Shalloween 2.5 Teks-a-thon

The party continues!

“Deep breaths. If I keep my eyes wide open & breathe deeply, I will survive the night. I will come up on top! I will be victorious! Oh wait I already won.”

What did I win? If only I could speak. Giggle. Fuck that, I’m gonna try and nap it off.

*Blink* *Blink* Bluuuurgh!

If only I looked this pretty when puking

I don’t remember what triggered the puking. But I couldn’t stop it! My dinner decided to display itself to the crowd. Even Carnie commented on how well preserved the mushrooms & carrots that made up my roti babi filling was.

He got me a bag. And proceeded to cover the evidence with serviettes. I’m sure Teks helped too but I was too busy keeping my grasp on the bag.

Time seemed to stop. My mind flashed back to the last time I puked after alcohol. It was perhaps 4 years ago on a date. Right after puking, the guy full French kissed me. That was nasty. What was he trying to prove back then? Blluuuurggh!

Next memory, the time Teks told me binge drinking kills brain cells (like duh). Apparently 4 drinks in 2 hours is binge drinking! So what is ten shots in 1 minute? Blurrrgggggggh!

My brain cells weren’t dead! They were buzzing! Wheee! But still it hurt like a bitch. How uncannily similar to anal sex. Hmm… Bluuuurggh! Sputter Sputter

Some time later, with the help of my best buds, I dragged my stinky ass to my car & Teks took me for a spin.

At this level of drunkenness, most people forget themselves & blurt randomly all their thoughts & feelings. Not me! I’m too proper for that. Rather I had the disadvantage to remember every single word I blurted. I pitied Teks. No one who I have never gratified sexually has ever had to drag my pukey ass anywhere whiles listening to my millions of self inflicted problems. Not my friends, not my family. And there he was being a perfect gentlemen in his nifty Armani shirt. Yes, he has good taste in clothes.

Scarky at times, he was never mean, bitter or angry at my inability to shut up. I whined about every single insecurity I had. Love, family, career, friends, addictions, exs & even money. To make matters worst I was freezing & wouldn’t let him turn the air-con on. Even the acrid smell of my puke didn’t piss him off like I thought it would. Sure it was fun but there certainly hell to pay.

Damn you Teks, if anything, you’re the best thing that’s happened to me this year. *Wipes tear from eye with finger not covered in puke*

As we clearly know we aren’t each others type, I solemnly swear to try hard to find you a loving man, or at least a good fuck to make up for all the crap I put you through.

And why not? I had an epiphany as I sat huddled shivering clutching my blanket in the passenger seat. I’ve been truly self-sabotaging most of my love interests. I really wasn’t all that into any of them. Maybe I am comfortable alone. Maybe I am still too damaged from my last disaster. Maybe I have too high standards. Maybe it just doesn’t feel right. Maybe, maybe, maybe… Whatever it may be, I’m better off channeling my energy right the next time.

So listen up bitches and e-mail your nude frontal shots to androjane@gmail.com , I’m organizing a Teks-a-thon just for fucks sake (not like he needs it). And as much as I love Carnie too, he is more than over capable without my further intervention. Heh.

Yes I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by all this pavement
Guess I'll circle
While I'm waiting for my fuse to dry

Someday I'll fly
Someday I'll soar
Someday I'll be so damn much more
Cause I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for

Maybe I'll tangle in the power lines
And it might be over in a second's time
But I'll gladly go down in a flame
If a flame's what it takes to remember my name
To remember my name, yeah

John Mayer ~ Bigger Than My Body