Close to my heart

You took your coat off, and stood in the rain.

You were always crazy like that.

And I watched from my window,

Always felt I was outside looking in on you.

You were always the mysterious one with

dark eyes and careless hair.

You were fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care.

You stood in my doorway, with nothing to say,

Besides some comment on the weather.

Well in case you failed to notice,

In case you failed to see,

This is my heart,

bleeding before you,

This is me down on my knees.

And these foolish games are tearing me apart,

And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart...

You're breaking my heart.

Jewel~ Foolish Games

If you think this post is about Ruggy, you are wrong. Love isnt the only thing close to my heart.

Recently my closest friends got into this major arguement. The real issue, not to be disclosed, really wasnt something out of the ordinary. Truly, sometimes its not what you say, but how you say it. The consequences are that friends of both waring factions were caught in the cross fire. Their thoughtless words were breaking my heart! And I couldnt help but ponder....

Do we really know the ones we hurt? And when we are busy hating someone, do we tend to hurt innocent bystanders, unwitingly?

The true test of a friendship is if it can withstand *white lies* and unconcious actions. Most people are more willing to stop whater they are doing, throw a hissy fit and get into a full on Mimi-Carey-Heartbreaker-Video-Cat-Fight. Sure its entertaining but it doesnt solve much unless someone is declared the alpha female bitch (who da bitch now?).

Over the weekend I told a lil white lie to one of my old friends who doesnt know I like boys. Instead of meeting him I told him that I passed out; when in actual fact I was with Ruggy watching desprate housewifes.... till I passed out.

Next day, I graciously called him and met him. We basically conversed over all issues & eventhough he constantly reminded me of how I fell asleep on him, all was forgiven cos he understood. He even presented me the opportunity to out myself cos he knows I have always been "the king/queen of pain/cheese". But I didnt just so we could continue living the lie we do.

Before you go "what the fuck?"- king/queen of pain/cheese is an expression I use to express how annoyingly weird but lovable I am. (king/queen of pain - sting/alanis song. king & queen of cheese- cow & chicken cartoon character)

With all friendships being put through "the test", I hope no matter the distance & time, friendship will prevail over the greyest lies and what we say will be more important than how we say it.

We may never get the chance to be beautiful together.... Again.

~AJ wipes a tear from his eye~

One minute you have one hoof out,

happily getting a much needed tan

with a best friend,

next thing you know

you're a skull on a fugly chopping board

& your never see friend again...