Cousin: Same Family, Different Person

My cousin & I are about the same age. So its natural for us to attend kindergarden all the way to highschool together. We grew up almost as best friends and really, spent lots of time together. Even when we went to college, we decided to to stay together. Its not always easy to stay with family & we were driving each other crazy & went our own ways. But even after we drifted apart, we still spend some time together, sometimes.

Its interesting to see how we have changed. Sexual orientation. Hobbies. Interests. Friends... Very different. But still we can spend time chilling. Talking. Smoking. Staring at absolutely nothing and with nothing to say to each other. But silent companionship is like that. Gawd I missed that feeling. No need to pass judgement. Not passed judgement on. No need for useless words. No useless actions. We have passed many hours with each other just like that. We could be fishing, smoking in the mamak (cafe), floating in the waterfall, driving to the beach or even just star gazing. Scary eh? I don't even have this with my lover!

But I had to ruin it. I had to tell him he needs to do more with his life than stay with his parents and play his playstation all day till it was time to drink. He needed to move on. He needed to get a job and not stay in that forsaken town. The town would consume him keep him & his soul forever and ever. Just like a certain uncle we share, he would be stuck doing nothing much.

Its great that he has given up on his addictions but he needed to get on his feet and join the rest of us poor unhappy working bastards. Its ok. Its tough but we are tough too... It has to be better than this... Can he be happy with all this? Doing just about nothing most of the time...

I wasn't happy in his situation, I was almost swallowed whole. Destined never to be interlectually stimulated by anyone, plagued with a life of half attempts & no friends. Worst of all for me, but not possibly him, I would have almost no hopes of never finding a special someone. At 25 there never has been a harder time in my life. Now, I've been working for 9 months & I'm dealing with the demands on me. The changes and all. Sort off...

Wonderful unakward silences or not, he will hear me bitch about getting a life until he avoids me or tries reality for a change...

25 years of my life and still
I'm trying to get up that great big hill of hope
for a destination
I realized quickly when I knew I should
that the world was made up of this brotherhood of man
for whatever that means

and I try, oh my God do I try
I try all the time
in this institution
and I pray, oh my God do I pray
I pray ev'ry single day
for a revolution

Four Non Blondes ~ What's Up?