Smiles! The Remedy For Unenthusiastic Insanity

It’s going to be another post about being an unenthusiastic crazy ex, can you tell?

If you rather read something delicious, I highly recommend Snowdrop’s Blog Snowies' Stuffing. Snowdrop being the porky life partner (is that the politically right term?) of my favorite clever cow- Spot. Tantalizing food & smart mouthing!

But yeah…
I’m still angry & deranged when it comes to my ex Ruggy. Maybe I’m more angry at myself than him but that’s not the issue. The issue is, how do I stop thinking of (tormenting) the sonofabitch?

Recently a friend’s friend passed away (God bless his soul) and in a very unrelated way, the story of how he punched the living daylights out of his cheating ex came up. It was most amusing. Especially the part about how he hit him so hard that he broke his hand. Add how it happened at the gym & you got to admire the guy’s guts. Not that I advocate violence, but maybe physical abuse would make me satisfied? I couldn’t help but to fantasize…

No! No more crazy thoughts! I’d wanna be cool, calm & collected like Stacie Orico’s I’m Not Missing You. The song talks about despite being upset from the break up, she is concentrating on life & all the good things it has to offer…

Bla… Bla… Bla… Who am I kidding? After all the shit he periodically puts me through, I would love to get a little revenge! I don’t blame him entirely for my lack of mental health, but he certainly has played a leading role in the derangement of AJ. Off the top of my head…

I would like to put laxatives in his food, flies in his drinks & dead mice in his shoes.

I would love to see him stranded by the side of a busy highway without a spare tire or being slowly digested alive by an anaconda.

I’d pay good money to have someone throw him into a pit of flesh eating beetles or fill his bed with doggie doo doo. Yes I am that twisted.

I’d provide good head to anyone willing to dye him permanently pink, squeeze toothpaste in his pants, shave his eyebrows & wake him up with a haphazard body wax. Ouch!

Then there is sabotage to the things he loves like pouring piss down the windscreen of his car, stuffing his clothes into the toilet & turning his PC into a aquarium/ fire ant farm combo.

But I don’t have to. He is getting fatter & balder. And more importantly, he is getting no attention from fabulous me! Undoubtedly satisfaction enough.

How did I come to this amazing (yet totally insane) conclusion? I listened to a song provided by dearest Duff! Excuse me whiles I continue to fantasize of new ways to make his life a living hell. What else is a boy supposed to do?

(Voting is opened for the best Asian BGLT! Wanna vote for crazy sexy me?)

When you first left me I was wanting more
But you were fucking that girl next door, what ja do that for
When you first left me I didn't know what to say
I never been on my own that way, just sat by myself all day

I was so lost back then
But with a little help from my friends
I found a light in the tunnel at the end
Now you're calling me up on the phone
So you can have a little whine and a moan
And it's only because you're feeling alone

At first when I see you cry,
yeah it makes me smile, yeah it makes my smile
At worst I feel bad for a while,
but then I just smile I go ahead and smile

Lily Allen ~ Smile