Resurrections, Reiterations & Revelations

Did ya miss me? Did I disappoint you by not posting? Did you even notice?

It’s not you, its me…
The matter of the fact is that I no longer feel like blogging as much any more. Rather than posting every other day, I think I will be posting once a week or maybe just when I really have something really worth posting about. Not that I think that anyone cares, but I thought I should give everyone who does read this blog the heads up (especially that one person from Iceland that seems to lurk frequently). I highly suspect it may be better I communicate all these things I wanna let out directly to people rather than jotting them down for the world to see.

Don’t ever accept candy from strangers…
But its okay if it’s from a friend of a friend’s friend, even if you’re not sure if he really was. His lollipop (really was candy people, FOCUS! FOCUS!) was the nicest & worst thing I ever tasted! Tasted like mandarin yoghurt & mutton curry! I got it at my final rave of the year (again), Velocity I think it was. Kyau & Albert, Ron Van Beuken and Judge Jules played an amazing set. There was a blackout which must be embarrassing for the organizers, but its no big deal. Everything seemed shiny sparkly that night. I didn’t even wonder over to the *ugh* RNB section to listen to what they were playing.

Haven’t we met before…
I went out clubbing (and drank) so often with old & new friends that I have trouble remembering what exactly I did, with who & where. Seriously kids, alcohol kills brain cells! I suspect I even had a blackout moment during my count down at Orange but can’t be sure because I was too drunk to remember. What I do remember is chatting up this couple that looked like they were made for each other. Surely they weren’t the prettiest things in there (I actually sent out an SMS to Slutboy- Come find me on the couches! Help me! I am chatting up ugly men!). Not that they were paying much heed to me, I could actually sense how happy they were together, like some of the couples I know…

Will you be my best friend…
On new years eve I was hugging (and licking) all of my best friends. I guess I wanted to show them some love. The funniest thing was that I saw a bunch of spiky haired lesbians on my way out of the club, I instantly shouted “OH MY GAWD! Lesbians! I love you lesbians!” The goat tells me this is rude and I am lucky I didn’t get beaten up, but I think at least I was (drunkenly) honest on how cute they are (it took what ever minute amounts of soberness left in me to stop me from going up to them and hugging them randomly too). But it certainly made my night when they shouted back “Happy New Year!” in unison. They love me, they really do!

You’re like a tender love bite on my neck…
Then there is this guy I met who is like sexy, smart & super nice. The more I know, the more I likey! It feels so comfortable talking with him, that it makes me wonder if my jaded bitter persona is all simply due to the simple fact that I just haven’t met a compatible guy. But (there is always a but isn’t there?) he gives off such mixed signals that it does drive me nuts at times too! WTF does he want from me??

Someday we’ll know…
I really can’t remember the last time that I felt so comfortable & yet so frantic. Then again he has left the country & doesn’t even stay in the same city. Although I am certainly not going to dwell on thoughts of him, I am certainly going to make opportunities to communicate with him in the future. I think just maybe, there is something worth exploring there.

And the award for best actor in a solo drama goes to…
I know I can be emotional, but what is a boy/ girl to do? And of course with the whole new year thingy I have been dutifully examining my priorities & how I channel my resources. The main outcome is that I am too hard on myself at times & at the same time too lax. I need to stop thinking I am crazy & be comfortable in my own skin. Over analyzing every situation is not going to help me be happier. I don’t think I will ever a stick thin model with abs of steel but neither am I unloveable, untouchable or undesirable. Over dramatic at times, I still do have more self control than some. When I bitchily glare at those who accuse me of being attracted to drama *flips hair*, I see they have starred in many soap operas of their own.

For my next trick…
I will give up the unhealthy & expensive habit of smoking like an Iraqi oil fire. By Feb 1st I should be smoking only on weekends & my last ciggie is targeted for March 16th. With a lil perseverance I will gain better control of the things I can change (work, health & finances) and learn to let go of the things I can’t (love & family). Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but soon enough I will be at total peace. I accept the simple fact that I will never be bright, shiny & new again but being clean, keen & quirky will be fantastic!