Charmed I'm Sure~ in 6 Steps!

Sunday brunch was spent with his goatyness (my ex) and his other ex (or so he claims).

Well, some may consider this situation an akward one, you know meeting your ex's ex who is on good terms with your ex. But I'm not so easily disturbed. I somehow feel there is more to their relationship than his goatyness is volunteering. But its not my place to speculate. It is my place tho to appear more charming than a charm bracklet, wittier than neurotic chicken & sexier than brad pitt's butt.

How did I do it you may ask? Its simple really. Following some simple rules, I strongly believe that I have charmed his socks off & lived up to expectations as the evil ex. Here are 6 simple steps to follow to impress your ex's ex, assuming both of you are on talking terms.

1. Don't Over Dress. For heaven's sake, wearing T-shirt & faded jeans is good enough. Obviously you don't wanna look like Christina Evil-clown-make-up Aguilera whiles munching on your roti canai!

2. Don't Volunteer Too Much Info. Obviously if you know your ex's favourite past time is listening to his own voice, you know your name is bound to be part of many a conversation he has. I can only imagine being described as "AJ The Tormentor" , "AJ The Forked Tongued" and "He Who Makes My Life A Living Hell". If he wants to know more, let him ask. Also topics like what you & your ex did with onion rings is not acceptable conversation. NO Kink!

3. Be The Better Bitch. I would have to assume that anyone who hangs out with his ex as much as I do would always end up bitching at each other. Never relent! Never give up! Even if it is as lame a comeback as " What a fresh insult! As fresh as dinosaur poop I'd say!"

4. Force Feed Your Ex's Ex. Load him up with cholesterol laden curries, mutton masala & chutney! Your Ex's Ex may or may not be be playing the dating game but thats no reason not to be bitter. With the chance you will ever sleep with him practically zero, you should help him get out of shape. This is especially true if he is cute as a button. Remember, if you cant have him, no one else should want him!

5. Taunt Your Ex. Tell horrible stories about all the silly things he did in the past like how he likes parking on dividers or that he watches pornographic cartoons. Comments like "So you do really exist & he wasn't just making you up so he could wank in peace" are also acceptable.

6. Don't Give Them Any Time To Themselves. This is especially true if your ex's ex has important things to say to your ex. Screw him! Its all about ME! ME! ME! ME!... I mean you, you you & you....

Yeap its confirmed that I'm an attention-seeking-bitter-cunt-who-can't-let-go. But anything less would be a character fault! His goatyness expects nothing less of me, especially after all the things he said to Ruggy!

And I'll be happy for you
If you can be happy for me
Circles and triangles
And now we're hanging out with your new girlfriend
So far from where we've been
I know we're cool
I know we're cool

Gwen Stefani ~ Cool