Slacking, As If You Didn’t Know!

MY BLOG HAS BEEN BLOCKED FROM BEING VIEWED IN THE OFFICE!

*Pout* Now slacking off in the office is a bigger challenge. I can’t visit other blogs as easily too! Either it is all the profanity I have been using or simply I’ve been found out! Whatever it is I have been concentrating on the positive to develop new ways of goofing off whiles battling my heavy workload.

I say, the best defense is a good pretence! And there is nothing like multitasking to hide the fact you are barely doing any work. Today I simultaneously worked on 4 different projects (non of which I finished), browsed spam mail / online comics, chatted with friends & debated the merits of office life with KiKi.

AJ: Hey, KiKi…. You ever played paintball before?
KiKi: No la…Looks very fun wan! Piak! Piak! Piak! So cororful!
AJ: Want to organize company game or not? We ALL can have fun!
KiKi: Ya… Sure the bosses will enjoy too!

*Thoughtful Pause Contemplating The Possible Pain*

AJ & KiKi: HAhaha haha HAHAHHA ahaha!!

Although there is next to no chance the bosses will loosen their corsets to play paintball war with us, the disgruntled employees, I would just as happy pelting Polly with paint pellets. Or shotgun pellets. Whatever hurts more.

Over last 2 weeks or so, Polly has successfully delegated all her work to just about everyone in the office, even myself & Cutesy Buttes, who are in totally different departments!

People-who-are-highly-efficient call people like Polly time robbers. People-who-pretend-to-be-highly-efficient like yours truly call her a two-bit-sweaty-ass-tofu-munching-b*tch. And to ward off her assult as best I can, I have developed several highly effective habits to keep the work load at bay.

1. A Perfect Appearance
Unlike the clubs where I try to look your best, at the office I try to look my worst. Uncombed hair, ashtray breath & a drunkard’s stubble often ward off Polly. I would use holy water & a cross, but I would perish too.

2. Dress Like A Mess
Folded sleeves & loud clicking shoes make it seem like I’m always in a rush, making discussions as short as possible. Saying “walk with me” and rushing off also helps as she can barely even stand in her high heels.

3. Glued To My Clipboard
No matter where I go in the office, I always have my clipboard. Even if I’m making my coffee, the clipboard makes me look like I have something to read/ write! One day I will whack her on the head with it too.

4. Only Display Bad Handwriting
How else can I get Polly to write MY contributions to our discussions down? When there is something that is really important I somberly write it clearly in the corner. Otherwise its all messy mind-map madness. Surely I have developed penmanship to rival Dr. Paul. The only down side being if I really do need to refer to my notes, I’m screwed.

There you have it. The four highly effective habits of office slackers. And if all that fails to keep annoying colleagues like Polly away, line their purses with white powder & call the cops.