The Macy Theory: When All Fails, Just Lie!

Picture this: the music is pumping, the boys are prancing & on this very large couch, AJ is sprawling. Yeap. Just a little too much to drink & I can no longer grace the podium with my beauty. But it wasn’t all bad. Even though I was close to passing out, I managed to chat up some boys & subsequently divert their attention to Teks. And why not? He was slightly more coherent than I was & he could at least suck on their necks without the having sudden urges to puke down their shirts. Yes, nausea often does get in the way of slutting.

But besides the cute boy who were lured to my venus-fly-trap-couch, there were others that came by to check out the nectar (nectar being me as I am so so sweet). There was a ghost from my past named Macy which came for some of this honey.

“Er AJ is that you? So long no see! Why you never called me? How long has it been? Since 2002?”

“Is it really you? I wish I could talk, but I’m totally drunk to concentrate! Let’s talk another time!” (notice the bad grammar)

Truth being that I was fairly sober enough to hold a decent conversation. I just didn’t want to. Why? Well, as I recall rather vividly, it was 2002 when he began to start spinning his over dramatic web of lies. Supposedly, he met some super hot American born Japanese boy/girl who was heir to the Renaissance Hotel chain, who was totally in love with him & was going to bring him to America. Sure he introduced the lie in stages, but he could use some pointers on lying:-

1. Do your homework!
Don’t go around telling people that you spent the night with Brad Pitt when you know AJ has been shagging his pants off the whole week.

2. Keep it straight!
*Shudder* As distasteful as it sounds, sometimes you need to keep it straight. Tell the same story to different people because PEOPLE TALK!

3. Fib into the future!
Dropping subtle hints here & there always makes the lie ever stronger. If you want to run away to Bangcock with your best friend’s boyfriend, talking about how much you love Thai food will make it less obvious.

4. Be relatable!
Ever hear the story about the poor guy who had his car window smashed and had to make a police report? Even though nothing much was stolen, it took a whole day to repair. Yeap, I used that one once & my concerned colleagues related their own tales!

5. Don’t be a drama queen.
Nothing gives away a lie like too much drama. If you borrowed & lost your sister’s lipstick at a circuit party, don’t tell a fib about a one armed bandit who was hiding in the backseat of your car with a chainsaw. Just say you thought it was finished, threw it out with the trash, & give her the damn cash for a new one.

So lie if you must, but please do it well….