M'sian Urban Legends II : Nasi Kangkang
If the headless squid is your thing, you gonna love this one! But be warned, it is pretty offensive.
You see, some closed minded men are just scum. They lie about like the layer of muck at the bottom of the pool composed made up of pubic hair, poo poo & rotting debris. These men need to be thought how to behave and how to treat their women right.
All the ladies who hear me, throw your hands up at me!
So some wise old hags decided to put their culinary skills to good use and come up with a dish that never satisfies. It never satisfies but only makes cravings stronger. Its not that Nasi Kangkang is some miracle slimming product. Its not like Coke Lite, Pepsi Lite or H20H.
Nasi Kangkang roughly translates into "wide opened rice" a dish that is never served steaming hot. To make it, first steam your rice until nice soft and fluffy. Next proceed to pull your panties down & stand with your legs wide open right over the rice. With favourable air currents & lots of moisture, the steam will proceed to rise & evelope you delicate little muff.
It may sting, it may be pleasurable (I seriously wouldnt know because I dont have a whisker biscuit), but collect as much steam as you can with ur gollywog. This is as you want the steam to condense & drip down on the rice. This is the most crucial step to the dish. Peeing & pooing are not acceptable subsitutes.
Serve the dish to your victim, i mean man... no wait... I did mean victim... & he will obey your every wish. There is some technical mumbo jumbo about how once he has tasted your juices, he will want more... But I can't advocate this untruth, especially since I know many people who give head without any addictive side effects. A strong dose will make a man give up his fortune for you. Using a lesser dosage will just make a person (or people) crave your cooking....
Aren't you glad that NOW YOU KNOW how some restaurants are packed eventhough the overpriced crap they pass off as food tastes like dish water & they treat customers like goats?
Sorry fabulous little boys, I have never heard of any variations for men. But if I do, I'll be sure to have a party! And invite you all over!!
And oh by the way..
Nasi Kangkang goes best with Tampon Curry, another nasty rumour spread by jealous restaurant owners....
Nasi Lemak anyone?
posted by AJ @ 4:47 PM
22 Comments:
OH MY FUDGING GOD!!!
How on earth did you come up with this post? I was reading your post while eating my dinner. hahaha. I am glad I didn't throw up. :-)
you have a fantabulous clean evening!
That is disgusting and repulsive. Well done!
What's the male version of the dish though...?
But I think giving head can be pretty addictive. ;oP
shigeki~ I'm glad you didnt throw up too! You have a hyper elevated week!
canard~ I'm still looking for the male version of the dish, don't worry you'll be the first to have my sausage roll...
wingedman~ I'm glad I can help you keep to your diet. You stil need to look good, even if you have sex on the tap!
hrugaar~ It can be addictive but not in every case!!
ewuhhhhhh.....
How useful. Now whenever I have cravings for fried chicken, I'll just have tell myself to be wary of the 11th secret 'spice'
Omigod. Where the f did you find all these!!
Paul
Omigod. Where the f did you find all these!!
Paul
Damn you, did you have to tell EVERYONE how I prepare my rice?!
tete~ But these things are important to know!
jups~ I'm sure you have even worse dishes back home in India *winks*
weeshiong~ Well at KFC, the whipped potato gravy is rumoured to be made of the oil used for frying the chicken & the burnt bits. Thats bad enough!
paul~ Their told by people without anything better to do. I'm sure you have a few urban legends of your own.
jay~ Its ok, your sense of wit is more powerful than any Nasi Kangkang.
I guess this is how Najis got Saiful to be so tame for him to use, from mouth to anus ;p
I don't know how your English is in general, but a better translation of "kangkang" would be "straddle" (the word also applied for when one person is sitting with their legs spread on top of another person). So nasi kangkang is Straddled Rice.
Btw I heard about this urban legend from a friend in secondary school.
Yeah, sure this post is literally 3 years old, but damn, that's a good post.
HAHAHA! This is what I get for Googling Nasi Kangkang, but seriously... Tampon Curry?
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Nasi Kang Kang..
Takut akan kepanasan wap?
Kemaluan sensitif terhadap asap dan wap?
Takut kulit peha terkena sisi periuk panas?
Takut terjatuh dan terduduk diatas nasi?
Bulu jadi kerinting selepas menyediakan nasi kangkang akibat kepanasan yang terlampau?
Selalu mencangkung ditempat yang salah menyebabkan wap terkeluar dari sarung dan tidak terkena kemaluan untuk dititis balik ke atas nasi yang disediakan?
Masa yang terlampau panjang dan terpaksa menyidang nasi yang sudah sejuk dan kering, atau takut abang balik pada masa penyediaan?
Effect yang hanya untuk jangka masa yang pendek dan perlu mengidang nasi kangkang selalu untuk menyikat hati si-dia?
Semua ini bukannya masalah sekarang!
Dengan teknologi terbaru yang ideanya dari mesin steamer salun kecantikan, Nasi Kangkang sekarang boleh dibuat dengan senangnya, hanya tekan sebijik butang "on", pastu duduk je kat situ tengok tv ke apepe, tunggu 15minit dan air ajaib akan dititis kedalam nasi dan Nasi Kangkang rumahtangga dah sudah disiapkan!
Tidak menyederakan kemaluan!
Tiada wap Panas!
Tidak mengeringingkan bulu kemaluan!
Tidak allergi!
Tiada side efect!
Lebih lembut terhadap kulit!
Tidak perlu mencangkung dalam posisi yang bahaya!
Ambil masa yang pendek dan tidak akan disyaki abang!
Senang diguna, hanya tekan satu butang!
Atau pakai apps untuk mengawal suhu dan kadar wap yang dikeluarkan!
Cepat & senang diguna, boleh buat kat abang seminggu sekali!
Tidak perlu pemasangan, plug & play!
Mesin saiz kecil dan mudah disorok dibawah katil/atas siling!
Teknologi terbaru!
Meneyekalkan tradisi dalam cara yang moden!
Layak mengambil bahagian dalam pernyertaan Nasi Kangkang nasional!
Share dalam facebook untuk dapat discount bagi unit kedua!
Tunggu apa lagi?
Call saya sekarang untuk dapatkan mesin Nasi Kangkang ini sekarang juga!
Free pos keseluruh Malaysia & Indonesia (sampai May 2016 sahaja)
Call sya di 017-8100570 (Benet) atau SMS/Whatsapp saya untuk sebarang pertanyaan, gambar mesin dan testimonial pengguna selebriti yang puas dengan penggunaan mesin KangKang ini. 017-8100570. Ingat, 017-8100570.
*Harga borong hanya untuk tempahan 5 unit keatas sahaja, dan hadiah percuma akan disertakan kepada pembeli borong kedai jamu atau pusat kecantikan tradisional.
"Mesin kangkang, the future of your family is in your hand!"
Tunggu ape lagi? Call sekarang untuk mendapatkan mesin KangKang terbaru, 017-8100570, untuk pembelian dan pertanyaan, 017-8100570, call sekarang untuk pos percuma, hanya sampai May 2016!! 017-8100570, ingat, 017-8100570!!!
"Mesin kangkang, the future of your family is in your hand!"
Nasi Kang Kang..
Takut akan kepanasan wap?
Kemaluan sensitif terhadap asap dan wap?
Takut kulit peha terkena sisi periuk panas?
Takut terjatuh dan terduduk diatas nasi?
Bulu jadi kerinting selepas menyediakan nasi kangkang akibat kepanasan yang terlampau?
Selalu mencangkung ditempat yang salah menyebabkan wap terkeluar dari sarung dan tidak terkena kemaluan untuk dititis balik ke atas nasi yang disediakan?
Masa yang terlampau panjang dan terpaksa menyidang nasi yang sudah sejuk dan kering, atau takut abang balik pada masa penyediaan?
Effect yang hanya untuk jangka masa yang pendek dan perlu mengidang nasi kangkang selalu untuk menyikat hati si-dia?
Semua ini bukannya masalah sekarang!
Dengan teknologi terbaru yang ideanya dari mesin steamer salun kecantikan, Nasi Kangkang sekarang boleh dibuat dengan senangnya, hanya tekan sebijik butang "on", pastu duduk je kat situ tengok tv ke apepe, tunggu 15minit dan air ajaib akan dititis kedalam nasi dan Nasi Kangkang rumahtangga dah sudah disiapkan!
Tidak menyederakan kemaluan!
Tiada wap Panas!
Tidak mengeringingkan bulu kemaluan!
Tidak allergi!
Tiada side efect!
Lebih lembut terhadap kulit!
Tidak perlu mencangkung dalam posisi yang bahaya!
Ambil masa yang pendek dan tidak akan disyaki abang!
Senang diguna, hanya tekan satu butang!
Atau pakai apps untuk mengawal suhu dan kadar wap yang dikeluarkan!
Cepat & senang diguna, boleh buat kat abang seminggu sekali!
Tidak perlu pemasangan, plug & play!
Mesin saiz kecil dan mudah disorok dibawah katil/atas siling!
Teknologi terbaru!
Meneyekalkan tradisi dalam cara yang moden!
Layak mengambil bahagian dalam pernyertaan Nasi Kangkang nasional!
Share dalam facebook untuk dapat discount bagi unit kedua!
Tunggu apa lagi?
Call saya sekarang untuk dapatkan mesin Nasi Kangkang ini sekarang juga!
Free pos keseluruh Malaysia & Indonesia (sampai May 2016 sahaja)
Call sya di 017-8100570 (Benet) atau SMS/Whatsapp saya untuk sebarang pertanyaan, gambar mesin dan testimonial pengguna selebriti yang puas dengan penggunaan mesin KangKang ini. 017-8100570. Ingat, 017-8100570.
*Harga borong hanya untuk tempahan 5 unit keatas sahaja, dan hadiah percuma akan disertakan kepada pembeli borong kedai jamu atau pusat kecantikan tradisional.
"Mesin kangkang, the future of your family is in your hand!"
Tunggu ape lagi? Call sekarang untuk mendapatkan mesin KangKang terbaru, 017-8100570, untuk pembelian dan pertanyaan, 017-8100570, call sekarang untuk pos percuma, hanya sampai May 2016!! 017-8100570, ingat, 017-8100570!!!
"Mesin kangkang, the future of your family is in your hand!"
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