My Indian Roots

Last nite I decided to get in touch with my Indian roots.
(Sceptic Goat: But Jane the only Indian roots you have are those pubes Ruggy left in your bed)

So I dont have Indian roots per say but I do devilishly enjoy indulging in their customs, such as being a total bitch. I met up with an ol Uni Mate, Letchumi in Bangsar as she needed to collect some books from another ol Uni Mate's parents Shanti. I couldnt resist sabotaging an uptight upper class conversation. I had to go with her.

The First Time I meet Shanti's Parents
My pierced tongue just healed nicely and so did my 3left 1right earings. My hair was in a classic mess and my torn & stained T-shirt jeans screamed "dropout". With my slippers going flop flop flop into the scholarship presentation ceremony I put a big grin.

Jane: Hey Shanti. Am I late?
Shanti: No we are just about to start. Mum Dad, this is Jane.
Mummy: Hi. Nice to meet you. Are you here to watch my daughter recieve her scholarship?
Jane: Yes aunty. That and the food... Oh yeah, I think they are giving me some money too.
Shanti: Hahahaha. Jane is always full of witty remarks.
Jane: I do try. (In my heart: I do try to bear with your snobishness but who else will let me blatantly plagerize their reports?)
Daddy: Are you going up like that? (He looks at my outfit and in disbelief)
Jane: It is a bit too fancy isn't it? I know the pink sparkly earings were too much... And the hole in my T-shirt, it isnt big enough...

The second time
The second time around at the scholarship ceremony they pasted a big notice reading "NO SLIPPERS". Most prolly they didnt like the *flop~ flop~ flop~* sound that I made when I went up to recieve the damn cheque.

Jane: Hello aunty & uncle. How are we all doing today?
Mummy: Fine. Nice to see you again. Do they really let you go to class like that?
(she looks over my sparkly "69" T-shirt and extra torn jeans and oversized pointy earings)
Jane: Sure why not? Its at the airports where I have to watch out for the metal detectors. I havent got caught on a bunsen burner or anything like that yet. Your daughter on the other hand.... Remember the time your super long braid almost got caught in the centrifuge?
Shanti: No I don't...
Jane: Oops. (In my heart: yeah we didnt have time to make sure your hair was properly jammed in there ;o)

Back to Present time
We go over to Shanti's place and sit down with the parents cos Shanti is off doing her research in some god-forsaken-country where the people are mindless wankers. Thats right, Singapore. I'm dressed in plain slacks and shirt, no piercings, no holes.

Mummy: Nice to see you Jane! Almost couldn't see you hiding behind Letchumi.
Jane: Yes aunty, I said hi but I was drowned out by Letchumi's big voice.
(in my heart: well her ass is big enough to house a whole elephant sanctuary, of course you didnt see me)
Letchumi: So aunty how is your daughter?
Jane: Yes aunty, how is your lovely daughter? I herd she went to a party the other day.
(in my heart: so how is ur uptight snobbish bitch spawn? Did she get knocked up yet? has she got in touch with reality and the rest of the world yet?)
Mummy: Yes she is socializing a bit more now and her research is going spledidly....
(Jane zones out and thinks of yummy half naked indian men stripping)
Jane: Uhuh...Uhuh..
15 minutes later.
Jane: Well aunty we got to go now, Lechumi has milk to deliver.(I gesture towards the renault kangoo:-

Renault, desperate for frest talent,

hired designers right out of kindergarden.

I leave with Letchumi and we sit down for naan n tandoori. This most-innocent-bright-eyed-well-toned-indian guy comes along and chats with Letchumi.

Jane: So you stay around here?

Kupusamy: Yeah.

Jane: So you are a bonafide, Bangsar umm.. Boy? (in my heart: bonafide bottle carrying bangsar macha)

Letchumi: What he means is are you a Bangsar Macha?

(Bangsar Macha=Drunkard who likes to pick fights when he drinks alot & speaks with a black accent)

Kupusamy: Ha ha... No nowdays I don't club as much. Getting old la.

Jane: Yeah it shows...(I'm bitter he is straight, anything less and I be giggling like the lil girl I am)

Being pointless is really part of my charm. I'm not racist, in fact I like my Curry... Kaariiii~ Karrriiii~~! KKkkkaaarrri! I believe Malaysia's cultural harmony is really demostrated when we can poke fun at each other, regardless of race. Just ask Ruggy... Its just life is so much more interesting when people are pissy. It brings out the best and worst in them.