Vacancy In The Papers

Did You Read this?
“Iraq Terrorist Calls Scientists To Jihad”


He is trying to recruit me! He wants me! He loves me! He needs me! I fit all the criteria he is looking for.

DAMN RIGHT HE WANTS ME! I’m a scientist! I’m all angsty! I like pointless causes! And most importantly, like any one who wants to join his cause, I’m a bit crazy…

Sure, I’m a lil out of practice with working in the laboratory but I still know how to use Excel to make pretty bar charts! All I need are hot Arab men & a PC with broadband… (I should include my affinity for cock in my resume as I'm sure it is a bonus in the lonely desert sands.)

I’m great with culturing bacteria. Although I did do some culturing in Petri dishes, I do more culturing in the fridge. Leaving vegetables to rot does encourage bacteria growth. And as non-deadly as the bacteria are, they do smell bad. So do I get the job Mr Two-Walnuts-Short-Of-A-Fruitcake-Terrorist?

I may not have that much experience with explosives but I know how to handle sensitive materials because I have tangoed with some of the most frigid & yet emotional queens in Kuala Lumpur (bet you saw that one coming a mile away). So do I get the job Potato-Gravy-For-Brains?

AndroJane is a great expert when it comes to plotting, planning & scheming! One of my latest get-laid-quick schemes involves dark discos, plenty of alcohol & blindfolds. Funnily enough, most of them do. So do I get the job, Obviously-Ill-Planned-Mo-Fo?

But I sort of disagree with the policies of America. The other day I threw a tantrum when I herd Paris Hilton & Nicole Richie were best friends again. Stil no huh?

FIIIIiiine.. I’ll bring my own labcoat & and camo bikini to entertain the troups too. G’DmMoFo…

"Anthrax? Just for MEeee? How Sweeet!"

Smiles! The Remedy For Unenthusiastic Insanity

It’s going to be another post about being an unenthusiastic crazy ex, can you tell?

If you rather read something delicious, I highly recommend Snowdrop’s Blog Snowies' Stuffing. Snowdrop being the porky life partner (is that the politically right term?) of my favorite clever cow- Spot. Tantalizing food & smart mouthing!

But yeah…
I’m still angry & deranged when it comes to my ex Ruggy. Maybe I’m more angry at myself than him but that’s not the issue. The issue is, how do I stop thinking of (tormenting) the sonofabitch?

Recently a friend’s friend passed away (God bless his soul) and in a very unrelated way, the story of how he punched the living daylights out of his cheating ex came up. It was most amusing. Especially the part about how he hit him so hard that he broke his hand. Add how it happened at the gym & you got to admire the guy’s guts. Not that I advocate violence, but maybe physical abuse would make me satisfied? I couldn’t help but to fantasize…

No! No more crazy thoughts! I’d wanna be cool, calm & collected like Stacie Orico’s I’m Not Missing You. The song talks about despite being upset from the break up, she is concentrating on life & all the good things it has to offer…

Bla… Bla… Bla… Who am I kidding? After all the shit he periodically puts me through, I would love to get a little revenge! I don’t blame him entirely for my lack of mental health, but he certainly has played a leading role in the derangement of AJ. Off the top of my head…

I would like to put laxatives in his food, flies in his drinks & dead mice in his shoes.

I would love to see him stranded by the side of a busy highway without a spare tire or being slowly digested alive by an anaconda.

I’d pay good money to have someone throw him into a pit of flesh eating beetles or fill his bed with doggie doo doo. Yes I am that twisted.

I’d provide good head to anyone willing to dye him permanently pink, squeeze toothpaste in his pants, shave his eyebrows & wake him up with a haphazard body wax. Ouch!

Then there is sabotage to the things he loves like pouring piss down the windscreen of his car, stuffing his clothes into the toilet & turning his PC into a aquarium/ fire ant farm combo.

But I don’t have to. He is getting fatter & balder. And more importantly, he is getting no attention from fabulous me! Undoubtedly satisfaction enough.

How did I come to this amazing (yet totally insane) conclusion? I listened to a song provided by dearest Duff! Excuse me whiles I continue to fantasize of new ways to make his life a living hell. What else is a boy supposed to do?

(Voting is opened for the best Asian BGLT! Wanna vote for crazy sexy me?)

When you first left me I was wanting more
But you were fucking that girl next door, what ja do that for
When you first left me I didn't know what to say
I never been on my own that way, just sat by myself all day

I was so lost back then
But with a little help from my friends
I found a light in the tunnel at the end
Now you're calling me up on the phone
So you can have a little whine and a moan
And it's only because you're feeling alone

At first when I see you cry,
yeah it makes me smile, yeah it makes my smile
At worst I feel bad for a while,
but then I just smile I go ahead and smile

Lily Allen ~ Smile

Can’t Shleep? Count Bloody Goats!

I was suffocated. But it was more than the darkness of dawn that kept me in bed. My arms pinned to my sides & my comforter cover tightly binding me like an Egyptian mummy. When I tried to wriggle free I felt a stickiness on my cheek. Not unlike a night’s worth of drool, the viscous liquid had drenched the pillows, making the pillow case stick to my cheek. No it wasn’t saliva, snot, cum or some other bodily fluid. It was blood. No doubt about it. That acrid smell & almost metallic taste was unmistakable.

It was at that moment I explored my mouth with my tongue. The only muscle I could move freely glazed over raw ragged flesh. There were giant ulcers where my front teeth used to be. How many missing? I couldn’t say. Really ‘you don’t know what you got, till its gone’. Then the pain set in.

Throb… Throb… Throb…

Pain or not I had to get loose from the body corset of my own device. I had to get out of that damn comforter. I had to see where were my teeth. Did I swallow them? Did I bite someone? Had my neurotic sleep walking episodes led me to take a chuck out of a table?

Ten minutes of tossing & turning later my limbs were free to move. Dreading what I would see, I rushed for the light switch. The harsh fluorescent light revealed the preceding night’s carnage. The massacre. The battle of the demons within me.

Throb… Throb… Throb…

Pillows were strewn about. My bed was covered in synthetic cotton from my favorite pillow. Like the gauze used by the dentist to soak up my blood, some of the fluff was stain red. Some was not. Some had already begun to dry and had a sickly brown color. Then I saw it- neatly stuck in the wall above my bed. First of many I am sure. Not a drop of blood, which was pretty amazing considering the condition of the rest of my bloody room.

My bloody room. Can one person really loose so much blood & still be coherent enough to admire his own handy work?

Throb… Throb… Throb…

What else had I done in my sleep? I turned and faced the mirror. Broken, just like everything else. Through the almost fang like shards of glass I saw a familiar face. Bloodstained. Dried blood clotted on my cheeks like cheap horror movie victim. Oh there’s another. Like a mini tombstone sticking out of the mirror’s wooden frame. I would have been quicker to spot it, if not for how it eerily blended with the wood.

I needed a moment to try and rationalize the senseless destruction.

‘Oh look! Another tooth!’ Glued with blood to the sole of my right foot. How did that get there? How did I get here? How did I end up in this big bloody mess?

And that’s the point where the nightmare normally ends & I wake up in a pool of my own silent panic. No screaming. ‘Just saliva on the pillow,’ I reassure myself. A quick swipe of my tongue reveals everything is where it is supposed to be. Still I pant. Still I shiver. I’m too afraid or shocked to leave the comfort of the comforter.

It was all too damn real. My nightmares are always like that. You’d suppose I’d be used to them by now. And to some level I am. But it doesn’t mean I don’t fear going to sleep sometimes. It doesn’t mean I don’t worry that one day I’ll awake to a bed bloodied. I don’t know what I will wake up to. But at least I know my worst enemy.

She's gonna pick a star in the night
And pray to make it all right
She tried so hard not to pick a kite
She always prayed to heaven lights
Wallflowers ~ Three Marlenas

Say “Aaaaah”

How open are you? Do you let people in easy? Do you make friends right away and do you tell them about failed relationships, horrendous relatives, ridiculous work & every intimate detail about your love life?

Do you ever think before you open your mouth?

Do you fall in love head first & spill your guts at the slightest hint of weakness like a bloated carcass? Do you let your lover into the most intimate details of your life whiles you are grabbing your knees with your legs in the air?

And when there is no more love & the relationship is over, do you pack you bag right away & without hesitation a hitch a ride on the next boat out to sea? Do you never look back and stare blindly into the horizon?

I’d like to say ‘Yes’ but I don’t read like a book. I do share some of the most intimate details of my life with my closest friends but not strangers. Maybe I’m cold, bitter, frigid, icy, closed & unavailable. Maybe I’ve been damaged by too many an asshole. Maybe I have prissy high standards. Maybe it’s just that casual sex no longer interests this bitch.

Lately I’ve subconsciously decided I’m tired of casual sex. I can’t bring my self to fuck mindlessly. Don’t wanna needlessly put another horny man’s cock into my mouth only to say ‘see ya’. If you really do want to get fully into my pants, get to know the rest of me first. Or at least try, damn it!

Why?

Because it might just be worth it. I might just be right for you. Or more earnestly I’m sick and tired of playing all these little games. You just wanna fuck? Go right ahead. Just make sure you fuck somewhere else.

A little groping, some kissing, a lot of flirting is fine by me. But don’t play me. Don’t pluck me out of the loving arms of my friends just to feed your ego. Call me an idealist, a hopeless romantic but what’s wrong with a lil charm & conversation? You know, that way at least I will really have to put out… *wink*

Sometimes the way that you act makes me wonder
What I am to you
Sometimes I can't stand the way that I'm acting
To be part of the things you do
Often I've asked you for too much of your time
Like I'm stealing

Karen Overton ~ Loving Arms

Out On Friday, No Work On Saturday

Going out to the bar tonight was great. The company was great, the boys were fresh & the boys’ boys were even fresher. Like a delusional bride at her picture-perfect wedding, I was loving all the things I had. All the elements I needed for a good time were in place. Ya-lah there were so many hot boys they drowned out the so so music…

Something old~ My oldest friends were lurking in the dark corners spinning their tangled webs charm.

Something new~ The boys I’m sorely in lust with were lounging about, thus providing me the opportunity to bask in their radiance. *Drool*

Something borrowed~ One of the boys I will always be in love with was there with his bf. Taking some time away from his painfully annoying bf, he came over, sat down & chatted. I don’t doubt his motives & never will. And that perfectly bubble butt isn’t too bad either.

Something blue~ Its been such a blue moon since I was charmed. A pretty charming guy was pretty charming with me. Regardless of his motives & actions, he had a charming personality. Why couldn’t I commit to being sexy there and then? Why did I have to run & hide? Like hide & seek, its almost like we took turns to seek each other out. The thrill of the hunt seems more than I can handle. Even the most charming man can be at a lost for words, neh?

The boys were superbly obliging tonight. I’m pretty darn happy. Everything is going smoothly. Sure there are a few hiccups to face in the future, but that shit to deal with for another time. Now its my time.

Calm me down, bring it round
Too way high off your street
I can see like nothing else
In me you're better than I wannabe
Don't think 'cos I understand,
I care, don't think 'cos I'm talking we're friends,

Sneaker Pimps ~ 6 Underground

Iconically Ironic: Mindless Entertainment

I am holier than thou! I am good, I am pure & I am pristine. I am above bitchiness, gossiping & talking behind people’s backs…

No I’m not! Maybe I’ve been too busy with life to post a happy post, but I think its time for something funny. Something ironic like the Dead Or Alive movie. Totally mindless entertainment.

The other day I invited this gym instructor out for dinner (friend-la) and he was eager until he found out he had to do a fifteen minute walk to meet me. I was like WTF? He always talks about how much energy he gets from teaching classes is & how great the exercise is, but ask him to do a 15 minute walk & he whines like a baby?

But I’m guilty of being iconically ironic too. Jack Daniels, Jim Beam & Johnny Walker are my best friends. If I ever had children my daughter would be Absolutta & my son Smirnoffsky. Alcohol is enjoyable but sooo fattening. So to reduce the calorie content, I always have my spirits with Coke Lite- The savior of gay men. *Twirls blond curls*

*You knoooow, being blonde is like.. umm its like.. ummm I mean its really like..
Its like ordering Ice Lemon Tea without the ice & lemon…
Its like eating two low calorie meals at one go…
Its like one hour of cardio followed by nasi lemak…
Its like wearing a cap in the rain so your hair doesn’t get wet…
Yeah Yeah Yeah… Laugh at me now, why don’t ya? We are all blond sometimes…

I'm back here for your entertainment
You should really want to mess with me tonight
Don't stop or take a second
I was fine before you walked into my life
Cause you know it's over
Before it began
Just give me both drink & your money
It's just you and my hand tonight

Pink ~ U & UR Hand (AJ's blond remix)

Clean & Cuddly AJ at Heineken Thirst Party (ft Groove Armada & Futon)

Not every rave is dirty, dingy & crawling with drop dead sexy but weird beasties. Last Saturday I was in KL tower for the soulful sounds of Groove Armada Sound System. Nothing got painted, nothing was ripped. No animals were injured. Not even hairspray.

I wore a simple black v neck tee with midnight blue jeans & a black belt. Underneath those jeans I has low riding black boxers with a stripy band. In terms of accessories, I had a thick black cord with a male emblem medallion dangling tightly around my neck & a Tibetan charm bangle made out of with nickle & turquoise stones

Not too bad, but not too good either. Let me tell you about it, leaving out bitchy details like how the organizers could definitely have chosen a more ‘ergonomic location’. The space was simply too awkward for the rave! (*oh damn I said it)

The deco & lights were simply perfect! Flood lights, blinkers, lasers & even a big fat white blimp! Top it off with Graffiti stations & even rides! The atmosphere was totally carnival!

The crowd seemed more confused than anything. The concept of try to mix rock music with house was totally misguided. Sure they thought they could easily swing the mood & sway the crowd from the screeching of the electric guitar to the deep base beats, but the crowd felt it. We felt it. I felt it.

Regardless of the confused crowd, I was clear & clean. Cleaner than the refrigerator in a fat man’s house. The entire 4 hours, I had 1.5 beers. (The normal rate is 1.5 drinks per hour, if you’re wondering). Damn I had never been so sober. I had never been so clear headed during a rave.

Interestingly enough, my clear headed state was just what I needed when I was confronted by several acquaintances. First up were my Uni Juniors. Always looking my way for lab reports & the answers to life (biochemistry is all about life baby!), my juniors got to see me in a different light, i.e. the evanescent glow of the strobe lights. Were they amused how I’ve changed? Did I really care?

Next up was DaDa, the boy who broke Lechumi’s heart. (Lechumi being the really close friend who has progressively become more & more anti social.) “Hello boy who broke Lechumi’s heart & spirit, thus turning her into the bitter mess she is now.” I may not have been drunk but I’m always over protective of my friends. Especially friends who I think have been screwed over.

Then whiles dancing on the stage. I chanced upon the world’s largest sequin deposit, i.e. the skirt of this fairly large female. While I was snittily bitching about the skirt to The Goat, she came up to me. I was alarmed. Did she her my comment? I see no beers in her hand! I remember talking to only a handful of middle-aged whales. And this wasn’t one of them. Turned out to be my sister in law’s friend. *Phew* That was close. I didn’t feel like bitch fighting anyone that night. I wanted to keep my serenity! Everything else passed rather decently. Teks & the Goat were too fearful of their lives to ride the flying fox. I would go, but not alone. Not because I was scared but I wanted to see if I could find someone who would. Maybe next time. Maybe.

Sometime...
Can you feel the pressure just unwind? Sometime...
Sometime...
Into the day and to the night, Sometime...
Sometime...
You can make a pressure just unwind, Sometime..
Sometime...
It's for your spirit and your mind, Sometime...

Groove Armada ~ Super Stylin’

The Rant Of The Unenthusiastic Psycho Ex

Firstly, my heart goes out to all the people affected by the crazed shooter in Montreal. Damn, crazy mo-fo! Sure I’m angry, but to shoot random strangers? Dude! Thats nuts!

Secondly, damn, Lucas won Rockstar Supernova. It was Magni’s fault for performing like a lame duck. He has the best voice & look, only if he had a bit more showmanship.

Thirdly, over the last week, thoughts of my annoying Ex, Ruggy have been bugging me. And thus begins the rant of the unenthusiastic psycho ex…..

I really don’t want to be the psycho ex but really he seems to know how to push my buttons. The problem is when I am most happy, he pops out of nowhere & subsequently manages to annoy me. Seriously, last weekend’s SMS was too much. I needed that SMS like I need a crooked dick!

What the fuck was he thinking when he sent me that SMS? Several people have offered their interpretations of his actions:-

He wants attention. If the lard ass wants attention he can run about shirtless & wait for Petronas, Shell, BP etc to clamor him to sign over the oil extraction rights. Its not that I’m still bitter but there are so many other people he can get attention from. He doesn’t have to ruin MY TIME.

He wants to be friends. For fucks sake, Kuala Lumpur has a population of more than 2 million people! Approximately there should be 10% gay men which would be 100,000 men for him to go be friends with. He doesn’t need me! Or rather I don’t want anything to do with him anymore.

I’m just angrily over reacting. So I am expected to be all civil & plastically friendly towards him? I think not! Sure I’ve pretended to be civil before but nowadays, I just ignore him! I’ve happily moved on with my life as a fabulous single gay man. Unlike him I do not have to jump from one unhealthy relationship to the next. I don’t need any affirmation from anyone, especially not him. I just want to be rid of the plague that is his forked tongue & body odor.

Seriously. After all the time we spent together we know each other pretty well. He knows how to push my buttons & I know what he hates most. When he decided to break up in such a messy fashion, he should have been well aware of how pissed off I would be. He even told me I wouldn’t be able to move on until I have another boyfriend. All these vicious words are tantamount to one thing:- him making me hate him. He knows I know his style. He knows I won’t admit how pissed off I am to him. So why the fuck can’t he stop? Why can’t he stay the fuck away? He’s got some new guy to fuck about with, he doesn’t need me! The only person that needs me is me!

Wjee asked me “was I a good boyfriend?”

I think I was, sure I have my flaws, but I was good much more than I was bad!

Wjee replied “well then, you should be happy”

I am happy. I can still be happy when he is around. But I don’t want to have to be around him. I don’t need his attention. I don’t need his SMSes or phone calls. I didn’t need that pathetic attempt to grab my shoulder. I don’t want to have to be diplomatic about it. I don’t want to have to say ‘hi’. The Klang Fucking Valley is large enough. Why oh why can’t he leave me alone?

From all this you must gather that I’m crazy & still in love with him. Well, I’m not. I don’t want to be crazy. I don’t need this shit. I’m better than to dwell on pointless things. Its not that I’m angry, I just want to let go & move on. So far I’ve done pretty good for myself. Its not that I’m lonely either. There are men knocking at my door, its just I don’t want to let them in. I’m happy being single but I am still moving on. The whole love thing right now is just very whatever. Or as the hot blond Australian rockstar with the twinkle in his eye Toby would say ‘EVS!’

EVS EVS EVS EVS EVS EVS EVS EVS EVS EVS EVS EVS EVS EVS

How does it feel now you're the joke
we're in flaming tongue
so many times i wished you'd choke
on your proverbs and predictions
you knew it all, ran the show
left a bruise without feeling a damn thing
losing grip of your emotion

but that's history
you don't scare me
although i'm small
i'm full-on proven ten feet tall
don't drown myself
don't play a role
my scars have healed
Got a super soul
I got my super soul

another game, sickly insane
you gave me the blame
i could've killed you in your sleep
dreaming conspiracies to haunt me
you made the rules, religiously
no compromise
off the rob authority
blinded by the smells of darkness

but that's history
you don't scare me
although i'm small
i'm full-on proven ten feet tall

don't drown myself
don't play a role
my scars have healed

got a super soul

(i'm stronger now than i've ever been before
there's no way you can hurt me anymore)

(i feel brand new and it's all because of you
so all i can say is...thank you)

you don't scare me

although i'm small
i'm full-on proven ten feet tall

don't drown myself
don't play a role
my scars have healed

got a super soul

Supersoul ~ Dilana

Lost/Found AJ At The Speed Zone Rave (ft Joey G, Blank & Jones, Gabriel & Dresden and Mistress Barbara)

The chaos and confusion of Rave Parties aren’t for everyone. When all the ravers come out to play, its like a gathering of the strangest strangers. Even this queen shed his royal shackles to get down dirty and party. Even got my nails done. Very Goth!

Where’s the music Teks? Let’s get the party started! Regrettably, Teks (who will be referred to as DJ Soft Soda) wasn’t playing music when he picked me up, but hey, he was driving us there & driving us back. We stopped for Mc Ds and I got a free lesson in why I don’t seem to be loosing weight. If that bloody nutritional analysis brochure was right, I consumed waaaay to much fat!

Speaking of fat, lets explain Teks’ temporary nickname- DJ Soft Soda. I’m always comfortable with DJ Soft Soda’s choice of music & it seems whenever we are on the prowl he becomes a Supposed Or Former Twisted Slut On Drugs/Alcohol. Twisted? You should see how he rubs his grubby little paws together as he schemes his diabolical schemes & plans his corrupt plans.

So we got there about eight or so. After slight confusion with the beautiful, bubbly but brainless door bitches (Execute me Cir, prease prut ur IC here) we got to pass the first security check. We proceeded to talk a lovely stroll down the F1 Grandstand. What started as a breezy walk became a hike in the concrete jungle. Damn! It must have been atleast a 2 KM walk to the damn rave area. As to cheer us on, we suddenly noticed shuttle busses! With all the money they saved on the door bitches micro PVC skirts, you’d think they could spare some change to print “Free Shuttle Bus Waiting Area” banners.

Joey G was warming up the crowd. He played a slightly more mellow set which wasn’t exactly hit with DJ Soft Soda, Framing Queer, Drew or Androjane. After several minutes, we went back to the car to load up on cheap booze & listen to Soft Soda’s personal collection. Sorry Joey G you may be sexier than a dimpled ass, but Soft Soda RAWKS! Heh.

We went back later to be greeted by the heavy beats of Blank & Jones. So many more hot boys into the music greeted us. All sorts of hot hot hot boys/girls. What would you wear to such a party? (Use your imaginations dudes!) I loved the strong tribal sound. Towards the end they even played their own remix of The Killers ~ Mr. Brightside.

At eleven, Gabriel & Dresden got on. They played my favorites like Adain’s~ Beautiful Things, Mind Circus & my ultimate favorite – As The Rush Comes. It was slightly after that song when I checked my phone to see four SMSes. Three of them were harmless as they were just my friends trying to find me. But there was one which most annoyed me. It was Ruggy with a “You should know this song”. So what if I did? It may have meant something back then but right then, it was a theme. An anthem. Just another song with a great beat. I didn’t want to think about all that. Whatever. I wasn’t about to let anything or anyone spoil my mood. In my own twisted way I was happy to be emotionally cold. Emotionally detached from having to bother about the feelings of others. There is nothing I want from him.

The lights, the lasers, the flaring flame torches. All mesmerizing. I was reaping the fruits of my musical quest for unadulterated hedonistic pleasure. For those few hours, there was only me & the crowd of equally as ecstatic ravers. Sure the disco balls were corny at first, but the lasers reflected of the tiny mirrors to pierce the crowd randomly. But it all still followed that beat.

The beat went on with Mistress Barbara. Another hard trance DJ. Definitely not at polished as Gabriel & Dresden, she has a definitive raw yet smooth tempo. I some how felt she was a lesbian, though I’m not sure why. Not an issue anyway. It was enough for me to be there lazily swerving to the melodic chants.

Afterwards between one and two went to the mamak followed by going back home to relax. I love rave parties. Especially with the right crowd. DJ Soft Soda says next weekend end he wants to break. I think so too. I want to do more reading and sleeping. My poor body cannot take all the late nights. But my friends have other plans for me. Other parties & other great beats. My boys don’t have to sex me to keep me happy. At the right place with the right people, I feel comfortable like I’ve found my treasure.

I know this will be
Something I remember in my head
Something I remember

Sharp words push me back
Hanging on to anything I can
Anything I can

Why do you tell me
Only things I want to hear
Why don’t you tell me
This could just disappear

At the same time
You keep tracking treasure down

Cant stop I’m soaked tonight
Wanna find something I believe
Something I believe
Open up
Take me in
Makes no sense
Help me understand
Help me understand

Why do you tell me
Only things I want to hear
Why don’t you tell me
This could just disappear

At the same time
You keep tracking treasure down

You tell me of pirate-ships and fairy-tales
You have me wishing that everything
Was real

At the same time
At the same time
You keep tracking treasure down
At the same time

Gabriel & Dresden feat. Molly - Tracking Treasure Down

Crickey! Tick Tick Tick Boom!

On Wednesday, I had an SMS fight with a dear but depressed friend. I’ve always considered her a younger female version of myself. Without relaying the petty/ childish reasons behind the bombardment of bitter SMSes, let’s say I felt she was being too self destructive.

Couple of years ago, when I was too ‘gone’ to go into work, I visited this chirpy Malay doctor who is famous for cheerily handing over Medical Leave. Besides my one day of leave, I also got a lot more than I bargained for. She gave me a long seminar on air pollution, taking care of health & ended it with why I should quit smoking.

Dr Chirpy-jah: So young man, do you see why you should quit smoking?

AndroJane: Aiyoh. So much stress-la Dr. How to cope? Smoking helps me.

Dr Chirpy-jah: But if you can barely cope with the stress now, how will cope with even bigger stress later? When you get married, have a wife, have kids, you will be even worse off. How then? You are still young and there even bigger challenges ahead of you. You need to learn to cope with stress or you will never survive….

AndroJane: (Me? Have kids? There is a better chance of a plague of locust bursting into this room now and picking your carcass clean) *Braces self for grasshoppery impact*….*Nothing*

Begrudgingly looking back, I have to agree with her. Since then I have struggled through a messy SMS break up, work dissatisfaction, addictions, afflictions, other people trying to live my life, cheating lovers, cheating on lovers, demanding customers, needy friends, allergies, weight gain, running away from home, rejection, deadlines, HIV testing, monetary problems, family members falling sick, death in the family & now I’m about to face unwanted birth.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not moaning that life has been unfair to me. Life is fair that it is unfair to most of us! I’m actually pretty damn happy with what I have accomplished so far. Simply because I choose to try and be happy even when I am not. Sure I have my moods, but doesn’t everybody have their own sources of stress?

For the love of me, I still hate Ruggy (My horrible ex bf). But if there was one good thing that came out of that relationship was the simple idea that we do not HAVE to do anything in life. Everything is a CHOICE. Argue anything obligation long enough and it really becomes a choice, as long as you can live with the consequences.

I don’t have to wake up early to get to work on time. I choose to wake up early to get to work on time. I could choose not to get up early and get my sorry ass fired & sell my kidney on the black market for cash, but I it’s a choice. Sure I feel some sense of loyalty to family & friends but ultimately I’m number ONE. I get to choose my path in life. Sadly, selfish = self love = survival baby!

Back to the reason for the post. I’m worried for my friend because she is living her life for everyone else. We can die any minute! Look at the Crocodile Hunter. Of all the nasty beasties he has gotten too close to, I’d bet he didn’t expect to croak due to the gentle (yet delicious) stingray. Certainly he could have chosen not to get to damn close to the poor critter. But explicitly attracted to danger, he chose to get erotically too close, as usual. Its very self destructive behavior if you ask me.

There are many ways to set ourselves up to fail. Self destruction, like ugly stripy shirts are all too rampant. Be it the choice of fatty food or slashing wrists; hand-squeezing orange juice for someone who won’t drink it or forgetting to pay the bills, its all self destructive.

Sure its not too bad to live with a little self destruction. But wouldn’t it be fantastic if we could learn from our mistakes. To be able to correct ourselves so we know better next time. So we can stop making self destructive choices. Choosing decisions that ultimately make us happy. Can we? As I discussed with some friends earlier later this week, we can! There is no reason to stop us!

AndroJane: Surgically Enhanced Ipoh Marble White Bond Girl!

Congratulations ANDROJANE, you are 26% not Malaysian.

That means you're as Malaysian as...


Michelle Yeoh!

How Un-Malaysian Are You?

How AJ released a month of repression in one weekend! Part Two

Ultimate Best Friend
You know that awkward feeling that happens during conversations with old friends? Well, when I went out with my friend which I have known the longest (over 25 years!) there weren’t any barriers and we could talk freely. Still single and presumably still a virgin, we had grown so different. The last time I saw him was over a year ago, but still, it felt right. Nowadays, I have more secrets than ever to keep & lies to hide my alternative lifestyle. I’d love to tell him dating is a bitch no matter hetero or homo. But I told him to choose and stick to his decision. Being picky doesn’t help. When it is right, you shouldn’t question the situation but rather enjoy it. It gets easier with practice.

Couch Sweet Potato
For the longest time I have cancelled my Astro (satellite TV) subscription & relied on downloadables or gym tv for my viewing pleasure. So when I went back to my parents, I became a couch potato. My old friends such as Star World, Star Movies, HBO, AXN, the Disney Channel, Nicklodeon, Cartoon Network, MTV & Channel V were joined by the new sexy Animax. Damn I miss channel surfing. As if the sedentary act of being glued to the TV wasn’t enough, I had to eat excessive amounts of durians, crabs, prawns & hometown delights such as goring pisang (banana fritters) with chili & soya sauce, Indian rojak (various fritters, boiled egg & selected vegetables drenched in peanut sauce) and chai tau kueh (fried radish cake). Forecasts for next week are light low calorie meals backed by excessive exercise.

What’s More Fun Than A Rave?
A free rave! I got my free tickets to Gabriel & Dresden at The Sepang F1 Circuit. Can’t wait, especially since I have never been to the race track close up.

Sleeping Beauty
Whiles clubbing with Teks and friends on Saturday, I passed out on the couch. All this passing out seems to be happening too often. This time was different as I woke up with a light kiss on the lips. Who was that cute stranger? I have my suspicions its some acquaintance, but I can’t be sure. But was a nice way to wake up. Thee hee hee.

Take Your Momma Out All Night
One of the people I went with on Saturday brought his mother along. I found the idea of bringing one’s mother along clubbing a little odd. But it was truly amazing that they bonded so well. Considering how I will never come out to my family, I think the sentiment of love truly awe inspiring. Truly cool. Too bad my boy didn’t turn up. But he seems open to dinner or something.

Truth Or Dare
Spent Sunday Evening with some friends. We were chilling out on the porch whiles playing charades & spin the bottle. In spin the bottle you get to choose either to answer a personal question or do some embarrassing stunt. In one stunt I had to strip to my undies. Fortunately my undies were boxers just barely shorter than my shorts which was even shorter than some of the other guy’s undies. Heh. Definitely a moment for the hall of fame for slut pride.

Lovely Weather We Are Having
Everybody seems to be getting attached. Lovers and romantic relations take time away from socializing and personal time. If I do get into a relationship, I want to do it right. Admittedly, I’m quite a character & finding another character takes time. No point in wasting time with some jerk off. I can get my kicks from else where. And why not? Love/ lust aren’t the only things in life. Movies & music may be all about finding validation (curse you Hollywood), but I think it doesn’t matter as long as you are happy. And you can’t get happier than AJ on a long weekend. Back to work babes!

I'm gonna soak up the sun
I'm gonna tell everyone
To lighten up (I'm gonna tell 'em that)
I've got no one to blame
For every time I feel lame
I'm looking up
I'm gonna soak up the sun
I'm gonna soak up the sun
Sheryl Crow ~ Soak Up The Sun

How AJ released a month of repression in one weekend

Nifty title isn’t it?

Although Malaysia is said to have some of the highest number of public holidays of all countries, they are mostly concentrated at the beginning and end of the year. So it is such a relief to have a long weekend at the end of August to celebrate Merdeka (Independence). Sure I took one and a half days of leave just to make it longer, but it has been well worth it.

Oral Torture/ Pleasure.
Had to visit my friend the goaty dentist to do some dental work. The procedure- root canal, the act of drilling to the nerves of the tooth & killing the nerves, is said to be the most painful procedure only second to child birth. It does help when the dentist doing the procedure is an expert at distraction. Singing goaty songs & poking the patients tongue with the damn drill to test the anesthetic is truly his best talent. Baah!

Not In The Mood.
Whiles many Malaysians celebrated Merdeka, after much consideration, I didn’t feel like it. Highways that are even more bumpy after repair, newspapers without the freedom of the press, the silently lost wrights of minorities & the fact that same sex partnerships will never be legalized made me hesitant to raise the flag. Sure we have come a long way, but the victory, like paid sex & imitation branded goods seems a wee bit hollow to celebrate. Instead I watched Rockstar Supernova. Has it been 49 years of progress/ regress?

Facing My Demons/ Parents.
Without a doubt, a large portion of my daily dose of emotional distress comes from my parents. Although I’m sure most people get theirs from the same source, I have been less than honest about how I feel about it with my parents. Maybe it is the inbred desire to be ever filial & respectful, but confrontation has not been my strong point. But rather than let the negative thoughts fester in my head, I decided to let them have the sleepless nights for a change. Certainly many harsh words that can never be taken back were said, but at least I have said my peace & made my position clear. Could I have been more tactful/ rational in my approaches? Definitely. But when emotions are involved, they are rarely rational. Fortunately though, we were able to let the matter rest & focus on more cheerful things like seafood & sewing machines.

"Dude! Play your guitar & stop staring at my delicious crotch!"

In Rockstar Supernova, Magni is leading and Ryan has been kicked out.

Deep river runs its course
To a warm horizon
Shadows of falling leaves
October moon and rusty skies
Ever changing feelings
The seeds of autumn in my mind

The hiding sun, like the hiding sun
Feels like it's just begun
The hiding sun, like the hiding sun
Waiting for summer sun

Hiding summer's age no more
No more leaves in summer sky
Turning dark on empty car lots
When summer was my only friend

Chicane~ Autumn Tactics (End Of Summer Remix)

Kambeng On Monday: Part Two