Alleviate/ Aggravate

Disconnection/ Reconnection

2009-12-14T23:51:00.004+08:00

Just the other day I met up my old pal, Ling Ling. For several months we had made many plans to catch up but just never did. Like all friends who do not manage to keep in contact, we came to a silence . It wasn’t awkward as much as it was guilt ridden. She asked me, “so what ever happened to your blog, I haven’t seen any new posts for a while?”

Its been more than 2 years since I decided to stop blogging. But I wasn’t going to call her out on that. I’m not even very sure where she currently goes for her yoga classes, though in my defence I think it’s near where I stay. I calmly replied, “I stopped actually. I decided I should be less self obsessed, its all rather tiring really...”

Truth be told, I actually stopped because I am self-obsessed. Blogging was taking time away from other more important activities, like partying, working out at the gym, meeting men & watching TV. Especially watching TV. It was becoming a chore, not a pleasure.

Now I feel the desire to craft the’ written word ’ coming back. Somewhere to record my life in a manner befitting (sending my deepest darkest thoughts into cyberspace is totally without consequence!). Something to which I can lay claim (So what if it is an anonymous blog). Some place to showcase my creativity.

Isn’t there a children’s book writing diva dying to burst out in all of us?

“Write your life autobiography before fame clouds your already stormy head,” she said.

Its been 2 years & 3 months. Plenty has changed and just as much has stayed the same.
About 3 years ago I met Mr. 99.8%. We’ve been a couple for more than 2 years now. This is the one. I have never been as sure that I found the right guy in my entire life.

Shortly after that, Slutboy got a job in Singapore. Cupcake decided to pursue his studies in France (or that’s what my brain tells me). Cupcake is now in Singapore with Slutboy where they had to find 15 other men just to replace me. Not really sure that is working though, I have big shoes...

About 2 years ago I changed jobs and now work in a sizeable advertising firm. I am now paid a measurable, however tiny fraction of my worth. Money, it means a lot to the greedy.

More than a year ago, my sister passed away. I never realised how much she meant to me, until it was too late to let her know. Even if I didn’t know to say it, I am glad I always took the time to show her how much she meant to me. Once the shock and not stop crying passed, there were several months of depression with only daily crying. Sometimes when faced with situations where I think about her, tears do escape, however I mostly have my emotions back in control.

Roughly three months ago, on the 2nd anniversary of the day we decide to be a commit to each other, Mr. 99.8% & I exchanged ‘engagement rings’. I will not go into technicalities & terminologies of how can gay men get engaged in Malaysia but it’s a symbol of our commitment to each other.

Recently I did Lasik surgery and now do not rely on contact lenses or spectacles. Instead, eye drops are now by best friend because of the dryness. But it’s worth it. I have rediscovered the joys of waking up, looking out the window and seeing airplanes!

So, in a nutshell, that’s what I’ve been up to since then. Don’t blame me for leaving the first time around but I had to. And so this epic journey blog continues.

I did my best to notice
When the call came down the line
Up to the platform of surrender
I was brought but I was kind

And sometimes I get nervous
When I see an open door
Close your eyes, clear your heart
Cut the cord

Are we human or are we dancer?
My sign is vital, my hands are cold
And I'm on my knees looking for the answer
Are we human or are we dancer?

Pay my respects to grace and virtue
Send my condolences to good
Give my regards to soul and romance
They always did the best they could

And so long to devotion
You taught me everything I know
Wave goodbye, wish me well
You've gotta let me go

Are we human or are we dancer?
My sign is vital, my hands are cold
And I'm on my knees looking for the answer
Are we human or are we dancer?

Will your system be alright
When you dream of home tonight?
There is no message we're receiving
Let me know, is your heart still beating?

Are we human or are we dancer?
My sign is vital, my hands are cold
And I'm on my knees looking for the answer

You've gotta let me know
Are we human or are we dancer?
My sign is vital, my hands are cold
And I'm on my knees looking for the answer
Are we human or are we dancer?

Are we human or are we dancer?
Are we human or are we dancer?

Human~ Killers

Trekking treasure down

2007-09-01T17:32:00.000+08:00

Imagine you're having mind blowing sex. And you are about to cum. And out of no where, along comes this old skinny hostile & hysterical lesbian who cuts off your dick. You do not cum. You feel pain. You lose the moment. You lose your dick.

That's how it feels each time you come along and invade my space when I am happily tripping in my own world. That's how it feels every time it feels like when I and the profound displeasure of meeting you at a rave. Any rave, every time. Any event, any location. I don't care what your intention may be, respect my intentions of having a good time.

As civilized as I appear. As calm and collected I am when you're near, I rather you be far away from me. I rather be with the people I want to be with. Not stuck down at the bottom of a lightless shaft suffocating on the dark morbid fumes that is your black aura. You're persona non grata. You're uninvited. You're not wanted here.

And if, how minute the possibility that it may be, if it so happens that you just happen to wonder to the same spot, or want the same space, or want to just hang with my friends, just do me a favor and just don't. And it that doesn't sit well with your over inflated self serving ego, inform me of your intention, and I may actually give up my place in the universe for a better, more pristine, more chaste location.

Yes I rather be away from the comfort of my friends to be rid of the foul noxious stench is that is your trademark.

Sure during the time together, there were some good memories & plenty of fantastic songs that were playing. But all the memories were tainted the day you broke up with me over msn messenger. I clearly recall telling right at the start. That one of the most unforgivable acts when ending to me is not having the guts to tell me it is over to my face. I think its a common courtesy that should be extended to any one that you share a relationship with. You knew I would hate you for it, yet you went ahead and did it. For whatever the shortcomings of yours that I put up with, none of them compared to being dumped over the internet.

So no matter how sweet the memories were, they tasted like a perfect white wine with spit in it. No matter how fantastic, how uplifting, how seductive the songs were, they were all tainted with your mal intent & blatant disregard for my emotions & my being.

"Stranded in paradise, lost without you?" Fuck paradise, anywhere is better when I'm without you...

"Its a little bit lonely down here... Its a little bit faint without you near?" Like hell it is. I found new people to hang with up there with.

Can't you tell? Its not that I've decided that its better be be alone, I have decided its better to be far away from you. For all the times I was all sorts of crazy, for all the times I drove both you and myself mad, nothing compares to the stoic insanity that is my relentless pursuit to better. Better simply equals me with total disregard of you. The rest of my plan is not your concern.

So what if I remember or know a song? A song is just a bloody song. Just like all the other bloody songs I've herd over the years, they can only affect me the way I let them affect me. I don't want to be affected by any association to you. That is my business. What was once ours' is now mine. What was once shared and enjoyed together is now irrelevant of your participation. I don't care for your participation. In fact I applaud your exclusion from any activity that involves me. Or didn't anyone care to mention it to you?

Do you really want to know if I am still mad at you? Do you not realize that whatever warm fuzzy centre that is at my core, I don't care to exchange any words with you. Civil or otherwise. I do not subscribe to your channel. I do not want to buy any of your bullshit. I'm fine, thank you (but I will be fucking fantastic if I didn't have to see your face).

Don't make me have to say 'fuck off' to you in front of everybody. Don't make me have to fork out more money to buy you a clue.

I want you to leave me alone.

Fuck someone else's mind.

The next time I will ask you to go away.

And if you don't, don't blame me for disregarding my happiness, for I will let my over emotional self take over and free the beast within. Be warned, I have stopped being concerned about your wellbeing. I will fucking beat the shit out of you. There is a first & last time for everything.

I don't care for any association with you.

Drive boy dog boy
Dirty numb angel boy
In the doorway boy
She was a-lipstick boy
She was a-beautiful boy
And tears boy
And all in your inner space boy
You had hands girls boy
And steel boy
You had chemicals boy
I've grown so close to you boy
And you just groan boy
She said come over come over
She smiled at you boy

Drive boy dog boy
Dirty numb angel boy
In the doorway boy
She was a-lipstick boy
She was a-beautiful boy
And tears boy
And all in your inner space boy
You had hands girls boy
And steel boy
You had chemicals boy
I've grown so close to you boy
And you just groan boy
She said come over come over
She smiled at you boy

Let your feelings slip boy
But never your mask boy
Random blonde boy
High density random
blonde boy
Blonde country
Blonde high density
You are my drug boy
You're real boy
Dog dirty dumb cracking boy
You're getting wet boy
Big big time boy
Acid bears boy
Babes and babes
And babes and babes
and babes
And remembering nothing boy
Do you like my tin horn boy
It gets wet like at Angel
derailed

You got a velvet mouth
You're so succelent and beautiful
Shimmering and dirty
Wonderful and hot time
On your telephone line
And God and everything
On your telephone
And in walks an angel

Look at me mum
Squatting pissed in the tube hole
At Tottenham Court Road
I just come out of the Ship
Talking to the most blonde
I ever met
Shouting lager lager lager lager
Shouting lager lager lager lager
Shouting lager lager lager lager
Shouting lager lager lager
Shouting mega mega
White thing
Mega mega white thing
Mega mega white thing
Mega mega
Shouting lager lager lager lager
Mega mega white thing
Mega mega white thing
So many things to see and do
in the tube hole
The blonde going back
to Romford
Mega mega mega going back
to Romford
Hi mum are you having fun
On your way
To a new age tension headache

Born Slippy~ Underground (OST Trainspotting)

My Blog is like… A Box Of iJuice

2007-06-06T00:47:00.000+08:00

Life’s funny like that. You think you know yourself & you go online and distill your memoirs into an oddly colorful collection of short snippets…

You chop your life into chunks, throw them into the thought blender & extract the sugary hype that is juice, discarding the pips, peel, fiber & what ever other substance is left over from the process.

You list your favorite lyrics/songs, cartoons, videos, actors, books, DJs, pictures, dishes, cocktails, hangouts, recipes, anecdotes & even talk about your friend’s encounter in the gym showers. Gee Golly Wow!

Sex is splashed all over the pages freely as the usage of profanities like fuck, bitch, slut & cock. But the profanities don’t nearly do as much damage to the English language as tainting it with words like anti-achievement, serial monogamist, cockadile, sexcapades & goatilicious. Goat-delicious. Goats aren’t just delicious, goats are everywhere, especially in my blog!

What is a blog without a lil moan & whine?

Relate the bad days at the office, bitch about the bitch, tales of the death of a loved one or even an argument that seems utter meaningless. Stories of love found & love lost, just like the movies keeps the ‘airplay’ up.

Sentimental stories about those who count fruit flies & girls named after cherry blossoms gives you the appearance of a legitimate writer. Meh… I was paid to write & hated it with a vengeance.

Name drop a couple of celebrities for glamour, several clubs so everyone who has ever been out clubbing wonders if you were there & secret locations for nosey pokers to check out. Mystery & mystique intrigue are key sellers when selling on the internet!

Talking about fitness instructors like a drooling stalker or post secretly snapped photos of cute but unsuspecting strangers on holiday always inspire snippy comments. Not forgetting the explicit, even if not lucid depiction of men you lust over even if the act itself is shallower than a mirage?

Top it all off with bits and pieces of your own skin to seem more attractive to the perverts, which most likely make up a high percentage of all internet users. Heh.

Then like the acrid taste of your own vomit after one drink too many, you wonder if cyber space is not as harmlessly/ anonymously fun as you initially thought. What if others can identify this queen by his perky man-boobs? What if the sociological experiment in vivid color has finally turned a thousand shades of grey, each as awe inspiring as the next?

Not so suddenly your creativity is governed by what your friends’ emotions. You can’t talk about a bad day without someone thinking you’re suicidal. There isn’t a conversation that the damn blog doesn’t sooner or later take centre stage & push the real man out of the spot light. And to top it all off, anonymous sex posts are no longer anonymous.

Who did you sleep with Androjane?

Some where along the way I’ve learnt to deal with being dark and twisty inside. I’ve even learnt to let go, even if begrudgingly of ill harbored sentiments towards those who slanderously call me malicious names to my face and to those who irk, I just smirk. I’ve forgiven a guy who slapped me, within reason. But it doesn’t matter.

My creative freedom is shrouded with fear & doubt.

Fear that those who are quick to judge will think I’m a total nutcase, my mind confirmed infirmed with all the substance abuse. Trust me, being different can be awfully tiring & horridly lonely. I can be surrounded by a sea of familiar faces and still feel like a lone pine, in a desert… wilting away.. needle by needle.

And I doubt my own ability to inspire. That’s right, I’ve always had aspirations to be your inspiration, but I’m not sure if you ever got my drift. I wanted whoever who damn well wanted to read my shit to at least try to think for themselves. Think outside of the box…

Think inside the box…

Think whiles fucking doggy style on top the damned box.

Conscious independent thought is so much more precious than *OH MY GAWD* knowing that black is the new pink or that Pink likes to wear black. Thinking is HOOoot!

Did I have to spell it out for you?

Society’s norms are for the sheep. Sheep that are sheared for their wool & slaughtered for their meat. Sheep that are herded by their master’s bitches as the masters snooze beneath the broken oak tree. The shepherd can fucking knit his own pubes & eat himself. I want to be free.

Free of the burden of justification & the conscience that prevents me from revealing all the sordid details of my escapades that involve others’ lives. I’m fucking tired of keeping all your damn secrets! Shit happens and sometimes it’s my life too, don’t you get it?

We all fall of the wagon, through the barbed wire fence & into the ever so carefully placed vats of toxic waste once in a while. We all need a little tenderness to assure us we can be loved. We all crave attention when nothing seems right. But my dears, acceptance from others is so over rated when you can’t even love yourself. Give yourself a hug now, or, better yet a good wank.

The freedom to write as I please smells sweater than the cinnamony scent of freshly baked apple pie. I can almost taste the gooey, chewy warm super sweet goodness that is creative freedom. Find another fucking muse to copy. And if you can’t, in sure guess/guest bloggers can do an equally as squalid job. The human brain isn’t just good for multiplying mad cow prions, you know. Or do you?

My dearest darling readers, I love you all, even those that I wouldn’t sleep with for 99,999 dollars. I especially thank you for reading this super long post.

But the thing is, if the neurons haven’t sparked in your mind, if you can’t put two and two together to get a foursome, I’m tired of censoring my words & won’t be your queen bitch anymore. I have plenty of other equally as conquerable if not as worthy things to rule over. Shut your mouth and don’t go comparing me to all the other gay blogs that have become defunct. Androjane has always been more than rainbows & pink triangles, there is plenty of fluff and sparkles too.

Maybe I’ll continue to post lyrics but really, what happens next is anyone’s guess. Its time for Androjane to sleep. Don’t think of this ‘me’ as dead, just floating…

Matta atode… Ja ne…

I don't mind...
Suddenly, you came to life
You were, astounding
I was so mesmerized

Heavenly, is all that, I could feel
Now your here
And left without a single feel
From this day on...

I'll never be the same again
I'll never be the same again
I'll never be able to live, my life
I'll never be the same again
I'll never be able to live my life
Since you came along

Heavenly, is all that, I could feel
Now your here, there's nothing left, for me to feel
From this day on...

I'll never be the same again, I'll never be able to live my life...
I'll never be the same again, I'll never be able to live my life...
From this day on

How could I ever get over you?
How could I ever get over you?
How could I...
Since you came along
How could I ever get over you...

Markus Schulz ft. Carrie Skipper - Never Be The Same

Pox No More, Day 16: Stressed Out Blanket Hugging Freak

2007-05-29T23:43:00.000+08:00

I’ve been back at work two days! Just two days and already its like I never left. Well besides the constant badgering of chicken pox jokes!

Like my goat friend would say, BAA!

This evening my sister caught me all bundled up in my blanket on the couch watching Boston Legal…

Sister~ Is something wrong?

AJ~ YES! My whole life is wrong! My clients told me to stay away. My colleagues tease me horrendously! My egg sandwiches weren’t as salty as I would liked and my parents didn’t love me enough when I was 26. Wooooooan! Woooooooaaaaaan!!

Sister~…

Okay maybe I never gave my parents a chance to look into my soul & maybe I could have spent more time tackling the real issues instead of passing off snide remarks.

OR Maybe I shouldn’t have shocked my sister. But I really just wanted to be left alone to watch TV.

I wanna talk to you
The last time we talked Mr. Smith you reduced me to tears
I promise you it wont happen again
Do I attract you?
Do I repulse you with my queasy smile?
Am I too dirty?
Am I too flirty?
Do I like what you like?

I could be wholesome
I could be loathsome
guess I'm a little bit shy
Why don't you like me?
Why don't you like me without making me try?

I try to be like Grace Kelly
But all her looks were too sad
So I try a little Freddie, mmm
I've gone identity mad!

I could be brown
I could be blue
I could be violet sky
I could be hurtful
I could be purple
I could be anything you like
Gotta be green
Gotta be mean
Gotta be everything more
Why don't you like me?
Why don't you like me?
Why don't you walk out the door!
Getting angry doesn't solve anything

How can I help it
How can I help it
How can I help what you think?
Hello my baby
Hello my baby
Putting my life on the brink
Why don't you like me
Why don't you like me
Why don't you like yourself?
Should I bend over?
Should I look older just to be put on your shelf?

I try to be like Grace Kelly
But all her looks were too sad
So I try a little Freddie mmm
I've gone identity mad!

I could be brown
I could be blue
I could be violet sky
I could be hurtful
I could be purple
I could be anything you like
Gotta be green
Gotta be mean
Gotta be everything more
Why don't you like me?
Why don't you like me?
walk out the door!

Say what you want to satisfy yourself
But you only want what everybody else says you should want
you want

I could be brown
I could be blue
I could be violet sky
I could be hurtful
I could be purple
I could be anything you like
Gotta be green
Gotta be mean
Gotta be everything more
Why don't you like me?
Why don't you like me?
walk out the door!

I could be brown
I could be blue
I could be violet sky
I could be hurtful
I could be purple
I could be anything you like
Gotta be green
Gotta be mean
Gotta be everything more
Why don't you like me?
Why don't you like me?
walk out the door!
uuuuuua
Humphry were leaving
kerchinga!

Mika ~ Grace Kelly

A Pox On Me, Day 10: Crying… Dying… It Rhymes!

2007-05-23T12:45:00.000+08:00

Some gay men can be so serious!

Gay Rights For Gays!

Gay Sales At Prada!

No Ugly People Allowed!

But its important not to lose sight of the important things, like having fun! I like to have fun! Planet Unicorn is fun! There are very few things gayer than gay unicorns.

Let’s Cuddle!

I’m Hot!

I’m Wet!

In the year 2117,
an 8 year old gay boy named Shanon found a magic lamp.
He was granted 3 wishes.
The first a fur jacket,
the second a flying car
& the third was a planet full of unicorns.
This is the story of that planet.

A gay boy wished for a planet full of unicorns,
planet unicorn,
unicorn planet…

Give it up for feathers,
Ooooo Cadillac,
And Tom Cruise
Oooo… PLANET UNICORN HEY

The Planet Unicorn Theme Song

A Pox On Me, Day 7: Best Friends Forever, or at least until dinner is over…

2007-05-20T15:03:00.000+08:00

The wonderful thing about friendship is that its convenient. Forget all that fluff about how your friends will be there to share your joy, sorrow & truest moments. There are people who seriously thrive on drama & there also those who want a piece of your success. A true test of friendship is when you want someone to be random with!

That’s right! When you want to have a burger at 2am in the morning, when you feel like drunken stargazing, when you feel like poking fun at friends selling love spells in the flea market or when you can’t stand staying at home with chicken pox & just need to get out, that’s when you can count on a true friend.

The best story of randomness I’ve heard recently is from my cousin who went to Genting Highlands (a mountain top casino resort) just to brush her teeth with her friends. They packed their tooth brushes, drove for 2 hours & located one of those lovely fountains where they did dutifully up kept their oral hygiene.

Times like this I miss my goatyest friend. He maybe an evil antagonistic squeaky voiced slab of tough mutton, but we still do some of the most whimsical stuff together. Awkwardness may be an issue but hey, isn’t it always? Nowadays it can feel like we’re strangers, but deep down we know its very comfortable.

Its' been a long time since I've seen your face
But I want you to know, no one ever took your place
And the dream is here but I don't know where
I'm runnin' around, no time to spare

Hey you look like me but you talk like a stranger
It's all goin' deep, deeper than a razor
Closer, out of control
Comin' from a deeper love

It's been a long time since I felt I know you
And all of my words, they just seem too wrong, to you
You're killin' my dream but I don't know why
I'm runnin' around, no time to die

Hey you look like me but you talk like a stranger
It's all goin' deep, deeper than a razor
Closer, out of control
My hearts goin' deeper now

It's been a long trip and I'm willin' to show you
Hey that life it can change, but I'll always know you
You're holdin' the key to the other side
And believe if I was risen, the eyes of a child

mmmm...
Hey you look like me but you talk like a stranger
It's all goin' deep, deeper than a razor
Closer, out of control

Hey you look like me but you talk like a stranger
It's all goin' deep, deeper than a razor
Closer, out of control
My hearts goin' deeper now

Deepsky ft Jes Brieden~ Talk Like Strangers

A Pox On Me, Day 3: Big Shouldered Roll…

2007-05-17T01:43:00.000+08:00

Besides continuing with season 2 of Joey, today I decided to dedicate time to cleaning up my blog roll. I didn’t really want to do it partly because of the work involved but mostly because it meant it meant having to remove many dead links which were once represented dear friends. My almost 2 years of blogging have accumulated a fairly long list blogs and I’ve gotten to know interesting lives…

I’ve tried to comment wherever I could still relate to the subject matter but some bloggers have me totally stumped. Everyone’s life journey is different and so much is happening out there. I don’t even know where to begin…

What would you do if you were offered to endorse a product which plain logic would tell you doesn’t work?

How would you deal with the death of a long suffering loved one?

When faced with a poisoned paradise, do you ignore the dangers and just enjoy the beauty or run in fear?

Who do you turn to when you no idea to deal with your problems?

Which is more difficult to find in Singapore, vegetarian food or a decent man?

Where there is smoke, are there always sexy firemen?

When I first started reading blogs, I was inspired. Inspired by the diversity of lives. Enthralled by the play on words. Mesmerized by the language. Charmed by the little/big details men & women were willing to launch into the great unknown that is cyberspace.

“Some of these people can really damn well write,” I thought to myself.

A quick peak into the TV Guide section of the newspapers not so long ago confirmed this for me. “The Datin Diaries” read the bold print. I wonder if the dear Datin ever saw any of the royalties, or, if she even wants them.

To borrow from one of the blogs I can’t bear to remove, but enough about you…

I’ve been meaning to talk about the latest revelation in my life but I haven’t been able to find the fancy words to make it sound grand enough. Maybe it isn’t all that grand after all. Maybe it will sound better simple and straight forward.

I am clueless about what I want from life.

Don’t worry, there isn’t going to be a long whine to follow it, but I just thought it would feel better to get it out there & join the thousands if not millions of people out there who still haven’t a clue.

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There’s always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there

Sarah McLachlan~ Angel

A Pox On Me, Day 2: Still Not Bored…

2007-05-16T01:50:00.000+08:00

Its day two of the Pox and my mind has begun to wonder. I recall something from all the genetics textbooks/ trashy vampire novels I read. Something about small pox, a horrible disease similar to chicken pox which killed millions of people in the darker ages. Thanks to the technology of vaccination, we don’t have to worry about small pox, just fucking chicken pox & about a million other diseases which were previously unnamed.

And so I read up on the damn disease & the statistics look cheery! Only 80% of chicken pox related deaths involve adults! And most adults experience very little scaring, simply because they are old (and vain) enough not to scratch. I read this line to the child in my heart a million times hoping he would stop pick away at my blister riddled scalp, but he quippily replied “Its not like your ever gonna shave your fucking head!”

Well I’d like to keep my options open! What if one day I wanna do the mardi gras parade or sHalloween as Slutboy?

The first season of Joey was entertaining enough. It seemed a good enough plot to place a New Yorker in the heart of Los Angeles. And surround him with weird characters. But very often I felt, damn I wish I could live in that apartment! No seriously. Something about the setting. But a house isn’t a home without the hearts of those you love…

Stranger than fiction was a pretty good movie. Sure the men weren’t like super hot or remotely close, but it sure did feel real, real enough. The ironic twist at the end was good, but not great. A feel good movie at its best, though somehow, I think kids should only be allowed to ride bikes in parks under close supervision, away from people who don’t want to die.

Pan’s Labyrinth was really good. Best movie of the year so far. Far better that the well disguised plot of the capitalist struggle to control oil that is Spiderman 3 (Venom being Iraq, Mary Jane being all that is good & guess who is Spiderman, I cant take credit for this conspiracy theory though). All the characters were well played & the effects amazing. And if anything, the Spanish language added a certain flair to the plot. Who said that there are no new stories to tell?

I think I did say that sometime back. I was misguided. But still, at the back of my heart, like the lingering desire to be a hopeless romantic & irresponsible fool, I like to think there is truth in the fact that the human imagination is limitless…

Hey
J-J-J-Jaded
In all its misery it will always be what I love and hated
And maybe take a ride to the other side we're thinkin' of
We'll slip into the velvet glove
And be Jaded
Yeah, I'm so Jaded
And baby I'm afraid of you
You're thinkin' so complicated
I've had it all up to here
But it's so overrated
Love and hate it
Wouldn't trade it
Love Me Jaded

Aerosmith~ Jaded

Contagious Affection

2007-05-15T01:01:00.000+08:00

I’ve fucking got chicken pox. Its not fucking funny when you’re vain but too itchy not to do anything about it. Its like either itch to death or deal with scarring! Not to mention the annoyance of some of the unmentionable places where spots have appeared! Fuckity FUCK FUCK! Fuuuuuuck!

And that’s the least of my worries.

Sure the 2 weeks of medical leave may sound appealing to some, but not when I’ve just started work! Will I still have a job after my 2 weeks of hell is over? I wonder what the company will say once I get back… GAH!

Cry me a river
Cry me a river er er
cry me a river
cry me a river er er
ya ya!

Justin Timberlake~ Cry Me A River (Dirty Vegas Mix)

Mary: NAKL

2007-05-06T19:11:00.000+08:00

This won't make much sense.

But once again, this is meant for me, not you.

I've been downhearted baby,
I've been down--I've been downhearted baby,
Ever since the day we met
Ever since the day we met
I've been downhearted baby,
I've been down--I've been downhearted baby,
Ever since the day we met
Ever since the day we met

Jan lays down and wrestles in her sleep
Moonlight spills on comic books
And superstars in magazines
An old friend calls and tells us where to meet
Her plane takes off from Baltimore
And touches down on Bourbon Street

We sit outside and argue all night long
About a god we've never seen
But never fails to side with me
Sunday comes and all the papers say
Ma Teresa's joined the mob
And happy with her full time job

Do do do do doo do...Do do do do doo do...
Do do do do doo do...Do do do do doo do...
Do do do do doo do...Do do do do doo do...
Do do do do doo do...Do do do do doo do...

I've been downhearted baby,
I've been down--I've been downhearted baby,
Ever since the day we met
Ever since the day we met
I've been downhearted baby,
I've been down--I've been downhearted baby,
Ever since the day we met
Ever since the day we met

Am I alive or thoughts that drift away?
Does summer come for everyone?
Can humans do as prophets say?
And if I die before I learn to speak
Can money pay for all the days I lived awake
But half asleep?

Do do do do doo do...Do do do do doo do...
Do do do do doo do...Do do do do doo do...

A life is time, they teach you growing up
The seconds ticking killed us all
A million years before the fall
You ride the waves and don't ask where they go
You swim like lions through the crest
And bathe yourself on zebra flesh

Do do do do doo do...Do do do do doo do...
Do do do do doo do...Do do do do doo do...
Do do do do doo do...Do do do do doo do...
Do do do do doo do...Do do do do doo do...

I've been downhearted baby,
I've been downhearted baby,
Ever since the day we met
Ever since the day we met

I've been downhearted baby,
I've been down--I've been downhearted baby,
Ever since the day we met
Ever since the day we met
I've been downhearted baby,
I've been down--I've been downhearted baby,
Ever since the day we met
Ever since the day we met
I've been downhearted baby,
I've been down--I've been downhearted baby,
Ever since the day we met
Ever since the day we met
I've been downhearted baby,
I've been down--I've been downhearted baby,
Ever since the day we met
Ever since the day we met
I've been downhearted baby,
I've been down--I've been downhearted baby,
Ever since the day we met
Ever since the day we met
I've been downhearted baby,
I've been down--I've been downhearted baby,
Ever since the day we met
Ever since the day we met
I've been downhearted baby,
I've been down--I've been downhearted baby,
Ever since the day we met
Ever since the day we met

Primative Radio Gods~ Standing Outside A Broken Phone Booth With Money In My Hands

Long Weekend: Where In World Is Carnie & Slutboy?

2007-04-28T11:08:00.000+08:00

Recently on Msn Msngr…

AJ: So did you pack lots of money to buy your best friend a fabulous gift?

Slutboy: Carnie is in Dubai lah, don’t have to buy him anything… hee hee hee…

AJ: FINE! Next time you feel lazy to drive down to KL to party, see if he comes & picks you up!

Slutboy: Okay what you want?

AJ: I’m not picky something tanned, tall, built & well spoken will do…

Slutboy: I'll bring you Paris Hilton. Hee Hee Hee

AJ: Lol... Please lah, Paris won’t be slumming in Bali… Not unless there is a The Simple Life Asia Edition…

Slutboy: Lol… Its too far from any good plastic surgeons too…

So I’d say I’ll be doing interviews to replace them this weekend, but I’ve already found new crew to party with. Yeap, two new boys for the power of 3 and all that shit (all that shit being enough man power to carry me to the car should I pass out). We’ll be partying it out at the Sleaze Ball!

I’m like a Kakapo~ Too Cool For Love

2007-04-27T00:32:00.000+08:00

All my life I hear people calling me a 'rare species'… Totally agree! I don’t feel like or want to be like anyone else. I want to be my own person doing what makes me feel best.

The thing is, like that giant furry flightless parrot in New Zealand~ the Kakapo , I can scream at the top of my lungs & it doesn’t matter. I willl more likely attract exotic predators than suitable mates. Instinctive & built for the kill, the predators will most likely rip my pretty green feathers, devour poor little nocturnal me & leave my remains for the vultures.

Either that or all this time being alone has turn me cold. If time can shift deserts, crumble mountains & to a lesser extent turn milk into cheese, imagine what it does to one’s heart…

And one’s mind…

(I like comparing myself to animate objects too)

If I said I mean the world to you
would you try to call me honey
I always thought I knew
I always thought I knew
I was a part of you but now I know
no, I don't wanna be

I always thought I knew the pureness of your love
everytime you call me honey
but now the words you choose won't ever be enough
'cause what they mean will only hurt me
'cause I don't wanna hear it this time
I don't wanna feel it this time

I don't wanna be your baby this time
I don't wanna feel this heartache
I don't wanna be your honey this time
I just wanna feel your heart on my side
no, I don't wanna be...

if I whisper words you haven't heard before
would you read my lips and help them
if I said that I'm a stranger to your world
would you treat me like your best friend
could you ever show it this time
I really wanna know it this time

'cause I don't wanna be your baby this time
I don't wanna feel this heartache
I don't wanna be your honey this time
I just wanna feel your heart on my side

if I said that I will re-invent myself
if I told you yesterday I was somebody else, well
would you listen to me
would you let me...

'cause I don't wanna be your baby this time
I don't wanna feel this heartache
I don't wanna be your honey this time
I just wanna feel your heart on my side

Tiesto ~ Honey (Chicane Mix)

Anti Epiphany (No, Seriously)

2007-04-25T00:09:00.000+08:00

Some times stupid lines, where ever they may be found make so much sense that you want to slap your forehead and scream “DUH!”

People who take care of their bodies are more confident DUH!

Even damaged people deserved to be loved DUH!

You only get cake at celebrations because is so fucking fattening DUH!

People who don’t bathe often smell bad DUH!

Anything good never comes very easy DUH!

Careless people lose things DUH!

It only takes one event to change a person’s perception DUH!

Lazy people don’t like work DUH!

Yeah… just thought I'd share these unwise words…

Crazy/Love: The Riddle of The Reformed

2007-04-21T04:39:00.000+08:00

Some things I don’t regret but just wonder what if…

What if, many years ago I fuck cared/ listened to everyone and did the unthinkable/ norm with that condemned/ revered. Sure at times I was happy/ crazy but there were also times I felt like the damnedest/ luckiest person in the world.

Maybe if I didn’t entrusted/ disposed of everything sacred/ tainted into the arms of another I would be hated/ loved. Maybe history is destined to go in vicious cycles… Or not. Whatever.

Just let it die
With no goodbyes
Details don't matter
We both paid the price
Tears in my eyes
You know sometimes
It'd be like that baby

Mariah Carey~ Don’t Forget About Us

Banana Beauty Queens

2007-04-19T23:57:00.000+08:00

Today I finally got back to the gym after a week of absence. It did feel good to grunt in my own little world as I listened to hard pounding music.

But I was surprised at the number of loose-wristed, short shorts wearing men with oddly huge calves walking about in the gym. I was also blinded by super fluorescent shoes, sparking gadgets & suffocating tight singlets (any shirt without sleeves is a singlet… girls).

*Eeep* Did the management of La Queen take over the gym too?

Then I realized there was an advanced steps class later that night...

Beauty isn't the only thing that is shallow...silly me.

They always leave the best 'till last
Have understanding, no questions asked
You find yourself in what you see
You found yourself in me..
You found yourself in me..
The day is short, the night is cool
And this night, it was made for fools
You won't find fools like me and you
I found myself in you..
You found.. yourself..
You found.. yourself..

Ridgewalkers ft El (Markus Schulz Mix)~ Find

So much for my happy ending…

2007-04-19T00:35:00.000+08:00

Besides good sex, there are only two things harder to find in KL~

1. Good retorts
2. Good massages

Tonight, I found both. After dinner my good friend & I decided that we needed a good massage. It’s the perfect way for us to spend time with each other without spending time with each other.
I chose a masseur named ‘Starhill’, which I guess was adapted from the infamous shopping district. Sure there were other interesting names like Moscow, Armani, Sydney & Paris, but I felt like trying some local flavor. If he were a movie I'd give him a pretty decent rating. good with his hands, chest & chin, he really did know what he was doing. Some where during the massage I prompted the skilled boy with a question~

AJ: So do you just do this for work or do you like boys?

Starhill: Well I just do this for work… and I like boys too… Hahaha

Sharp one that Starhill. And to think I was afraid he wouldn’t understand the question. Shame on me.

And for the uninitiated, try the naked massage often referred to as ‘bukak’, the slang term for ‘open’. And the term ‘happy ending’ refers to the last part of the full body massage where the masseur jerks off the client. Really, on some level that’s all there is to my job…

I'm like a...

2007-04-17T23:28:00.000+08:00

A BIG GLASS BOWL FULL OF CANDY!!

The kind you find invitingly at the reception desk.

Thats right, my motives appear crystal clear & are transparent for the world to see....

But they are SO NOT!

Red

Yellow

Blue

Green

Pink

Purple

You think you can see all the pretty pretty colorful pieces of gummy goodness, pectin packed gelatin & sugar coated sugar that make you wanna be my best friend...

BEWARE!

Beneath it all I have nuts! Nuts that you will sooner or later put into your mouth! And not to mention the oozy gooey bursting centres! So enjoy the sugar buzz whiles you can! Bwuahahahahaa...

(Yes, I often compare myself with inanimate objects. Its just I normally have the good sense not to translate them into words...)

The Boy Likes His Cake

2007-04-13T22:49:00.000+08:00

The cake loving boy with the super round ass being me...

Seriously. As good as I aspire to look, nothing makes me happier than a good fat slice of cake. Coping with the procedural stresses of the new job is getting to me a little but I am very sure I will get the hang of it. Things can hang limp and flaccid, cant they?

I'm not giving up, just putting the super gym regiment on hold for now.

I did manage to make bodypump class on wednesday with my favourite instructor. I'm not sure if anyone else find grown men who can carry ridiculously heavy weights & buy their shorts in the kid's dept sexy, but I find his fucking amazing. His tone & manner are inspirational. Nice things do come in nice packages....

Just like cake. Just like the weekend...

Dunno What To Say

2007-04-10T00:03:00.000+08:00

Maybe once upon a time I used to describe my life with great personal detail here and to other people, but I’ve most certainly become more cautious with exposure on many levels.

Let’s just say it doesn’t matter…
How much cake I don’t eat
The number of vodka shots I take
How gorgeous the men I have slept with
The flood of people who wanna be my bestest friends
Or even how many languages I can speak

All new things are faced with a bit of excitement & a lil more apprehension. Tomorrow, just like every single day, I wanna be even more fucking amazing than everyone else, including myself.

Preparation, anticipation & good manners can only do so much to prevent fuck ups. I still worry when nobody is looking. I still have larger than life dreams for this man. I hope I can remember to say the right things at the new job. At least I now have bigger things to worry about than stupid love.

I turn around I walk away
There's nothing else that I can say
I turn around I walk away
But you won't see me…
There's nothing else that I can say
But you won't see me cry

Armin Van Buuren, Markus Schulz~ You Won’t See Me Cry

KL Tower- The Suckiest Place For A Rave

2007-04-09T04:35:00.000+08:00

Last Saturday was the second time I raved at KL Tower and it sucked so bad!

No, the DJs (Joey G, D Formation, Marco V & headliner Yoji Biomehanika) were fantastic… I even got to see Yoji Biomehanika (you can’t get away with a name like this unless you’re a DJ) up close as he walked by. No one else seemed to recognize him though. Does that make me a fangirl?

The company was fun. The drinks were reasonable, the boys were cute & the girls were very well dressed.

KL Tower is a pretty place to view KLCC from but I will certainly never understand how they expected to fit all the ravers in that tiny space. Or did they expect to be so unsuccessful? The word going around was there were 7000 ravers, 2000 in the dance area & 5000 on the lower deck. I’m sure there is some sense of status as an organizer to say your rave was held at KL Tower but why the fuck couldn’t they be practical?

Make us drive down to Sepang, plenty of oversized parking lots there!

Ask us to put up with the wet sand at Sunway Lagoon Theme Park!

Even a trip to Port Dickson or Melaka would have been acceptable.

But NoooOOOooo…

Yeah I did have fun, but it certainly could have been better located. Grumble. Dumbasses!

Working Hard/ Hardly Working

2007-04-07T00:46:00.000+08:00

Global warming is catching up, people are dieing in the Solomon Islands & the politicians are playing dirty… Still, it is my life that matters most. Finally reach my final day at my company. Fed them a artificially flavored longan, pandan & almond jelly jelly. They loved/ hated it.

They in turn fed me with Chillis, a 10 course Chinese dinner, a mushroom chicken chop with bacon, Coke Lite, wantan mee, half a lotus seed pau, half a butter pau, a pear, grapes, mini Mars, mini bounty… You get the picture- FAT.

I’m gonna miss all the taunts, the jokes, the pokes & the recipes.

I really really loved working with them. It was only Polly who gave me problems & she I dealt with. I will miss all the straight male ass grabbing. I will miss all the over dramatized conflicts. Most of all I will miss the sincerity.

Working with them has changed me for better…

Now on to bigger & better things!

Games, changes and fears
When will they go from here
When will they stop
I believe that fate has brought us here
And we should be together
But wer,e not
I play it off but I'm dreamin of you
I'll keep it cool but I'm fiendin.
I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

Macy Gray~ I Try

Everybody Baas

2007-04-06T00:26:00.000+08:00

Actually they don't. Its just some of the people in my life.

All think they are goats. Heh.

Well the goat is back & love has made him more tender than tenderloin.

If you can't lose weight pray that all your friends get fat.

Baa!

I Hunger

2007-04-04T23:15:00.000+08:00

I know I hunger when every man looks like meat...

No, wait make that looks like sausage...

More precisely big fat salami....

Need to get me some before I explode. Meh...

Fuck Me? Fuck You (Polly)!

2007-04-04T00:09:00.000+08:00

I am about to change jobs and I considered preparing a vengeful goodbye speech aimed without tact at Polly, the one person who has made my work life needlessly stressful. But really, would it be worth it?

If Polly was a hooker, her street name would be the Garden Backho because she is too lazy to get off her back, Ever! That and wash her stinky whisker biscuit, hence the well fertilized bushes sprouting from her somewhat female genitalia…

Here is my too well thought out speech…

Thank you all for your kind support & heart felt cooperation. I have enjoyed working along side y’all tremendously. If I may be so bold to offer some advice before I spread my wings…

I’m not a particularly religious person but I do believe God gave us all the ability to think for a reason. With in reason, we all know how to perform routine tasks but it is taking the initiative to better ourselves that separate us from animals.

If you follow the news, there are those two dogs… what’s their names? Female dog names… oh yes, Lucky & Flow. Even well trained dogs like Lucky and Flow can be trained to sniff out pirated DVDs. And in Africa they have those explosive hunting rats. So wouldn’t we be worse off than dogs & rats if we cant take initiative to do our own routine things that happen over many years…

*insert tactfully aimed bitchy glance at lazy ass whore*

Thanks you all & do keep in touch!

*blow kiss!*

But I’m not a vengeful bitch, just a bitch…

Hyper Death Babies

2007-04-02T00:49:00.000+08:00

I know I'm s'posed to quit smoking but funny story…

Hyper Death Babies is funny, smoking isn’t.

Getting out of old patterns isn’t always easy, but I haven’t given up trying yet. A 10 year habit isn’t easy to break. A bit more bodypump and determination, a lil less partying & free time, I should be able to do this… Yeah

I'm not dead just yet
I'm not dead I'm just floating
Doesn't matter where I'm going
I'll find you
I'm not scared at all
Underneath the cuts and bruises
Finally gained what no one loses
I'll find you
I will find you
I'm not dead just floating
I'm not scared just changing
You're my crack of sunlight yeah

Pink ~ I’m Not Dead Just Floating

27 years of responsible slutting… OR NOT?

2007-03-21T22:32:00.000+08:00

An old man turned twenty-seven… He won the lottery and died the next day

“Most of the strippers can go home now, only the regular ones stay...” My birthday has come, gone & nothing much has changed. Sure there was a little panic as usual but just like every time I take a shower only to find my lose hair everywhere, I know I’m not losing it, but its just a process. *Flips thick shiny luxurious hair in defiance*

I never forgot it, confusing as it was… No fun with no guilt feelings

Most expectedly, over 3 vigorous nights of drinking, dancing, singing & being merry, I celebrated my birthday. That’s right, it was just like every other weekend I’ve had an excuse to binge drink! I did not celebrate it, yet at the same time I did not not celebrate it.

You didn't think I'd show up with my army… And this ammunition on my back

Most pleasing gift of all was given to me by myself. I tested negative for hiv & got a clean bill of health. Okay, so my cholesterol is a bit high, but nothing more shagging & green veggies wont cure. And when I say shagging, I mean working out at the gym…

I recommend biting off more then you can chew to anyone…I certainly do

Most surprising gift was a chocolate with a mini sponge cake on top and on top the cake, a tea light. Sure my friends did know it was my birthday but by the time they served it, I was so high I barely remembered my own name. Heh. Truly a new way to be surprised.

I don't mean to pick you apart you see… But I can't help it

Most perfect gift was given by Carnie & Slutboy! To me, the perfect gift is something the giver & receiver both appreciate and something the receiver wouldn’t normally buy for himself. That’s right! They got me Allan Wu in a tiny white Speedo! Or was it an equally as fabulous Raoul name card holder?

An older version of me… Is she perverted like me?

Most eventful was a truly hot 3 way kiss on the dance floor *Giggle*. The music was hot, the men were hot and the way it was done was, guess what? That right HOT! It was like one of those movies where the camera focuses on the leading stars and everyone around them blurs out & the music reaches peaks as they kiss. I think I’ve done something as skanky before but this time how it was so much more scandalous. I herd some scornful moans from the crowd, but its better to have the bad reputation than be a shadowed face in the crowd.

What it all comes down to my friends… Is that everything's just fine fine fine

Yeap, I’m wiser.

Emoticon/ Lexicon: Insatiable/ Delectable (Part 2)

2007-03-14T23:22:00.000+08:00

Lexicon: Saturday At Soul Food with Jacob Sam Larose , Food Foundry

Its almost as if I did it so I could say "how very cultural of me!" I went to Soul a poetry recital just to see if I’d like it. The headliner (if that is what you call him) was Jacob Sam Larose Jacob Sam Larose , a Brit who was supported by a motley group of local poets. That and they have a very delicious crepe cake. Try the strawberries & crème, it’s the best!

On the whole I liked it tho I’m not sure if I will ever be inspired enough to sit through another round. One of the many things he said was that it’s a faux pas to write poetry about poetry & that is why he wrote a poem about poetry. Cheeky bugger!

Me being me, I decided to take it a step further & now present to you my poem about poets reciting poetry!

You Don’t Deserve Me

I still remember you,
that shiver as you blindly hypnotized on the radio.
Every word as mesmerizing as lover’s saliva,
Every pause an eternity,
Every silence my fear of uncertainty.
So strong the anger & jealousy.
But now I’ve tracked you down for more.

You preen before the crowd,
forgetting your prime destiny.
Your ebony feathers carefully crafted,
bemusing me your freshly acquired prodigies,
turning into prancing jesters.
Like young boys in a jerk circle,
each taking their turn at ejaculating their feelings.
How gross,
how kinky,
how divine,
how did I forget t’was not them I came for?

Emoticon/ Lexicon: Insatiable/ Delectable

2007-03-12T22:35:00.000+08:00

I have to admit, more often that most, I have this deep unquenchable thirst for everything worth having. I want more excitement, I want more peace, more space & more attention. More friends, sex, spirituality, lovers, food, muscles, money, music, flavors, knowledge, experiences, time, freedom, clothes, alcohol & books (not necessarily in that order). Yes, I have to admit I am the personification of greed.

And so begins the 2-part story of my greedy weekend…

The Friday Emo(t)icon: Markus Schulz overwhelms Zouk, KL

Yes, not many may know him, but Markus Schulz is one of the top twenty DJs in the world. Sure he shares this title wit nineteen other DJs but what’s special about him is his own personal brand of emotion stirring trance music. Well, that and he is pretty darn do-able. With Carnie out of town & Slutboy tied up at work, I went down to the city with a new guy who shares a similar passion for trance. Yes he is cute but no I haven’t slept with him.

Upon arrival, we shared 2 jugs of Long Island Tea which we never did get around to finishing. But we didn’t need to. They were super strong and they got us super high! Higher than the highest kite I let my emotions take over as I swayed to the music. With my eyes half opened & my body unable to stay still, I let the beats depict my feelings & movements. Yes, I have been accused of being over emotional by many but something about the rhythm, base & vocals that just heightened my senses to a whole new level.

When Slutboy finally arrived, I part of me was overjoyed. I know all too well the value of a good friend who shares a passion. At times like these do have to remind myself that there is no need to obsess about such things and just enjoy the time.

Scoff if you must, but I felt as if I was performing the joyous interpretive dance of everything that was ever wrong with my life. Sad yet happy? Is that even possible?

Freedom from,
Sorrow like there is no tomorrow from a time long gone,
Rejection from a lover of which I almost didn’t recover,
Physical attraction for man just discovered,
Hunger for a human touch,
Fear of the unknown future,
Guilt & anger stemming from unfulfilled promises,
Unwanted neediness & obsessive compulsiveness…

They all bled from my aura & yet I was totally elated. I really don’t know if anyone feels the way I feel when I dance intoxicated as I really don’t know how to describe the feeling to others. How do you describe what happens after a few beers to someone who has never had alcohol? Harder yet, how do you describe emo-trance to someone who has never listen to any trance tracks before? Combine the two in a twisted mind & you have me at my pinnacle of peace. Sad, happy & now peaceful? The fucker’s nuts!

When Markus Schulz played tracks like ‘Without You Near’ and ‘In Your Loving Arms’, OMGoat my mild melted & I was dancing 5 inches above the floor! I’d love to tell you that you will simply love the music. But the relationship I and my feelings have with the music is a personal one. My best advice is to listen to the tracks yourself. I don’t guarantee it will do anything for you, but you would be a bit closer to my heart. Does any of this make sense to you?

Is it wise to say
While the other's waiting
She's contemplating you
Another passes by the door
Any other day, you just look Around and
All you see is gone
All you see is gone

Markus Schulz ft Departure~ Without You Near

Tokking Kok: Mak3 Him/HEr MOaN!

2007-03-06T23:57:00.000+08:00

Great News! I am comfortable with the size of my manhood and hence do not need to enlarge anything! That’s right, given the opportunity, I have enough inches to fuck all of you damn spammers!

If you can’t tell, lately my mail box is plagued by spam mail! And everyday, all that spam takes up a little bit of my precious time to get rid of it. I truly wonder if spam is random or targeted like do,

women get stuff about breast enlargement?
kids receive backdoors to pokeman?
elderly gentlemen get youth reviving formulas (for when their toy-boys pass out from drug overdose)?
or is it all random and even grannies get offers to add girth to their members?

Most probably the latter, huh? That aside, lets play a game I played whiles I didn’t do nothing much in the office today. Not mind games because I don’t like people who play them (better than me).

How many words can you think of which contain cock in them?
And how which of them make you giggle?

These are the answers I and a few other slackers came up with…

shuttlecock
cocky
cocksure
cockerel
cockatoo *giggle*
cockatrice
cockeyed
cockle
cockney
stopcock
peacock
cock-up
cockpit
cocktail
cockle
cocker spaniel *giggle*
cockadoodledoo,
John Hancock
cockteaser
cockpleaser
cocksucker
bangkok
cockscrew
cockadile *snigger*

SLUT WITH A HEART: Terms & Conditions Applied

2007-03-03T04:04:00.000+08:00

My birthday is around the corner again. Previous years have found me terrified & hysterical. And why not? Who wants to declare they have more wrinkles, more flab & more emotional baggage?

But this year I am pretty confident I will not indulge in self pity or self destructive behavior. I dare say I have discovered the best part about growing older- wisdom! Nothing nor no one can take away the experiences I’ve lived through or the friendships I’ve built along the way.

Tonight, as I was guzzling booze, I had my own set of epiphanies!

Ask me at 20-22 and I would have told you confidently of my life plan. At 27 I saw myself progressing well in my dream job & living with my ideal partner. Sure I don’t have any of that but I have much much more! Many of my “what if”s have been answered most confidently. I have had the opportunity to try different jobs and different men. I no longer worry about being trapped in a disfunctional relationship either.

Now more than ever I am most certain of what I am looking for in life. How many other people can say that? How many have ventured down the dangerous path only to discover a pot of gold at the end?

Then there are the friends I’ve grown to love & adore. They haven’t remained stagnant either. Many, just like me have extrapolated themselves by leaps & bounds! By the grace of their will, once unsure little princesses have become dominatrix queens full of zest & zeal and love sick puppies have become the happily married bitches I love to loathe. Even the daydreamers with their heads in the clouds have found their own personal heaven.

Sure I have more regrets than just ‘the cute guy that got away’ but who doesn’t have their own little hang-ups?

Life may not be perfect for now but I have done so many things that most only read about in paperback novels & seen so many things that most only view on TV. Sure there have been those who frown on my deviant behavior, but it all has been worth it. Keeping the tempo of my life lively mixed with the beat of fresh experiences ensures I’ve never have to settle for second best.

I may live my life like quail in a speed zone,
but I know I can settle down & be someone’s home… *HICK*

If Gay Means Happy Why Am I So Sad?

2007-02-26T00:28:00.000+08:00

Seriously, my life should be all a constant flow of all night long parties, sparkly clothes, experimental cocktails, living beyond my means, attention from beautiful strangers & of course random sex with men! I want more! More! More! More! More dammit. Every second should be an explosive rapture of enjoyment. My life should be one big orgasm!

BUT NO!

I have to work to make money, most of which goes to paying bills & buying things that I don’t want. For example, I don’t want a petrol, health insurance or dental floss. But yes, I do NEED all this stuff, which sucks because it leaves very little money for all the things that matter. I have to do boring things like paying bills online, changing the DVDs in the DVD player & moisturizing. Okay, rubbing lotion all over my body like masturbation is self-pleasuring but I would rather have someone else do it!

Where is this “self indulging rant” coming from?

There are two reasons, first I was told that I am only attracted to bad boys. Oh it is so fucking true. Sure I will sleep with anyone I find cute no matter how nice, sweet & delightful they may be, but that special attraction seems to be only reserved for assholes, jerks & self centered sonofbitches, which seem to be in short supply of late.

The second thing is today I had a unpleasant a phone conversation with this guy I unsuccessfully slept with.

Guy: This year has been good for me. So many men have wanted to date me, not just sleep with me…

AJ: Well, I wanted to sleep with you, but it didn’t happen did it? (here I am trying to divert the conversation to something more important and meaningsful than him, i.e. me)

Guy: That’s because every time you wanted to do it you were disgustingly slutty…

DISGUSTINGLY SLUTTY?

Excuse me! I am well poised & a model of self control! Compared to Carnie, I am a hermit monk meditating in the hills! No matter how many drinks I had, on the dance floor, I have always keep my shirt on & my lips only lick above the nipple line! My hands may go down other peoples pants but I always politely return the gesture! Sure I dry hump my best friends to the beats but doesn’t everybody?

Despite how much slutboy may disagree, my pants do not drop 5 inches below my underwear! It is never more than 4 inches, and that is only if I am wearing underwear! As far as molesting men go, I may grope ass & tweak nipples & but I never do any numbers on the one eyed monster. I also limit myself to fondling a meager maximum of 3 men at a time!

Disgustingly slutty indeed! HMPH! Its enough to make a boy/girl eat one and a quarter pizzas by him/herself. And I did. And now I am a sad/gay man. At least now I am certain of one asshole I won’t be sleeping with! Meanwhile, I am still searching for the jerk of my dreams to share my queen size bed, porno & alcohol with…

The point of this post is, no matter how sad I feel, I know I should never take life too seriously, because it is just life.

I find the map and draw a straight line
Over rivers, farms, and state lines
The distance from 'A' to where you'd be
It's only finger-lengths that I see
I touch the place where I'd find your face
My finger in creases of distant dark places

I hang my coat up in the first bar
There is no peace that I've found so far
The laughter penetrates my silence
As drunken men find flaws in science

Their words mostly noises
Ghosts with just voices
Your words in my memory
Are like music to me

And miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
I, I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms

After I have travelled so far
We'd set the fire to the third bar
We'd share each other like an island
Until exhausted, close our eyelids
And dreaming, pick up from
The last place we left off
Your soft skin is weeping
A joy you can't keep in

And miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
And I, I pray that something picks me up
and sets me down in your warm arms

And miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
and I, I pray that something picks me up
and sets me down in your warm arms

Snow Patrol ft Martha Wainwright ~ Set The Fire To The Third Bar

Do We Have To Go Baaack?

2007-02-16T11:12:00.000+08:00

Yes my darling sister, like it or not, we have to. Its bloody Chinese New Year & like all Chinese children where are destined to make the suffering pilgrimage until the day we have a big blow out with our parents or somebody dies. Well, at least that’s what I hear.

I don’t blame her for being in a cranky mood. She most probably slept as unwell as I did. Haunting dreams of people I’ve wronged & let down. Yeap! That’s life at the home town. They always want more from you! It’s never enough. All the “you should do this…”s and the “you should do that…”s are more than enough to drive a guy crazy. Then there are the secrets & subjugations.

No, I am a filial son & a darling friend. I call my parents every week but its just never enough. It is just that no matter how much I give it seems like they never get enough. More more more! I know they aren’t perfect & I do accept their flaws. But there are somethings that I am just not comfortable doing, like carrying babies! I wish they’d listen to trance music sometimes…

Oh Yeah, Don't Let My Misery Dampen Your Mood (I always get like this),
Happy Chinese New Year To You Guys!

So little joy, so little joy
It's complicated
Some little time, so little time
When your heart's been faded
So little hope, so little hope
I'm praying for love love love
Is more than enough

Simply being loved loved loved
Simply being loved loved loved
Simply being loved loved loved
Is more than enough
Yeah yeah

BT~ Simply Being Loved

How To Be Dead

2007-02-13T00:24:00.000+08:00

A tale from two cities, separated by the Straits of Johor & much much more, this is a conversation between another fantastic blogger Jups & my super self.

AJ: Yo, Jupies- BEWARE! The dark shroud of Valentines is almost upon us!

Jups: I'm gonna pretend I didn't read that.

AJ: Well yesterday I got 2 separate one of those stalker-esque SMSes which basically rambled on like "You don't know me, but how have you been doing…" I hate being in a situation where I have to play guessing games about people I never seen! People do get crazy desperate around this time of year. GAH!

Jups: I'm not even gonna dignify its existence this year. In fact, all this hoopla-ies is making me sickies.

AJ: Coolies! Lets do a Valentines' do's & don't's dialogue because we are so smart, spontaneous & unpretentious…It should be TOTALLY (yeah right) unpolished, unedited & unadulterated… *smirk*

Jups: hahahaa.. basically how not to feel like a lowlife loser... right? Hmm.. you go first!

AJ: Well the most obvious don't is not to incite the wrath of the bitch queen of everything- AJ. So DON'T be a desperate stalker type randomly SMSing/ contacting potential dates! Polite people just don't do that, and well, sluts should have enough guts to ask someone is interested to have sex straight up!

Jups: Don't go prowling in clubs where you have to compete with hookers in bikinis.

AJ: Oh! Oh! Oh! Avoid all mass media & annoying events this should include all Valentines' TV specials- even stupid documentaries like 'the love of chocolate' and radio stations trying to hook you up with strangers. Better to rent a good movie or watch a non-lovey-dovey TV series!

Jups: Have you seen Swarovski's flaming hearts? They look like pink vomit on fire.

AJ: That's not really a don't or a do, is it?

Jups: Hmmm.. Absolutely do not read romance-related articles like the ones that start with "50 ways to propose". If you're gonna eat ice cream, be dignified about it. Go to the ice cream parlor and order a nice sundae. Don't gulp down a tub while wearing sweats.

AJ: And when it comes to food you better be reasonable. Never forget, there is a life after Valentines! Moderation baby!

Jups: Wise words darling.

AJ: Over do the fried foods, fatty foods & sweet foods on the V day and you will have to pay by over doing the gym/diet for the rest of the year!

Jups: No lowering of standards. No accepting dates/propositions just because you want to be held.

AJ: But it's okay to have a nice dinner with several single & equally as stable/unstable friends.

Jups: Must do dinners. Must not overdo "fuck valentine's day" rants.. (look who's talking)

AJ: I think its okay to throw small hissy fits but nothing that involves liquids/fluids of any sort. Venting- good, erupting- bad…

Jups: Change your latest weakness's phone number to "dont call this number bitch" (wise words from a soul sister) and DONT CALL HIM

AJ: LOL… Yeah in line with that- Don't get too drunk and be oddly tempted to call him or any exs you may so happen to have a compulsion to confess your undying love to! Don't go drunkenly telling your friends you love them unless, like me, you do it all the time. Should we recommend some music? Hee hee hee…

Jups: lol good do not listen to All by Myself..ughhhhh

AJ: Avoid all breakup songs! My particular worst ever would be The Scientist by Coldplay! I once listened to that song for 4 days straight… I know a goat who still cringes at that thought hahaahaha.

Jups: oh my god yes! AVOID COLDPLAY, AVOID TEARS!

So single boys & girls, there you have it- follow these simple rules & you'll do just fine. And if bitterness still builds, repeat this fail-safe mantra- 'Its better to love myself than some premature-ejaculator'.

take me down
6 underground
the ground beneath your feet
laid out low
nothing to go
nowhere a way to meet.
I've got a head full of drought
down here, so far off
losing out, round here
over ground, watch this space
I'm open to falling from grace.

Sneaker Pimps Six Underground

Good/Bad Things Happen In 3s

2007-02-11T04:34:00.000+08:00

Old wives’ tale or not, 3 seems to be a magic number. Inspired by Musang’s post It’s a Three Way and So Much More (look for it in February 2007), I examined all the 3 ways I’ve had in my life. Not sexual in nature but the friendships I’ve built. Carnie, Slutboy & me- that’s the latest slutty trinity. Duff, the Goat & me- the unholy trinity spread across the Asia now. 1d, Pinks & me- the unlikely bunch back in University. Having 2 people to depend on makes life, especially while clubbing so much easier.

Can’t remember that cute-guy-I-met’s name?
Need to run distraction on 2 different guys whiles I slut with a third?
Wanna to get that hawt guy’s shirt off but don’t wanna do it yourself?
Like to open a bottle of wine?
Feel like a dirty 3 way dance?
So drunk that I need to be carried to the car?

But then again, the situation isn’t always sunny…

Our love ... his trust
I might as well take a gun
And put it to his head
Get it over with
I don't wanna do this...anymore
Woaoaoao...anymore
Rihanna~ Unfaithful

Half Nekkid Thursday: Child Play

2007-02-07T20:15:00.000+08:00

I wanted to do a post about how sexy my hair still looks fantabulously sexy, almost Pamela-Anderson-in-Baywatch-like, even though I haven’t washed it in 3 days. Sounds ‘Icky’ I know but I’ve been unwell (and more like lazy). But as I was standing on my balcony trying to perv into other peoples’ windows (I maybe sick but the hormones are still raging, you know) I saw some kids playing at the playground below.

"I swear I'm no pedo! The kid just likes bending over like that!"

Although I do get some kicks from guys in uniform, these were real boys & I’m no pedo. Since it was lunch time, clearly they were taking the opportunity to have some fun before they got on the bus to school. It really brought back some of my primary school memories.

As a kid, I remember mucking about in the playground opposite my grandma’s house every afternoon before school. My cousin & I would rush through lunch & dash to the field to get up to mischief. Believe it or not, when I was not playing masak-masak (cooking toys), I would get into the dirt & build all sorts of stuff. Together, my cousin & I would build mini damns of rocks to block drains. The plan was to corner the guppies, thus making them easier to catch. But those damn fish were so small they easily escaped through the cracks like sperms in a torn condom.

Once we grew tired of damned damns, we worked on building bridges across the drain. Using sticks & small branches, we would dutifully add to the pile every day until a solid platform was completed. Not satisfied, we would then slap on mud using it like cement. But mud being mud, it wouldn’t dry so we then decided to pile rocks under the bridge & build a fire to dry it.

Architecturally challenged right from the start, the mud didn’t just dry out but the sticks in the bridge caught fire too. Still it looked solid enough to warrant the confidence of this little girl to cross on it. Needless to say, the damn bitch broke the bridge & ended up ankle deep in mud.

Yes, we were hopping mad she destroyed all our hard work but she certainly inspired our next project, which was to build booby traps! Which brings us back to the biggest booby trap of all- my hair. Sure it looks good, but I assure you, its stinky/sticky! Hee Hee Hee….

"Sorry birdie, go away! Build your nest somewhere cleaner, like in a nuclear waste dump!"

Daydream
I fell asleep beneath the flowers
For a couple of hours
On a beautiful day
Daydream
I dream of you beneath the flowers
For a couple of hours
Such a beautiful day
Lupe Fiasco ft Jil Scott~ Daydreamin'

AJ’S MOST RANDOM POST EVER (for now)

2007-02-04T16:47:00.000+08:00

Props To The Home Grown Bitches!
Okay, maybe Zabrina & Jo Jer who won the Amazing Race Asia won’t like to be called bitches, but they certainly deserve some recognition for winning the damn race. Its not because they are the first all female team to do so, nor is it because they are Malaysian, but simply because I really couldn’t stand some of the other teams. Amongst all the races, this race had the most lazy-fat-ass-ness, not-so-smart-ness, boo-hoo-hoo-I-am-afraid-of-everything-ness & whoa-is-me-I’m-such-a-sore-ass-looser-ness. I don’t think its because the Asians are not as tough as the Americans, just that we bitch more.

Anti-Emotions
Alcohol often induces less than proper behavior such as sticking your hands down another man’s shirt, letting some guy stick his hand down your underwear-less pants or licking your friend’s ear. This can often leave disgusted looks on people who find such acts reprehensible. The trick to surviving such disasters is not to dwell on it & fuck-care whatever comments may come your way. If they can’t accept the light heartedness of the moments, they most probably aren’t worth the trouble. Self sabotage is not pretty but can be salvaged with some good old cold emotionless bitchiness.

Occupational Hazards
Its no secret: I hate my job! More like I can’t stand being paid peanuts for putting up with that amount of bullshit. I need a change. The question now is really do I focus on the offer that has a bit of status, okay pay & good working hours, or do I go with the one with more status, better pay & really bad working hours? I mean, how will I know which is the right one for me? Before you try to advise this stubborn mule, I’ve made up my mind, many times. I think I know what to do…

The Pink Guide To Life
Recently, I have been forced to think about the different terminology gay people use in their lives & how it all has double meaning.
Gay Temple is essentially the club were we go dancing & slut with other men.
Gay Food is essentially hot men which usually can’t be consumed.
Gay Hell is where you go to if you actually eat anything deep-fried or laden with sugar. That’s right to the bottom of the feeding chain.
Gay Heaven is when you’re into some guy & he is into you too.
Gay Disaster can either be fashion in nature or being caught slutting by a guy you like with another man you like.

Puff The Magic Dragon
I am still working hard on quitting smoking, but as expected, the task seems much more difficult than I anticipated! Down to about 4-7 fags a day on week days and about 10 on weekends. Rather than thinking of reasons why I should stop, I’ve been trying to convince myself of all the benefits I’ll enjoy by quitting. Sounds like the same thing, well, it isn’t. My crankiness may be increasing but I still have some time until my March 16 deadline.

Fresh Off The Truck
Today, the Gardenia bread delivery guy did me a favor. He let me change the almost stale loaf of bread I just bought for a fresher one & he did so quickly without even having to be asked. I’d consider that a random act of kindness. Maybe the world isn’t out to get me after all, or is it just waiting for me to let my guard down before biting me in the ass, again?

AJ Supplies Supprise
Enjoy barebacking or unprotected sex in all its glorious forms? Click here, you can thank me later...

Oh and I've been nominated for the G*spot Awards on Hush & Listen too!

Tricky time never slows
That moment walked me by without bothering to say
Lucky time never stops
That moment knocked me down without bothering to
Say Hello
Say Hello
Say Hello
Say Hello

Deep Dish~ Say Hello

Humanizing Stereotypes

2007-01-28T23:55:00.000+08:00

If there is one thing I don’t like about blogging, it’s being approached by strangers who have read my blog & look at me like they know every single thing about me. Like a museum exhibit, they then expect me volunteer personal information & to live up to the romanticized self-portrait of AJ that I have painted. I still have many secret talents that I will not share with the world! So don’t be stalker like & talk like polite people should.

No, the whole stalkeresque thingy hasn’t happened recently but I do want everyone to understand that surely & most certainly I have more dimensions, layers & angels than you can imagine. I know I have been labeled by many as a cold bitchy hedonistic party freak, but such assumptions are not entirely correct. I’m not saying its wrong to label people but a little restraint & tact always does wonders.

I’m personally totally guilty of bestowing titles, nasty or nice onto people. In fact, very often when I first meet someone I find myself noticing their flaws. Whether or not I call them a ‘Trashy Three Headed Tranny’, ‘Evil Clown Whore’ or ‘Melted Barbie Doll’ does really depend a lot on my discretion to act on the spur of the moment.

This weekend whiles happily out clubbing, I encountered some badly labeled Bitches. There was Anne Of Green Gables who just like the character from the series always went out with a straw hat with a ribbon tied around it. Anne has since upgraded and now is always seen with a visor. Still, we call him Anne at every opportunity.

Twirl, twirl & turn around and there’s Fuck Face The Fugly with his boyfriend with shoes made by blind pixies (The most hideous things ever they look like leather ketupats. Surely the current surge of earthquakes can be blamed on the spirit of the cow that had to sacrifice itself for those fashion death traps turning over and over again in its grave). I’ve posted about this before but what makes Fuck Face The Fugly truly fugly is his loathsome personality which I do not care to elaborate. But it does make for a good tongue twister.

But at the end of the party, all the fun & names were brought to a halt by yours truly being bitch slapped. *Wwwhack!* I have never been slapped before. Time stood still & and all eyes follow the thunderous sound to AJ. I think, most people would have freaked. Some would have started pounding, some would have let the flood gates open and others would have been speechless.

Instead I calmly expressed to him that he really shouldn’t do that & I forgive him. But if he does it again, ever, he would totally regret it. In deed he did apologize, but I’m not particularly sure of the sincerity stemming from his unsure clarity.

No, I have never wronged this guy & have never even called him names. In fact he is one of the first few people I met coming into the scene. Its just his imbalanced personality taking a swipe at my easy going personality. I fully understand how its like to be crazy & wanting to take it out on the world. Sure I bitched about it later but if anything, that slap taught me that I’m a much nicer person that I thought I was.

So yeah, don’t judge me purely based on what you read about me because even I don’t know me. And always remember to talk, like polite people should. How else can you know a person’s heart?

I am the son
And the heir
Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
I am the son and the heir
Of nothing in particular
You shut your mouth
How can you say
I go about things the wrong way?
I am Human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does
There's a club, if you'd like to go
You could meet somebody who really loves you
So you go, and you stand on your own
And you leave on your own
And you go home, and you cry
And you want to die
When you say it's gonna happen "now"
Well, when exactly doe you mean?
See I've already waited too long
And all my hope is gone
You shut your mouth
How can you say
I go about things the wrong way?
I am Human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does

Love Spit Love (OST Charmed)~ How Soon Is Now

Pout Off

2007-01-23T00:36:00.000+08:00

Through out the day, I wear a neverending pout. In the morning there’s the groggy cranky ‘I didn’t get enough sleep’ mask of doom. Don't you ever dare question me in the morning, simply because I NEVER get enough sleep!

Upon reaching the office I express the (wannabe) straight tough guy who gets the job done, regardless of stupid pointless questions. Don’t mess with me bitches, I’ll bite your heads off and feed them to your ass!

At the gym I become look constipated trying to sort out my day as I push hard at my work out. Not the prettiest of looks, but hey, I’m pretty enough not to care.

Finally I become sleepy, tired & hungry just before dinner. *Munch Munch* Which is quickly followed by satisfaction & complacency.

One face I haven’t made in a while is this one:-

The other day, on Marknais’s blog- The Ever Ending Journey, I challenged him to a pout off! Certainly my expression isn’t a typical pout, but hey, I think I’ve reached the pinacle of excellence! Hee Hee

Go look at his pics and judge, did I win?

(Yes, I am the ever competitive indomitable bitch, but maybe, just maybe for the right guy, I can be tamed?)

I am not a one-trick pony
I am not a one-trick pony
I really feel nothing can hold me
I really feel no one can own me
Nobody can control me
Nobody can conform me
Nobody can disown me
Nobody can ignore me
So slow down
One-trick pony

Nelly Furtado~ One Trick Pony

AJ’s Sweet Escape

2007-01-15T20:04:00.000+08:00

Everybody could use a holiday. And since I’m just like you (only more fabulous), I hauled my ass up North to the duty free beach paradise known as Langkawi, where I met one of my friends whom I haven’t seen in a while- 1d. They say Langkawi is made up of 99 islands in the sun, but I really was too tipsy to notice.

I didn't see any skulls on the beach, but the water looked just fine...

Lost In Translation
One the funny things about Langkawi is the unending list of legends associated with the island! Maybe the locals are very into the whole ethnic-goth culture or they simply like story telling but there seems to be a drama, I mean legend behind almost every place. Most of the names like fields of burnt rice, seven wells, mashuri’s grave & wet rice beach are all sweet & nice. But there is one beach called Pasir Tengkorak, which translates into Skull Sand Beach. Doesn’t it paint a beautiful picture in your mind?

Wish you were here Slutboy, you could have had this one...

46 Flavors & Counting
Funny chocolates, icecream, seafood & ciggies weren’t the only things on the menu. More like seefood. I saw hot shirtless men of all nationalities! Koreans, Japanese, Africans, Europeans, Americans, Latinos, Arabs, the works! No, I didn’t get any action (but i managed to snap some shots). Seriously, like straight men watching lesbian porn, it was more of a spectator sport. Shirtless & cute, all of them were traveling in small groups or paired off with women. But if it is any consolation for not being there, there was this one guy playing volleyball, let's call him Mr. Bouncy Butt, in the most obscene orange G-string ever. His butt wasn't that bad, just that I saw too much of it. Why are the bad G-strings always orange?

The nice gentleman in the orange G-string is your's Carnie, I'll take the one in the blue shorts.

...You never know what you’ll get!
It doesn’t just apply to chocolates (of which I had many), but cutesy pre-mixed drinks in cans & bottles. I’m not sure what the crazy Japs mixed with their fruit juices, but it sure as hell tasted fun. There was even one which I swore was apple beer! If they can come up with raw fish roe spaghetti & potato pizza, why not apple beer?

The hotel from the water, ain't it pretty?

Mandarins Are Fattening! Let’s Share Half!
As cheap drunks as we were, 1d & I decided to try our very best at finishing a 1 liter bottle of Absolut Mandarin (we only made it half way). And in case you ever do fly to Langkawi & come back through the LCCT, take note, the CUSTOMS NEVER CHECK BAGS! Yes! Bring in as much as you want!

I managed to get back in touch with my artistic side. What ya think, is it, er, goat?

The Most Effective Diet Ever- The Monkey Diet
Don’t worry you won’t have to swallow any monkey brains (unless you want to). What happened was, whiles we were busily playing in the water on Beras Basah Island, a pack of evil monkey made off with all our snacks & apple juice. The smart bastards actually left the water & vodka in a mineral water bottle! Some how they must have known if they took the vodka, I would hunt each and everyone of them down. Slowly grill them alive & feed them to the jelly fish…

All cooked (totally no alcohol involved, lol) and passed out on the beach!

Doing A Lindsay Lohan
I was so distracted by the whole monkey episode (or just too plain drunk) that at one point I actually took a swig of vodka in the mineral bottle thinking it was water! Yes, just like Lindsay Lohan & her bottle of ‘mineral water’. I was giggling on the beach for no apparent reason constantly, luckily my company didn't complain.

Hope you enjoyed the pictures as much as I enjoyed taking them. Do pamper yourself with a trip somehow or other. And always remember as my wise philosophical friend said, you have to be here to get there.

Please don't go crazy, if I tell you the truth
No you don't know what happened
And you never will if
You don't listen to me while I talk to the wall
This blanket is freezing, it's been out in the hall
Where you've had me for hours
Till I'm sure what I want
But darling I want the same thing that I wanted before
So sweetheart tell me what's up I won't stop no way

Please keep your hands down
And stop raising your voice
It's hardly what I'd be doing if you gave me a choice
It's a simple suggestion can you give me sometime
So just say yes or no
Why can't you shoulder the blame
Coz both my shoulders are heavy
From the weight of us both
You're a big boy now so let's not talk about growth
You've not heard a single word I have said...
Oh, my God

Please take it easy it can't all be my fault
I haven't made half the mistakes
That you've listed so far
Oh baby let me explain something
It's all down to drugs
At least I remember taking the and not a lot else
It seems I've stepped over lines
You've drawn again and again
But if the ecstacy's in the wit is definitely out
Dr. Jekyll is wrestling Hyde for my pride
Snow Patrol~ How To Be Dead

The Stoney Eagle Post

2007-01-12T15:29:00.000+08:00

AJ IS ON HOLIDAY! WHEEEEEEEEEE!

Ok, maybe not so wheee.... I borrowed my sisters MP3 player to listen to trance as I perv boys on the beaches of Langkawi (the names translates to stone eagle, hence the post title). I dunno how I did it but I managed to spoil it within 2 hours of using it. Poor lil thing just couldnt take all the beats I guess. I decided to (get my father to) buy one of those phones which can store a ton of MP3s... iPhone maybe?

I thought the bateries might be dead so I tried wall charging it (didn't work) & I subsequently tried to charge it using the PCs at the hotel's 'business centre' (not working either). And that's how I ended up here! Since I did like pay RM18 bucks to use the PC, I thought I might as well bitch about it a bit. And write a little post about it.

And yes in case you're wondering I am slightly high. Had some silly japaneasey sparkling pineapple juice with some alcohol or other in it (and too many chocolates). Not too much though, I have to drive in a while! Okay maybe just another bottle... I do love all these cutesy juices + alcohol!

Oh and I bought strawberry flavoured ciggies, that's SO NOT HELPING me quit smoking...

Grrr.. This is pretty boring and a waste of time after all. I think I wanna go for a swim. The pool seems nice. I will post pictures when I get back, ok?

Don't miss me too much!

The Things I Do For Love (Of Slutboy)

2007-01-11T18:29:00.000+08:00

Too round… too square… too chubby… too tacky… too dark… too hairy… too tall… too young… too messy… too old… too thin… too geeky… too flimsy… OH PERFECT! but straight!! (why is there always a butt?)

Those were the comments running through my head the other day as I sized up the men at the gym. Hey, it’s a tough job being the bitch. Shallow too, but hey, I have the right to be picky when it comes to selecting possible candidates to satisfy the needs of my dear darling Slutboy. I love him to bits. We love him to bits. Carnie & I figure, if we focus our energy & pool our resources, we are bound to find a suitable man for Slutboy. I think possibly maybe he is ready to give up his (supposed) promiscuous ways & find a man he can call his own…

I even dragged out my antisocial ass to join him for a networking party (more like speed dating, if you ask me). I tried to sing praises of Slutboy & do a lil tune about myself (just incase, you know). There were some nice ones, but mostly not to my taste. But the target was to be able to break down those icy walls & find the perfect guy for Slutboy. How did that go? Rome wasn’t built in a day & we can’t expect to find Mrs Slutboy just like that.

“But what about you AJ, why don’t you find yourself a man too?”

Honey, the sentiment is lovely, but do you think any man can keep up with me? More accurately, I don’t see myself falling head over heels for anyone soon. Really, what am I supposed to do with someone else’s dramas, emos & needs?

Doing a quick reality check, over the last year, each of us (the three partners in slutting) must have met about 100 different men (maybe more). No shit. By pooling our resources, we been there, done that & groped the men. Discos, clubs, bars, bistros, karaoke dates, coffee dates, lunch dates, dinner dates, supper dates, breakfast dates, gym dates, movie dates, rave parties, house parties, hotel parties, movie parties, bath houses, online profiles & even blogger meets. Together or individually, we have done some major sexploring. Some wanted to do me, some I wanted to do, some I would date but very few came close to making me take the extra effort to actually be nice & care enough to try.

It was fun meeting all these men but I do believe in that certain kind of electricity that does connect people romantically. A spark. No, not love at first sight, but just an energy that makes you wanna do more. Still haven’t found it, but I will let you know when I do…

Young girl in the market
Music to the men
When the men leave
Her eyes are red
When her eyes are closed again she sees the dark market of above

And she sings
'They say the most horrible things
But I hear violins, when I close my eyes
I am at the center of the sun
And I cannot be hurt
By anything this wicked world has done'

Young boy in the market
Follows all the men
When the men leave
He's out of his head
When his eyes are closed again he sees the dark market of above

And he sings
'They break the most beautiful things
But I hear violins, when I close my eyes
I am at the center of the sun
And I cannot be hurt
By anything this wicked world has done
I look into your eyes
And I am at the center of the sun
And I cannot be hurt
By anything this wicked world has done'

Center of the sun
Young boy in the market
Sees the girl alone
And asks her
'Have you lost your way home?'
She sings
'You say the most beautiful things, just like my violins'

I look into your eyes
I am at the center of the sun
And I cannot be hurt
By anything this wicked world has done

When I close my eyes
I am at the center of the sun
And I cannot be hurt
By anything this wicked world has done

'Cause
I hear violins
I hear violins

I hear violins
I hear violins

Center of the sun
I hear ...violins

Conjure One~ Center Of The Sun

Resurrections, Reiterations & Revelations

2007-01-05T20:52:00.000+08:00

Did ya miss me? Did I disappoint you by not posting? Did you even notice?

It’s not you, its me…
The matter of the fact is that I no longer feel like blogging as much any more. Rather than posting every other day, I think I will be posting once a week or maybe just when I really have something really worth posting about. Not that I think that anyone cares, but I thought I should give everyone who does read this blog the heads up (especially that one person from Iceland that seems to lurk frequently). I highly suspect it may be better I communicate all these things I wanna let out directly to people rather than jotting them down for the world to see.

Don’t ever accept candy from strangers…
But its okay if it’s from a friend of a friend’s friend, even if you’re not sure if he really was. His lollipop (really was candy people, FOCUS! FOCUS!) was the nicest & worst thing I ever tasted! Tasted like mandarin yoghurt & mutton curry! I got it at my final rave of the year (again), Velocity I think it was. Kyau & Albert, Ron Van Beuken and Judge Jules played an amazing set. There was a blackout which must be embarrassing for the organizers, but its no big deal. Everything seemed shiny sparkly that night. I didn’t even wonder over to the *ugh* RNB section to listen to what they were playing.

Haven’t we met before…
I went out clubbing (and drank) so often with old & new friends that I have trouble remembering what exactly I did, with who & where. Seriously kids, alcohol kills brain cells! I suspect I even had a blackout moment during my count down at Orange but can’t be sure because I was too drunk to remember. What I do remember is chatting up this couple that looked like they were made for each other. Surely they weren’t the prettiest things in there (I actually sent out an SMS to Slutboy- Come find me on the couches! Help me! I am chatting up ugly men!). Not that they were paying much heed to me, I could actually sense how happy they were together, like some of the couples I know…

Will you be my best friend…
On new years eve I was hugging (and licking) all of my best friends. I guess I wanted to show them some love. The funniest thing was that I saw a bunch of spiky haired lesbians on my way out of the club, I instantly shouted “OH MY GAWD! Lesbians! I love you lesbians!” The goat tells me this is rude and I am lucky I didn’t get beaten up, but I think at least I was (drunkenly) honest on how cute they are (it took what ever minute amounts of soberness left in me to stop me from going up to them and hugging them randomly too). But it certainly made my night when they shouted back “Happy New Year!” in unison. They love me, they really do!

You’re like a tender love bite on my neck…
Then there is this guy I met who is like sexy, smart & super nice. The more I know, the more I likey! It feels so comfortable talking with him, that it makes me wonder if my jaded bitter persona is all simply due to the simple fact that I just haven’t met a compatible guy. But (there is always a but isn’t there?) he gives off such mixed signals that it does drive me nuts at times too! WTF does he want from me??

Someday we’ll know…
I really can’t remember the last time that I felt so comfortable & yet so frantic. Then again he has left the country & doesn’t even stay in the same city. Although I am certainly not going to dwell on thoughts of him, I am certainly going to make opportunities to communicate with him in the future. I think just maybe, there is something worth exploring there.

And the award for best actor in a solo drama goes to…
I know I can be emotional, but what is a boy/ girl to do? And of course with the whole new year thingy I have been dutifully examining my priorities & how I channel my resources. The main outcome is that I am too hard on myself at times & at the same time too lax. I need to stop thinking I am crazy & be comfortable in my own skin. Over analyzing every situation is not going to help me be happier. I don’t think I will ever a stick thin model with abs of steel but neither am I unloveable, untouchable or undesirable. Over dramatic at times, I still do have more self control than some. When I bitchily glare at those who accuse me of being attracted to drama *flips hair*, I see they have starred in many soap operas of their own.

For my next trick…
I will give up the unhealthy & expensive habit of smoking like an Iraqi oil fire. By Feb 1st I should be smoking only on weekends & my last ciggie is targeted for March 16th. With a lil perseverance I will gain better control of the things I can change (work, health & finances) and learn to let go of the things I can’t (love & family). Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but soon enough I will be at total peace. I accept the simple fact that I will never be bright, shiny & new again but being clean, keen & quirky will be fantastic!

2006-12-25T20:28:00.000+08:00

Stop reading this if you're happy because today I am secretly depressing. The truth is, thanks to all the things/events I can't emotionally deal with, I hate all significant celebrations. On days like these, I know I'm better alone. I'd love to tell you more but, by tomorrow, I know I would feel shy and regret it. Some things are better left unexpressed...

A Merry Messy Pre-Christmas

2006-12-24T13:59:00.000+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

I’ve been a very very good boy this year & Santa has kept his end of the bargain and rewarded me early this year!

Without the fancy-smancy twists & turns, let me just say I unexpectedly but gratefully spent my pre Christmas extremely giggly. I didn’t actually intend on drinking much but thanks to Carnie & Slutboy who took turns pouring bubbly down my throat, I was happy. Unexpected happiness is always the best, isn’t it?

Unexpected happiness is like twiddling 2 cousins on the sofa. Finally all that working out at the gym has paid off as I had one cousin on either side of my chest whiles I slowly stroked them and chatted. It was not a totally bimbotic conversation either! I know the normal fetish is for twins or brothers, but I’ve discovered that the hunt for cousins is much easier to satisfy. Roowr!

Santa was truly smiling on me because I also had another rare species at hand:- A freshly graduated 20 year old Singaporean virgin (with hard abs) who is undergoing his National Service training.Giggle. His story goes he was in search of the famous beef noodles in Kuala Lumpur, couldn’t find it and eventually stumbled into the bar. It was his lucky night too I guess because after clubbing we brought him to the noodle place & gave him a ride to his hotel (where his straight friends were actually waiting, unknowlingly).

As I lay in bed early in the morning, giggling with all that happened floating in my head, I thought about some of the advice I gave to the young boy & wonder how he viewed it…

“You know the whole thing about virginity. I mean about how your first time is special, sweet, meaningful & how you should wait to do it with the right person at the right time? Fuck that! Virginity is over rated. Just go do it and get it over with, that way you can have start having as much sex as you want with whoever you want!”

I wonder, will Santa be as 4th giving next Christmas?

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
to remind me
to find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Snow Patrol~ Chasing Cars

GASPies GOATies!

2006-12-22T18:57:00.000+08:00

Work!
Bills!
Deadlines!
Stains On Your Favorite Tee!
Inflation!
Pollution!
War!
Floods!
Global Warming!
Cancer!

Had enough yet? I have!

I’m not sure if it is a good or bad thing, but whenever I’m left alone for too long, my mind creates things to keep me amused. Sometimes its men in loincloths, other times it is goats. Today it was a new annoying way of speaking! Simply add “ies” to the any words of every sentence.

The damn goaties is coming back soonies so I am happyies, or so I thinkies!!
Doesn’t it soundies so so cuteies?
Noies?
Damnies…
Yesies. I know its not gonna helpies me get laidies anytime soonies, but who gives a fuckies?

High on a hill was a lonely goat, lay-od-lay-od-lay-he-hoo
Yodell back with the girl and goat, lay-od-lay-od-low
Wind it up
Wind it up, uh, uh, uh, uh
Yodellay, yodallay, yodal-low
AJ Feat Gwen Stefani ~ Wind The Goat Up!

Rebutted- Half Nekkid Thursday!

2006-12-21T18:25:00.000+08:00

This is me drowning shots at The Attic, which then lead to me puking my guts, heh

(its a sHalloween post, go hunt)

Somehow or other, when it comes to other people's cameras, my butt tends to be captured the most. Seriously, the one time I was an extra in a commercial also showed my butt walking away. Then there is the time my lecturer was taking pictures of me in the drain? Only butt shots!

I would like to begin to explain the phenomena butt I don't know where to start... Double Heh..

Making a silk purse out of a sow’s year

2006-12-20T16:15:00.000+08:00

Normally I would recommend using a goat’s ear (because I like goaty abuse), but snowdrop’s ear is just as good.

I’ve been wanting to sum up this year ever since I got appraised at work last Friday, but it’s just taken some time for me work up the bravery to do it.

In terms of family, I have decided to just accept the inedible & do my own thing. Blood may be thicker than water, but I think snot/cum is even thicker. Even if I can’t control everything, in my own sick twisted way, I can at least chose not to be part of it.

Love, sex & passion has been most lacking this year. Mostly out of my own decision to focus on me. Had my longest sexless dry spell ever of like 3 months but it just made me stronger. Didn’t even come close to meeting my soulmate, but hey, a girl’s got to eat too! That’s my way of saying sex was just so-so. I think I found reciprocatable passion twice but seriously I know they weren’t/aren’t going anywhere. No big deal, don’t feel like dealing with anyone else’s baggage right now.

My emotions are my own & I can control them. Yeah right! I’ve tried to be colder, harder & uncaring but once in awhile I can’t help but silently cry once in a while. Then there is that whole ordeal with my ex which I still hate with a passion. I’ve somewhat shelved the things I feel for him many times, but each time he rears his ugly head, I can’t help but want to bite it off! Don’t get me wrong, I do agree with those Disney after school specials that say hatred will consume you, but I’m getting better at my own pace. Then there is something in me says the only whining & bitching I will listen to is my own. Not being tolerant is surely not a most lovable quality but fret not, I’m still optimistic.

Physically I look better. Lost more than 10kg this year and built up some muscle mass. And it’s a good thing too, especially since I haven’t exactly been following my gym/diet regiment all that closely. Clothes I haven’t worn in years fit like a glove & I get more attention too. Even as spiritually deep I strive to be, I still shallowly love the attention, who doesn’t enjoy being checked out?

My greatest accomplishment is the new friends I’ve found. Each and everyone worth their weight in platinum (gold is so for fuddy duddies). Some I see more often than others, but I do enjoy spending time. Fuck you if you’re going “ho-hum” because you have no idea how picky I can be when it comes to friends. Sex with random strangers I can do, but hanging out with people I dislike (of which there are many) is pure torture.

Rave parties, parties & disco dancing I have had plenty this year! Alcohol was consumed like I was 17 again (though back then I didn’t have so many pretty drinks). Musically I’ve become more inclined to the rhythmic beats of Trance & hard baseline of Rock. Better control on my intake of all things bad for me, I dare say I’ve gotten things under control.

I supposed I have taken this year easier and given myself loads of time to lazily be myself. Can’t say it has been a great year but neither has it been a horrible year. It’s just like any other year, just with more self exploration than the rest of ‘em…

Justify your faith for me
Does it give you what you need?
Every time, every place, every moment of grace
I’m cynical, I rise to the pinnacle
Bring it to your knees

Sentimental phases, we leave it all behind
Incremental changes, incidental highs
What it all comes down to
Is what you think you see?
But we’re worlds apart, and it breaks my heart like an enemy

Terrified to find release
And when you smile, I know you grieve
And you’ll find if you’re mine
Full of all the clues and the criminals
A story subliminal, from eyes that don’t deceive

Gabriel & Dresden~ Enemy

Fantastical Whimsical / Sentimental Temperamental

2006-12-19T00:38:00.000+08:00

I know I can be one of the most bitter blogger’s who has clearly become jaded with out really understanding the meaning of jaded, heh. All the stuff I’ve seen & all the shit I’ve done have ruined my once innocent perception of the world. There’s something about once you’ve eaten the forbidden fruit of knowledge (laced with God knows what chemicals) you can never go back to ignorance. I need not elaborate how ‘having done it all’ sucks.

But some days, I truly feel all fluffy, white & spanking new! And today has been one of those days where I feel like a virgin, untouched waiting for his very first time!

But I must admit, I had help from the oddest of sources- online comics! Yes I am addicted to them at work (especially since I can’t read blogs at work)! No matter how well or badly drawn, I always appreciate a good story line & the fact that the dedicated cartoonist actually take the time to do their best, for free!

Shonen Ai or Yaoi which has homosexual mangga style characters always brings out the little girl in me! If you’re too lazy to click the link, let me tell you an odd fact about this type of comics. They are often created by women, for women! I don’t care how the anthropologists may frown on me, reading the story lines bring back memories!

That’s right boys and girls, I totally slacked off at work & read 'it’s a boy thing’ (where these pictures are from) most of the day! Now some of my most passionate moments are floating in my head…

That electric first kiss
Sharing a sundae on a hot afternoon
Walking down a deserted beach in the rain
Cooking an amazing dinner only to eat it in bed
Receiving a naked massage with some sexy scented oil
Feeling his breath on the back on my neck as I sleep
Stroking my lovers leg in public when nobody’s looking
Holding hands in a dark cinema
Steamy sweaty hot afternoon sexathon
Stealing a kiss
The smell of his freshly washed hair
Listening to his breaths as I read a book
Resting my head on his thigh
Passing a breath of smoke
Barely awake morning quickie
Cooking breakfast together
Making grape juice in my mouth, just for him
Tickle wrestling
Sharing a tooth brush
Just kissing passionately for hours & hours

Surely I could do some of these things but it just wouldn’t be the same. Sigh.. I think I better stop before depression kicks in. I wanna go to sleep feeling still feeling floopy. How do you share your intimacy?

I swear I don't know, what time it is,
But I know this means, nothing much to me,
And I hear the voices, bring in my head,
And they keep telling, telling me to let go...
Let Go
Telling me to let go
Let go...
*It could be better that way*
Gabriel & Dresden Ft Molly Bankcroft~ Let It Go

Trampled At The Disco

2006-12-17T20:43:00.000+08:00

Tramps I tell you! A fucking bunch of shameless tramps, and that’s just the guys I hung out with!

The turn out at La Queen this Saturday was much prettier than usual. My feel really got trampled upon, lucky I was wearing cheap shoes or I’d be cursing like a back alley prostitute from southern China (more than I normally do). Downing cheap booze & listening to cheesy music, there really is nothing different to their special party nights.

Don’t get me wrong, I still don’t really like the place but we have to go where the crowd is. There is no club loyalty amongst gay men! If we go to some less popular place, we’d be left playing with ourselves under the disco ball. And honestly, I could stay home to do that.

The one guy that really stood out of the crowd was this hot shirtless 21 yo who although looked mature for his age, was delectable. Normally Slutboy, Carnie & I have differentiated tastes but we all agreed he was H-A-W-T!! Me & my boys are all fairly attractive, articulate & decent men with good jobs but when men like this come around, they turn us into giggly quivering school girls. The young gentleman doesn’t drink much, doesn’t smoke or any shit like that, its no wonder he is so well preserved.

What the fuck are they feeding the young boys nowadays? Really? Don’t get me wrong when I was 21 or so, I was sexy! Sexy dammit! But one look at these university-aged-model-could-be’s & I can’t help but feel inadequate. I feel strongly overcome by the urge to stop eating, get ~~a facial~~ plastic surgery & spending my entire day working out at the gym.

Being shallow will be the death of me! Next week I’m going on the raw diet! Everything that passes my lips will be uncooked! That rules out anything fried, rice, noodles & meat. Raw meat isn’t tasty anyways, well, unless its umm… man meat!

And in the giving spirit of Christmas, here is a vid of hot Italian meat…

I had a bad day, you think?

2006-12-15T23:53:00.000+08:00

No I mean it, seriously. Started out the morning with a hardon I couldn’t walk out my bedroom door with (and impossible to hide/tame), followed by forgetting to bring breakfast to work, gleefully Polly (the office bitch) did her thing. Next I was moving tables & cleaning dead cockroaches (amongst other junk) for the new guy coming in. I haven’t even seen his sad ass yet and already I am cleaning up for him!

Before lunch I was subjugated into carrying heavy packages & then the only pc in the office with graphic software decides to stop working. Then MY pc decides to stop working. Then more errors are found in the project I was so hoping to finish & do away with (3 pcs at my disposal and not one can I use to do corrections). Did I mention I was being chased the whole day for some work that isn’t technically mine & I couldn’t do it because the damn pc with the graphic software isn’t working.

Next is appraisal where I’m told I suck at my job (supprise! supprise! well this is rather typical, but still worthy of mention) followed by a healthy dose of my pestering for a project I can’t do(do you see how annoying repetition is?), being asked to help do other’s work & a great heaping helping of incompetence (it’s a damn shortcut dammit, not the actual folder!).

Gah! By now most people would be reaching for the spoon & digging into a tub of chocolate ice cream. No! Not me! I went to the gym did my weights like a good wannabe, and subsequently got caught in the thunderstorm & got stuck in the most horrible traffic jam with dumbass drivers for an hour.

Double Gah! I relented. I had cheezels with dinner & now I’m gonna curl up in my bed & hope tomorrow (after work) is a better day. I haven’t laughed so hard in ages (I always laugh when I’m having helluva time). Erm, bitching helps to, but only when I'm doing it.

Why isn’t everyday a rave day? Whimper…

Satisfaction: Zoukout ’06 With Ferry Corsten!

2006-12-14T00:36:00.000+08:00

By now my addiction to raves should be more than transparent. I love ‘em! I love ‘em more than Madonna, more than sugar & dare I say it, yes, more than sex. I’ve done a total of 4 raves this year & I still can’t get enough.

Once I discovered my Singapore trip was well timed to the event, I practically forced Carnie & Slutboy to go. Not that they needed much coaxing though. Slutboy is a trance head as well & Carnie, lets say just say some Indonesian birds of paradise enchanted him. Heh.

After oversleeping, we got there at a timely 12 midnight. Even during the taxi ride, we begun to see half naked men heading towards the party ground. The thing about this Zoukout, is that was held on the sands on Siloso Beach, Sentosa Island so it had a very tropical feel.

I’m sure Sentosa Island is famous for other things like the giant aquarium etc during the day time, but on this night, it was a playground for international ravers! OMG I am now an international raver!

That’s right honey, just walking in, I could see semi-naked fully-sexy boys & girls of all colors & ages. If you worked hard to get it, flaunt it! Especially if ‘it’ is a well defined six pack, solid chest or a cute butt. Speedos and broad shorts, bikinis & sarongs, khakis & anything bitchy was worn, er I mean beachy, no I think I was right the first time. Good thing it was sandy, if not my drool would have formed a lake & drowned us all! I was told there was close to 16 thousand people there shaking away on that tiny beach, but honestly I haven’t a clue!

From a distance, we could already here the many different types of music being pumped into the atmosphere. I think there were 4 or 5 stages along the at least 1 km beach. Its not that I’m lazy but I couldn’t be arsed to walk the entire stretch! That’s how big the party grounds were! Each stage was helmed by different styles. There was trance, rock, techno, r&b and even one playing some hits from the recent past (Mumbo Jumbo in Zouk terms).

Before the rave, one of Slutboy’s friends explained how at the beginning, women would dominate the podiums but slowly the gay men with their larger than D cup pecs would scare them away! True enough, at the beginning, the podiums were dominated by big tittied women (no offence ladies). Then the muscle marys decided to get in on the action practically pushed the ladies off with their huge chests. What was surprising was when the trannys took over with their larger than life silicon implants! I guess no matter how big your boobies are, there is always some one out there with even bigger assets!

About 2 drinks into the party, I was feeling a lil sick. After countless concoctions the night before, my liver was protesting & I felt super pukey. But as the young wife’s tale goes, there is no better cure for a hang over than more alcohol. Totally true, just that you need to get to your 4th drink before the nausea leaves you. Just in time too!

With all the shirtless men dancing away, hormones flowed freely too. I swear the air was saturated with androgen, estrogen & testosterone! That’s when it suddenly happened. I’m not totally sure what drove the instinct & certainly I can’t remember how, but I leaned over and kissed Slutboy’s friend who had joined us earlier.

I swear I am so super freaking damaged beyond help. Believe it or not, my first thought after the kiss was ‘oh fuck, I’m setting myself up for heartache, AGAIN. Best I tell the boy I’m not worth the trouble and move on’. The second thought though was fortunately ‘get a grip, its just making out in a rave. Its not like he is asking for you to sign a lifetime contract to his mother’s yoga class!’

Believe it or not, I lost the boy half way through the show whiles getting drinks. I have no idea how it happened. I guess we both just wondered off in separate directions. I couldn’t find Slutboy, Carnie or any of the other people we were hanging out with either. I’m not sure if a lesser man would have panicked, but I just danced alone in the crowd, carefully sipping on my vodka coke. Ferry was up next & well, it was okay to be alone then. Love the beats & mixes! He did a pretty inspirational job which I moved to. I even recognized a couple of the songs. But to help my friends locate me, I decided to wave my two blinking glow sticks in the air.

As if that would help in such a huge crowd! Instead other people decided to do the same and soon enough there were several other people waving their blinking lights in the air too! Funny really. I swear I was cleaner than clean, but the flashing lights totally did a number on my brain. Eventually I did find the gang again & we did a number on the podium.

Back to the boy. And yes, making out in a rave is just as fun as doing it on the dance floor of any club! I let go of the hang ups & threw what ever caution I’ve been harboring into the wind! Sex was not my motivation. I, like the rest of the girls, just wanted to have fun. All the raves I have attended before this have been too straight to comfortably do any male-male making out. But in Singapore, with all its strictness is certainly more open to alternative lifestyles. And I had to take full advantage of the situation and enjoyed the boy along with the hypnotic rhythm & countless plastic cups of booze. By cup 8 we were doing some serious groping and exploring. Sexy jaw line, great spiky hair & hard abs, this boy wasn’t my usual type, but isn’t hot everybody’s type? Gentlemen don’t kiss and tell, so let me leave it at that.

Instead let me give special mention to a most memorable character, Mr Dangly Bits! Must have been late thirties to early forties, he had a goatee & alright body. But what he did lack though was clothes (and a sense of humility). He was dressed in what must have been undies (I didn’t dare get closer) & a jewel studded white belt, thats all! Although most people do shake their entire bodies to the beats, even his pokey bits were doing a tango! Like one of those accidents you can’t help but stare at, I was totally stunned by how he could shake his nasty bits to the rhythm of the music. Nasty, pokey, whatever! But he indeed was enjoying himself!

Before I knew it, dawn came upon us and sunlight kissed the sands of Siloso Beach. Still the carnival rides were moving, music blaring & laser lights flashing. It was so surreal & I don’t use that term lightly. 10 drinks, 7.5 hours of partying, 2 of my greatest friends & 1 hot boy made for one hell of a party. I was truly satisfied. As we left the beach, there was a group of senior citizens coming to do their morning exercises. I wonder what they thought of all the rowdy ruckus, oddly dressed people & especially Mr Dangly Bits!

so little time, so little time
im so frustrated
so little joy, so little joy,
its ccc o ompllliicated
so little time, so little time, t i m e
to work it on out.. yeaah e eahh h h

so little jjoy, so little joy
its complicated
i feel im stumbling in the dDaarkk,
som nam bu la ted
i feel my heart seeking the s ssparks
and im praying for love,
love, l o v e
p pprayiing for love

so little joy, so little j o y
its comp ll lica teed[d]
so little time, so little time
when your hearts been faded

so little hope, so little hope
im praying for love,
love, love is more than enough

simply being love, love , loved
simply being love, love , loved
simply being love, love , loved
is more than enough..yeah yeah
is more than enough..yeah yeah
s i m p l y b e i n g l o v e, l o v e , l o v e d
yyeah iis more
thannnn en ough

so little joy, so little j o y
its complicated
so little time , so little time
to get acclimahted

so little hope, so little hope
im praying now for love,
yeah yeah ahhh

so little time the pace
has changed, but im still waitting
a thousand years of timeless days,
som nam bu la ting
im stubbling
wounded in the [dark]
but im praying again for love
love love
praying for love

love love love
simply being loved
love love
simply being loved
love love
simply being loved
love love

simply being love love loved
simply being love love loved
simply being love love loved
is more than enough, yeah yeah
simply being loved yeah , is more than enough
simply being loved yeah , is more than enough

so little jjoy, so little joy
its complicated
so little time, so little time
its so frustrating
so little hope, so little hope
im praying still for love
l o v {e}, love

Bt – Somnambulist (Ferry Corsten Remix)

Scandalous/ Frivolous, Androjane Hits Singapore HARD

2006-12-12T00:14:00.000+08:00

I work hard for the money, so why shouldn’t I go crazy and spend it on an insane weekend in Singapore! Other’s may saving up for properties, weddings & children, but honey, this girl wants to have fun!!

It’s been several years since I visit the city made famous for being super clean & banning (the sale of) chewing gum. So I did what any defiant slacker would do & smuggled in bubble gum as presents & to chew slowly at public places. Heh.

During SMS communication prior to my trip down, 1d (notorious lurker) warned me to “please don’t cause any scenes on the bus). Who? Me? Cause scenes? Please! It was Carnie & Teks (who shall for from now on in all posts will be referred to as Slutboy™) who caused the scenes! HMPH! I’m pure as crystal (something)!

I have you know I participated in some very civilized conversations with old ladies regarding marriage, life & living! I even helped them open their coconut cookies (Young man, always look for girls with the heart of gold, not the heart of a gold digger). But then again, it was a good thing they were old enough not to hear me & the boys discuss topics like cum eating, sexy underwear flashing & group sex.

One of my favorite parts of the trip was meeting the ghosts of the boy’s past. I’ve always wondered what company they have kept, and I got to meet a few. First up was getting to know one of Carnie’s friends over Tony Roma’s ribs. I was absolutely nice to the boy! (To think he actually begged & pleaded with me not to be bitchy, like that is something I do!). Sweetest accountant ever! Sure he couldn’t tell me anything exciting about accounting, but hey, there’s nothing exciting about my job either.

After dinner we some how ended up viewing & having drinks near the infamous (but unglamorously puny) Merlion. FYI, the pint-sized Merlion is the symbol of the proud (but pint-sized) nation.

"I'm the Merlion, hear me roar~ Meow!"

If you ask me, everything about Singapore seemed scaled down. Even the most happening gay bar, Taboo, was located in two tiny shop houses. But it was packed full of boys (both hot and not so hot) drunk on jugs of alcohol! I loved how they carried their giant jugs about (were they overcompensating for something else?), but seriously, it was pretty fun to have giant drinks!

The music was a bit repetitive cos they played Man Eater, Sexy Back & several other songs at least twice. Then again, it could have been all the alcohol I drunk impairing my judgment. Regardless, the drunk shirtless boys with the most beautiful dimples truly made up for any short comings of the club.

Wait up. Must be the residual alcohol but I forgot to mention drinks at MOX where I met Jups Hee hee. She’s the second international blogger I’ve met & we instantly hit it off! She let me into many a dark secret, as did I! Bursting with energy, I did gay boys around the world proud & showed her how queer guys party! She danced up a storm (even if she got ciggie burns) & I think the shirtless boys shaking their non-existent asses helped. Dirty dancing with (real) girls is something I haven’t done in a long time *Sigh* I miss it.

After disco dancing, we went for roti phrata (that’s what they call roti canai in the South). I was surprised how friendly the locals were. Its not that I think all people down South are stuck up snobs, but over the years I’ve had many bad experiences with ‘the ugly Singaporean’. Or just maybe, this time around I met the beautiful/slutty ones. Heh. We made jokes & chatted over the silliest things.

On Saturday, I discovered the Singapore’s secret sales weapon, the NEW URBAN MALE ! Sure the clothes are nice, but the sales boys are nicer (hotter, sexier, buffer & drool inspiring). I really didn’t need another T Shirt with slutty wording but I justified my purchases as ‘christmas presents’. Being a wordsmith by profession, I think I can up with phrases that are more provocative than “I’m your after party”, “Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go down under”, “I’m sexier on the internet”, etc. Having hot bronze demigods attend to your needs really does make it hard to say no. I’ve been kicking myself in the ass all day for buying very nice but way over priced flipflops also! Like my dozen or so lesser priced ones aren't more than I need! Curse you New Urban Males!

And as pricy as the flipflops were I still had to try them out at ZOUKOUT! Thankfully the 7.5 hours of partying didn’t do them in. Zoukout ‘06 is worthy of a whole post of its own as for the first time in history, I made out at a rave. Hee Hee…

Due to the lack of sleep, most of Sunday was spent extra zoned out. I was there shopping & ogling men in body but my mind was still on the sands of Siloso Beach, raving away to the music. I enjoy zoning out and being one with nothing as it allows me to soak up the atmosphere.

I know this post seems a little scattered (more than usual anyways). But I really don’t know how best to describe the totality of my holiday in Singapore. I learnt so many new things about the boys I love & the boys (and girls) they love. I made new friends & partied with the best. I bought things I want but don’t really need and feel good about it. If only every weekend can be this much fun!

Maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all, of him love
He's a maneater
make you buy cars
make you cut cards
make you fall real hard in love
He's a Maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all, of him love
He's a maneater
make you buy cars
make you cut cards
Wish you never ever met him at all!
AJ ft Nelly Furtado ~ Maneater

An Exciting Weekend: AJ’s Trip To Singapore

2006-12-11T01:32:00.000+08:00

This weekend I went to Singapore with Carnie & Teks. On Friday we went to MOX & Taboo, where we met Jups. On Saturday we went shopping on Orchard Road & at night went to Zoukout. Sunday was spent doing more shopping. It was so much fun. The end.

JOKING! No way I can sum up my fucking fantastic weekend in one paragraph! I and the boys painted the town hot pink (with elegant silver tinsel & platinum bells) in fucking style!

And yes, the profanities are necessary if you want to begin to try to imagine how freaking insane this trip was. I loved every second of it! Even whiles resting our feet, we were entertained by a never ending throng of hot boys. The booze was overflowing, the party never ending & the shopping ever satisfying! But all that is a story for another day when I’m all rested. ‘Till then, ZOUKOUT!!

Exciting Mistakes

2006-12-06T23:52:00.000+08:00

I know I said Armin Van Buuren was going to be my last rave for the year, but OMG! OH MY GOAT! I’M GOING TO ZOUKOUT IN SINGAPORE! WOOOT! WOOOT!

Yeah, I just went woot! HEE HEE! That’s how excited I am. Carnie, Teks & I have everything planned out. At first we weren’t sure if we were gonna do Zoukout, but Carnie’s booking the tickets tomorrow! From where we are going to who we are meeting (and possibly sleeping with) plans have been well laid. Hee hee. I even know which undies I wanna wear to the rave. Green stripy boxers by the way, if you’re wondering.

We’re going down on Friday, and chatting up the boys in Taboo! Even my darling Jups has agreed to come out & strut her stuff. I hope she doesn’t think I’m *GASP* fat or worse still annoying! Better work harder at the gym to look skinnier. And to sweet talk her, I will eat more candy. But then again that would just sabotage the gym routine. OH FUCKITY FUCK FUCK! I AM HAVING SUGAR THIS WEEKEND EVEN IF I GET FATTER! All you twink lovers can kiss by chubby round ass for all I care!

The rave is gonna be like from 8pm to 8am. Of course we will show up fashionably late, but at the boys have agreed to stay at least until 6 am! WHOOO HOOO! I love Malaysia, but fuck the rulings where we can’t party late into the early hours of the morning! I estimate I will be needing at least one beer for every hour (I doubt they will be serving cosmos)!

No, Ferry isn't named after a boat!

Then, there’s the DJ. Ferry Corsten! OMGoat! Another big name! I swear I’m not much of a groupie. I couldn’t give a fuck to wait outside someone’s hotel room but to watch & listen to a skilled DJ do his thing is one of the most amazing things ever! FUCKING EVER! Every time I do, its like I get to cross off another item from my ‘things to do before I die list’. Raving in another country is so SO so an important thing!

I haven’t been this excited since I started preparing for sHalloween months ahead. I’ve already started collecting items in my mind & bragging about the trip to random people! Yes, part of the thrill is planning & talking about it! Wheeeeeeee!

Surely I won’t know anyone there. Well, maybe not but that could be a good thing! Make new friends & better yet, very little chance of bumping into that asshole of an ex. I don’t really have a thing for Singaporean boys, but what the fuck, surely there are men from other countries up for grabs! Thee hee hee...

I know what I wanna put into my rave survival kit! I know what I wanna eat on the bus! I know where I wanna go shop! I know who I wanna meet! This is going to be something I really remember…

Some may caution I should be careful cos I might be setting myself up for total disappointment is something doesn’t go right (especially myself) but fuck caution! Its not like I’m planning a 3 month journey to the north pole to have an orgy with Santa, the Easter bunny & Josh Harnet! It’s a simple, well controlled trip to the country. Even if things don’t go as perfectly planned, I will be so FUCKING OH MY FUCKING GOAT FUCKING happy. Raves are better than sex, quote me if you must.

Oh woman you make me feel...
Like I'm on fire,
Oh woman you make me feel...
Like I'm on fire,
Oh woman you make me feel...
Like I'm on fire,
Oh woman you make it real...
It's the only way for me
Ferry Corsten~ Fire (Goatus Remix)

Open Sexy MeMe!

2006-12-04T23:59:00.001+08:00

World AIDS Day is an important thingy. So let me try to do my thing, my way to add awareness & openness about the taboo topic of sex.

Even if I had sex twice a day for the rest of the year, I still would not have as much sex this year as compared to any one of the last six years of my life. Serious shit. There maybe many reasons for this, but of all, its most likely more about me getting older.

Contrary to popular belief, age hasn’t slowed me down. My mojo is still strong & overflowing. The thing about getting older, is it makes me wiser. I got to know myself & my needs better. Sex is no longer number one on my life agenda. There are plenty of other things that I can enjoy that don’t involve the anatomy of another person.

And as I believe we all could benefit from more sexual awareness, let me share with you a personal insight about the doing the (supposedly) dirty. X’s signify the false statements.

1. I’ve never injured somebody during sex. (x) It’s not (just) that I’m clumsy but passion does cause friction.

2. I’ve never had sex with more than 3 other people at the same time. ( ) Three is my maximum, it’s all circumstantial.

3. I’ve never had sex with different people at different times within the same day. (x) When you get about, you get about!

4. I’ve never had sex in a public place. (x) The first was on the dance floor of Movement, a trance disco in KL which long burned down. And there was this one guy who seem wanted in on the action, like I had another fuck to give!

5. I’ve never been caught for having sex in a public place. (x) Had to pay the cops, which quickly put an end to the thrill of sex in public places.

6. I’ve never had sex for money, alcohol, drugs, or gifts ( )

7. I’ve never had sex with someone I hated. (x)

8. I’ve never had sex so the person would like me more. ( )

9. I’ve never had sex just because I was bored. (x) Not the best excuse but it really is good for killing time.

10. I’ve never had sex whiles intoxicated. (x)

11. I’ve never had sex in front of people watching. (x) Refer to no. 4

12. I’ve never had sex in a moving vehicle. (x) Cars & cable cars!

13. I’ve never given a love bite. (x) My specialty ;)

14. I’ve never received a love bite. (x)

15. I’ve never laughed after sex. (x) Emotions can run wild.

16. I’ve never cried after sex. (x) Erm, emotions can run deep.

17. I’ve never talked about non sexual things during sex. (x) I think you can only do this if you’re truly comfortable with someone.

18. I’ve never had unprotected sex. (x) With people I trusted, but trust can be misplaced, hence no. 19…

19. I’ve never had a HIV test. (x) Fortunately negative, but it was the longest wait in my entire life. I’ll be damned if I am not more careful in the future. The Spice Girls are right! Put it on! Put it on!

20. I’ve never had a sexually transmitted disease. ( ) Thank GOD!

21. I’ve never had sex with a woman. (x) I am experimental!

22. I’ve never made up an excuse just not to have sex with someone. (x)

23. I’ve never had sex with someone only to deny it ever happened. ( ) Trust me, with some of the men I’ve slept with, there’s been so much hell to pay after, maybe I should rethink this one.

24. I’ve never been sexually satisfied without cumming. (x) The process can be satisfying without climaxing. It can be kissing, massages, hours of foreplay etc, provided the partner(s) know what their doing.

25. I’ve never paid for sex. ( )

26. I’ve never faced sexually rejection. (x) Who hasn’t been rejected or rejected someone? It’s all part and parcel of life…

That’s it, one truth for every year of my life. For now, it seems like the person I have sex with has to be more special than before. It’s more than just lying there in bed, you know. He has to be somewhat worth the effort. It’s always best to exercise some self control, less something like a horrible disease control you. I’m not preaching, just telling it the way I see it. Its my life at risk.

Take this MeMe back to your blog if you dare, but like having sex, try to be honest about it (do tell me if you do). It isn’t for the weak hearted.

I'd chime in with a "Haven't you people ever heard of closing the God'damn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.
I'd chime in "Haven't you people ever heard of closing the God'damn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of oh…
Panic! At The Disco~ I Write Sins, Not Tragedies

No Promiscuous Promises

2006-12-03T21:36:00.000+08:00

HiHi: This weekend go party again ah?

AJ: Every weekend is a party (baby)!

And why not? It’s my time to relax & unwind! My definition of a party may vary from her definition. According to AJ’s guide of gibberish:-

Party: Where alcohol is consumed in the presence of good company & good music. Sex optional.

This Saturday was the Blackout Party at La Queen…

Let’s do it together, WTF? x2

Firstly what’s a blackout Party, and then who the fuck name’s a club La Queen?

If you ever seen the owner, you’d understand why he named it La Queen, one of the oldest Diva’s I’ve seen still out on the circuit, surely he has many lurid tales to tell. But credit is duly deserved as it’s truly the first club bold enough to fly the rainbow flag in KL. And then the Blackout Party is apparently about the lack of lights. Pfft, the place is always pitch black anyways, how else do the undesirables do their picking up!

But I shouldn’t complain. The cover charge was still a reasonable RM35 & I got a free blinky light thingy to hang around my neck. *Pretty* Oh yeah, there were plenty of boys too (even if most of them weren’t the prettiest things).

There I go sounding all shallow & shit again. Like everyone else, I do check out the crowd but I don’t really hit on every hot guy I see. I’m there to dance, drink & be merry. It’s not all about shags.

What’s worth mentioning though is that they tried to play a more varied set that included more retro handbag music mixed with more contemporary beats. Vast improvement from usual underground-ish heavy beats. Everybody likes a bit of familiarity, even if they can’t see the faces in the crowd.

One thing I do look out for is patterns. Not the kind plain projected into the crowd using green lasers, but rather the people I meet. I managed to catch up with so many acquaintances. There was the guy from college that I didn’t know was gay until I bumped into him at Liquid several years ago, the guy who I used to chat so much with on IRC (does anyone remember a/s/l?) and the older guy I slept with many years ago. Also, the model whose ass I always grab as a greeting was busy caressing his latest cute thing & the couple whom I had a foursome with was there too. I even managed to catch up with the tranny who thinks my tummy is cute.

Talking to these people isn’t about getting sex & it doesn’t make me feel popular either. If popularity was important to this bitch, I would have definitely re-introduced myself to many people whom I have stopped speaking to. In the crowd was Big Head Bimbo whom annoys me, who no matter how much weight he loss, he has a freakishly big head. Chatting up Fuck Face The Fugly’s BF (whom I don’t really know that well due to me finding his boyfriend detestable) was the tall blonde dude with his very motherly faghag which I dutifully insulted on sHalloween. Didn’t feel like engaging them in conversation either.

But the guy I really like but had to hate was the pink web consultant working on my company website. Hired through a mutual friend, I would enjoy conversing with him, if only he wouldn’t talk shop on the damn dance floor! He made me throw a hissy fit! And I had to mock bitch slap, kick him in the groin, pound his face & pull his hair (the tightly packed crowd sensing my anger, actually cleared an area around me). Might have even gotten in one or two real hits, but hopefully they didn’t hurt (too much). When I’m out & about, the last thing I want to think about is the looming deadlines & problems of the office.

Grr… I soooo have to remember to include a ‘no work after hours policy’ when working with pink friendly people in the future. Or would an email stating “Dear Boss, our web consultant is a cock sucking faggot, let’s hold back payment until at least one of us gets some head. Luv, AJ” be more my style?

And look out Singapore! Come next weekend AJ will be gracing your lovely country!

Those days are old and overdone
And it's only cause I'm not with you that you make me number one
Though I may love you
It hurts me deep inside and
Now I no longer have to hide

AJ Ft Kelis~ Trick Me

Farewell My Muse!

2006-12-01T22:30:00.000+08:00

Every blogger gets blogger’s block. Its not where we post too many pervy pictures and are labeled as ‘adult content sites’ but rather when we run out of things to blog about. There are only so many visits to the supermarket a person can over dramatize. Some turn to pictures, others do a meme. But when ever this happens I can always turn to KiKi , my graphic designer for inspiration.

From her Harajuku Girl style makeup & love of the great outdoors, to her super blur persona & fighting spirit, she is anything but plain. I actually regard her as a friend first, and a colleague second. And yes, it’s a good thing I’m gay or I’d be hitting on her.

We’ve had some spectacular moments in the office. She speaks little English and I speak little Chinese, a perfect recipe for laughs. But that never stops us from speaking our mind.

Kiki “Cold la, the office today”
AJ “Yala, who ask you to dress so sexy?”
Kiki “Me sexy? Then why you never button your top button…”
Both “Buaahahahahaa”

But she truly is a well in tuned soul. We both often joke about the ghost that always stands outside our room, just beyond the glass door & tries to rattle our nerves. Some strange things have happened in the office, and they only happen when either of us are alone. but we always laugh it off.

Then there is the museum worthy laser printer attached to my PC which she calls my son & the ever temperamental inkjet printer which is her daughter. Our children never want to eat from the tray and have to be hand fed paper!

If there was one person keeping me sane in the office, it is her. We work closely to get the job done, which often involves lying, stealing (off the internet) & misdirecting other people.

Come next Monday, she won’t be sitting at her place bitchinh about the work any longer. She won’t be there munching a full cucumber for tea (I kid you not) and she won’t be there to share a good bitch about the others in the office. She can’t even pester me to eat more vegetables (which I do nowadays).

She will be doing something closer to her interest & hopefully drawing a better salary. Hopefully they will have broadband at her new office because, damn I enjoyed her spam.

I’d love to say we’ll keep in touch and be the best of friends but I know that’s just wishful thinking. Maybe a dinner or two here or bumping into each other at the mall there, but it will never be the same. I will slowly blend in with the drab gray everything of our room & the ghost will have his way. I will no longer be able to enjoy the scent of fresh cucumber or the latest hits on the Chinese Top 40.

But hey, on the bright side, it could be well worth it, if they get me a hunky Ah Beng who smells citrussy & doesn’t wear underwear… or Asmadi

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I have made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling "Make it go away!"
Just make her smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"

Blue October~ Hate Me

The Big Noisy Picture: Armin Van Buuren Rave @ Zouk, KL

2006-11-28T23:32:00.000+08:00

One of the world’s top DJs was in town & being the trance junkie I am, I went with Teks & his two boys (Drew & XXX Guy).

I was excited! I have been looking forward to the event for many weeks! It’s a pity that AJ started the night in a nastier mood than usual. The week had been long & tiring. Massive work loads & uncooperative colleagues make for a very stressed out/ anti social AJ. I didn’t even manage to get a good nap before getting ready.

The warm up set was fucking fantastic. The DJ knew how to hype the anxious crowd with big hits from big names. Ashamedly, Drew pointed out my song of the year, Tracking Treasure Down (Gabriel & Dresden) before I noticed it. One vodka lime & I was still cranky. Later, we got more alcohol (and other necessities) & I loosened up enough not to mind the claustrophobia inducing over crowded setting. My style being cramped by some dumbass hollering at his babe on the podium is a small price to pay to hear one of my Idol’s play live. Its not that his ass didn’t get in the way of my moves, just that I wouldn’t let it bother me.

Armin showed the crowd why he has been nominated the number 2 DJ in the whole freaking world. I can’t remember any of the tracks, but not because I was too high. His style has always been less vocals driven but more of amazing beats. I most definitely must have herd some of the tracks played that night before, but I’ve always listened to his albums as a whole, disregarding most of the titles. Sometimes it’s about the whole picture rather than the small pieces, no?

Towards the end, when I could not stand, I found an empty table with a stool to perch upon. Out of nowhere, this clearly straight boy came up to me and started chatting me up.

Say it with me, WTF?

No, I wasn’t hallucinating and he didn’t mistake me for a very very (very) beautiful girl either. He needed a table to impress his chick & I had the only empty table with a good view. They joined me & we had a decent conversation about clubs, music & girls on the podium. No I wasn’t pretending to be straight, its just that the girls did their moves so much better (and were more sexier) than they guys. Shit like bad harcuts, fugly clothes & too much body combat class does happen.

My new friend even gave me some gin. I hate gin. But somehow, as a token of friendship (especially when someone else is paying), it tastes alright. In hindsight, I should have at least remembered his name.

Unfortunately, the gin kicked in late. And I was more drunk than I realized and almost fell asleep whiles driving back from Tek’s place. Yeah, stupid I know. Even if I parked in the wrong spot, I did get back safely. And next time, I’ll make sure there isn’t a next time.

Although not technically a real rave, this will most likely be my last rave for the 2006. It was truly a good finale to a good year of raves for me. Nobody can take that away from me, well, unless they knock me over the head giving me amnesia…

Even if I almost killed myself, I didn’t and life goes on…

Dek, Dek, Dek, Dek, Tum, Tum, Tum…
Bam, Bam, Bam, Bam…
(Layered with) Tiu, Tiu Tiuuuu & Wheeeeeeee!
Armin Van Buuren~ Something something

(This is as close as I can get to what I herd. I’m no professional, bite me!)

Is There Really Too Much Trash In This World!

2006-11-26T20:35:00.000+08:00

Today I spent some time cleaning up my pc, and one of the documents I found was an e-mail from the Uni lecturer who supervised my final year project. I had totally forgotten about it, but reading it sure brought back memories.

Dear AJ,

I have been asked to tell all my students that you have to clean up any mess that you left in the lab...(I am not sure if this applies to you). By the way I am very very sorry that you didn't get a better mark for your story. It was a gross miscarriage of justice. I had given you an High Distinction, but the other two retards gave everybody the same mark. I made a big fuss at the staff meeting, but only managed to get you up to a Distinction. Other students shared the same fate actually, while others were marked far too high. There was a lot of politics involved I think (plus a good deal of dementia). I couldn't believe some of the comments on your report -totally dumb.

anyhow, I did try to help, and your report was very good. I would like you JoJo and LiLi to do a joint paper for publication.

Being the competitive bitch I am, I put my heart & lots of effort (I don’t have a soul) into that project. From picking hundreds of minute worms out of rotting leaves to preparing extra handouts to help the judging panel better understand what I was hoping to accomplish, I toiled day & night. I even wore my supervisors favorite purple color and made my Power Point presentation to match. But one thing I forgot to do was to suck up to the right people.

That's my cute 22 year old ass collecting samples in the middle of a stinky irrigation drain..

Thanks to the age old problem of politics, my results weren't amazing like me. The lecturer famous for staring ladies in the boobs refused my handouts on the grounds that they were “not environmentally friendly”. I quickly commented that once the presentation was over, I would take the 2 sheets of paper for recycling (what I want to say was he was wasting oxygen by living).

This is another site where I had to collect my samples too, looks prettier? You try using a mini foot pump to blow up a bloody raft!

Sure I was disappointed that I didn’t get what I deserved but that’s life. Not everyone liked the guy who turned up to receive his scholarship certificate with 4 earrings, a tongue stud, torn jeans & flip flops. When you don’t conform & don’t fit in, you will often face adversity. And even if you do, some shameless retards will try to steal your thunder.

Something similar is happening to me at work lately but fuck that! As frustrated as I may feel, I refuse to let the whore get under my skin. She may have the upper hand, but I have truth, quit wit & plenty of gay diva attitude on my side!

All I know
Is everything is not as it's sold
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives
Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds the more I sow

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try

Nelly Furtado~ Try

Rock, Cock And A Hard Place

2006-11-24T00:12:00.000+08:00

Psst… let me tell you some (more) dirty gym secrets…

Of all the gyms I go to, my favorite has to be the Fitness First in the Manulife Building, which is formerly known as the Handcock Building.

The story goes, when they changed the name earlier this year, the contractors did it in segments. First they took off the “Hand” letters and put up “Man”. Either they got lazy or they were plain cheeky, but for several days, the name of the building was Mancock.

Couldn’t agree more. That gym has some of the cutest & hottest men about town. Muscle bound, round butted and sexy faced, the men there are SMOKING! Mostly of the fair Chinese variety, rice never looked so good. There are some more tanned specimens of other ethnicities too, just in lesser numbers. What must be young delectable celebrities & lust inspiring male models can also be found working on enhancing their assets there.

The music selection blaring is mostly trance & pop, though occasionally rock does get played. I personally find rock most suitable for weight lifting & trance for cardio. If you see this guy oddly lost grunting to the beat as he does weights or running to the beat of the music, you’d have found me doing my thing. You don’t have to say ‘Hi’.

But others do other things in this meat market of a gym. The flimsy shower curtains were recently replaced with frosted glass. Now, I bet the pipes get clogged more frequently. Surely they find oddly sticky white high protein liquid that most definitely isn’t weight gain formula. I hope the cleaners don’t complain, its those damn dark cubicles which make shower sex so much more tempting.

My utmost favorite Handcock-Manulife story has to be the one about the very ambitious guy who got more attention than he bargained for. He decided to get frisky with two friends in the sauna. At the same time. When it comes to cock, two heads (up the same orifice) are not better than one. Something tore & he needed an ambulance. Ouch!

Wanna hear more? Don’t worry. I still have plenty of dirt to dish on the other gyms (as long as I am not slapped with a restraining order). But that’s a story for another time when my week is as dull as this one. I really, really, really can't wait for Armin Van Buuren at Zouk tomorrow!

Oh brother I can't, I can't get through

I've been trying hard to reach you
Cos I don't know what to do
Oh brother I can't believe it's true
I'm so scared about the future and
I want to talk to you
Oh I want to talk to you

Coldplay~ Talk

Between A Chub & A Hard Place

2006-11-21T23:47:00.000+08:00

If none of the over adoring stalkers/ lurkers has figured it out, I spending most of my week nights at the gym. We’re talking at least 2 hours, at least 3 times a week, baby! Which gym can you find AJ furiously pounding away at?

Your guess is as good as mine because with so many Fitness First Gyms about, I try to add variety to my workout every week. Each gym has different facilities (and eye candy), so why should I limit myself in anyway?

But going to the gym isn’t all about watching heavily muscled men pulling off their undies (its what’s underneath that counts). Nor is it about participating in shower sex (haven’t done it yet, but just watching is pretty fun). Neither does it have anything to do with naughty bits falling out of underwear (its more enjoyable when they don’t wear any underwear).

I go there to get rid of my flab & stress. Seriously, I’m sick and tired of being the fat one amongst my friends! At first I thought if fed the goat enough, he would get fatter than me, but now even he has left me. It doesn’t help that Carnie & Teks are as thin as the walls of a condom either. So rather than sabotaging my friends, I had to do something about it.

Too thin to be a true chub, too fat to be fit. I tire of having that damn spare tire. Sure there are ladies & pseudo ladies that tell me the tummy is cute, but cute isn’t good enough for AJ. Stocky, bulky, voluptuous, curvy and all the other ‘nice’ words suck too.

So far since I took the pictures for the banner I’ve lost more weight, but I’d be damn if I’m stopping there! It isn’t about fitting in with the crowd, nor about getting more sex. I’ll be damned if I get a boyfriend who likes me just for a hot body either. It is really more about looking in the mirror and feeling good about myself. Touching myself as I lie in bed and thinking- damn, all that hard work has paid off.

Sure there are many short cuts to losing weight & looking better, but I think exercise is the best. Laxatives & all the other crap you can take to make you shed pounds have side effects like bad skin, mood swings & all sorts of other things I don’t need. Puking I hate. Using branded clothes to hide the flab doesn’t do it for me either. I know a male model who shops at the Factory Outlet Store (Go FOS) and still looks hawter than hot chili peppers on a sizzling hot plate.

When you want something bad enough, the sacrifices are worth it. I still got many more miles to run before I reach my goal but hey, at least I am doing something about it.

I have decided to leave you forever
I have decided to start things from here
Thunder and lightning won’t change
What I’m feeling

And the daffodils look lovely today

Ol in your eyes I can see the disguise
Ol in your eyes I can see the dismay
Has anyone seen lightning
Has anyone looked lovely

And the daffodils looked lovely today
Looked lovely
Cranberries ~ Daffodil Lament

An Electronic Page From The Other Bitch

2006-11-20T23:07:00.000+08:00

AndroJane isn’t my real name (duh).

Surprised? The thing is, why have a blog if you’re gonna behave the same in real life & online. To quote Ash Angelo, “online persona may differ from real life”.

In real life I’m generally nice to new people & try not to let the bitchiness shine through too much. Online, I’m different. I’m AndroJane, bitch queen of everything worth ruling over! Saying I’m crazy is being kind. Heh.

The thing is you see, I’ve been getting e-mails meant for some other person with the same name! How dare he have the same name! The other Jane is clearly Andro.Jane@gmail where as I am Androjane@gmail!

From what I gather, he is some sort of architect or other. Because I keep on getting freaking quotations etc for storm drains & such. Yawn! Like I don’t have better things to do than be nice. But I started nice! This was my first reply to the misdirected mail

This Androjane would like to inform you that he does not know any (insert dumbass name here) & you most likely got the wrong Adrojane.

Still, I got another, maybe he didn’t see my first reply? Nevermind, I try again!

I'm going to politely point out that I do not know you once more & you have the wrong email address. In the future I will just delete your emails.

Regards,
Androjane

Didn’t work. Still getting his trash. Grrr. I change my mind. Deleting isn't enough! Androjane began to feel mean(er). I *like* had the free time (& child like spirit).

This is getting a little distracting & time consuming.

I wish to inform everyone on (insert dumbass name here) mailing list that I am not the Androjane you think I am.

Kindly refrain from including me in your mail listing as there is enough junk email going about the web.

Warmest Regards,
Androjane, just not the one you're thinking about.

Still I’m getting spammed with super-sized e-mails with images like this

Say it with me, WTF?

Grrr.. Unforgivable! I replied with

Thank you for your images of your well furnished dwellings.... But I have already donated this month....

As you can tell I will continue replying your e-mails as long as you send them & forward them to everyone on the list. Simply because, one good deed deserves another.

Hugs, Kisses & all that stuff you reserve for people you actually like,
Androjane

But to no avail I was still included in the damn list

Dear Madams,

Have some fun

http://www.flumesday.com/111206dirtynames2.shtml

I know you will enjoy it as much as I enjoy participating in your emails

Hugs, Kisses & all the other things you do with your boyfriends,
Androjane

Ugh! Still more mail! Why is it mail and not male? I could do with more male! Retaliation is necessary! I am at war with some corporate giant too cheap to get a paid e-mail!

For Your Pleasure,

http://customwire.ap.org/dynamic/stories/N/NAKED_INMATE?SITE=HIHAD&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT&CTIME=2006-11-13-19-28-26

Insincerely mine,
Androjane

They still continue sending me mail, I continue sending more junk. Until one day they sent something confidential! I decided threatening them may be the only way to go

confidential eh? I will find a suitable spot on the world wide web for it then
luv,
Androjane

Its stopped for now. But you know if this continues, I might just have to send them some animal porn pictures. Forwarded to me by some pervert (we both know I love you to death you perv), I couldn’t help but stare at the snake sex pictures. He was really fucking a snake! Then there’s the cow blowjob video…

Try to find out what makes you tick
As I lie down
Sore and sick
Do you like that e-mail?
Do you like that e-mail?

There's a fine line between love and hate
And I don't mind
Just let me say that I like that
I like that

Something's getting in the way
Something's just about to break
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane
As I burn another page
As I look the other way
I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane

AJ Ft Breaking Benjamin ~ The Diary Of Jane

Phantoms & Anthems

2006-11-19T05:19:00.000+08:00

I really suck at karaoke because I hate the sound of my voice on the microphone. But, I still go singing with the boys simply because with all the sad songs, angry longs & fun songs, alcohol & camaraderie, its like a fucking group therapy session, without the tears.

It was ex no 4’s birthday session but ex no 5, Ruggy, the one I still loathe was there. Truly I always try to avoid contact with no. 5 but no. 4 still means too much to me not to be there. English speaking gay men travel in small circles here in Malaysia but I wasn’t about to let that stop me.

I drove down into the city alone & I had to be careful because I didn’t have Teks nor Carnie as my safety net. You’d think I’d be used to being alone now but very often I’d have a friend by my side. No big (deal), we were all born into this world alone & that’s how we will leave it. Traveling down this road alone, watching the signs as I go does help me clear my head of all the accumulated rubbish.

I didn’t know that many of the boys, less than half even, but that it didn’t matter that much. I wasn’t feeling super social/slutty anyways. I just needed my drink & attacked the Jack Daniels with much gusto.

Between the disco lights (yes, the room had its own disco lights thingy) and booze, I was buzzing. Maybe I’ve been too busy fighting my demons lately but I hated the world today.

The thing is, on this earth, there are the good guys & the bad guys. The good guys genuinely care & take the effort to be nice. The bad guys are fuckers and don’t care whose they destroy, as long as they get what they want. The fuckers I knew that night (Ruggy included) were undeservingly blessed with good looks & the nice guys just not that physically attractive.

Its fine it the world favors the bold. But fucking hell, why does it favor the beautiful as well? I mean, I do get my perks from people who think I am attractive, but regardless I am never a bitch to people who don’t deserve it. If there was any fairness on this planet, nice guys wouldn’t have to finish last, lonely & unsatisfied. Equally as guilty of fucked up behavior are all those people who only love being taken in (and spitted out) by members of the asshole club. I see it happening all the time! I felt so pissed as I sat there that I wanted to find a knife and slit my pretty wrist so I would not have to be part of this sordid existence.

But rather, I shifted my focus & chatted with one of the nice guys. I’m so sure he is as lonely, if not lonelier than me. Regardless of the pile of shit festering on his back, he has never let it bring him down. Well, not that I’ve seen. With his cheery disposition & outgoing personality, his smile always lights up my mood.

Why don’t I date him?

Two things. Firstly the attraction isn’t strong enough. Secondly, I’m (pretty certain I’m) a cold damaged bitch incapable of having a fulfilling relationship without driving the other party insane. There I said it. The reason why I can’t connect emotionally anymore.

I don’t blame Ruggy, like any arrangement, he had every right to leave. Its just that how he intentionally said countless hurtful things to hurt me, still hurts me. I can’t even talk about all of them because they still fucking hurt. Never has anyone so callously and intentionally crushed my heart into a million pieces. Until now I’m trying to unbreak my heart & be less damaged.

If I had to talk to him, say if he came up to me like he tried to the last time, there were many less than spontaneous but choice phrases in my head, like “I’ve nothing nice to say to you, you son of a fat ass bitch”, “Say another fucking word and I’ll push you to the floor & pound you to a pulp, fucktard” and “Even if you weren’t getting fucking fatter or fucking balder, I still find it impossible to look at you without wanting to punch your fucking living day lights out”.

The phrase that kept on replay though was “You still owe me 20 fucking bucks you cheap ass shit head, and, since we both know you’re not fucking going to pay me back, lets consider it a get the fuck out of my face fee”.

But he didn’t try to talk so I played nicely with all the other boys & girls. As he told me as we broke up, ‘I would never stop hating him until I got re-attached’. And since I am happily (but unstably) single, I can hate him all I want. Even if Teks thinks I should let it go, I think that I shouldn’t have to be anything other than what I am trying to be.

Towards the end, ex no. 4 passed out & I lent him my lap. He too has caused me much heartache but I’ve forgiven him unconditionally simply because it was never his lucid intent & I’ve unintentionally hurt him many times too. There is still a part of me that whispered “I still love you” as he lay drunk on my thigh with his hand tightly clenching mine. As emotionally unavailable as I am, I can’t help missing that loving feeling, as especially with all the people making out around me.

I doubt the people around me could tell how I really felt that night. I had my gay diva face well super-glued on. Even if they did, I doubt they would care. Of all the alcoholics & recovering addicts, the players & users, the victims & sinners (there were no saints that night), we didn’t have to sit in a circle & share stories to know we were all damaged in some way or another. Better we drink, be merry and forget our sorrows.

Miserable or not, we still move along and strive for that day where things are better. Even if we have to die alone later, for a short time, we can have each other’s company…

I dedicate this post to my not so close friend with cancer at 26. You see, as fucked up as my life can be, it cant be as bad as his. Every moment I spend being miserable, is only less moment I am happy. Stop the self pity & do away with the self loathing!

At first I was afraid I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without you by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong
And so you're back from outer space
I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed that stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I'd've known for just one second you'd back to bother me
Go on now, go walk out the door
Just turn around now
cos you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
Did I crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die?
Oh no, not.I. I will survive
Oh as long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive;
I've got all my life to live,
I've got all my love to give and I'll survive,
I will survive. Hey hey.

Return Of The Boybands!

2006-11-16T23:11:00.000+08:00

Cringe in fear babt! Its true, I saw it on MTV at the gym! They got ex-boybanders from groups like Sclub7, New Kids On The Block, Steps and 2 more bands I can’t remember & put them together.

Sure they have buffed up, but otherwise time hasn’t been kind. They all seem to be stuck in the 80’s when they were on top. Snooty, arrogant & they were all so mean to the only guy who actually still looks decent just because he is ditzy. Just goes to show ya living in the past is SOO unhealthy!

So screw them & lets look at pictures of Joey G (Mostly available at Channel V's website). He is so cuuuute…

Even with Vampire eyes his goofy grin gets me.

The other guy is BoBo..

Cute shoes, neh? And his friends aren't that ugly either!

Drool

More drool...

Men with dimples are just so adorable!

Peace to you too honey!

Sigh.. That jaw line

That Pout!

I don't care what ever he is wearing... Stil hawt

Drooooooooool

Oh Joey baby!

Erm, yeah I know its a repeat but I like this one. Now please excuse me as I wipe up the drool...

am stoned in love but not with you
Good luck…
Because we are not feeling stoned in love
It is how I am feeling now
I feel the love is made of stone
We are not feeling stoned in love
Good luck…
It's when I feel stoned in love
It's how I am feeling now
I feel the love is made of stone
Wait and feel the stoned in love

Chicane ft Tom Jones ~ Stoned In Love

Shift Stick: Tales Of Decrepit

2006-11-15T23:31:00.000+08:00

Before I was a swanky disco dancing diva, I was a small town boy. In fact I actually hail from the same town as the multi talented WeeShiong !

Since I went back last weekend, I want to take this opportunity to share the experience with all of you who ever wonder what's it like for us small town folk.

Braving thunderstorms and even more annoying bad drivers on bad roads, I took 4 hours to reach the little corner I call my town. You know you are headed to the middle of bum-fuck-no-where when you see a truck laden with timber with a monkey cup vine dangling from it. Worse still, you know you grew up in bum-fuck-no-where when you KNOW it is a damn monkey cup but don’t really give a damn.

You see, nature is plentiful in small towns. Unlike the city, dead iguanas, pythons, civet cats, turtles, porcupines, pangolins & all sorts of other animals headed for the extinction list can be easily found on flattened on the roads. Who needs a WWF sticker declaring your love of nature when you can have actual road kill stuck to your bumper!

But the animals aren’t the only ones which suffer in the backwaters of Malaysia. Many of us townies quickly grow restless of hiking through the thick green bushes, foraging for forest fruits & fishing for dinner. There are discos (often referred to as old folks homes due to the extended age of the patrons), shopping complexes (which are essentially indoor Pasar Malams {night markets}) and snooker centers (cleverly disguised as sports clubs), but most of the fun takes place at beer gardens, family restaurants & just about anywhere which serves cheap booze.

Ever watched one of those Americana movies where the teenagers go to a lake to drink & have wild parties? We did that too when we were teenagers, only instead of a lake we had the local sanitation pond.

But after last weekend’s encounter with Bacardi , I had to abstain & oh boy did I ever regret it. Being sober is only a problem when everyone else is drunk.

But they didn’t have to be drunk to be bitchy. It seemed like the only other outlet for stress was bitching about other people.

Its like we would be driving and someone would go “Look it’s the laksa woman, you know at night, you can see her pubes cos she goes out in the shortest shorts. Her husband better be careful”

No offence to all 50+ women who like hot pants, but EEEEW! I didn’t need that image in my head!

Now that I’ve scared you for life, its time for me to go hunt for Joey G pictures. You see, in the small town or the big city, I like my men sexy… Roowr!

Oh, life is bigger
It's bigger than you
And you are not me
The lengths that I will go to
The distance in your eyes
Oh no, I've said too much
I set it up

That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight, I'm
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no, I've said too much
I haven't said enough
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try

REM ~ Losing My Religion

Isn’t A Lil Evolution Wonderful?

2006-11-15T00:49:00.000+08:00

I’ve been a lil busy with life, family, work & boys, hence the lack of posts. No offence, but I think learning how to fry fish is more important that whining about the things that bug me to you.

The thing is you see, unless you subscribe to one of those religions that do not believe in evolution, you, like me should be thankful for the advancements we have made.

I’ve been flirting with this guy via e-mail, who is unfortunately attached. Don’t worry, the lines have been drawn clearly & nobody’s getting hurt. Its just a lil harmless fun. Roowrrr...

Then there is this other guy who smiled when he saw me in the gym. He was glad to see me, maybe even as glad as I was to see him. I finally got the guts to ask him for his number and out for dinner even.

Seriously, I’ve always imagined these boys out of my league. Its not that I’m not overflowing with narcissism but just they aren’t the typical kind of guy whom I attract. Call it bad pheromones of whatever, I just don’t usually have any luck with such hot men. Hot men who can actually talk about things other than clothes or bitch about other people.

All this has so much to do with evolution! Imagine if I was still a single cell organism dividing to procreate. Fuck, that sounds plain boring. And to add to that, technology (facilitated by evolution) has given me the means to flirt. E-mail, SMS, whatever, at least this way I get to accurately target my overflowing sexual energy.

Never fear change! Change is always good! For example, here is the latest wallpaper on my PC that I’ve changed to. Heh.

Joey G is soooo fuckin hawt!

I’ll try to post something more decent soon, just you wait… meh

So we keep waiting (waiting)
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting (waiting)
Waiting on the world to change
Its hard to beat the system
When we're standing at a distance
So we keep waiting (waiting)
Waiting on the world to change

John Mayer~ Waiting For The World To Change

Looking Back (And Grinning)

2006-11-09T23:50:00.000+08:00

It has been about a year since my traumatic “over msn messenger” break up. Don’t worry I’m not about to bitch about how men are the scum of the earth or how haplessly helpless I am. But rather I’m proud to have come out on top of the whole fucked up situation.

Shit happens. It does, like it or not. But more importantly is how we deal with the shit. If life gives you shit, make shit-ade (seems you can’t substitute lemons with shit after all).

Initially there was an additional tale of how being single rawks, but yeah, if you read my blog, you know that already, so I deleted it. Just like how I deleted him from my life. Let’s just say damaged or not, I’ve managed to come out on top. No insensitive bastard can take that away from me. Ever.

Can you spot the hidden lyrics in the meaning?

To the left
to the left

to the left
to the left

mmm to the left, to the left
everything you own in the box to the left
in the closet, that's my stuff
yes if i bought it please don't touch

and keep talkin' that mess, that's fine
but could you walk and talk at the same time?
and it's my name that's on that Jag
so remove you're bags, let me call you a cab

standin' in the front yard
tellin' me how i'm such a fool
talkin' bout how i'll never ever find a man like you
you got me twisted

you must not know 'bout me, you must not know 'bout me
i could have another you in a minute
matter fact, he'll be here in a minute
baby

you must not know 'bout me, you must not know 'bout me
i can have another you by tomorrow
so don't you ever for a second get to thinking
you're irreplaceable

so go ahead and get gone
and call up that chick and see if she's home
oops, i bet you thought that i didn't know
what did you think i was puttin' you out for?

because you was untrue
rollin' her around in the car that i bought you
baby drop them keys
hurry up, before your taxi leaves

standin' in the front yard
tellin' me how i'm such a fool
talkin' bout how i'll never ever find a man like you
you got me twisted

you must not know 'bout me, you must not know 'bout me
i could have another you in a minute
matter fact, he'll be here in a minute
baby

you must not know 'bout me, you must not know 'bout me
i will have another you by tomorrow
so don't you ever for a second get to thinking
you're irreplaceable

so since im not your everything
how about i'll be nothing
nothing at all to you

baby i wont shed a tear for you
i won't lose a wink of sleep
cos' the truth of the matter is
replacing you is so easy

to the left
to the left
to the left
to the left

mmm to the left to the left
everything you own is to the left
to the left to the left
don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable

AJ ft Beyonce ~ Irreplacable

Shalloween 2.5 Teks-a-thon

2006-11-07T23:50:00.000+08:00

The party continues!

“Deep breaths. If I keep my eyes wide open & breathe deeply, I will survive the night. I will come up on top! I will be victorious! Oh wait I already won.”

What did I win? If only I could speak. Giggle. Fuck that, I’m gonna try and nap it off.

*Blink* *Blink* Bluuuurgh!

If only I looked this pretty when puking

I don’t remember what triggered the puking. But I couldn’t stop it! My dinner decided to display itself to the crowd. Even Carnie commented on how well preserved the mushrooms & carrots that made up my roti babi filling was.

He got me a bag. And proceeded to cover the evidence with serviettes. I’m sure Teks helped too but I was too busy keeping my grasp on the bag.

Time seemed to stop. My mind flashed back to the last time I puked after alcohol. It was perhaps 4 years ago on a date. Right after puking, the guy full French kissed me. That was nasty. What was he trying to prove back then? Blluuuurggh!

Next memory, the time Teks told me binge drinking kills brain cells (like duh). Apparently 4 drinks in 2 hours is binge drinking! So what is ten shots in 1 minute? Blurrrgggggggh!

My brain cells weren’t dead! They were buzzing! Wheee! But still it hurt like a bitch. How uncannily similar to anal sex. Hmm… Bluuuurggh! Sputter Sputter

Some time later, with the help of my best buds, I dragged my stinky ass to my car & Teks took me for a spin.

At this level of drunkenness, most people forget themselves & blurt randomly all their thoughts & feelings. Not me! I’m too proper for that. Rather I had the disadvantage to remember every single word I blurted. I pitied Teks. No one who I have never gratified sexually has ever had to drag my pukey ass anywhere whiles listening to my millions of self inflicted problems. Not my friends, not my family. And there he was being a perfect gentlemen in his nifty Armani shirt. Yes, he has good taste in clothes.

Scarky at times, he was never mean, bitter or angry at my inability to shut up. I whined about every single insecurity I had. Love, family, career, friends, addictions, exs & even money. To make matters worst I was freezing & wouldn’t let him turn the air-con on. Even the acrid smell of my puke didn’t piss him off like I thought it would. Sure it was fun but there certainly hell to pay.

Damn you Teks, if anything, you’re the best thing that’s happened to me this year. *Wipes tear from eye with finger not covered in puke*

As we clearly know we aren’t each others type, I solemnly swear to try hard to find you a loving man, or at least a good fuck to make up for all the crap I put you through.

And why not? I had an epiphany as I sat huddled shivering clutching my blanket in the passenger seat. I’ve been truly self-sabotaging most of my love interests. I really wasn’t all that into any of them. Maybe I am comfortable alone. Maybe I am still too damaged from my last disaster. Maybe I have too high standards. Maybe it just doesn’t feel right. Maybe, maybe, maybe… Whatever it may be, I’m better off channeling my energy right the next time.

So listen up bitches and e-mail your nude frontal shots to androjane@gmail.com , I’m organizing a Teks-a-thon just for fucks sake (not like he needs it). And as much as I love Carnie too, he is more than over capable without my further intervention. Heh.

Yes I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by all this pavement
Guess I'll circle
While I'm waiting for my fuse to dry

Someday I'll fly
Someday I'll soar
Someday I'll be so damn much more
Cause I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for

Maybe I'll tangle in the power lines
And it might be over in a second's time
But I'll gladly go down in a flame
If a flame's what it takes to remember my name
To remember my name, yeah

John Mayer ~ Bigger Than My Body

Shalloween Part 2: The Binger

2006-11-07T00:36:00.000+08:00

Being a mostly Chinese gay boy living in a South East Asian Islamic country does have its perks.

I supposed I never considered/ appreciated it but truly there are some things I get to do that other people just dream about. Where else could I celebrate Shalloween a second time round?

Ok fine maybe I’m over dramatizing the whole idea of a second Shalloween, but The Attic was definitely more fun than I anticipated! Getting ready for last week totally drained me & so this weekend was plain & simple, just plain sexy & simply gorgeous!

I think that white one is the very chair I spent most my night at.

Rather than put on a costume, I just dressed differently. Err… Respectable even. Simple dark pants & nicely combed hair. I even tucked in my shirt & buttoned it up. I thought, since I am dressing differently, why not act differently too?

Which made me drift back to the days gone by where I was so bent, awkward or queer. Say ten years ago when I hadn’t had sex yet alone understood the meaning of deep throat, water sports or S&M. Before I had my first kiss with another male.

Why not take it to a higher level? Why not be the mega annoying straight boy?

“Haiya! Excuse me. Your mother har... must have been a teeth.”

“A teeth?”

“Because she stole all the stars in the sky and put them in your ice! Ha ha ha!”

Unfortunately it was harder to reverse back out of the role than I imagined. Over zealous me couldn’t handle the responsibility of having to stare girls in the boobs & talking boisterously. Teks began to really bitch about the whole thing but still somehow I couldn’t stop!

Relief (for Teks) arrived in the most unlikely form of a contest. Being the pseudo-testosterony-jantan-male I was, I was too busy making snide remarks to see the mistress of the night come over & goad (notice how I refrained from using goat here) me to the stage. I was told I had to represent all the men in the club & defeat my female counter part at a game.

A drinking game!

First thought when I saw the waiter line up the 5 Bacardi Breezer Shots & the 5 Bacardi Net Shots With Lemons beautifully balance on the rim was WOOO HOOO free liquor!

Second thought was OH FUCK LOOK AT THOSE CALORIES (I may have been pseudo straight, but honey, it didn’t take much to bring the queen out of the closet.)

So there I was. To be a man’s man & down those ten evil little glasses or *GASP* lose to a girl. Certainly I have been beaten by girls before but this was different! This was bloody alcohol! This year has been a year of booze, booze & more booze. I could never look my sexy self in the face again if I didn’t beat the bitch. Grrr…

“1…2…3…Go!”

Oh shit the bitch downed two already! Fuck the lemons wedges AJ! Go for glory! Go! Go! Gulp! Gulp! Guuuuulp!

It stung like a super mega uber extra quadruple ultimate biach, but I did it! I won!

No need for applause, just a cigarette. And if you didn’t know, to preserve the integrity of the artwork at The Attic, you have to smoke on the balcony. One day, I swear that frail lil metal-glass shamble will give way, taking with it some of the most elite smokers in KL.

After the ciggy, I sat down with Teks. We talked a bit and Teks started doing this funky head-shoulder combo move. In fact the whole room started dancing along with him. Oh fuck! It wasn’t Teks, it was me. The alcohol was kicking in. I was smiling like a trasher cat. I was glowing like a freshly cooked lobster.

Just like the part where Ewan McGregor overdosed in Trainspotting, I felt like the room slowly spinning as I sank into the chair. And still I was giggling! Curse you Bacardi for being so effective! Teks certainly looked amused with my giggling! I was too! But it was getting harder to keep my head up straight. Why can’t I talk? Why won’t the room stop spinning??!!

Stay tuned for part two where the meaning of the title becomes semi-apparent...

The Cramping Gym Shower Cubicles

2006-11-05T23:46:00.000+08:00

Some guys just love wanking off in the shower.

It’s convenient when you consider the easily accessible soap and water. Once you’re satisfied, it all washes off easily & they don’t have to deal with funky tissues later. In fact, I’m sure I have jerked off in the shower as well. Its just that I find jerking off in the freaking gym showers DISTASTEFUL!

The other day as I was shampooing my lustrous hair (up there boys, up there!) I began to notice the guy in the next shower cubicle leaning towards my side. Not uncommon, sometimes the frosted glass does give people showering a false sense of security. Sometimes, they just to need to get their balance whiles washing their feet.

But before I could ponder it anymore, the guy stuck his foot over into my cubicle. HOW RUDE!

I’m sure we have all been horny in the gym showers before but to invade my privacy with his fugly foot whiles I’m busy soaping my pecs? That’s just sad. Yes, yes I know passing judgment is wrong. I know he could have had like a sudden cramp in his thigh & had to stretch before the pain gets out of hand.

Well, apparently the cramp spread to his member because I the next thing I saw was him massaging it vigorously. Poor thing! Personally, I have never had a cock cramp before but it sure did look painful. He was massaging & massaging, but it didn’t seem to help because he kept moaning & moaning, and the pain didn’t seem to want to go away.

We should have open showers & avoid the whole cramped cubicle thinggy... Lol

Fuck that. You’d might think as horny as I am, I would enjoy a little romp in the showers. But I'm too much of a lady to think of doing anything with that pervert! Well, that & he didn't have pretty feet.

Poor Carnie , I have to sympathize with his episode now… Come to think of it, he did mention meeting a foot that crossed the glass in the shower in addition to his first encounter. *Gasp* Wonder if it was the same fugly foot.

Beware pervs unless you’re really hot, the next time you cross the line, AJ has some rusty nails & a hammer waiting for you… and I won’t be aiming for your toes…

Promiscuous boy
You're teasing me
You know what I want
And I got what you need

Baby we can keep it on the low
Let your towel down ain’t nobody gotta know
If you with it girl I know a shower we can go

What kind of girl do you take me for?

AJ Ft Nelly Furtado ~Promiscuous Girl

Why Oh Why AJ?

2006-11-04T01:00:00.000+08:00

I’m not always perky, chirpy & nice. Sometimes I wonder why I am so dark, broody & twisty inside. Why I sulk & why it takes so much to make me happy. Then during some work I came across this:-

Your future is created by what you do today, not tomorrow

Which makes pretty good sense, especially when this is considered:-

To worry about tomorrow is to be unhappy today

Ah well, knowing is supposedly half the battle. But then again, wondering about worry just adds to the worry & makes it worst when you wonder the next time. But laughing at myself does make what ever there is spinning in my head better.

AJ- The Rusty Third Wheel?

2006-11-02T22:49:00.000+08:00

I’ve been the third party in relationships before.

Don’t be shocked! I'm no saint. If anything this sordid blog speaks more truth than I dare tell. It wasn’t just one time but I do hope the last time will remain the last time. Well maybe not. Yes it is, no it's not!

Lust isn’t even my favorite deadly sin. Sure it is fun, sure it is releasing but I love sloth more. If not for the simple fact that sloth is so easy to, but simply because it’s so uncomplicated.

I don’t want to make excuses for my previous ungentlemanly behavior but, seriously, sometimes the extenuating circumstances are more complicated than just sex. One thing leads to another, and another, and another... Well, and sometimes it is just sex.

Many years ago I’ve slept with a guy with a girlfriend. Fast forward to the present, he is married & still sluting with boys. I wasn’t the first guy he cheated with & I left that sticky situation fully knowing I wouldn’t be the last. Wanting both men & women is his problem, not mine. I always sort of saw our non-relationship an arrangement of convenience. The sex was decent & there were no strings attached. Turning away was no big deal.

Then there was that guy who had the full consent from his boyfriend to sleep about. I didn’t know he was such a big slut until after we did the dirty, but if his boyfriend was cool about it, why couldn’t I be cool too? I even met the guy’s partner & had a decent conversation. Once again their choices are theirs to deal with and only involve me indirectly. Since I stopped sleeping with him, we have become friends & occasionally exchange bitchy greetings. No issue.

Once I was the other man with a guy in a loving relationship with someone inaccessibly far away. Sure I became extra easy access, but once again, the rules were clear & I was only a second act, and not the opening act. The sex wasn’t bad but I enjoyed the mindfuck more. Not so much of the sharing of emotions but rather more of the art of seduction. Make no mistake, seduction is an art, just like painting, cooking or balancing plates on your nose.

I have also done the nasty with a couple in a typical open relationship. The couple invited me up for drinks & I end up being drunk (woopies yahoosies). Once again the ground rules were clearly set & it was all about the pleasure. Unashamedly, the main driving factor for my participation was my boredom. Sometimes, life can get dull & I find myself grasping at straws to lift myself out of the rut. No regrets doing it though, didn’t feel sleazy, dirty, slutty or anything like that. Once the pants came back on, so did the bitch attitude.

I’ve been the cheating bastard too. Whirlwind moment that got out of hand, one lonely thing leads to another. As expected, the ground rules were laid & no expectations were laid out. If anything, we (the guy I was cheating with & myself) were also sleeping with other men. Certainly not amongst my proudest moments, but and I still do feel bad about it. If you know me in the real world, don’t speculate. If I haven’t told you, I won’t tell you.

Recently, the opportunity has presented itself again. Cute, charming and sexy. But to be the third party again? No way! I've changed & grown up since then. I may still enjoy anime but it seems like the wrong thing to do. If he was strong enough to say no the first time, then it is up to me to be strong enough to say no the second time. Sure I have my weak moments where I want to back him into a dark corner & explore his mouth, but self control is good. Stop seducing him AJ! Stoppit!

One hand I tell myself I deserve some release, on the other, I don’t want to ruin anything beautiful, even if it is not mine. Karma, like Tyra Banks, even though intangible, still can bite like a bitch if you step on her tits. I will play it cool and have not any expectations. After all its just lust & not love. I think I can recognize love’s ugly face by now. Uhuh.

Oh well, looks like its just me & my hand tonight, tomorrow night & every night after that, at least until I stop procrastinating.

you have made me realize my love for you can make me whole
you have made me realize that love alone can save my soul ... yeah
save my
save my
save my
save my soul

Offer Nissim ~ Save My Soul

KiKi KaKa

2006-11-01T20:26:00.000+08:00

That’s the phrase many of us (Malaysians) use to express laughter online. I honestly have no idea the origins of the phrase but it is really odd when I hear anyone taking it a step further & laughing ki ki ki ka ka ka in real life instead of ha ha ha…

One of the girls I know who does so is KiKi , the graphic designer at work. But more than just that, she is one of the few people that keep me from going totally insane in the office. But damn, is SHE CAN BE SO SILLY!

The other day she was relaying her email address over the phone. It went something like this

“Yes, my e-mail is KiKi@gmail.com K for Kranberry, I for India, K for Kranberry & I for India.”

Damn, I almost snorted my my Koffee & Kream Krackers through my nose. All that humor made me hungry for some Kold Kuts, Krabs, Kookies & Koleslaw. I really had to Kontrol my laughter & blame it on something I was reading. But still there is no one else in the entire office I rather share a room with, not even Kutesy Buttes . She's a babe, really. Ki Ki Ka Ka…

sHalloween ’06- AJ The Glam Goth

2006-10-30T22:29:00.000+08:00

Shalloween, is just Halloween amongst gay men. Seriously. If Halloween is all about candy and dressing up for kids, Shalloween is about dressing up like a piece of candy for the boys. First coined by Duff , it is a celebration of shallowness and all things bitchy.

I decided to try a newer style~ Glam Goth . Many people didn’t get it. I mean Glam Goth seems almost contrived for a celebration for Shalloween. All those sparkly, yet black accessories & clothes. All the impossible fashions and yet no make up. Even a goat thousands of miles away doubted me!

Can’t blame them though. They don’t know how hard & long I prepared for the event. I dieted & worked out until I could fit into my super smooth/ shiny tight PVC pants. At a previous party , I tested out the black nail polish & proceeded to paint my nails at work in the morning! (Yes that made me feel like the office bimbo). I lifted weights in the afternoon & refused good food. I polished my sparkly belts & wrist bands. I had a collar on dammit!

There I was in my most campiest get up, podium slut dancing with boys & girls. Carnie, Teks & Drew and his bitches, they were all there. A boy I fancy here, a boy I fancied there, a boy I slept with here, boys I’ve slutted with there. *Yawn* They didn’t amuse AJ the Glam Goth. Rather, I tried not to let it show. Maybe slutty podium dancing isn’t the most effective way to attract men, but it surely is fun and energy releasing. Cheesy. Corny. Almost porn like.

“This is how I imagined hell would look like *Cackle* *Cackle* *Cackle*” said a friend.

Couldn’t agree more. Vampires, Goths, ghosts, men in uniform, characters out of movies & even Ju-On was there shaking his cursed little ass!

Some of the costumes were hard to figure but interesting none the less. But the boys who weren’t in costume were sorely plentiful. I had to pass snide remarks. Glam Goths are bitchy, right?

“Love the costume!” (When clearly he wasn’t wearing one..)

Bringing role playing to the next level was so much fun. And the endless flow of drinks didn’t hurt either. Another night of stories, exchanging of words, cheesy music, ass slapping, dirty disco dancing & laughs. I’m sure there are those who frown on these cheap thrills & temporary escapades, but hey, I’m keeping myself occupied until something else comes along.

I haven’t got much time to waste, it’s time to make my way
I’m not afraid of what I’ll face, but I’m afraid to stay
I’m going down my own road and I can make it alone
I'll work and I'll fight, Till I find a place of my own

Are you ready to jump?
Get ready to jump
Don’t ever look back, oh baby,
Yes, I’m ready to jump
Just take my hands
Get ready to jump

Madonna~ Jump

seven shades of grey, each just as brilliant & bright as the next

2006-10-28T02:43:00.000+08:00

Its late at night & I should be in bed. There's work tomorrow!
"Fucking slacker"

Its Halloween & I should be all excited & shit. But I'm only semi-excited.
"Jaded queen"

Spent a relaxing evening in the company of wonderful friends. But I still feel empty.
"Demading bitch"

I don't feel particularly happy being single, nor do I think I want to be a double. Want to slut but not at the same time.
"Indecisive whore"

My life seems to be stagnating & I can't seem pull myself out of that rut. And even if I am progressing, I do not feel it.
"Confused princess"

Somedays, no matter how the day went, you feel lost in a sea of a thousand faces. No matter how many conquests you made, or how well you do your job, you can't help but doubt yourself & the life you have chosen. Everything just seems like another shade of grey. You go to bed, hoping that tomorrow will be better. I choose to make it better.
"Hopeless romantic"

Off to bed to toss & turn. Just because I'm tired doesn't mean I will get rest.
"Sleepless dumbass"

FAKING IT! Oh So Wrong/ Right!

2006-10-26T22:38:00.000+08:00

Oh my dear followers, it has been so long since my last update. So as a sort of an extra, I’m gonna teach you the importance of faking it, whatever ‘it’ may be. Not all fake stuff is bad. Fakes are usually just very good replicas of something that works well. And right down to our DNA, we are all essentially very good copies...

No, no, what I have is nothing like faking a male orgasm with warm yoghurt, but rather 3 simple tips ala Oprah Winfrey makeover show kind of way. Sort of like if you gained a few extra pounds, you don’t want to go about in a skin tight yellow tee with frills but a slimming black shirt.

Genuine Simulation 1:
To look fitter than you naturally are at the party, pub or disco, do a strong work out at the gym. Cardio will make u sweat, thus reducing water retention which in turn makes you look slimmer. Just don’t over do it or you’ll be too beat to mingle. A good weight lifting session concentrating on your shoulders, back & chest will swell your upper muscles with blood, thus giving them a more buff look. No pecs, no sex.

Real Forgery 2:
Always smell good. Nobody enjoys hanging about a waste dump so don’t be one. Even if your natural body odor stinks, use scents, deodorant, special soaps or even frickin lemon slices if you have to, but always dispel the smell!

Original Sham 3:
Control conversations. Ask the questions. Give answers which lead back to familiar grounds. Always try to appear interesting even if you have no clue about the topic. Switching from current events to recent sexcapades may seem difficult at first, but once you’re able to dominate in a good way, you will seem smarter, no matter what the topic.

Applying these three simple rules, I decided to try my luck at the bar/ club on Friday and Saturday. Not to say I never used them before, but I focused on these more on these rather than my clothes or hair. I dare say, I slutted pretty successfully. Some days its nice to be considered an intellectual and some days its better to be considered an intellectual piece of meat.

Oh yeah, and to all the salah boys i slutted with before, especially the dinosaur I was cuddling up to whiles high in the past & met again recently, I humbly & deeply apologize for all the bitchy looks and lewd catcalls. It is not that my friends are morons, some of them have just have plain bad manners, and I have a selective memory.

I'm bringing sexy back
Them other boys don't know how to act
I think your special what’s behind your back
So turn around and I’ll pick up the slack.
Take em' to the disco!
Dirty babe
You see these shackles
Baby I'm your slave
I'll let you whip me if I misbehave
It's just that no one makes me feel this way

AJ Ft Justin Timberlake~ Sexyback

Wasting Your Time

2006-10-22T19:48:00.000+08:00

Busy LAH!

I thought I would be posting every frickin 5 minutes out of boredom but I’ve been busy having fun & shit. All my evil plans have sort of taken a backseat to my non-evil motivated plans. My 5 day weekend is even better than my 4 day weekend! Like duh, DUH. So to everyone out there, HAPPY DEPAVALI/ DIWALI & SELAMAT HARI RAYA!

Don’t hold your breath waiting for me to update. Unless you enjoy it ;)

Boys, sometimes the back entrance is the best choice.

2006-10-20T00:04:00.000+08:00

I have never been in a fist fight & doubt I ever will. I generally hate the confrontation. Going out the back entrance when there is a bitch in the front is the better choice. I can give a pretty nasty beating if I have to. I learnt judo with the best! The closest I ever came was with Mr. Egg. I can’t remember exactly the reason for the argument but oddly, I think it had to do with a shoe. Not a pair, just one. But the out come was we didn’t speak for almost 2 years. Yes, say it with me “WTF?”

Eventually we did get back on speaking terms & continued to be friends. The thing is, I keep my hedonistic lifestyle a secret from all my home town friends. I think they know but don’t want me to talk about it. I feel the more colorful aspects of my life as a gay male might scare them.

I don’t see myself talking about my sexuality to them any time soon. Sure we share different interests. He likes cars with err… shiny engines & I music with shiny beats. My gym is his bed, my clubbing is his dim sum breakfast and my type of fags aren’t exactly his type. We can share some passion on the world around us, Exchange stories about old friends & music but indeed a lot has changed.

The other day I was closed to getting into an argument & I backed off. Just like I did with Mr. Egg. If I want to beat someone up, I want to fight for a reasonable cause. Not over a shoe (maybe a pair?), and definitely not over a bitch. My life is more peaceful & no harm will come to my pretty face. Chemically & hormonally balanced, I don’t see the need for an unnecessary black eye or another scar. I'm not a coward, I just wanna stay beautiful, thank you.

Stop, Stop haunting me
It should be easy
As easy as when you stopped wanting me
Conjure One feat Sinead O’Connor~ Tears From The Moon

Question & Answer Session

2006-10-18T00:37:00.000+08:00

I really prepared myself for the wedding. Nothing like putting on the right color eyeliner but rather I armed myself with a quippy retort to the age old question of “So, when is it your turn (to get married)?”

Sort of ‘borrowed’ from something I herd on the radio. So when faced with the ultimate wedding question, my plan was to go

‘You know its funny. The other day I was at this friend’s relative’s funeral and wondered when would it be your turn? Silly question right?’

Didn’t get to use it though. Apparently it only happens with relatives at family affairs!

Straight boys concentrate on other important things like attempting to finish 12 bottles of beer, making friends with the sexy waitress & if the bridesmaid is available for dating. I on the other hand scanned the scene for other gay/hot men. Nothing doing. I’d more likely find better meat in a herd of goats. Could it be, *Gasp* I’m dead inside?

Or could it be I’m secretly still in love with the groom? Do I subconsciously still yearn for the bugger & want to set up a happy family with him? All these years of pining away, waiting as my youth fades. Wilting like a rose, petal by petal?

Fuck no! I soon enough realized that as much as a gay man can’t be straight, a straight man can’t be gay. Sure the lines are blurry at times, but eventually everything is clear as day. Besides, it would be hell to train him to suck cock.

Nice to see,
Nice to hold,
Once bent/broken,
Considered gay/sold…

The Road Trip To My Best Friend’s Wedding

2006-10-16T23:28:00.000+08:00

Straight people have straight sex with other straight people & when the straight sex is good enough, they get married. Mind boggling I know! But it apparently comes naturally to them.

The wedding was down south in Johor Bahru, so with 3 other straight boys, we did a… ROAD TRIP!!

I know I generally don’t blog about my straight friends but this since I spent 14 hours with them this weekend, I think I’d better introduce them.

MoMo~ The Groom. He’s been one of my closest friends since high school. We’ve done some unnerving ‘male bonding’ together.

Mr. Egg ~ Somewhat round pompous car freak & pervert

Turtle King~ Mr. Egg’s equally horny cousin

Moon Face~ A little less horny and much more down to earth

Oh, by the way, ‘MoMo’ is freaking hot, would you expect anything less? In fact I’d be his bride any day. I’d cook, clean, suck & bend over for him. During high school, I had a sort of a crush on him.

When we parted, I groped his ass. And in case you’re wondering, married ass is good too.

Oh and as we left, he kissed me on the cheek. WTF? Sure he was drunk & stoned but that’s no excuse! The greedy bitch already has a wife. The worst part is it made me miss the good old days. We used to do so much together to the point I’d actually lie on his arm as we chat. When drunk, we’d even French kissed, well, that and head butted like goats. Then again, when drunk we did a lot of crazy things…

*Pout*

And now the fuckers married! It’s really a good thing I’ve given up on straight boys. No straight boy fetishes here! Na-uh. Not even a bit. *Flips hair in denial*

The whole wedding-road trip was really an eye opener so I’m thinking of breaking the story into several short posts… It will be goat, I promise.

Traveling down my own road
Watching the signs as I go
Traveling down my own road
And I'm watching the signs as they go

Hand fits groping so do it
That's what the Goat said to me
Life fits living so let your judgments go
That's how our future should be

Madonna~ Sky Fits Heaven

Lessons To Be Learnt From Cock & Breast Stories

2006-10-15T21:59:00.000+08:00

I’ve been appointed the company’s ‘English Teacher’. And so far it’s been a fair bit of a bitch. My task at hand is to improve the productivity of the company by improving their proficiency in English. Sure my ego gets a boost once in awhile, but I get NO extra income. MEH! Still, even with the lack of cash, the task has its kicks, just ask Cutesy Buttes…

AJ~ So when writing reports you got to be precise. What do you want to tell the reader? Let’s try an example of how you can be specific in the wrong ways. Lets ask some questions and see how many different answers we can get. Cutesy Buttes, what did you have for lunch yesterday?

Cutesy Buttes~ I had chicken!

AJ~ What kind of chicken was it?

Cutesy Buttes~ Curry chicken.

AJ~ Which part of the chicken did you eat?

Cutesy Buttes~ I had the chicken chest!

Blur Girl 2~ No lar! Its chicken breast lar! Har har!

Cutesy Buttes~ Why is it breast and not chest?

This is the point where all poorly prepared teachers, like me are in a jam. Even if you don’t know the answer, you must keep your students confident in you, less they start to doubt themselves too. There are two basic options I know of. Either you make up a story to keep them confident in you or you tell them that they need to research it as part of their homework. His ass is too cute for homework that doesn’t involve groping.

AJ~ Well you see Cutesy Buttes… (stalling). The thing about chicken is that chicken is actually the female of the gender (totally inaccurate by the way but coming from people who ‘thank me prior hand’, how would they know?). You know chicken & cock. Can you imagine if I said I enjoy eating cock? How silly does that sound. (Hmm.. actually I do enjoy a good cock...But yeah) Doesn’t it sound weird when I say I like eating cock? (I’m sure it doesn’t sound strange to most of you). So that’s why we eat breasts, and not chests, chickens & not cock… Understand?

The boys seemed amused. The girls just gave blank stares. Thanks to me they are that much stupider. But it’s not like I care, as long as I have cock to eat.

Been a naughty girl
Real bad so and so
Done too many things a girl shouldn’t know
I swear I never knew
I could hurt you so
One too many things a girl shouldn’t know

Holly Valance~ Naughty girl

PARKING FOR SINGLE FEMALES ONLY

2006-10-14T01:29:00.000+08:00

Would you believe it? I swear it’s a genuine sign at the car park near the entrance of the basement of Cineleisure (Cineplex near in Kuala Lumpur)! How nice of them to care for the poor defenseless women with no men to protect them. WTF… How about ME ME ME?

Single females aren’t the only ones who get taken care of. There are charities for AIDS orphans in Africa, Hurricane victims in America & even Tsunami survivors in Asia. Even abandoned cats, defenseless tigers & overtly enticing European anchovies get some help with survival. There are even guards posted at the local Gunung Ledang Forest Reserve to protect the endangered slipper orchids!

Then there are those who are favored in other ways. Special low joining fees for families at the gym, two-for-one specials at restaurants, pensioners discounts at the performing arts theatre and even student prices on public transport.

But who is going to ensure the survival of the 20 something single gay men?

We can go to jail for expressing our love & we constantly get bombarded with ‘when is it your turn?’ at weddings?

Who is going to make sure my clothes are clean & my food is free of harmful bacteria?

Who is going to make cooling drinks for me when I am ‘heaty’ & drive me to the clinic when I am sick?

Who will help me with the bills & ensure my doors are locked at night?

Who is there to keep my bed warm & satisfy my carnal needs?

When I am close to the edge, who will watch over me when I pass out & make sure I don’t overdose on bullshit?

Believe it or not I need tender loving care to survive this crazy world too!

Say I’m stone cold if you must, or, bitter, jaded or anything else but I will take care of myself. Independent baby!

I will do it by myself simply because there is no one else. Sure friends mean well but they do have their own pile of shit to deal with. The family tries their best but they can’t always be there. Blood may be thicker than water, but when it comes to healing the wounds, I am responsible for myself.

So be it if I have to bite my lip and bear with the sting of hurtful words/ actions. So be it if I have to work overtime on Saturday to fill my car with petrol.

As long as I can still take care of myself, there is no one better suited for the job. I don't mean to whine but really, I do worry about my lonesome self sometimes. *Pout*

Ain't no other man, can stand up next to me
Ain't no other man on the planet does what I do
(what I do).
I’m the kinda guy, a guy finds in a blue moon.
I’ve got soul, I’ve got class.
I got style, I’m a bad ass - oh yeah!
Ain't no other man its true - alright -
Ain't no other man but me.

Christina Aguilera ft AJ~ Ain’t No Other Man But Me

There is some body in the gym locker!

2006-10-12T23:38:00.000+08:00

Walking into the gym lockers alone can either be heaven or hell.

Hell in the changing room would be the stench of some moron who has lost his sense of smell & continues to permeate the odor of rotting maggots or even worst still the tragically fugly- horny uncle in his bony-ass –bearing-jock-strap. Gah…

But sometimes I can’t help but smile when I’m first greeted by a cheeky smile, tight firm bare ass & rock hard pecs. What’s more if they are accompanied by washboard abs…

On this particular trip to the men’s my eyes were greeted with a delicious milky-milky coco puff. I like chocolate men. Anything with a tan & I’m most forgiving of any of my usual turn offs. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a lover soya bean milk too. But I suppose there is something dark inside me that yearns for dark chocolate, mocha or even a nice hazel nut latte.

This milky-milky coco puff had a treasure trail running from the centre of his chest down to regions I could not see. Right then I wanted to invent a time machine, go back to slit the throat of whoever-the-fuck invented pants. Why oh why were pants invented?

But realizing I wasn’t (so) violent I returned my focus back on his sinisterly sexy body hair. Thankfully not a hint of back hair, just the sleek pleasure spikes down his front. Oh I could almost feel those little curls tickling my back.

But rather than just being tickled, I wanted to teach his tits a tongue teaser. Like chocolate buttons on a hot brownie, I wanted to lick those pointy dark peaks.

The boy had a good pair of lips too. Not superbly pouty, nor aristocratic, they were more of a gentleman’s lips. The type of lips that are affirmative yet gentle. I wanna pry them apart with my…

Oh dear, the post has gotten rather porny. But describing hot men is certainly its more entertaining than moaning about how lonely the gym is without that damn goat.

Damn goat! He’d better be having fun rolling about in the feilds.

(But) I'm not missing you

I'm not going through the motions

Waiting and hoping you call me

I'm not missing you

You might have had me open

But I must be going because

I got life to do

I know I'm usually hanging on

I used to hate to see you gone

But this time it's different

I don't even feel the distance

I'm not missing

I'm not missing you

Stacie Orrico ~ Missing You

ITS NOT ALL ABOUT YOU MR. GOAT!!

2006-10-10T00:56:00.000+08:00

The goatiest goat is goating away to goat goat goating away presents.

Well its true! My baaest friend in the whole wide world is leaving for the Land Down Udder for better pHay, hunkier goat herders & fresher pastures. Sure he will miss me, but that’s his path in life…

Baa! The rest of the post is too personal, i.e. its not for your entertainment…

Go click a random link on the side & don't pout, it causes wrinkles.

Hello my friend
We meet again
It's been a while
Where should we begin?
Feels like forever
Within my heart
Are memories
Of perfect love that
You gave to me
Oh, I remember
When you are with me
I'm free, I'm careless
I believe
Above all the others
We'll fly
This brings tears
To my eyes
My sacrifice

We've seen our share
Of ups and downs
Oh, how quickly life
Can turn around
In an instant
It feels so good to reunite
Within yourself and
Within your mind
Let's find peace there

'Cause when you are
With me
I'm free, I'm careless
I believe
Above all the others
We'll fly
This brings tears
To my eyes
My sacrifice

I just want to
Say hello again
I just want to
Say hello again

When you are with me
I'm free, I'm careless
I believe
Above all the others
We'll fly
This brings tears
To my eyes

All Walls Are Great...

2006-10-09T01:41:00.000+08:00

... if the roof doesn’t fall

Walls, barriers, barricades, fences, hedges & to some extent even condoms are often erected for protection. They are useful if privacy is valuable & you don’t want everybody to see you naked. It’s not always easy being comfortable in your own skin. Sometimes when exposed, you are forced to talk about emotional scars, tattoos of memories & blemishes of regret. Explanation often leads to recollection which leads to memories of pain, despair and so on and so forth resurfacing.

If you don’t mind a bit of exposure then build your barriers with lots of windows or using a more permeable material. For more selectivity your construction should have more doors, but be wary who you give the keys to. You shouldn’t simply let anyone in. Some people will leave their dirty foot prints whiles others love to create mischief. Its okay if they are just wielding cans of spray paint, but what if they have sledge hammers, Molotov cocktails or decide to use your personal space to their advantage?

Inadvertently keeping all the doors dead-bolted shut will make you inaccessible to others. No matter how hard they try, they can’t get in. You won’t let them in. Peeping through the key hole they only can catch glimpses of what’s inside but never be able to reach in.

Another method of deciding who gets in is by creating mazes & playing games. A labyrinth of tests & obstacles can get tiresome & many will eventually give up. Not everyone wants to take the time to solve the puzzles or analyze the clues. And why should they? What makes your structure so much more appealing than other more easily accessible facilities? Where is the allure in the games? Where’s the fun in the complexity? Most people tire from trials & tribulations of their own life, what more to have to deal with your booby traps?

Although it’s most carefree & relaxing to live in the open air, there is so much more strength/ security in fortresses. Wouldn’t it be lovely to have a secret passage way into someone else’s fortress? Someone who you trust?

Call this post the summation of the events festering in my head. I know I couldn’t be vaguer if I tried.

Of the demons, wraiths & phantoms,
The faceless familiars, imps & goblins,
All the bad things that haunt my dreams,
The pieces that make me dark, aloof & mean.

Am I talking if no one is listening?
What do I really wish to say?
Does it matter, this tongue wagging?
When I’m not thinking will it go away?

Self Satisfaction: QUOTE ME IF YOU MUST

2006-10-08T04:53:00.000+08:00

It is easy to be happy single, as long as you know to keep the fucking touchy feely couples away.

Duff, I like him, but more likeable is how he keeps you from whining…

Ed & Kitty, you mingers deserve each other…

And Wil honey, he won’t die if you let go of him for 5 seconds…

*Roll eyes ala Wjee*

*Pffft ala Goat*

*Glares ala AJ*

Forking With AJ

2006-10-07T01:30:00.000+08:00

We all got to eat, so why not cook?

Without using fancy kitcken gadgets, I can manage to cook up a gastronomic storm as long as I have my trusty fork.

Aunty AJ's Apple Pie

The only thing sweeter than a AJ's Apple Pie is AJ. With extra cinnamon goodness, this pie is sure to satisfy any cravings! And I don't bake with Granny Smith's but rather Fuji Apples because I'm a size queen.

Roti Babi (Piggy Bread)

This dish is basically french toast stuffed with minced pork, carrots, mushrooms & onions. Some versions have crab meat, but I like my meat, not seafood. I can post the recipe if anyone is interested.

Grazing Goat Pasta

This dish is sort of a full 3 course meal. First the green beans act as a starter. Then the bacon-egg angel hair pasta is the main & the gingerbread goats top off the meal. For the right effect, the heads of the gingerbread goats must be bitten off first. Then you can move the bodies about and say "Baa! Baa! Baa! I'm a headless goat!"

There were supposed to be cute lil mid-night muffins too but I cant find my pictures. That will have to wait for another time, so fork it!

This was supposed to be a post about moon cakes…

2006-10-06T18:48:00.000+08:00

This was supposed to be a post about moon cakes but my damn camera decided to stop working. How am I supposed to describe a single yolk pandan moon cake without a picture? The Idea of a congealed green lotus paste cake covered with brown pastry with bright orange salted egg yolk oozing oil in the centre just sounds so disgusting. But its not.

This week was supposed to be an easy week at the office with the bosses out of town. But thanks to the million and one projects with super short deadlines I have to re-write for the millionth time over, I’ve been typing so hard that my fingers refuse to stop twitching even when I sleep. But they are still okay.

I was supposed to be all healthy & shit from all the damn vitamins I take. But I’m not. Damn the haze. Damn everything else. My damn nose is damn runny. I can’t even sleep without having bad dreams about all the things I don’t want to think about. But I'm dealing with that.

I am supposed to be taking a break, and I will try my best. Sorry if I don’t seem interested in lavishing you with sexy thongs, you’re loving relationships, you’re lack of communication with your grandchild or participating in your fancy dinners. I’m concentrating on me now. Moan and groan if you must but do it somewhere else. I’m not in the mood. Trivial as it may seem to you, my mental health is at stake right now. So excuse me as I get better.

I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah
I care but I'm worthless
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be quite alright
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette

A Girl Named After Cherry Blossoms

2006-10-04T01:16:00.000+08:00

Before AndroJane I kept another brightly colored journal/ scrapbook of sorts.

It was made with random brightly colored paper bound together. I filled it with pictures of my family, pictures of friends, Malaysian stamps, phone cards etc to show off during my exchange student stay in Japan. It was sort of like a blog because I used it to let people know more about me & I would ask them to write, draw or scribble something.

Some people would painstakingly create pages of art using markers, color pencils, bus tickets, crayons, glitter, stickers & almost anything imaginable. Some would write long messages, lyrics, quotes, events and of course their contact details. Sometimes silly, sometimes pretty, sometimes sexy even. Whatever they wanted.

One of the most memorable entries was by this girl named Sakura. She made it about this time of the year over 8 years ago but sometimes I remember it like it was yesterday.

Although I knew five girls named Sakura, she was the only one who was truly named after cherry blossoms. It was autumn & the trees were getting ready for winter. Like the trees I was feeling cold & had to change with the times. It was hard to communicate with the people around me & all of my exchange student friends had left Japan.

Sakura wrote a long letter of sorts in complicated Japanese decorated with little pink Sakura flowers which she then read to me as we overlooked the school gardens. She had one of those classic voices seeded with compassion & a tinge of sorrow. The letter went something like

****************************************************************
Dear AJ-kun
Its been very fun getting to know you. Our art lessons & summer trip to the mountains was most memorable. You were always laughing and playing. But recently you look more serious. Is it because of the cold weather? I know Japan is very different from your home country, but aren’t the changing colors of the leaves beautiful?

You most probably miss your family & friends but don’t worry we are all here for you. Ithoyama Sensei really takes care of you & you should be thankful.

Are you studying hard for your Japanese Language Proficiency Test? Gambate! You have worked so hard, I am sure you can do it!

Please enjoy your stay here and please write. Friends forever!

Sakura

***************************************************************

She was so insightful. So genuinely sweet. So Japan. I will always remember that moment & cherish it. I was feeling so lonely/ insignificant at the time. But knowing someone actually noticed my change of mood brightened my mood.

Fast forward to today. Shame on me for never writing to her. Shame on me for storing the journal somewhere I can’t recall. But some things are meant to be cherished & not questioned. Like the trees with brilliant hued leaves, we all have to change with the season. Some times when I hear the right song or the right picture I think back to that day & smile. Who knew?

Deep river runs its course
To a warm horizon
Shadows of falling leaves
October moon and rusty skies
Ever changing feelings
The seeds of autumn in my mind

The hiding sun, like the hiding sun
Feels like it's just begun
The hiding sun, like the hiding sun
Waiting for summer sun

Hiding summer's age no more
No more leaves in summer sky
Turning dark on empty car lots
When summer was my only friend

So you're back this way again
Winter's one breath away
So you're back this way again
Winter's one breath away
It's turning cold...

Like the hiding sun, like the hiding sun
Feels like its just begun
The hiding sun, like the hiding sun
Waiting for summer sun
The hiding sun, like the hiding sun
Feels like it's just begun
The hiding sun, like the hiding sun
Waiting for summer sun
The hiding sun, like the hiding sun
Feels like its just begun.

Chicane ~ Autumn Tactics (End Of Summer Edit)

Gaysha Games

2006-10-01T22:36:00.000+08:00

This weekend I went out twice like a good geisha should, once on Friday at Frangipani (gay bar) with my older friends & at La Queen (obviously gay disco) with my newer friends. Normally I’d be on the prowl, lurking at every nook & cranny for some action. But this weekend was different. I just chilled. Bored as I may be, whoring for attention doesn’t solve everything. I’ve really wanted to take a breather from the clubs, but for reasons I really don’t want to elaborate, I have to stay occupied on weekends.

That aside, lets play a Geisha Game. Its simple, I tell two stories & you choose which one is real & which one is a lie.

Story 1: Foreign Flaunt It Friday

If you got it, flaunt it. And if you don’t, borrow you friends & use it to the max. I’m referring Duff's whiter than whitewash boyfriend. Even though my friends & I can afford to buy drinks, why should we pay for something we can get for free?

Simply put, most of the boys at Frangipani like white meat. Europeans, Americans Etc... And the potato queens will do just about anything to snog a sexy young white boy. And to soften him up, they insist on buying him drinks…

So what we did was give him our orders & strategically place him by the bar.

“Come here often? Like a vodka lime?”
‘Why not?”
Duff has his dose of alcohol.

“Can I buy you a drink?”
“Sure love, how about a gin tonic?”
Ed's drink is taken care of.

“What’s your poison?”
“Vodka cranberry, dear”
AJ sucks away contently.

“You don’t look too happy, can I get you something?”
“A vodka cranberry would be nice”
Goaty Goat gets his milk.

Oh come on. If the boys insist on showing our new foreign a warm Malaysian welcome, why shouldn’t the rest of us benefit? It’s their fault for being such potato queens. And its not like he promised them anything…

Story 2: Podium Queen Saturday

Like everyone else, I love attention. So why not take center stage like the rest of the queens?

Of course I didn’t take off my t-shirt. That would be rude. I waited for some Musky-Muscle-Mary to undress me as I simulated sex acts on my own little piece of stage. Not sure if they were impressed by my jiggly bits but who gives a fuck? I was too high to think straight.

And later that night I went back with some charming men to their hotel & did an 'hands-on-group-therapy-session'. If one cock is good, 6 cocks are better! There is nothing wrong with expressing your lust!

"If you think this fish is amazing, you should see my husband's schlong."

So which is which? Which story is as real as Pamela Anderson’s boobs & which is as original as Stacie Orrico’s nose? Can you tell? And all of you who know the real me, hush! Let the readers play this game…

Make me beautiful
Perfect soul
Perfect mind
Perfect face
A perfect, perfect soul
Perfect mind
Perfect face
A perfect lie

Engine Room (Gabriel & Dresden Remix) ~ Perfect Lie

OST Nip/Tuck

Vacancy In The Papers

2006-09-30T19:22:00.000+08:00

Did You Read this?
“Iraq Terrorist Calls Scientists To Jihad”

He is trying to recruit me! He wants me! He loves me! He needs me! I fit all the criteria he is looking for.

DAMN RIGHT HE WANTS ME! I’m a scientist! I’m all angsty! I like pointless causes! And most importantly, like any one who wants to join his cause, I’m a bit crazy…

Sure, I’m a lil out of practice with working in the laboratory but I still know how to use Excel to make pretty bar charts! All I need are hot Arab men & a PC with broadband… (I should include my affinity for cock in my resume as I'm sure it is a bonus in the lonely desert sands.)

I’m great with culturing bacteria. Although I did do some culturing in Petri dishes, I do more culturing in the fridge. Leaving vegetables to rot does encourage bacteria growth. And as non-deadly as the bacteria are, they do smell bad. So do I get the job Mr Two-Walnuts-Short-Of-A-Fruitcake-Terrorist?

I may not have that much experience with explosives but I know how to handle sensitive materials because I have tangoed with some of the most frigid & yet emotional queens in Kuala Lumpur (bet you saw that one coming a mile away). So do I get the job Potato-Gravy-For-Brains?

AndroJane is a great expert when it comes to plotting, planning & scheming! One of my latest get-laid-quick schemes involves dark discos, plenty of alcohol & blindfolds. Funnily enough, most of them do. So do I get the job, Obviously-Ill-Planned-Mo-Fo?

But I sort of disagree with the policies of America. The other day I threw a tantrum when I herd Paris Hilton & Nicole Richie were best friends again. Stil no huh?

FIIIIiiine.. I’ll bring my own labcoat & and camo bikini to entertain the troups too. G’DmMoFo…

"Anthrax? Just for MEeee? How Sweeet!"

Smiles! The Remedy For Unenthusiastic Insanity

2006-09-27T23:57:00.000+08:00

It’s going to be another post about being an unenthusiastic crazy ex, can you tell?

If you rather read something delicious, I highly recommend Snowdrop’s Blog Snowies' Stuffing. Snowdrop being the porky life partner (is that the politically right term?) of my favorite clever cow- Spot. Tantalizing food & smart mouthing!

But yeah…
I’m still angry & deranged when it comes to my ex Ruggy. Maybe I’m more angry at myself than him but that’s not the issue. The issue is, how do I stop thinking of (tormenting) the sonofabitch?

Recently a friend’s friend passed away (God bless his soul) and in a very unrelated way, the story of how he punched the living daylights out of his cheating ex came up. It was most amusing. Especially the part about how he hit him so hard that he broke his hand. Add how it happened at the gym & you got to admire the guy’s guts. Not that I advocate violence, but maybe physical abuse would make me satisfied? I couldn’t help but to fantasize…

No! No more crazy thoughts! I’d wanna be cool, calm & collected like Stacie Orico’s I’m Not Missing You. The song talks about despite being upset from the break up, she is concentrating on life & all the good things it has to offer…

Bla… Bla… Bla… Who am I kidding? After all the shit he periodically puts me through, I would love to get a little revenge! I don’t blame him entirely for my lack of mental health, but he certainly has played a leading role in the derangement of AJ. Off the top of my head…

I would like to put laxatives in his food, flies in his drinks & dead mice in his shoes.

I would love to see him stranded by the side of a busy highway without a spare tire or being slowly digested alive by an anaconda.

I’d pay good money to have someone throw him into a pit of flesh eating beetles or fill his bed with doggie doo doo. Yes I am that twisted.

I’d provide good head to anyone willing to dye him permanently pink, squeeze toothpaste in his pants, shave his eyebrows & wake him up with a haphazard body wax. Ouch!

Then there is sabotage to the things he loves like pouring piss down the windscreen of his car, stuffing his clothes into the toilet & turning his PC into a aquarium/ fire ant farm combo.

But I don’t have to. He is getting fatter & balder. And more importantly, he is getting no attention from fabulous me! Undoubtedly satisfaction enough.

How did I come to this amazing (yet totally insane) conclusion? I listened to a song provided by dearest Duff! Excuse me whiles I continue to fantasize of new ways to make his life a living hell. What else is a boy supposed to do?

(Voting is opened for the best Asian BGLT! Wanna vote for crazy sexy me?)

When you first left me I was wanting more
But you were fucking that girl next door, what ja do that for
When you first left me I didn't know what to say
I never been on my own that way, just sat by myself all day

I was so lost back then
But with a little help from my friends
I found a light in the tunnel at the end
Now you're calling me up on the phone
So you can have a little whine and a moan
And it's only because you're feeling alone

At first when I see you cry,
yeah it makes me smile, yeah it makes my smile
At worst I feel bad for a while,
but then I just smile I go ahead and smile

Lily Allen ~ Smile