Crickey! Tick Tick Tick Boom!

On Wednesday, I had an SMS fight with a dear but depressed friend. I’ve always considered her a younger female version of myself. Without relaying the petty/ childish reasons behind the bombardment of bitter SMSes, let’s say I felt she was being too self destructive.

Couple of years ago, when I was too ‘gone’ to go into work, I visited this chirpy Malay doctor who is famous for cheerily handing over Medical Leave. Besides my one day of leave, I also got a lot more than I bargained for. She gave me a long seminar on air pollution, taking care of health & ended it with why I should quit smoking.

Dr Chirpy-jah: So young man, do you see why you should quit smoking?

AndroJane: Aiyoh. So much stress-la Dr. How to cope? Smoking helps me.

Dr Chirpy-jah: But if you can barely cope with the stress now, how will cope with even bigger stress later? When you get married, have a wife, have kids, you will be even worse off. How then? You are still young and there even bigger challenges ahead of you. You need to learn to cope with stress or you will never survive….

AndroJane: (Me? Have kids? There is a better chance of a plague of locust bursting into this room now and picking your carcass clean) *Braces self for grasshoppery impact*….*Nothing*

Begrudgingly looking back, I have to agree with her. Since then I have struggled through a messy SMS break up, work dissatisfaction, addictions, afflictions, other people trying to live my life, cheating lovers, cheating on lovers, demanding customers, needy friends, allergies, weight gain, running away from home, rejection, deadlines, HIV testing, monetary problems, family members falling sick, death in the family & now I’m about to face unwanted birth.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not moaning that life has been unfair to me. Life is fair that it is unfair to most of us! I’m actually pretty damn happy with what I have accomplished so far. Simply because I choose to try and be happy even when I am not. Sure I have my moods, but doesn’t everybody have their own sources of stress?

For the love of me, I still hate Ruggy (My horrible ex bf). But if there was one good thing that came out of that relationship was the simple idea that we do not HAVE to do anything in life. Everything is a CHOICE. Argue anything obligation long enough and it really becomes a choice, as long as you can live with the consequences.

I don’t have to wake up early to get to work on time. I choose to wake up early to get to work on time. I could choose not to get up early and get my sorry ass fired & sell my kidney on the black market for cash, but I it’s a choice. Sure I feel some sense of loyalty to family & friends but ultimately I’m number ONE. I get to choose my path in life. Sadly, selfish = self love = survival baby!

Back to the reason for the post. I’m worried for my friend because she is living her life for everyone else. We can die any minute! Look at the Crocodile Hunter. Of all the nasty beasties he has gotten too close to, I’d bet he didn’t expect to croak due to the gentle (yet delicious) stingray. Certainly he could have chosen not to get to damn close to the poor critter. But explicitly attracted to danger, he chose to get erotically too close, as usual. Its very self destructive behavior if you ask me.

There are many ways to set ourselves up to fail. Self destruction, like ugly stripy shirts are all too rampant. Be it the choice of fatty food or slashing wrists; hand-squeezing orange juice for someone who won’t drink it or forgetting to pay the bills, its all self destructive.

Sure its not too bad to live with a little self destruction. But wouldn’t it be fantastic if we could learn from our mistakes. To be able to correct ourselves so we know better next time. So we can stop making self destructive choices. Choosing decisions that ultimately make us happy. Can we? As I discussed with some friends earlier later this week, we can! There is no reason to stop us!