I can be so selfish, especially when single, it is really important to look out for number 1. And that is why this Chinese New Year was an uneventful one. At every opportunity to correct some dumbass remark, I shut my mouth and gave a polite "Yeah, isntit?" & let them continue their idiotical misguided chatter. This perservation has to do with the auspicious Chinese custom of giving angpao, better known as hongpao, the red packets filled with cash. Sure I can make a living by convincing others of the powers of magic beans, i.e. health supplements, but a lil extra never money hurt anyone. See, I'm selfish...

Of all the usual questions, one was sorely missing. So where's your girlfriend? Either they found my secret stash of porn in the attic or my evasive plans to be nominated most anti-social succeeded. Rightfully so! I am after all, the only gay in the village! (Wee Shiong, the freaky dude that approached me in the clubs, ex-f*ckbuddy & my God-sister's best friend don't count because I like cock more!) Then again I was busy watching Little Britain (google it why don't ya), Charmed & anything else on the telly.

But steering away from that, I realize what really amazes me is the amount of superstisions chinese really have. Some are so sick & twisted in nature that I believe they were thought up as ways of self punishing future generations for enjoying progress & all things modern. Those that come to mind are:-

1. As dogs dragons are mortal enemies, this year will not be good for those born in the year of the dragon. But really, when was the last time you saw a bunch of bitches opening a Can Of Whoopass on a dragon? Have you ever seen cartoons, temples or sacred manuscripts with a dragon chomping down on a chihuahua? Truly the dragon babies, which by the way are turning 30 this year have better things to worry about, like moisturising...

2. Its good luck to pull the tail of the lion during the lion dance. As a little boy, my cousins & I used to pull the tail of the dragon so much that it fell off! There were 20 odd cousins & with all that pulling, something was bound to give.

Pull my tail will ya?

3. During the new year you aren't suppose to use brooms or mops cos you'll sweep away all your luck. So what happens when intoxicated from a long night of drinking, you puke all over the floor & the washing machine? I suppose vacuums are ok.. (Happened to a friend, I haven't puked since 2002)

4. You must not wash your hair for the 15 days of the new year. This one was most probably thought up to conserve soap. We can be so cheap at times, eg. the half drunk cups of beer can be topped up with fresh booze & served to guests the next night when they are too drunk to tell the difference. Very common at karaoke bars.

Sometimes we can form our own superstitions based on personal experiences. My cousin, in a drunk-stoned stupor informed me of how he managed an unbelievable 4 day winning streak at gambling. To invoke the power of the dog, he brushed his dogs & petted them alot every morning without washing his hands. Somehow the dodgy-doggy smell helped him rake in a fortune. Good for him, bad for people who he touched. Eeeew, I don't care how superstitious he is. I just wish he told me about his secret before he passed the joint...